My friend the adventurer, the beast and the Portal

Back in October the night of the 26th he asked me what I was thinking and what I had to say? I told him back then that sometimes after he went through his surgery of the beast and his vast array of treatments, therapies, he'd be angry maybe very angry, I told him I wanted him to never push us away, he promised he wouldn't. I told him he was well aware we always loved him big time, and we'd ride shotgun for him, his wife-our friend, his son and daughter-our nephew and niece and the family, he said, "good". Then he told me his take on things and were it would go, it matched my own acquired knowledge. He was interested in the time. Time was all he wanted, some of it for his family to slowly accept what had been thrust upon them, time for them to decide they wouldn't want non-quality for him, time to use well for them to slowly and gently release him from his bodies life here, not to be confused with his spirits life here. His spirit will still be here quite often, checking in on us all. I've never seen anyone use time so well before. He wanted to be himself and laugh with his wife, kids and family, he wanted to keep doing his usual things, chores, shopping, breakfasts and dinners. He walked blocks on a cold winters day to the store for her Valentines card, didn't like the Spanish assortment, so he walk more blocks to a store further away in the opposite direction to find one in English, mission accomplished. An Act of Love if I'd ever seen one. 3 weeks later he couldn't do it anymore so there was no birthday card for her, it hurt her...but only because he couldn't do it anymore, it was a marked change in our time slot. Easter was here and we talked and dined together, laughed, loving our visits with each other. The next weekend the talking was gone for one of us, the stairs which had been mastered so far...slipped away....reading the news paper was not to be a daily routine anymore, the doctors said no more treatments the beast is winning now....had been winning all along. Endgame, Hospice. The next weekend brought the seizure, and throughout the week much more sleep. One by one the family took the time to say whatever they felt they had to say, some said their goodbyes and I love you's, some said they were sorry for unimportant to life end wrongs, wrongs that might matter to the living inhabitants but become a mute point to a person facing the final chapter. They'd been telling me for days to go in there and talk with him, to say things to him I could not and would not say, a bit of a non conformist at heart, maybe more than a bit, they wanted me to say my goodbyes? Not ready, pieces not in place in my brain. Still thinking in mess up fragments, rebelling at everything conventional. Finally thoughts together, an angle I could live with, yet wanted to make sure he was good with it, too. He was resting when I approached, but his eyes became very alert and tuned in when I stood by the bed, he was used to his sisters and brothers infringing in his room, but he smiled at me. We had traded secrets and worries the last 20 years, as the first 10 years we didn't know each other as well, we had a knack of never telling lies to each other. I told him they wanted me to come in and talk to him, he nodded still smiling. I told him I could never say the things they wanted me to say, I didn't believe in them. They wanted me to say my goodbyes, I told him I refused to say goodbye to him, I didn't believe in it. I told him what I would say is after things here.....finished playing out, I simply would say "I'll see you my friend again sooner or later, probably sooner", he smiled and nodded. I told him one day we'll have a hell of a party all of us. I told him all along different members of the family tried to figure out why him? Why not someone else out of us. I told him I'd figured it out, and that it was because he "was the one we came to for advice all of these years...all of us, we'd always turned to him for help, so he's going on the adventure first, cause the rest of us assholes probably couldn't find the place" , he nodded smiling but with tears in his eyes...and said "Yes", nodding more. I told him we will still continue to ride shotgun for his family. That we would be here to care for him as he would care for us, and thanked him for never pushing us away. He smiled and cried harder, we hugged. He's my adopted brother for certain, he's been one of my guardians, this all hurts, but we've done it all the way he'd decided from the start. On sunday night he was groomed and on monday I fear he's started what is called in Hospice world "the burst", up dressed, cleaning out a fridge, more grooming, and socializing with loved ones. I think the burst will shift, more sleep and the portal, the doorway to the next level will open with it's light and colors, and he'll find some old friends and family waiting, and there he will spend his portal time until we find him again. Us who are out of town all fear each time, we won't see you again, it actually drives us throughout the week, monday and tuesday we're bears, wednesday just numb, thursdays almost bearable, fridays hopeful, and saturday we're off and running....heading for you, to see you. I can't imagine the family, any part of it without him. Yet we all find out after that you never really lose the person, you carry them with you, in your heart, in your mind, in a phrase you use that they used to say, in tending things and people they loved while here in body, and as you this you learn that their spirit is with you at times. Sometimes felt more keenly than others. Sometimes it so strong you look over your should cause your sure they're standing behind you. Sometimes you'll feel a hug or slight kiss on your neck or check and feel you've been touched by them...just for a moment they've gotten back through the portal they went out through. Besides our fathers, and my husband, my brothers, and my boss I find you to be a highly admirable man, you have given me as valuable a lesson in how to live and die with with courage, some wonder, and dignity as my Mom did. She was so very good in her time frame. She told me about the colors, how spectacular they were, she told us about the waiting area..."but they're not ready yet, a little bit longer", so it's good and okay, friend. Thank you so much for keeping the promise. I love you well. We all love you well. And remember we will all see you sooner.....or ....later. Kath