2007's doors close, and 2008 opens to us

What we are moving away from carried all of life's lessons if you could slow the motions enough to soak it in. We had laughter and tears mixed and confused. We had some actor skills developed so he wouldn't see our very raw pain of heart matched his own. We had moments we could barely stay in our own skin. We experienced the total sadness that death can bring, and confusingly enough we all witnessed the beauty of it's release from the pain and worry our loved man was experiencing. We also experienced a better deeper love of one another and understanding of our various ways to cope through it all as it unraveled, as we unraveled, too. The woman and I call it "having a moment". She frets and worries that one day I'll get mad at her as we often did in the old days with each other, I smile or laugh, it's not going to happen, she is one of my hero's, she is in my heart now, with depth. We've been through all of those days starting with her call as she followed the ambulance that morning. That is some of what will be closing behind the 2007 door., just as it was starting to close behind the 2002 door, the 1990 door, and the 1979 door. There are so many doors, and each carries a chapter in our The Life's Book . A New year, this being 2008 some think is a fresh start, it's each persons ground zero to do better with a calendar year, So many have new year resolutions, they want a new job, better vehicle, better house, weightlosses (one sickness can take it all off, so don't sweat it) and some of us are happy to have a family in relatively good health, we live the 365/366 slot year: day by day and religious or slightly agnostic alike can see the beauty in each days rising and our cycle as long as we're permitted to re-unite at the end of day with our family. Now for a person who has lost many you can get a New Year's case of being anxious/worried wondering what's behind door number 2008....the lady or the tiger, this would be a natural thought process, now take it one more step....when you lost very many people who played important roles in your life, you can evolve into a creature who enjoys nothing more than the here and now. 2008 will bring much enjoyment of the here and now, enjoying the interval, what's important each work night, all of us coming home, all of going to bed wherever we belong, all of us waking up the next morning, all of us enjoying some laughs or stories with each other, our life and therefore living values are better and higher due to the losses encountered in other years. Could I drink out 2007, oh yes I could, Will I, probably not. Will I embrace 2008, yes as long as we keep making it home, sleeping, and waking up. I will embrace everyday until the life cycle brings the next round of horseshit to my door, something that is unfortunately guaranteed to happen. So in closing this days blog thoughts I offer you a favorite from My Father used to use as a toast, as a prayer at Easter also a time of rebirth's: May you enjoy good health, happiness, a little bit of prosperity! With hope and love, Sunshine

The Loss Echoes

Today is a very sad day for my lady friend, it is their 38TH wedding anniversary and his spirit cannot offer enough comfort she misses him so much. Everyday that she has survived so far has been so that he would know she stood true and straight, to keep him proud and he is proud of her, he proven it in his signs to her.

Today I can't see where that could hold the pain at bay. The best she will have today is a possibility of smiling over a treasured shared moment from days gone by, and hopefully the comfort of how very much he loved her will keep her warm and surviving. I hope the black void doesn't pull her through, it's so easy to fall in.

They have taught me that each day is a treasured rainbow if we're together at the days end for sleep, it is really that simple.

Spirit can live on by past deeds, warmth

You my friend have to be enjoying your self now in a whole new fashion, and you're laughing, some for fun, sometimes at us just as you did before. So what have you got here? You've gotten to meet up with the others, all known to you except for the one, and no doubt you spend plenty of time with that one. Your new hobby of keeping surveillance's on us renders: Family learning Financing, Legalities, Detailed Banking, detailed billings, mechanical systems and more survival skills all in a crash course, and two of yours have shined. The laughing part is: Holiday Prep 101 One family branch is trying to make your bread, and they burn it. Another main part of the family is trying for the cookies and they burn them. Then for fun your mom demands for thanksgiving she be the dessert person...baking pies, and she forgets entirely......and we get an SOS Baker Square call as we're leaving the house, how fun it that? Well from the minutes you had to leave us...you've made it interesting and heartfelt: the 8, the wind, the butterflies, the feel on summer days that you were definitely still in your corner sitting on your bench, with us listening to our music...definitely with us....we feel you, you keep us all strong, you keep us all moving, and you definitely keep us all loving when we're together, in fact we can only be away so long before we need a dose. The dreams....I thought you were laughing cause it was me, I never thought you were laughing cause it was him.....I hope it's a long time before you come to get him....he's my insanity and my sanity all at the same time...I watch him sleeping....just for the beauty of the moment..actually I've begun to 1/2 sleep which is giving me shadows...I always had him pegged as a sudden thing, don't make it be soon...leave him for awhile...then you'll have your fishing trip one day, but not soon, okay? I knew Katie was wrong about the apricots....cause he brought them to you and still has them beside him. The crying, our moments, yours and ours=no one wanted to leave or be left, it was a simple as that, and yet you've found a way, so that we're not left, we're supervised...Lol Christmas you will be there with us, that's why the woman is having it, preparing for it. We're coming back for the warmth your hospitality to us always rendered us, you were our Santa for so long, and yes our woman was always our Mrs. Claus, we would have it no other way, and we love her for her bravery in welcoming us home, she has the other half of your warmth we felt for so long...her own warmth. We all won't be pretty continuously, but we will bring our love for you and your family that you kept glued together throughout the years, and make you shine some more. And the boy I first met in his training pants in 76 on my first visit to the house, we'll he's shined too. He's been everything you could have asked for, he is superb, and I am very proud of him. Let his dream fly upward. And he's learning parental tolerances so well, Unfortunately I can usually smile through that part...cause I see you another day another child. so a hundred years from now we will have matter in the life of a child, and their children, and their children, we pass it on somewhere, some instance, yes? You live on and you are strong. Love you, And Merry Christmas from our heart to yours. Kath

What do I want for Christmas?

We all had moments when we reacted badly. We all made mistakes in that time frame. We were all guilty or wrong about something in our interactions. The law of Physics is: For every action...there is a reaction, yes? Well there were plenty of reactions. I want my family, I want my family to be with me and to enjoy good health with reasonable happiness, that is what I've wanted for Christmas. We all came from the same place, it just shaped us all differently. Different life characters in a book, with different tolerance levels. What did my Mom say we behaved the worst to the ones closest to us, as we knew we had an almost guaranteed forgiveness from those closest people. A life is very similar to a book, it does render different chapters, and you can shape the chapters better as you learn from the past mistakes. You have another opportunity to improve and modify somethings you do which will affect the outcome relative to what others choose to do based on your responses and actions. I still want to hear their voices trying to tell parts of the stories at the same time, I still want to see laughter over a silly stunt pulled light years ago, I want them in front of my tree again for a picture. with hope for one day receiving this wish, the inner child