Anger Management 101, the promised land.

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?", yes, but I begin to slip past all that.... I have seriously got to get my act together, yet again, I am angry, deeply angry, at life, I see her wily tricks, and I am beyond the humor it, I see all the life changes imposed like a sentence of prison time, but with no date out, and I become angrier, I see all the manipulations of government, Congress and the Senate and I deeply resent the basket of shit they landed us in with no end in sight, as they cannot play in the sandbox nicely for the common good of the people. I see raises promised three years hence and not given, forgotten about the simple phrase of I can't do it this year, but I'll do it next year, and the next year he had forgotten and said I'm maxed out for life? Don't think so, the more my workload increases due to your sporadic brother the more angry I become on that, if you get a %, then I should get a %, your world is rosey mine is not, do you care, only to a point. Watching my slightly skewed but messed up spouse roll out the door each day looking almost okay, and by nightfall he is maimed makes me angry at a nation that allowed manipulations of the building industries collapse, we're cast back to newly wed days when we'd already paid all those dues and more, yes I've become real pissed off, and I can't do this shit much longer, the juggling act, done to finally forgetting key dates of due, shit wasn't there anyhow, so why worry about a date. Throw in Nuclear plants in New Mexico and that other fine state surrounded by water, how could you not think that one out? Instead of recesses you fools need to sit down intensely as you did pre-election with the finest and keenest minds and address these problems of humanity one at a time until you come up with genuine solutions, then the laws regarding them need to be passed with an immediate date, not the bullshit you pulled with healthcare reforms starting in 2014 when frigging people are out there now un-protected by the pre-existing baffle and bullshit of HEATHCARE CORP/aka: Blue Cross....2014 my ass. And yes I know I have to get a grip on it, I know I should head for the iodine bottle and dose myself for the next three days, and I do really know about the big picture: I have you...slightly battered or not, I have our son and main amusement in the verbal world, I worry about the good health as it's slightly slippery giving off some possible signals of it's own, I worry about our eyes, our teeth, our cars, our capability for gas, food, I worry when I try to spend 20. to 60 on groceries for a week too many weeks in a row, I have turned into a stereotype Pollack with only 1/2 the blood in me, and reached some new level. Solutions are but small dreams on the horizon, as I've gotten to a state of non-believer, listening to the news and cringing regardless of subjects. Oh Sunshine where the hell are you? Start with the iodine.....and work your way out of this

Relatively speaking

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Over 20,440 opportunities, many missed, but I still do love you sunrise, you bring a fresh start to each day...for someone, and sometimes you bring with you the stark reality of what actually happened the day before, but all in all you bring us light, I can actually understand why so many worship your rise, it holds underlying logic. Thinking back I can tell you that there's never a good age to die, my Grandpa John at 72 from Prostate, Lauren robbed of all the good days that could have been, should have been, Dad going at 71 yrs of age, Ma at 75 years of age, our brother at 58, never enough damn time to be with all of us. More landmarks will follow, landmark being someone you've cared for deeply or loved deeply throughout the course of earth time. Simply put there is always more shit to be endured somewhere up the road, but never enough golden time put aside to celebrate all of these links in the chain. So, we value that we do have good reason to celebrate two of our links this week, the annual gathering has just been pushed back a week, it is a time when we celebrate for one reason or another that two people started a family, a family becomes celebrated then because it's brought to our lives many others we have known and loved, and our own families have grown larger and fuller as a result of this one unity, plus it is that unities birthday celebration on top of it, a whopping 82 years old for the woman (29930+ sunrises), and a quite glorious 85 years old for the man (31025+ sunrises), they have made it for the long haul, ups, downs, and all arounds. That's a lot of sunrises, now, have you ever seen the sunrise?

Wisdom versus hindsight

Wisdom takes time to develop, it is a grace that we learn through common daily living, it can be from our own life mistakes, it can come from work experiences, but it can not be gained without participation and seasoning of daily life. It is different than hindsight, hindsight is looking back, seeing where you possibly made an error, or for certain did as the case may be, and really longing you could redo it. Wisdom is knowing you can't redo anything but drawing out the knowledge of how to do better, and how to move forward on certain life experiences. I think in our youthful days we all move forward a little too fast at times, and that speed can be a pitfall, similar to our current generation who played too many video games and really believe when they're driving that the game is on, forgetting how vulnerable our vehicles and our bodies within them really are. I also can see at times, where as we age and become wiser, we've also become more tired, so our energies are not always given to all the directions they should be or could be, we put onto the back burner items to ponder, and sometimes we never go back to finishing what was cooking. I am guilty of both counts, and must try to do better. Must try to re-focus so all is in order. This should become a daily goal, and maybe that's my wisdom for today.

I received these daily

I receive these daily, from a entity who believes in unconditional love, ever stretching, and ever correcting, ever present. I hold that there's great truths that all can be healed by love, this one seems to have been written for all of us that fall from grace on occassion, sometimes we know why, sometimes we never begin to have a clue, but this messengers belief holds hope for us mere mortals and for mankind, it is I believe as easy as humans let it be: Tuesday, June-21-2011 Mistaken identities. At times it seems reasonable to get possessive about what we own. Such as... personal opinions, ideas of right and wrong, chivalry attitude in the face of apparent animosity, protecting something or someone we hold dear at any cost, oblivious at those upset with us who seem unreasonable in their density of mind... ...yet Love has nothing to protect or defend because it loves all there is no clear demarcation she sees all, in need of love thus the wrongdoer becomes the wronged one and when one is wronged, all are wronged what is there to protect and defend? True Love is wise she puts her hand on your heart, to soften your mind when you meet with resistance. And that's the moment when Universe bends at your mighty power: the power of giving up ownership on that which even when it feels good it brings sorrow for others. that's the moment when you are most loved ♥ (actually you are MOST loved... always ...shhhh...) Yours truly .... The Love Messenger

Epoxy & Housing

It's not funny, but sometimes lately as items in the house keep breaking, my dear spouse brings in his epoxy from the garage, it's main use is for his lures to hold weights in and the eyes of fish epoxied into their precut slots, now epoxy is holding my prescription sunglasses together the last 1 1/2 years, and we've recently added the dryer lint screen to it's repaired item, and lets not forget my statue he did that now has the angel kissing the birds ass instead of kissing it's head....very humorous at the time, I've now grown to love it more for his peculiar touch to it. From his laid off days, I often wonder what else has been expoxied into conforming another year or two if it holds. The household resembles strongly it's residents. We have held together, slightly insane at times, yet like so many other components in life we admired, we've refused to go down gracefully, we are all fighters, and although we are running extremely tired, like dazzed runners trying to hang in there for the balance of the race, we cling onto eachother when one of us weakens, and keep tugging along for some process. We have resorted to a small lottery ticket as long shots continue to loom, no twelve month job in sight. We continue on, as we wouldn't want to give in and be wrong to have caved so easily....if we just had a little bit more stamina.

Days of old, and music

Music is a natural healer: For about the last 14 years, the friday before Fathers Day a band named American English who perform only old Beatles music, plays at our community park center, an outdoors concert that starts in the daylight and ends in a night under the stars, only last year it was rained out, so mid week my old friends starting trying to coordinate when and where we'd meet for this now tradition of ours. Similar to traveling and hectic paces before you actually sit down on the plane, I ended up working late, everyone in American remembering their insurance details at 4:45pm on a friday, I handled accident reports, payment problems, and found out one client forgot to tell us about 5 new drivers she inherited in a company acquisition, one of which was in the accident previously mentioned. Traffic to home, a bank run to cure an account, BLT's for dinner prepped while my spouse cut the grass, and by 7:40pm I walked out the door & manned my beloved hand me down truck for my adventure. We found our friends, and they found us, and we rocked with the band listening to golden old music that surrounded us on the decades changing lifestyles years back, the 60's, 70's and 80's how quickly everything changed, but to our youthful then world, either the band changed us or we the human culture of those times changed the band, I was never certain which, perhaps it was a combination of both, but none of us would ever be the same. It brought us into a much faster paced world, which evolved into the present times. I thought of Forest Gump while I was sitting there and how well that movie pegged those times, and the music influencing the times. But as they played yellow submarine and had everyone clapping and singing along, or when the closed with Hey Jude, the night out under the stars still held magic for me, some type of healing from the magic of music and being outside was very good for me, for us all.

My son, the chef

Our son, has always fascinated us with learning and wanting to cook up something different, he's been doing this on and off for a number of years, but the last two years he's really grown in his endeavors, and what's more fun for me is he gets his father to try new foods we never thought he'd eat in his lifetime, the saving grace of this is the man needs as many green vitamin sources found only in these unique food groups as can be mustered, he takes no vitamins as a supplement, yet his body certainly is lacking due to years of his own food group insistence. Now we, as many other households have always had a game of our son, your son, and my son. When he graduates he's "our son" and our son also plays guitar, when he makes green sauce which my husband loves: he' says " my son made it", when he has a fender bender then he'll say: Your Son did that", these are just examples, but you get my jest. Well, our son has gotten him to eat real live garlic, Bokcho (or however the hell you spell it), all kinds of green leafy things spun off from lettuce or spinach, a bigger variety of cheeses including the ever dreaded parmesan/romano group that my husbands long detested ("if it smells like vomit why would you eat it?") And for just this one item of love bestowed on two aging hippies, I thank him tremendously. And for the patience of him watching us sample things like we were the three year olds and he was the parent, well all I can say is I see the humor of those moments, Laughingly, Love you, Mom and Dad

And the balance of life continues

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" When was the last one enjoyed by you? Go see another. Yesterday seemed a strange day, as items kept vying for position, some news items we've been following, some statuses of the day, some beginnings, some endings. All of them emotional triggers. The Indiana student who's missing, on America's Most Wanted, but following the articles as they publish, Have very strong instinct she's still by that final building, if the guys legit who claims someone punched him in the face and he has no memory after...well hypnosis would be highly interesting, but the girls probably in that building still or just outside of it, and they should research the damn thing carefully, that what my flash is saying. Meanwhile, my Kit was off to Sandy's wedding, after working a full day - inventory time, Sandy was our acquaintance light years ago when she was married to Bobby Lehman, I think we last saw er at Kris & Rays wedding, but she and Kit have stayed in touch better, and off she went for the wedding and sometime to catch up with Cheryl who is my husband's God Daughter, so that was cool, and we're happy that Sandy has a good partner this time. The wedding hall is close to my pal's son's house, so she will stay there for the night rather than drive back the long haul. Also, Meanwhile, Marvin who is Marcella's brother, (and I just wrote about him yesterday morning, )somehow he got Ecoli in his lungs, and in his blood stream, coupled with years of Diabetes that was hard to control, well poor Marvin, Marcella twin passed away yesterday, If any of us think we take it badly or would take it badly, just add on the twin dimension: Many of them feel they are 2 yet one, and when something happens to the other, they feel it in a whole new dimension. Hard for me to describe, but she certainly did, she said she felt him leave...so sad. Other than that we did normal chores mandated by time, cleaning (opps he got an idea to windex the pictures on the wall, and oppps my family collage was down, broken, glass to smithereens...still have a piece of it in my palm from the 45 minutes clean up it gave as a parting present, and of course thinking about mirrors and luck, I wondered why the hell it was my family collage that gave.....hopefully that won't be another story. Him pulling weeds, cutting grass, so I took his truck for it's oil change, and laughed when the guys asked me if I'd be bringing in the other two as I have done that in the past, funny cause mines needs to go into today, it was due in May or by miles, and in either case it's past due, and has been shuddering at times lately..I worry for it 154,000+ miles how much longer can she go? But she knows I like her well, she was a hand me down after I gave mine to Mike, but she's been kind to me. A Quick grocery shop, and I came home to a son who wanted to make us some lunch out of food he bought this week, little different items, turkey burgers, and some kind of crawdad patty, so we all did a taste test, which was a good thing as he was on call for work, and when he called in they needed him. And so a saturday came and went with plenty of little sidenotes to ponder, others to make you thankful, that the passage of time has stayed kinder for a short while.

May & June Oddities giving off: We are all Bubbles

A number of things occurred in May & June, I deleted the actual items, important to some, not important to others, they were eye openers, like little cancer surgeries, I think they involve love and like being confused and a great deal of limitations invoked. I think my friend & father in laws book described life and it's pathways nicely, sweetly, it is forever changing and shape shifting, I so liked this at reading it in his book, I asked him to send it to me, and sweet dear that he is he complied happily, he is a lovie. The passage reads: "It is quite likely that you will become a loner, in the sense that you will be independent and free. You will not feel bonded to groups or rules. No one will make your decisions for you. Yet at the same time you will feel a very spiritual bond with everyone and everything. You will see your responsibilities clearly, and you will see the responsibilities of others clearly. It is as though you will see all people as individual universes. Each is a tiny bubble floating through space under its own power and direction. Every so often two of these bubbles come together, and like bubbles, they blend and overlap. They may blend for a very short period of time, or for a long time. While blended, these bubbles share certain portions of themselves with one another while still maintaining their own identities and autonomy. At some point, the bubbles separate and float on to experience other bubbles. The same bubbles may come together for a while, then float apart for a while, then rejoin again, and so on. So it is with you and your interactions with others. You give experience to, and gain experience from, others. But you and they still remain the masters of your own learning and spiritual growth. It is impossible to give without also receiving." Sometimes, we might feel like we drift, but it will reshape as it is fated to. Thus we are really bubbles, it is a sweet explanation of a very confusing life. And so it goes....for the bubbles.

Ecoli

I have a friend Marcella, she is a twin to Marvin. She has fretted over him for light years as he had diabetes and many of the side spin offs it would trigger. Marvin's been in and out of the hospital for so many trips the last two years, and Marcella who is married to my friend from High School, Keith (a truck driver...across the US usually) she frets, asks us to give a prayer ... her face book friends. Then awhile back he came home to stay with her, he needed more help and attention than what he was capable of giving himself. They had some good months, and it went well for awhile. Marvin ended up back in the hospital last week, poor Marcella was torn up about it, fretting about if she was making the right choice as he didn't want to go back, test were run but relative to the diabetes, yes? Time lost. No, Marvin has Ecoli, and it is in his lungs and in his blood stream, Marvin who is Marcella's twin, buddies for light years, knowing each other as long back as they can remember, well he is dying, all treatments have been stopped, and they are down to final comforts, their family is gathered, her daughter keeps her friends posted. I feel sadness, I feel inadequate as there are no words or prayer that could ease her heart, that is where we get to sometimes. I do know that I will talk to each of my brothers this weekend. And I will stop and think about the passage of time, and how frail time can make us.

Tiger Lillies

Well, 7 years completed, how many to go? The last two weeks I've taken a few days vacation to use them up or lose them, combined with Memorial day weekend, and also the next weekend as well, as June 7th got me my 7 years with the agency badge, this year the badge came in the form of Tiger Lillies, orange and salmon colored in a white vase, UPS Strolls in with a box of flowers...too much fun, but I have to say the flowers looked beautiful for having been tossed around on trucks for God knows how long, somehow this appealed to my warped sense of humor. Also, non-comformist, spurred on by being taken out to lunch the first few years (I really hate being taken to lunch), since and including 2007 I have been off every anniversary date, thus the flowers arriving on the 8th instead. The lillies arrived with a card which "promised a better year"! Hmmmm, I will ponder that. I started working for one brother, and now the other has returned for several years, workload doubled, people talking at me doubled, plus two people to help trouble shoot their computers when the push a wrong button, wages remained the same, yes the flowers were lovely, and I shall ponder the rest. They asked me if that meant I'd get the 7 year itch? Hmmm.

A few experiements, some small progress

Let us jump back in time to the old companies yearly business trips, which seemingly had to be held in the hell holes of the world like Dominican Republic or Jamaica, a few blocks of lovely beaches and resorts surrounded by God knows what. It was the Dominican Republic treat that gave us the monkey being tossed onto him and the monkey pox as we dubbed it, back in 2004. Believe it or not we still fight those monkey pox, three years back it was at it's absolute worse, remember the alfalfa baths combined with the radical approach of non-chlorine bleach, oddly enough something there soothed the savage beast which remained undiagnosed by any specialist that was consulted. But seasonal as it is for becoming aggravated, more active, we've held it at bay for awhile, still using a salve prescribed but sparingly-as the salve can cause the skin to break down through long term use, we have tried many different things throughout time, some would improve for awhile and then be rendered useless, we have tried to switch off now to Oil of Oregano combined with Olive Oil, it has been giving some good relief, and improving the skin quality, we will see how long this lasts. Meanwhile another gets those carbuncles, blocked oil ducks, and on him we try the tea tree oil, and see a slight change in skin tone emerging. Another wait and see, but better than the medical choice left of cutting it out. If we could solve these two puzzles, it would be great for 2 of the lovies.

Scrooge, Tiny Tim & Bob

Was not the best part of the story the end of all being together, after Xmas past, present, and future ahad visited Scrooge in the night? Didn't it fill you with wonder and happiness that something had been gained by jostling all of Scrooge's emotions as the clock struck midnight? And so it's been with mankind long before Dickens, and long after, that one small action, one small memory can keep a flame of love & hope alive in us all. It was and is a favorite of mine, and of course Christmas is not the only time it can happen. A gesture, a few words, all of them are great medicine's for the soul.

You are the best!

What a human, going out each day and giving that 150% that you insist upon giving, we know it depletes you, but you keep on doing it. The fun lies in the evenings, back home, dinner cooking, and watching your meter re-charge with stories and conversations of all of our days combined, humor restored to humorless eyes, laughter, advice flowing heartens all, we enjoy being here, we still enjoy a family night, a movie together, simple yet still sweet. Our son brings much color to our evenings when he's off a night, an English Major who always had a great way of conveying with words an entire scene that played out elsewhere, we sit laughing as he describes his characters encountered. No one can make you laugh like he does. Yes, you are both the best. Keepers.

The Messenger, Don't shoot him!

I receive these daily messages from The Love Messenger, below is today's June 10, 2011: "Ever wondered when faced with choices, decisions... when not sure... *You get the best choice when you live decisions to Love. Just a reminder about Love: Love is supportive (of each other - those involved in the choice) Love doesn't try to change, nor control anyone, yet it supports growth Love is accepting of so perceived flaws by seeing the greatness of that which is perfecting itself Love is unconditional yet it doesn't insist upon unconditional circumstances Love is respectful of boundaries Love supports expression of individuality Love always meets the other half way even if at times it may have to go all the way Love is committed, loyal and rejoices in integrity Love is open and sincere it doesn't judge yet it sees the truth and loves anyway Love is generous yet wise to see the foolishness of giving where gifts are not appreciated and cherished and Love is best understood when you see that no matter what you are loved ♥ - and here comes the paradox of Love, you see there aren't really any choices to make...when you think about it... " All of the above is true, yet all of the above can be used as a crutch in so far as it can be used to Rationalize, instead of being used as a truth to heal, Rationalization is not a good thing, Healing is a good thing.

WAYYY Too Much is put off on God

No matter the culture, there is a God for it, and way too much gets put off on God. He is blame for occurrences that were issued through man, he is counted on to rectify their messes, help the masses, sort out their choiced blunders that it is a small wonder even if he did exist, how could he possible keep up with what is strewn on the path. The fact is that all of the blessing or beauty of God is within each man, and each man chooses the path, and what litter the path becomes strewn with as they walk it. If you don't like something, then make an attempt to fix it, start by only acknowledging good or bad that you witness yourself. Thrown empathy out of the window, throw out all heresays: a bad game of telephone is still just that, words spinned, embelished and added,throw out all your damn double standards, throw out all items lacking wisdom, get rid of the clutter, and old baggage, and treat others as you'd like to be treated, if you do this on a continuous basis you will see marked improvement. If I hung on to every single affront that has been cast my way, I would turn away from mankind. It is then a true beauty that within our souls we are capable of trying it all over again until we get it more right. And the truth without a rubber band is: God doesn't judge us, only other humans do that. "Tomorrow is the 1st day of the rest of your life!"- Anonymous

A planned day, ad-libbed

Yesterday up early ironing, laundry, straighten the house quickly, a day off from work (2of 2), and off onto the expressway I go, of course my mind being on auto pilot goes to head for 53North as is my daily custom, when in fact I am headed for Chi Town needing 53 South, If I didn't understand myself so much...I'd have been pissed as I had to turn the car around. In fact my first act of the day was spilling my full 16 oz cup of coffee on some valued papers (uses for oregano oil, tea tree oil, alfalfa, cinnamon, etc.), and so I stayed all day, slightly clumsy, a notch out of sync, always a scary feeling as if something in the brain has just become shot, in fact it started the night before as I jump sideways Eddie Bunker style up the cement stair in back, no shoes, think I broke my baby toe again trying to get Archie whatever the hell he wanted from the kitchen in such a hurry, I love Archie dearly, but sometimes when he's in dictator mode he can make me a basket case, and sometimes it affects my safety and sanity, the mood that someone comes home with can set the evening scenerio for good or bad. Anyways, I digress, into Chicago I went, some nice man in the third lane put his brakes on for no damn good reason & I almost rear ended him, so once I got to the restaurant to meet our Kit I was able to relax somewhat, the restaurant called the Blue Angel is in my old neighborhood near Habetler bowling alley where I spent much time bowling as a youth and with Kit 2 years back, and near her place of work as well. The Blue Angel is where her & Mike used to go for their breakfasts, it was their favorite. Then we were going to go obtain the almighty street parking permits for July and on, but right as we got there playing follow the leader we got a babysitting SOS from from the kids two towns over, so we parked my car at the house and away we went to rescue for an hour or two. She does so love that little girl who somehow inherited your eyes, and your smile. She gives the bay the same stick she's used for light years: " What you doing girlfriend", and the baby just starts smiling, it's an awesome smile. Hugs, kisses, and off we leave for the dollar store, for her and I this is equal to sending other young children to the zoo or museum, we love dollar stores, this one boasts the truth to everything there being a dollar versus all the others which fibb against their titles. Finally we go back to the house, and chill out, a drink apiece and toast to you and your life as we've done since the first anniversary in 2008. We go downstairs to sit on the front porch a place of many good memories, we watch a squirrel chilling up in the butterfly tree, he's lazy in the heat, the temperature of 96 is a tough one to sit through, finally we seek the refuge of air conditioning and talk about houseplants not liking the change of season. Her son is right she will keep accrueing houseplants, she needs someone to nuture, and they've won the draw. Finally I depart mid rush hour to get back to my other 1/2 who also needs a friend this day, he is surprised I am home when he comes in, he is tired and sore, and over heated. Shower, relax and a movie, we stay up later than usual on a work night enjoying the movie, and off to bed and our plywooded mattress. The day is done.

The Beauty of Friendship

Back in 2008 on a early summer day well before July, Miguel next door, Pat, Kit and I sat out front together, and we had a really nice day, talking, remembering & laughing, some type of music playing in the back ground, on and off remembering our Michael. It was good, it was genuine, later Mary joined us, and the warmth and love continue to flow well into the evening. Pat nicknamed us ( Kit and I) "The evil twins", said why not you didn't much see one with out the other, thus the twins, we loved it, we laughed. Funny how friendship can grow throughout the years we had plenty of tiffs, some petty, some major, but through Michael we always worked them out, and like a house built from the bottom up, we used these disagreements to learn more about the other and strengthen ourselves. Back in 2002 we had been at war again, neither of us remembers why, but as she walked into the funeral home with Michael & her children for my own Mother's wake, I was happy to see them all, and proud of her for knowing the difference between petty bullshit, and real sincere life matters of the heart. It was Michael who'd been on the phone with me throughout my mom's hospice, it was Michael who'd offered years of friendship (poor man hated the telephone, but used it) to me while this household suffered through at least one mid-life crisis and kept me glued to weather it out. After 2002's skirmish Kit and I stayed friends, and as 2006 evolved into 2007 we became sisters much the same as all the other sisters she'd adopted throughout the years from her husbands family. And then sometimes with a great loss, living through the same days, seeing many things the same way, having shared the backgrounds on your own families, well sometimes you really do become sisters. There are times when I look back, when I think you knew exactly what you had shaped, and I think it might be one of your happier moments, that you left the two in eachother's hands, and that you would have been very happy last week when my own fine spouse told her to drop the in law, he is her brother! She carries on, she spouts her own bullshit and baffle, and believe me she baffles many, lol, but she remained totally in love with one and only one person, and will remain so, and when she tells people at a wedding we attend together, that I am her woman, well I guess I am. Thank you for leaving me with a wonderful friend, and a great sister to tough it all out with.

And that has made all the difference:

"The Road Not Taken Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." — Robert Frost Can it be 5 years since it all started shifting? A life, a spirit, a powerful being, a problem solver, a husband, a father, a friend, a son, a brother, an uncle, a grandfather, a god father you were these to all of us, a different relationship with all, a total commitment to all at our given time of quality with you, and always: when you'd had enough you walked away to tend elsewhere. So many years, over 35 of them spent tending a house, rebuilding what was rotted, replacing what had worn, and a schedule that permitted time with everyone, you had your finger on the pulse of the families, and could generally tell before they could what was lacking, what was needed in most arenas before the core participants could tell. You listened, you pondered, you offered many advices as we came and went from your life. It would be seldom that anyone left your side without feeling better or that they had a better game plan than they arrived with. Our families, your wife's families, no difference between what was given out in wisdom or assistance. You and she conspiring on how and where to help with so many people, many times shorting yourselves to accomplish the mission. When you left our sides, we were our strongest, because of all your years of tending and loving us, we were ready to carry it forward for you, and in honor of you, so you'd know we had really seen how one valuable life could impact us to the point of making us bettered humans. All of us have lives that spiral far out, with many obligations, with many schedules, with many responsibilities and burdens, hopefully with many good times of laughter, and I've no doubt that even though time and small problems which might have become magnified throughout that time, well I've no doubt that today at some point each of us will pause, or even have our minds wonder to you, to night when the winds picked up in June fiercely, and the trees newly leafed were heard loudly with forces of wind, as the earth didn't want to give up you and an 8 fell to the ground. We carry you in our hearts, we try to walk the walk, and talk the talk, we try to remember kindnesses, we fall short of you, but we will never forget you or what you gave to us all, we can only promise to keep trying until we get it right, and do you honor. A tear & a smile*

Michael 06072011, a tear & a smile*

"No man is an island, entire of itself every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls it tolls for thee." - — John Donne

May Days

What's more beautiful a sunrise, a rainbow, a butterfly, the ocean in any mode,a sunset, or a loved one's face? A Loved ones Face! A wedding. A Welcome Home party for Baby/& Graduation Party for Nephew. Hmmm, we've been locked up for so long now, really devoid of group contact for the better part of 3 years, that us socializing, and seeing tons of people, was an amazing experience. I think we were lucky we dealt with the wedding first, some people I knew, and few you'd met, and then meeting lots of new people neither of us had met, and remembering all of our ettiquettes, and social graces together. The next day out into the world we go into a re-union of family we haven't seen all at one time in three years, so many additions to the family, little babies and toddlers, and new spouses everywhere. Seeing old favorite's, and all the rest as well brought out many great emotions, and still a few conflicting ones. Seeing how happy the kids all are, feeling what's genuine and noting what isn't, best yet was how happy my brother was, he is a great family man, he is a great host, and it was nice to see his happiness as we sat with an old group of friends and got caught up. Watching my guys play their few games of bean bags on and off, and then my nephew and his boyhood friends he's spoken of so often, I believe I met some of them years back when nerf ball gun wars were the big sleepover promise to the kids for birthday gatherings, yes, it was fun. One black cherry, two black cherry, three black cherry....oops better put space and time in there, good kept it at four black cherry total. After such a weekend, we were tired, and enjoyed a lazier sunday at home the next day.