In Sickness and In Health

When we were children and she became sick, he was forced instantly into a double mortgage even though we'd moved in the month before, he was plunged into double jobs to make all the payments on the double loans and hospital and doctors bills. He still made the time to go and visit her. He tried to run a very scary little household inhibited by his three children ages 6, 10 and 12, the eldest having the responsibility of rearing the two youngest siblings, cooking for them, ironing their parochial school mandatory uniforms, washing clothes, and 7th grader trying to be Mom and Dad cause they weren't really there at the time, they had stepped out of the picture into another dimension, the eldest caring for us would be hospitalized within a year at the age of 12-13 for an ulcer a kid just shouldn't have had. We survived! Things slowly after 3 - 5 years we're getting better. Many years later I heard one of my siblings wonder why all of that sacrifice was made, why did they tough it out, why hadn't they given us a better start????? In "sickness and in health" is a loaded vow, one of the hardest to keep. I see it repeated here and there throughout the years, especially so much through the years of Real Estate I would have divorcing people...who didn't even remember or acknowledge they once loved the other big time, and that the actually admire the person character, I saw screaming matches in front of little children...their children that just shouldn't have happened at all. So many people would simply walk away from the other, and some stay and fight so fiercely to keep as much the same, to give as much love and laughter to their other half, it is truely admirable the bond that ties them together. Others stay together for the love of their children they've chosen to bring into this world, and as the children grow up and out of the household they stay together again by choice. They do love their spouse, it's just a love that's taken on different dimensions than the one they started out with. They are best friends and have shared so many moments, days, and years they can't or won't imagine going it on their own. Why would they want to? The actually love eachother alot more than they know.....and when illness threatens family or the other....it put that love back into perspective

It is their baggage, not yours....moving on

This is written by a parent who cares about a son grown now into a man, he has his whole life ahead of him, and sometimes when life hands him an unfair hand his pain she sees and feels, she knows more of the answers and bottom lines than he does as she is older and somewhat wiser these days, and she wants to explain to him a different perspective...while you grieve over a relationship that's become tainted and changed: We believe in our parents from the early days that is where our trust somes from originally. We believe in our friends as they surround us, our teachers in schools, we believe in companies once we're working, we believe in the country leaders. We believe in God, some believe in their church, clergy, reverents. Then we fall in love and really believe in our significant other. We simply place them up on a pedestal that few could stay balanced on for long. They fall off, we're shocked. Truth is we shouldn't have put them up there in the first place, to err is human. We trust that every word spoken by them is truth, we believe in them to the point of acting like they have a super power, when in fact they are just ordinary humans like ourselves. You loved me last week, but don't love me today, you're walking away?, you're shocked, what happened, what did I do to deserve this, what's wrong with me you ask yourself, how could they walk away? The simple answer is: it's not you, it's them. They changed, you didn't. It's their baggage, not yours. (It's actually very similar to being laid off by a company that's employed you for years. It lowers self esteem this action of having laid you off. You question what did I do? What didn't I do? What's wrong with me? It's very simple the company changed, and no longer needed your services. It doesn't mean you still didn't know how to do the job. It doesn't make you less of a knowledgable person who can and will provide good services to someone else in the future. But many suffered a loss of identity crisis, as they've tied so much of their daily self or personality into who they were at that job.) So, clear your head, work on key inward points that you should be critiquing about yourself as you go through life, keep trying to reach your goals, keep trying to find the beauty out there in life that our senses enable you to perceive, and you'll keep growing into a finer human, even though various people will walk away from you in your life. Think of all the cool ones you'll meet on the journey. Look for the sunrises, the rainbows, the butterflies, dragonflies of so many colors, and the sunsets, they are all valuable for their beauty, and so are you my son. Value yourself always, especially when someone tries to tear you down, remember who and what you are, and remember where you came from.

Admiration of My Man and His Son

The first time I saw him November 14th 1975, I was out with my brother driving down Bryn Mawr by Austin in my Ford Torino, and my brother had me honk and said to pull over, there was his friend Rick out with another person we both knew George whom I'd grown up with, but I'd only heard of Rick as someone my brother wanted me to meet and possibly teach some guitar to. Ricky was driving a 1955 Baby blue Buick, which he never got out of that day. I liked him, his mannerisms. A week later my brother would have a party and I would meet Rick again. He dodged me all night, my friend Joey who had grown up with both of my brothers...and had protected me for years as another brother thought it was funny, and told me to go for it. I tried one more time to make contact with Rick and he still eluded me, so I gave it up, and went into my brothers room where it was quieter and sat down and played guitar. This time I was approached by the young man. And that is how we started down this long road of ours. We went out to have a burger, and talk some, and then we found out we liked kissing each other. In small ways it started with the attraction. An attraction to a young man who wasn't afraid to dance to his own tune. He was thought to be introverted at that time, but had longer hair flowing down his back, at times he wore a pony tail like me. He had a cute jean cap, and always wore a black velvet blazer, over jeans that showed his long legs, his shirts were either denim shirts or sometimes a simple long sleeve shirt with sewn in patches his baby sister had put on for him. He was gorgeous and exactly what this slightly eccentric daydreamer wanted in a young man. We had all of the right things in common, peanut butter & butter sandwiches, ketchup, guitars, he had a 55 light blue buick, and I was born in 55, and my first family car I remember was a light blue 55 plymouth, it was nothing to some but alot of cool paralell's to me, he was as unusual in a peaceful non comformist-rebellious way as I was. We loved music, and had many artists we could share. Our third encounter I took him to a park nearby with guitar in hand and taught him how to play Moody Blues Night in White Satin...which was appropriate as it was a fall night out in the small park called Triangle Park off of Harlem near Nina, and in that park I think we felt some type of depth of likeness, something we wanted to pursue and explore. More kissing, and the thought "I'll never let him go" shoots through me. And we're off............. We were both into giving to people, instead of taking as some gravitate towards. We liked simple things. We were practical and never turned into full fledged yuppies as our peers did. We have arrived at a point some 32 yrs later safely, the roller coaster ride has actually gotten us past the dangerous ground and re-taught us the simple value of us, and how special - lucky we are to have eachother to still live our days out with. But we've figured out we care more about living, and laughing, and enjoying our weekend time no matter what we do, we have strange hobbies, his is making fishing lures, and mine has always been jetting in on one part of the family or another when time is available. We've enjoyed our son as he grew through his various stages. He has been priceless. He is smart, funny, has gorgeous eyes the color of my mother's...sometimes just seeing a look, an expression can reduce me to tears, it's appropriate in many ways she loved him very much, and he her. Even when he was naughty he's had an exceptional flair to it. And when he's been good, he's such a wonderful surprise of a human being. And he for certain in this life makes the phrase-no regrets ring totally true, as you couldn't have had the one without the other, he's made us what we are, and we've contributed to who he is in many aspects, so it was a win-win. THE NIGHT he showed up at 2308 after my first call.....Oh when I saw his truck turn the corner and park I was so proud of his depth of love for the man upstairs "his Godfather" who never showed disapproval of his youthful mistakes, another unconditional love that went both ways. We've suffered some family member losses throughout the years that taught us valuable lessons as these years pass so quickly. I, trying to correct any of my own out of balanced karma with him recently told him: "I am sorry, I forgive you, and I do love you" , because I've learned throughout the years that sometimes people get to say goodbye-I love you, and sometimes they do not get that opportunity, he stopped what he was doing and looked up at me, and said "you know I think you've been watching too much TV", and the idiot child in me just smiles.....and treasures him, but I know he'll remember the words one day...and it might help him some as a trap door opens as they do open, and he remembers some infraction committed,is re-triggered, or something I did that causes him grief, and he will also remember that we had a rare love whereby....it was unconditional, it was as good as it gets. When we act up, some are in trouble for a piece of paper they let come into existence & that makes others do things and act out that will cause alot of grief for a large block of time, into a black corridor-travelled until the light is found. You paralell, you mark time, and sometimes you get a second chance...if you still want it. If you're smart enough to overlook and move past old of the old hurts felt or inflicted. We stayed for the love of each other, not for the obligations put upon us by law. It's a piece of paper. We were much more than a piece of paper, we are still much more than a piece of paper. Yes, I am sorry for any of my wrong doings, I forgive you for any of your wrong doings, and I love you very much, with a depth that is not often found or admitted. And one day when all of this is done ....I will find you......even though you're a none believer in the next level.....cross with an open mind.....and I'll know and come for you, and if it gets flipflopped...we'll I believe you'll know if you cross first.....to chill, go see our pals, and then come back for me when it's time.....until then we'll ride shotgun for ours.....

Things We Vow.....For better or for worse

If I could pass once piece of advice onto my child, and my nieces and nephews to utilize and really think about as their own lives progress it would be: Marriage Vows are taken: Echos of: For Better or for worse, in sickness and health, for rich or for poorer, until death us do part, and should be "let no man or woman put us under", is actually let no man put asunder. At times these words can echo, if you're married, and they should if you loved your sweetie with all of your heart the day you married. If it wasn't just mixed up with hormones, a case of mistaken sexual intensity. You fall in love and feel all of the warmth and happiness of that love, you feel that completeness of being together, whether your in a crowded room or alone with each other. It's good. You're both happy. So why do so many people immediately embark on trying to change their partner. You wish they didn't do this, you wish they were more like that. I don't like your friends, I think you're spending to much time with the family, I want us to do this: = a major goal being set up that needs discussion between 2 peoples lives, and here one is heading you to what they want or expect done............. You might have children, and have many wonderful times as the years fly by, you get into conflicts at times as the children try to get their way by pitting one parent against the other an age old game, or you might see each other as more unreasonable on how leisure time is spent, or how much time is spent with family or friends, distance between you opens....leaving a gap, sometimes too big of a gap. You stop talking. You stop doing things together. You begin to walk parallel lines, still heading in the same old direction, but not together. You find yourselves disagreeing about more, and in harmony about less. So many people quit at this point....the big divorce word comes into the picture and far too many people embrace that, instead of trying to remember what good points they've loved in this person of their choice. But most important they forget the vows. When you marry it is supposed to be for life, unless it's a total abuse situation. And you tough out the better, the worse, the rich and poorer, the sickness and the health. Life is supposed to be a roller coaster ride, but just cause there are some tough moments, don't stop laughing, or finding the humor in it, never stop seeing the rainbow that existed in your partner, never stop feeling that heartbeat speed up when they walk into a room. 30 years on the ride and wanting more time with my best friend of adulthood years. Keeping the spark.