Making Sense of no sense

Some times I become very sad at a happening, my spouse and I well I am the more open or expressive of we two, when I have a melt down or a cry session, or seek to find logic in the illogical, or struggle to make sense out of no sense occurrences, it's my expressions of emotion that let's his own escape, I am his pathway to expressing himself. A happening which is shape shifting within a loved one right now has us all pondering our own thoughts. I never learned as much about Chakra's as I should have, but did find Dana's recent writing interesting as she believes for a brief time she carried another persons Chakra's erroneously, that you can pick up someone else's was her point. And so I continue to ponder the unknowns world of answers and overlaps.

A Favored Poem for Life 10/28

C.I.P. - 10/28/02 "The life of clouds is a parting and a meeting. A tear and a smile. " - Gibran I first read this when I was 16 or 17 yrs old, I was touched by it, reading it again through all the decades of my life, I am more touched by it. It's author was a very wise being. A Tear And A Smile I would not exchange the sorrows of my heart For the joys of the multitude. And I would not have the tears that sadness makes To flow from my every part turn into laughter. I would that my life remain a tear and a smile. A tear to purify my heart and give me understanding Of life's secrets and hidden things. A smile to draw me nigh to the sons of my kind and To be a symbol of my glorification of the gods. A tear to unite me with those of broken heart; A smile to be a sign of my joy in existence. I would rather that I died in yearning and longing than that I live Weary and despairing. I want the hunger for love and beauty to be in the Depths of my spirit,for I have seen those who are Satisfied the most wretched of people. I have heard the sigh of those in yearning and Longing, and it is sweeter than the sweetest melody. With evening's coming the flower folds her petals And sleeps, embracing her longing. At morning's approach she opens her lips to meet The sun's kiss. The life of a flower is longing and fullfilment. A tear and a smile. The waters of the sea become vapor and rise and come Together and area cloud. And the cloud floats above the hills and valleys Until it meets the gentle breeze, then falls weeping To the fields and joins with brooks and rivers to Return to the sea, its home. The life of clouds is a parting and a meeting. A tear and a smile. And so does the spirit become separated from The greater spirit to move in the world of matter And pass as a cloud over the mountain of sorrow And the plains of joy to meet the breeze of death And return whence it came. To the ocean of Love and Beauty----to God. Khalil Gibran

Some thoughts 10/28*

C.I.P. - 10/28/02 "The life of clouds is a parting and a meeting. A tear and a smile. " - Gibran So much to tell you, so much has transpired, Good things, bad things, so much humor, so much love, so much growth, a beautiful little one added to our family bringing out so much heart and beauty, wonderful as we all felt it, and together. Yes, there's all the other stuff as well, negative, but compared to the bigger picture of all of us, it is a small piece that will now have to find it's own way, for I am tired and choose not to let it knock time off my earthly schedule, it was a piece/ingredient of life, it was not meant to be "life consuming", I rule that it's consumed enough of mine, and that's my final word about that. It's now 9 years since I sat up that October night watching Rocky Raccoon run back and forth across the garage roof panicking that there was no way off totally in sync to the oxygen machine, and me thinking I'd go mad any minute, it was my most desolate night to live through, knowing how totally screwed we really were, feeling that you'd already started down that other path, just holding off from telling me you'd gone on 4/5th's. I miss you and Dad tremendously, I carry you in my heart.

For Mike and for My Ma

Sunrise, Sunsets, rainbows, butterflies, the stars in the night, the northern lights, a few of the things that draw our sight. We learned how to love better for having known you. Babies are born into our lives, we watch them thrive, and enjoy the delights, of little ones born with their Grandfather eyes, one born on your side, one born on mine, little hands and baby toes, bring many smiles. We've tried to help many, whose love ones must leave, we've tried to bring reason to those who could see, the passing of time, all the sights we have seen, So treasured at the end, when one of must leave. Knowing how to live, yet loving for evened follies, made the Santa's appear to some as quite jolly, It was the depth of the love, your hearts carried forth, the forgiveness of sins, for which all were inspired. Mike 10/27/49 Ma 10/28/2002 I think of you both, the years of your giving,all the exchanges we had, when you were both living, all the missing we've done, and I had to try and write something that fit two of my Scorpio's who always were friends in addition to relatives. A tear and a warm smile for you.

The Talker And Dana and Chakra's

Sometimes in this life, we have people we stumble upon who constantly stimulate our brains to think, some make us think of our emotions, some make us think about what we want to achieve in life, and some make us think about the spiritual side of life. The Talker I first met when I was twenty, he was still working as in not retired yet, we'd spend time talking about astrology, the beauty of the signs, art forms in general, as he liked to paint the zodiac signs and scenery as well and then we wandered into some herbal remedies, and gentle speaking of the the spiritual world and all it might hold. The years grew in number as did our family, The Talker retired, and really had a chance to start reading in all the directions the curiosity of us all had long held. Longer conversations on herbal medicines and cures ensued, and spirituality blossomed for us all as he came to understand all of our simple and complex personalities and the spirits behind those dynamic beings. Ten years in and Twenty We suffered losses of significant members throughout the years, significant to one or the other of us I should rephrase, and The Talker would surface with a book, with a paragraph within a book, something to try and shed a better light on the happening, some substance in words to make it more understandable or doable so we could work through our pains and find the light. He shared with several of us "Seth speaks out", and Edgar Cayce and the mans sons writings as well. Sometimes unexplained things can occur, and they will leave you wondering..... Thirty years in we suffered a loss of one dear to everyone, and in his own pain and ours The Talker stayed with us and behind us all such as a June summer night in a backyard that echoed all the other years with our lost one, The Talker sat with us in the moonlight and gained some simple spiritual warmth from the music we played while we gazed into a fire pit watching flames grow brighter then eb, he spiritually stayed linked to us through all the bad days including the worst. Since that time it appears that witnessing a loss of a hero was too much for us, we all changed to some degree, we all became harder, maybe so no one could see the full extent of the pain, and yet The Talker has still tried hard with his uncanny eyes to see the individual good in all of us, to see the loving spirits emerge, he has become our catalyst of laughter, love of each other, he reminds us how deep the love for one another is. Dana, a psychic we follow says that there is a change of time being invoked right now, and that the most sensitive of us spiritually are feeling it, and that it causes a great inner thoughtfulness to take place as the human jockeys around all the shifts in energy, she indicates it's rocking her world. Per Dana "Half a dozen conversations with unrelated souls recently confirmed to me that what I was experiencing is occurring frequently to many people right now. Hopefully, this article will give you another perspective in your personal evolvement with your chakra system during this time of great change. Though I believe the overall energy landscapes of our [...]" Something is rocking the spiritual side, forgetting the negatives, the failures here or there, remembering all the wins, and all the accomplishments, all the things left undone and unsaid well from what Dana says the positive is the only thing for luggage that should be taken into this next level of journey, "Pack only your good baggage" so to speak. All of the positives stay loaded for this one. I am hoping that The Talker is just reflecting, sorting, and will soon "snap back" into place, and do what needs doing for this upcoming round, which Dana promises will hold a very special learning curve to it. (Written 10/25/11)

Alexander, the Artist.

A drive home in Autumn did find, Four dark trees within my sight, noticed by me for within their middle was the orange, red and gold brilliant maple. Within my mind Alexander's line of "there is no dark without the light, there is no light without the dark", I marveled all my life , what he brought to my sight! Trees, skies, flowers, and people, "there is no light without the dark, there is no dark without the light", A lifetime's observation has proven him right.

Fair Weather Friends or Family

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" In our younger days, we had various social circles, one on his side of life, and one for mine. And oddly enough after the first few years we had our son, many of our old friends no longer wanted to get together as they had no children yet, so socializing became family on both sides. Eventually some of those fair weathered friends had families and wanted to get reaquainted and re-entered our lives to some degree, but lessons learned of bring your tools with you, or can I see you I need to make my sons scout soap box derby car wore us down with time, they became visits with a purpose, not social relaxation. Other friends of depth married into other circles, and played the corporate game to get ahead, forgetting their old blue jeaned days, they didn't like to visit a smaller house, ours was actually classed as " claustraphobic", so one dear friend was lost entirely due to his career and his wife's taste in bigger homes, travel and boating. And so it is that family has remained our best friend to date, yes sometimes one or the other can cause some ripples, but not without a lot of sunshine. We watched babies grow, our siblings age, and our parents age to where we know time is a precious commodity, and we see more babies from this next generation replace our own kids, and now we are the age our parents were when the cycle started, and wisdom of the ages has set in as we see the years fly by. We don't miss the old acquantances, but we do value eachother and time more than ever.

When something pushes you over the edge, insanity reigns

Where to start? Once upon a time a princess met a prince briefly, actually on November 14th 1975. She would see him again on 11/21 at a party and somehow looks and chemistry and guitars would play a large role in the fate that shaped for these two characters in the great book of life. He would re-arrange his life out of a relationship that held no depth for him, and they would start over fresh. The prince worked as a glazier for a glass company, but really wanted to become a carpenter like Joseph and Jesus, he liked working with his beautiful hands, so he signed up to put himself through carpentry school until his schooling reached a point where he could work at home building with a few days a month for school. They would study together, learn more math together, and dream together. The princess and the prince got married in 02/1977 ("he was not the marrying type"). Their story is lengthy, with rocks and rolls throughout the years, some Godly smacks, some Godly kisses blown their way, I will not bore you with those recounts now, I will move on to the story line of mind. He built homes for 18 years of his adult life, he fell off roofs, he fell off work piles, eventually a fellow carpenter dropped a wall on him, around 1996 his back gave out, his bottom 3 disc had collapsed, and he needed surgery, his legs were numb up to his waist, a micro surgery was done to get the disc shaved and off of his spinal nerve, fun of all funs the doctor who argued with me about taking pre-surgery blood samples "it's not needed with so simple of a surgery, there is very little bleeding involved" was one of the wrongest assholes of our medical life, my prince went into a thyroid storm on the operating table, not of these ass wipes could understand what was happening as they struggled to stabilize him and in the next 4 months he would drop from 177 lbs down to 135 lbs, specialists consulted, back doctor re-consulted "no no it couldn't have to do with the back surgery", it was our own simple Dr. MD, DO. that asked a simple question of thyroid background and family history that allowed a simple test to be done, he was diagnosed with Acute Graves Disease, Acute in that he was dying slowly, they gave him a radium drink to kill off what was left of this hyper thyroid inherited from a maternal auntie though a rare condition for men, and it would make him hypo-thyroid and in need of daily meds for ever after to mock what a thyroid does for the body although changing his personality somewhat more somber and serious from who we'd been when we met, he was alive and regained some weight through time. Post back surgery it had been squared that the prince would work for a builder as a superintendent, and there were all types of supers, he worked his way up the super ladder one rung at a time, until he was what I called the Super-Super, and it was a job that usually spare his back from the old impacting carpenter lifestyle. This job lasted him near another 18 years until the economy collapse that entire industry. When he worked for that last company, he had an employee who reported to him, and in this economy they've reversed roles, with my man now reporting to the other for this seasonal, warm weather only job. It is the other that brings the wraith of Kath into play. Last summer was as a supervisor, some hard manual work involved, but spaced. This year it's been mostly hard labor, of roofing, siding, and replacement windows, we've done it all here together as a family so I know what is fully involved, my husband does this for the love of his family much like John Coffey sighted in the " Green Mile" (Stephen King's thriller), but friday night he came home looking unusually bad, and I come to find that this person's latest brain storm involves digging holes in a septic field, I'd like you to imagine how that would feel on your spine and legs after 8 hours, now throw into the mix how much stone is in a septic field, and if you've ever done digging you'll know that stone laden dirt is much harder to dig through than plan earth. The air colored with my same words my Dad said, and all of them were swears, turning the air blue my Ma would say, I told him if I had an address life as this man knows it would be altered. There is a big difference between a man who does you a favor, when deck has been re-stacked, and someone who seeks to break you, and therein lies the difference of my friday nite rage. Some Karma is needed here. And so I rub a tire and brutalized body with Oil of Oregano & Olive Oil, and I race ahead of him on cleaning the house the next day as he is usually the dynamo, and seek to give him free time to rest. I've told him he doesn't need to go back I would rather decline than see him go back. He won't listen cause he does it for the love of his family.

ADDH of the Mind

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Hmmmm....Beautiful* Some times my mind tries to solve a real day bill dilemma, and I keep trying to look into deep pockets or corners of the mind seeking a solution, of course using common sense would be one approach, but I have long sought to outrun this economy as I come up with the solutions, it was always a matter of how long it would last, at first it was said to be a couple of years, okay we're there already, then it was projected to be about 5 years out in turning around, no way at 3 years into it since it all went bezerko in Sept of 2008 stock markets plummeting Jobless figures still climb (and still don't take into account all of the self employed entities that are in the midst of these follies) and as a result Home Foreclosures are still a rampant numbered gift that keeps on giving. We spoke of taking in boarders that we knew to alleviate the winter pains of layoff, and both of those boarders have fallen through which would have commenced in Autumn of this year. ADDH of the mind sets in all corners of the mind are created equal they give no sane solutions to this old girl, are goal is to make it through, and yet throwing good money after bad is pointed out to us on occasion. What solutions do we try so often for the love of one, and for the love of the other, my own soul mate admits that if non of us others were here and involved his solution as mine would have been to pull the plug on this tiring game, yet on we must go, we've come so far and exhausted so much of what had once been on the table, we don't want to give up now in case it would be close to correcting, even if it was a half way point, or is it simply that we hate to give up? "Uncle", cry "Uncle"....no instead I will go and come up with yet another ludicrous band aid. I still think my theory expressed here long ago was a beautiful insight, re-hire all the laid off workers, lay off all the ones who have been working in their place, bring fresh blood and new ideas to the table from people who really value the idea of growth, it would give everyone a fair taste of what's happening to the masses, and exchange out the exhausted for the yet to be tapped resources, and maybe buy s all some time to make it. Genius bordering on insanity, maybe, but it does hold some truths. When ADDH of the mind is present, she cannot concentrate for long, she cannot relax for long, until it is nailed down.

My Heart Throb

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" At this moment fist light is reflected up into sky, from a powerful sun rising somewhere, I can not see it yet, but the day is beginning, enough to lighten the sky, I will never not be in awe of it. My heart throb: A simple man goes fishing for a day leaving the house early around 3:30am, his wife stays home and busy cleaning house to some degree, hers, not his, fits in a visit with an old girlfriend for breakfast, she gets groceries in from the store, she eats a simple meal of french bread, she is not cooking, by 7pm she is tired, she watches an old Harry Potter movie and must have dozed off, she hears a creak, it's a chair in the living room that make that creak, she turns her head to look and wahla, there her man sits looking at her, she feels her heart quicken as it always has upon seeing him, she smiles, she is happy he is home and safe from his adventure. The heart takes a while to slow back, she will probably die from a heart attack one day, it will probably be brought on by seeing him re-enters her day, her life. He has just always had that effect on her. She is blessed. I leave you with an old favorite song of mine, called Homeward Bound, that was once played lovingly upon my guitar: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6K8wfyzAJQ

Crazy little thing called love

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Yes, and sometimes I see it when I look in your eyes, it's probably a power of suggestion that seeing you still here makes my day, seeing a crinkle about the eyes showing a smile is coming forward, knowing the care and love is reciprocal, us playing good guy bad guy with "are you OK?". Life is good and I will always have appreciations for it's many aspects, but kiddo I live for you, your company, and your smiles. You are my sunshine every day and my moon at night. Call it too many years of the same humors, same looks, same interests, same principals, call it whatever you want to but as we head towards November 14th of 75 anniversary of two souls meeting on a Chicago street I can tell you fate couldn't have done any better than putting these two souls together, and when we fall we pick each other back up and dust off the weighty sediment from each others backs and re-establish the balance needed for the next increment. Aren't you lucky you have me as your dog, I'd follow you anywhere? Yes, that's what I tell him: "I'm your dog". LOL.

Run for the Roses

I am an online researcher by nature, if I think of something I will goggle it and read whatever I feel like in the links that reveal themselves. I was thinking of our lives and the various ways they've altered in the last few years and I looked up what my husband's old company Lakewood Homes has become: Lakewood Solutions and while I did so I found a blog they keep, it was actually a very positive blog explaining some of the services they now offer to banks who are needing foreclosed homes revamped or brought up to snuff. I think what touched me most was the heart the blog articles were written with, and that heart belongs to the companies owner Buz Hoffman. We always liked him and respected him, and so I was very happy to see articles written with some of our own soul kindred to his. There is no doubt we all went into shock when the housing market crashed so drastically as previously described in other Sunshine postings, but he runs this new company with a positive eye kept on the future, and he offers solutions to making the best of a horrible situation, his postings are filled with gentle references to the truths we now all live with, and somehow as I stumble along again seeing the hideous effects of daily labor play out on my husband body a man who sometimes confesses he doesn't know how many more days he can go there and do the physical labor called for in his early 20's and anyone knowing him would know he gives 100% to each of those days..no slacker...and me trying to keep the rabbits (as I call them, grocery shopping is hunting for rabbits here), and keep the ship from sinking by plugging holes in the bow, well somehow Buz reached my soul with own writings and pulled me to the thought of betterment's out there. I found a way to send him a letter of thanks for the old days, spouses never got to say goodbye to a man that hosted many company/family barbeques, ones where we'd laugh as my husband would try hard to give him the shirt literally off his back as they both had a penchant for wild prints on summer shirts, and to let him know that his blog is a positive force and well written, it would have to benefit anyone seeing it. And with all that said my man came in that night from a 13 hour day of tearing off a roof landing home at 8:30pm (my mind thinks: Oh God), his back and legs numb from the discs slipped out of place, on principle he won't "never while I'm breathing" think of going on disability because of all the slackers who defraud the system some of who he's met, and so we still both wish for a sane 12 month job, and go to bed with hopes for tomorrows soothing today. We Run for the Roses.