A Birthday, remembrances thru emotions

It's still amazing to me all of the emotions a birthday can stimulate. I have been an orphan for the past 4-16 years, dependent on if an orphan after Dad was gone or an orphan after Mom was gone, thus both gone. You never stop missing your parents if they were well loved by you, and you well loved by them. (It is the unconditional love between parents and their children, nothings too big to be forgiven, when you're a teen they just want to see you survive until adulthood strikes, although that days goal can be different for each young adult.) My Dad knew this as he had tears escaping his beautiful brown eyes 7 days before he would pass as we stood at his parents graves, and his parent had been gone along time, but in my Dads words " You never stop missing them". He died a week later in 1990 from an aortic aneurysm, surgery successful, patient passed out of this bodily world from too much damage to the heart from heart attack suffered at the burst. He was a good man, and a good father. A Hard Worker of double jobs for many years. His real personality was able to come to life as his work schedule diminished, and he had the time to be himself, and finally enjoy his family and it's host of characters. God's he took me fishing with him, which was cool, he'd rather have been with my brother any day fishing, but no he was stuck with a girl who had to pee way to often out in a boat that the girl couldn't pee over...like a boy could. Then I cast my rod at one point, ask my brother I do love casting the fishing rod, and my poor reel flew off into the water. I had the same bad grace that day to help my Dad by pulling the anchor up, and instead it fell off into the Pistakee Bay waters. God's by the time we came home, he must have wanted to shoot me, but instead he asked if I had a nice day. Yes I did, as long as I was out with him, sunshine or raincoats, pee trips, or my ungraceful moments, and I was the child who still got car sick on long rides, hell that didn't leave me till I was a driver, then I learned car sickness comes from looking around, the driver must focus ahead, and poof it was gone at 16 yrs of age., but not at twelve. I miss gardening with my Dad. When I 16 he started teaching me to always give back to the earth and soil. I miss my mother's simple " I love you, Kath". Kath is a term of endearment only used by my mother in love mode, and my husband when he likes me. Kath is who is inside of me the most out of these multiple personalities I've developed in life. My Mom was my best friend in many ways, for oh so many years, I miss her many days, I miss her beautiful green eyes although my son has her eyes, and every once in awhile he have some trace of her show through in his expressions, that just make me marvel at him & think of her. She loved him well, so it all works. My son has mental capacities similar to my father as does our nephew on our blood side, he's got so many of my Dad's qualities of practicality that I'm am enchantingly mesmerized when it presents itself. I miss sitting around after a big meal, and talking with my parents, and siblings, and all the family members we've accrued as we married and grew. I miss them raising their voices to make their point against the other, smiling and laughing as we conversed. My husband well known by my side of the family as needing a soap box to speak from used to sit up on my kitchen counters at times when gathered and there he's go making his points on the topic of the hour, he eventually landed his ass in the birthday cake that was sitting next to him on the counter. He became another person who was well loved by my Mom and Dad, they called him their third son. He never really realized how proud they were of him and his self growth, they watched him become a man from a young man, they watched him follow his path and become who he wanted to become. The carpenter, their daughter's husband, the father of our son, their friend and a trusted " What does Ricky think?" became a question asked me often. Yes I am like Scarlett a bit & her friends of the old south missing other times, other friends. "And a civilization Gone with the Wind" One simple truth, You never do stop missing them.

A Hard World, but Always Worth the Journey

It's remarkable how harsh some time periods can be, and yet you always have to keep some form of humor, and continue to see some sunshine, some rainbows. I have my husband for now, who is one of my rainbows, we have a wonderful son for now, who is a ray of sunlight whereby you see the prisms of light. I have two blood brothers for now, who have both taught me to survive at one time or another. To them both I say "I forgive you, I am sorry & I love you" both, as I struggle to fix my karma before check out time. I have numerous good family bonds on my husbands side, we're each others strength and entertainment at times. I have found that each day, each week, each month, each year is worth the journey., it's an incredible life we have the chance to live, and we hopefully are all embracing it. I'm 52 years old very soon, and I still dance every chance I get. My karma is pretty good, and all of the above has enhanced my soul.

The Groundhogs Day & St. Valentine's Day

So if you came out on a day like today, 8 degrees above 0, tell me whether you would stay around to see your shadow? Grounds Hog Day when I was little meant Valentine's was coming, My Dad would bring a box of candy, HEART SHAPED direct from Fannie Mays for my Mom, and they'd give eachother a little pretty card, sometimes he's get us a little heart of candy the three of us would share. It was one of the evenings when they'd put their 33 records or 78's on the phonograph, they dance a bit before dinner, Dad would croon in Ma's ear, and they hold hands and smile at eachother. I was happy for them and happier for me as I knew the day after Valentine's was my birthday. I knew the next day I would get a card that was pretty, and maybe a new baby doll. My dolly Susie I am so sorry I fed you the bread soup through the hole in your mouth, I swear I never wanted you to get the black spotted bubonic plague and have to get buried in the backyard with Pokey the turtle, fish and Petie our parakeet. I learned that just cause a Doll has a hole in between her lips, you shouldn't necessarily feed them. This is being written by Chicky (who was the child.)