A very long chapter in this book finishes this week

Another Day in Paradise I wonder to: Graduating from College with his BA, his second degree, we will see if he decides to go onto the next level with night classes for his Masters or his Certification to teach, as he first wants to work for awhile, reduce the student debts-a very high price tag for formal education, student loans accumulating to some $44K+, it is no wonder they don't want that hanging over their heads, they need to start life out fresh not as casualties of the national debt society so many of us have fallen prey to. Oh well he went to the last class tonight, and then he fell off the face of the earth, very unlike him...he has always called as he's driving back out with commentaries on the road conditions, the conditions of the roads, eclipses, Descriptions of the clouds or Chicago's Skyline. Tonight was his last test, last class. He texts me back at 1am..." staying in the city", he has a friend or two with an apartment in there, he has family in there, I have no idea of where he really is, or what happened to make this first time decision. I can only hope he didn't meet up with an asshole, I can hope that he didn't see a bad grade posted that would affect his graduating, I can hope that he didn't feel like he bombed on last nights test given after he turned in his other papers/formal presentation.....I can only hope for him the way I have always hoped for his successes, for his heart not to be broken too often, for his well being. I found out light years ago that I had no control over my own life/light, that we make choices, yes, but that the choices others make whose lives are interwoven with our own, well...they can impact your life wonderfully or terribly., so I certainly have known for years I have no control or aim for where his path went if I couldn't control my own. So I wake up at midnight...the 2ND night in a row...I read email, wait for him to text at 1, Iron from 2-4:30am, hands are stiff, cut the grass last nite, I am trying to make certain I am ready for today, tomorrow when the graduation should take place, and Saturday when the bar-b-que for celebrating is set for, multi-tasking, what an interesting way to look at preparation days. Meanwhile< class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">driving the bus didn't let him off and took him for a ride to Inverness, I think of how panic stricken ( now there's a catchy phrase) we were trying to find out where the hell he was, school officials not knowing....checking, trying to find the bus ....oh it was a scary 2 hours before we found him, and like all little kids he did try to tell her she was way off the destination mark. Me, Ma and Dad were slightly berserk, Rick was at work.....Rick's been at work and unavailable in the early days for some real fun stuff I'd have to wade through, yes I really did drive myself to a hospital in labor, and at 9pm at night some 11 hours later when he finally came in I did try to hit him....., but the bus episode he shouldered off fairly easy. A toddler crawling into the chiffarobe not the drawer section, the section for hanging cloth* those little outfits, crying cause you came in and found him before he could finish hiding himself. Another day pulling him out of the dryer he had climbed in, pictures on the wall that captured the moments for us. How high his voice would go with excitement at Christmas or his birthday parties: " You guys come here" you guys being my mom and dad who were his favorite playmates of yesteryear, He dubbed them "the twins" one Halloween when they came in dressed ( yes he made us all dress up except for his father) as ghost , swathed in identical white sheets to make his evening as we prepared for the yearly pizza party, back from our trick or treating, I think that was his Silver Hawks year, I believe it was 1989, Dad would be gone in 90, Ma would be buried on Halloween of 2002, Ghosts what a good choice, they will be with us in spirit on Friday, as will be Michael who never condemned his Godson for any of his teenage pranks, paths or stupidity that only youth can gracefully give such an abundance of, Mike who only listened....and at the end of that weeks story would ask: "Did you learn anything out of it?" And then they would smile at each other and Mike would shake his head, and smile at Justin. It was those moments that got Justin into his truck after work for a drive to see his God Father who was sitting in his chair one last time, Juice and Sean at his feet facing him, chilling with him two of his favorite boys, and again choosing late the night of June 6Th for a drive to the city to be there for the Somerville Santa's time, and their horrific moment. Yes, somehow I've slipped more into the present than the past as we stepped up to this plate, Graduation. What a long haul. I am tired. It was not all easy, the good outweighed the bad. But the Bad moments can take a toll on your mind and heart. My responsibility as I have seen or felt it, is now at an end. I could or should have done somethings differently, we all could have, but we have arrived, we hope. As one Chapter closing, in most cases another one is open, like a house full of doorways where you must linger long and hard in each room before you can progress to the next doorway, that complete our young life: Rick's and Mine and now we will move into being middle aged, and enjoying life as much as we can, and working towards a possibility that maybe one day light years from now this friggn house can get paid off and we might see retirement of sorts. Goodbye First 1/2, it was a wild but highly enjoyable ride. And Son: Live each day to it's fullest, take nothing for granted, savor it all, and love wisely and well. Be a giver not a taker. Never give up on a dream that's feasible. With Love Your 53 year old, Mom

Mike & Us in 2008

Another Day in Paradise I wonder to: We all are taking a second look, a second consideration to the details of the past. We are still haunted by our missing link, the wounds are still somewhat raw, even though we have tried to move on together, we still feel a void at times - an emptiness, although most of us prefer to carry him with us, and for us that do have that preference there is little void as we carry him with in mind and heart and always feel his laughter when we folly, or when we play with eachother. On the rougher days the lady and I take a vacation day, and side track ourselves by being together, the worst is a month out yet, but we will be together, it is the promise of the shotgun rider to stay each time until the worst is over. Some people are blessed with a knack for remembering dates, and others are oblivious to dates, birthdays, anniversaries. She and I always were two that remembered dates. We remember going back many years, so how the hell could we forget last year? A year ago she took her leave of absense, a year ago I sat on the floor looking up at my man friend who wanted to know why he should allow hospice, what it's benefits were to his family or to him, and he agreed to it then. A year ago we started the final chapter in his book, the book with the physical body present, instead of the spiritual presence who is quite mischeivious and playful. So we will wander through the days of May only to head into June, the pains will become more acute this first anniversary, they will rob many of us once again, and somewhere along the way we might remember that small parts of us witnessing his daily battles, well eventually we wanted him release from the physical body, and maybe for our wisdom he will send us the butterflies one more time. We do feel his presence quite often, and I don't think it's imagination, I think it's his strength of character pressing through the perimeters. A Year Ago I wrote something for this family, maybe not perfect, but getting alot of it right, telling them what I loved them best for, and emailed it to them, as they all kept trying to figure out why Mike and not one of them? I was trying to show them their own value...treasured by the next, treasured by Mike as well. I will insert it here as it still stands true: Do you remember the old email about why the parent loved each one of their kids best? I look at all of you sometimes, and you make my heart burst with love for each one of you. There was an old email or story about a woman with many children, and the kids were always wanting to know who she loved best, and she told them all " I Love you best because........" Dean: I love you best as you're always trying to teach us one more new trick that will ease an ache, or cure an ailment, you've dabbled in countless mind boggling arenas, health, ESP, the portal from our body world to our spiritual world, and even astrology. You keep us on our toes always looking, and thinking about all the possibilities out there, if we'd only read more. I love ya best for all the hugs and love you send each of our ways. Doll: I love you best cause sometimes you surprise me with a gentle hand-holding experience or a look of total understanding when part of my world falls apart. I feel the warmth, and the caring that goes out to all of us., even though we're a wild and crazy clan in our own way. I love you best for conquering the stairs and making a man happy that his Ma came to see him, thereby making the mans Ma happier, too. Dixie: I love you best cause you have a pure heart of gold that's alway seeing the glass as 1/2 full and not half empty. You given us all a lot of love, and I especially love how you view your siblings as the little children you once tended and watched grow up. I love you best for what a loving sister and friend you are. I love you best for what a loving mom you are to the boys, always wondering if they're both doing good.You're a sweetie. Lynda: I love you best for dropping what you're doing and coming when we need you., your practical matter of fact care of us that allows for ironing and cooking for us, but gives us a logical view of things and keeps it on course when it starting to slip out of control, for pulling some type of order back in when chaos was reigning. I love you best for your memory that bring something back to one of your siblings they'd forgotten about. I love you best for saving us when our cameras crap out at a family gathering, and we think there's no pictures capturing the good times and smiles, but you had pictures to rescue with. Bruce: I loved you best for your stories told as a storyteller should convey them, for the slight twinkle in your eye when you're about to hoodwink us with the punch-lines, I love you for helping Dixie protect her retirement, I love you best for driving down here on 10/26 to see an old friend, I love you better for driving half a day back and forth to see the same friend last sunday. Two old friends so pleased to see each other. Katie: I love you best for the soul and spirit you give away freely to make certain your siblings are cared for in the very legal world that can bite us all, you've protected us as many times and ways with your knowledge of the law and your knowledge of us, present and into the future. I love you best when you're naughty and you moon or boobie us. I love you best when you are near butter cream and we see you fighting your other self for control of if you should fling it at one of us. I loved you best the day you were hanging upside down from tree in the backyard during our hose fights. I love you for all the love you lavish on us. Mike: I love you best as you've been my good man friend for 30 years, you've known all my pains and joys, you've known things I could never tell your brother, my spouse, you've been pall bear to my two parents because they really enjoyed and liked you, you've been my friend as I did Hospice for my Mom, you've been the heart of our family with your wife and always welcomed us home for holidays or bar-b-ques, you've been our confidant and advisor in money matters and matters of the heart, you've been our friend who listened to all while he was cooking or baking. I love you for your simplicity of soul. Kit: I love you best for your spirit in living life, for constantly finding something good in each day, for all the laughter we've shared, for all of the challenges you'd give our menfolk, and have us all laughing some more. I loved you best for washing the chicken. I love you best for the vigor you live each day with, for all the friends you try to help or council who are having a tough time or having health problems. I love you cause until your sleeping you never quit a day, better than the ever ready battery bunny. I love you best for being capable of seeing some good in each of us, and waiting for us to find it too. I love you best for how well you love your man and your children. Rick: I love you best for your honesty, you are one of the kindest, warmest, gentlest men I've ever met. You might be a man of few words but your always standing behind one of us lending us strength when it's getting too hard to stand and be strong. You call it the way you see it, and that truth will usually bear out. I love you for living out my best of life and worst of life, and for staying. I love you for being a good brother to your siblings, and always assessing who needs a hug or teasing or words on a given day. I love you best when we're bar-b-queing and at night when we're falling off to sleep, and when we're listening to tunes in the truck. I love you best for letting me be myself each moment. I love you best when your smiling while Justin tells us about his day at Baker's. Justin: I love you best for all the warmth and laughter you bring to our world, the smiles you bring out of your father when you tell us of an adventure. I love you best for the wisdom you show, when you go to visit family in your own vehicle, as it means you really wanted to be there. I love you best for the days of courage you've exibited as we would lose family members and you'd stand tall trying to support the rest of us by accompanying us through the days. I love you best for all of your growing year memories that are finely etched in my head, and for all of the love you kept flowing out of my heart for you. I love you best for the day you fell on the sidewalk, noticed the abrasion and wanted me to go back out and get your knee skin. Brian: I love you best for your observant nature, you know alot about each one of us and hold the information until it is needed and are sure of yourself, I love you best for liking the Moody Blues as much as I do, I love you best for how brave and matter of fact you are no matter what faces the family or yourself. I love you best cause you always know what the family will need next at gatherings, and where we can find it. Mary: I love you best for your never ending giving to the family, your countless errands and tasks to each day, even though you had a full life already, you made room for us all. I love you best for your playful nature and humor, and the way you can coax all of us out of a black mood, by the sound of your laughter. I love you best for the personality your Banyon possesses. Woof, Woof, Woof.=Wants more beer. Pat: I love you best for your smiles and laughter, and the grins when telling us the days stories, I love you best for being a warm hearted man to the family, and caring for us and proving it was worth the trip off of the mountain. I love you best for being there for Josh and Mike and Kit and Sean and all of us. I love you best for knowing the cup is usually fuller, seldom empty. Sean: I love you best for the wonderful son you've been to your parents, I love you best cause you know how to lay out the details, I love you best cause of your warm heart and the love you give us. I love you best when I watch you give orders to little Mike, and I smile cause I remember your Dad giving you the same "stick", I love you best when you smile and give me a hug, and let me know I'm a loved auntie. Sonia: I love you best for your beautiful eyes and heart, and how well you adapted to this family, I love you for being a very good match for our Sean, I love you for how much you love Kit and Mike, and how good you are with all of us. I love you for what a good Mom you are, I love you the best for making Sean laugh. Kris: I love you best when your smiling or really pissed off, and it makes us laugh. I love you best when you let us tease you, and make you laugh. I let you best when you're bossing one of us around, I loved you best when you used to brush my long hair, and you were such a little girl. I love you for all the love and care you've shown to the family. Re: I love you best when you're talling us some good story about Kris, I love you best when you're hollering at the tv when your sports are on, I love you best for what a good son-in-law you've been to Kit and Mike, I love you best for all the auto's you've fixed and made doable again. I love you best for all the warmth you bring to the family. Josh: I love you best for loving us back, and caring about us. I love you for the safety I feel when you give me a hug, I love you best for all the years we watched you grow up with Justin. I love you best for the wonderful young man you have become, I love you best for taking care of us, and your wonderful knack of knowing everything thats going on around you - without our knowing it. I love you best for being there for Kit and Mike and all of us. Donna: I love you best for all the love and friendship you've given us for almost thirty years, I loved you best when we'd manage to lose your jewelry at a family gathering usually cause we were being bad and chasing you and we'd spend hours looking for it, I love you best for always trying to do something kind, or give us something of your self and hanging with us for all the good times and the worst. I love your smiles. Sarah: I love you best for all the energy you possess that keep us moving and learning. I love you best for all the warmth and hospitality you've always given us. I love you best as you understand what family and hard times can mean to a family, and you offer us I love you's from miles away. I love you best when you think you've locked your keys in the trunk. I love you all. And one of them wrote back to say: Kath, Thank you. I love you best for your steadiness. Your presence and strength. I love you best for your wacky sense of humor, that great ability to find something funny in even the toughest situations. I love you for the way your loyalty and protection extends to all you care about. I love you best for the outstanding son you have brought into the world and raised to be very good man. I love you for your love of music….and for loving me. Donna