Heaven, A different concept

Another Day in Paradise I wander to: When was the last time you saw the Sun rise? My opening line, another day in paradise, and my babbling about the sunrise, so taken for granted. My husband came out with a gem this week about this....existence possibly being hell, or hell on earth, he was talking to some other family members, trying to make a point, and somewhere it stuck with me like things do where they wander around in the back of your mind, which quite possibly should be the front of your mind, but that will probably be a different discussion. Anyways, here's one for you.....have we ever thought that this was heaven or paradise 2008, but non the less paradise, and that we should embrace all of the wonders and beauties as long as we have the gift of vision and smell, when was the last time you smelled a flower or the sea or enjoyed the smell of fresh cut grass or leaves freshly raked, or homemade bread. And touch....very few people know a wonder I held and petted as a little girl, when I was three or four one of my favorite things was to hold a caterpillar and let it run up and down my hands and arms, and to pet it, all of those feet, and such soft fuzz, ahhhh the poor thing was very bald by the end of a day with me. But I did hold it with love and awe. Or the touch of a loved ones hand...a gentle caress. The soothing touch when you have a high fever and someone is kind enough to lay a cool hand on you. And vision: a beautiful deer, a bunny, seeing the love of your life, seeing your child, rainbows, lakes, trees, oceans, sunrises, the moon, the stars. And let's not take our hearing for granted, all of the laughter we've heard throughout the years, the words Dad or Mom said to us by our children, the words " I Love You' uttered, all of the wonderful music we've experienced, the oceans surf, and the sound of silence, too. The sound of your life partner breathing next to you while you should be sleeping. Maybe this is heaven.

Making the same mistake twice

Another Day in Paradise I wander to: When was the last time you saw the Sun rise? If I make a mistake, I will always make the same one twice, sometimes thrice. I do not know why. Funny Girl

A story for a friend who stood by me, in my dark.

Another Day in Paradise I wander to: When was the last time you saw the Sun rise? Who knows why I thought of this today, but I did and I started laughing by myself while standing in the kitchen, and I knew I had to try and write this one out. Eleven years ago I knew life had gone out of balance again. I can't tell you what aspect, but it was big to me. Ten years ago I felt like I had lost my mind, and struggled to stand strong and go on in a very chaotic world....known to me as Kathy's World. Sometimes the people within our world simply change one day and head down a different path the cause and effect of this can lead to chaos for those of us with rose colored glasses it can be devastating, until we all find a path to walk. So we stand and try to do something sensible like painting the house, destroying your own well loved gardens , hanging out with your crazy friends so you can become less numb and feel that you are capable of a life still, the struggle of finding yourself after years of being layer with multiple personalities within your own unit, whatever, and sometimes you get a bug up your ass to do something slightly insane..........and if you're smart you will call a friend for guidance.....my insanity was my closet, I was very angry at my closet, it had organizers made of wood, that I no longer wanted in my well fed rage, clothes unloaded onto floor, a reciprocating saw in my hands-plugged in, a chair to stand on for height, I called my friend Mike who could give great stability let alone instruction to me on how to cut out these organizers without maiming myself, after we got through the paragraph on why I shouldn't do this, he caved and actually stayed on the phone with me while I destroyed my closet, no doubt smiling at times as he warned about nails not to be hit, not to fall off of the chair, stressing how careful I was to be in my wacked out world. He got me safely back to unplugging the tool after I had destroyed everything I possibly could for that day, it was my 40th birthday and my immediate family was all out somewhere, with their own friends of choice, I had been totally forgotten, in this new midlife crisis world. My friend had great humor and love with me, he understood my rage and he seemed to love me better as a sister possibly all the more for my follies, as I tried to ref-discover the path that was concealed in the dark woods. He would become my guide. More phone calls would follow, cutting the bottom off of a Xmas tree, oooohhhh I got the reciprocating saw out again, this time December, outside and cold, oooppps the tree sap really does stick to the blade, times almost hitting the frickng cord...that could have been life altering, oh too funny. Recipe calls, advice, caring. Years before it was back up parent, who do you call when your child is sick, someone logical who has older children, right? The voice of experience? Calling him with updates on his brother after back surgery, concern as they couldn't seem to get him regulated...after this surgery they claimed was so simple of a procedure. Watching his brother shed lbs after lbs before the Thyroid even became suspected, knowing it was headed for a very big permanent problem, always listening to me think it through. And the advice or additional thoughts given. So much alike in our conclusions. Pacing outside a hospital again, chain smoking, babbling the doctors findings on my Ma to him, letting him know I had to pretend in front of her for a month, she couldn't know what we knew, he stood his ground and still remained the friend, reassuring that it sound like all was being done for then. My dear friend it is no wonder they left your phone on for us, this has been so hard, and in conclusion none of us really understands still- the choice of you, but we do see it going on time after time to more nice people....I still love you, I still want to call you, I still want to hear you say...."The thing you have to remember here is"......... or "That there is used for..."

Jesus, the greatest storyteller & teacher for life

Another Day in Paradise I wonder to: Let me preface this with a question being poised on TheTalker.Org: "Was Jesus Gay?" Nope, don't care. If he was, would he care that I am a female with a male? Nope, he wouldn't care. Jesus was either everything he's been depicted to be, or at the very least for his time...he was a very enlightened and loving man, at the very least he was a great storyteller, at the very least he enlightened people with a greater insight into what we might do if we followed a better path than what was normal in his time and days on earth. At the very least he inspired many in his time, but more importantly in our time to be good, gracious, and love well, to give more than take, to see the beauty that is within each of us. A great storyteller, a great teacher, on his worst days he was an example of how best to endure the pains of life. More stories: The betrayal, forgiving and overlooking, whips, beatings, crown of thorns, carrying such a heavy load and uphill at that, only to have your own body weight supported by nails. The stories of Jesus, versus the paragraph found in any encyclopedia, have gotten this old girl down many forks in her own path. Whether he was what some thought him to be, or if he was simply and good and gracious man, I have always cared for him, and given great thought to him, and I cherish him and his life lessons to me. And that was what I came out of Zeitgeist still carrying: The lessons of Jesus and the strength given to me and many others to endure and cope with all that is thrown into our path. Yes, I still love my lord, Jesus. From your birth through to your own death, you give me so many stories to work with. Now Sunshine's take on it: (Sunshine is more the childlike-innocent part of myself): A small child 3 or 4 yrs old, sits in church on Sundays and soaks up gospels of Jesus, she is reared in a Chicago Catholic church going family. Sunshine loves these stories, she is with a family that seldom reads her a story, or tells her a story, they are too busy with life's moments to think of that for this third child they've chosen to have. Sunshine's family moves as she is turning 6, they yank her from a public school called Moose in December, so she's had Kindergarten & 3 months of first grade in public school, which will soon prove weak. They thrust her into a catholic school by their own choice, oh suffice it to say she is already way behind in reading and the fine art of math, Sunshine finds out she only knows religion somewhat as she was a good listener in church for the last three years. Two weeks after this fantastic December 6Th move , Sunshine's own mother falls prey to a sickness (a humdinger of a sickness) that will last for about 4 years, her family forced into debt by a new much bigger mortgage and plenty of hospital bills from the moms lengthy stay there, her Father is forced to now work two jobs and her eldest brother has become the family care giver which is not limited to the younger siblings safety, ironing after washing by hand their uniforms they must now wear in this new and very harsh environment. At night when Sunshine goes to bed, she hugs the little dog pillow her mom made her in therapy, and the little hand size bunny mom would send next, and she cries, she has lost her mom, mostly she has lost her Dad, too. She has no friends in this new place yet, she is totally lost in the new catholic school, she is doing badly in school, but she does find peace and some type of comfort in the stories of JESUS which have multiplied as she has religion daily now. Two long years later she is going into third grade and tells her own mother who is still badly damaged...but back at home....that she can't go back to catholic school, she would really rather be dead than go back, she gets sick to her stomach on school mornings, she has as a young child really thought about suicide for the only time in her life. She does find a rainbow and for third grade she is transferred back to public school, she does find the light slowly again the next two years go by, she lands somehow...weak in many areas, but able to rebuild again, catch up again, progress into an almost normal child slowly, after way too many traumatic events not to be described here, she has walked away from the old, painful, evil, horrific days for the love of Jesus, he was there and stood behind me all of the days past and into the future when I could barely survive....and always will. So, whether he was everything we have ever been taught or impressed with, he was at the very least a great storyteller and teacher who has given so many of us the strength to carry on regardless of age, gender, sexual preference, race, physical impairments, mental impairments, whatever shape we are in when we call upon him, he gets us through to the next level. Love you, Sunshine

We cannot be all things to all people?

I have always found in adult life that my brain is connected to my stomach. The complexities of daily living and survival that are thrust upon us can be overwhelming to the brain and thus reflect themselves in our health and actual well being. It spirals out until peace is restored to the brain. Damage can be incurred during this process. We are one individual. We are one couple. We are one immediate family. We have spun outward from our original immediate families. We have family who all need their needs met. We have employers who must have their needs met. We have friends who must have their needs met. We have creditors who must have their needs met. Similar to the sunlight, with all of it's sun rays spiralling out over the mountains, fields and seas. This is no easy feat. One of my sayings favored in life has been: "We cannot be all things to all people". I don't know who's phrase it is, might be Willie Shakespeare or not, it's been accurate. We are influenced by knowledge or circumstances and that cause us to select our priorities, and on occasion our priorities do no meet/address what someone else needs from us. Sometimes it will go unnoticed. Sometimes someone you disappointed will bring this matter to you attention, and let you know how miserably you failed. This can be a show stopper, and cause some reflection to take place.