Happy Birthday, Jenny

Always in the present, different days take you back to the past, and coming from a small family versus marrying into a large family, I've always seen the world with two sets of glasses, one for the big family that seemed to take birthing and more children way in stride as a given almost, versus my small family and how each child broadened our horizons so very much, it's always been such contrast. I remember all of us waiting up for Jenny to be born, and she played it down to the wire our little Leo did. And I remember many of her growing minutes, throughout time, sitting here smiling, snugged up in baby outfits with pointy hoods, little toddler girl on the run, charming little girl watching her disney, scaring us as she catapulted down the stairs gymnasics would suit her early, playing fingers with her Dad as I did with mine, all smiles in time. Preheated vehicles as her parents tried to capture or coax her into leaving when she wasn't wanting to part yet on Christmas Days. Sleepovers where she'd come to get me once she was up, so we could start the bacon. She was so cute, "I'm up Kath, you told me to come get you". And of to the land of Smurfs we go, her and Justin squealing as they exchanged shared favorite characters. Watching her and Justin climb the magnolia tree with squirt guns in hand to shoot poor Ryan as they ran about for a summer gathering. And then they grow up, they go through their teens, they go off to college, they get married, a good man for her very much in tune with each other, a very emotional day, happy for her, happy for my brother, feeling my ghosts in hand with me. And now today her birthday, she is about to give birth to her own child, a boy child anticipated some time this week who's mom has been learning to sew so she can have special outfits decorated for him, he will be much loved, and so the circle of life continues to spiral outward, and with it some many more good times will be enjoyed by my brother and his family, I am very happy for their new adventure. And Will, he is much loved already, even as we patiently wait for him to arrive. A Little Leo Boy.

Finding Soul

Yesterday, I found my socks, and old shoes which hadn't been in the recently flooded basement, donned them and drove my self over to Twin Lakes, it had been so long since I escaped, I who used to walk 2-3 miles daily and was energized for the days at that point, now walk with a maimed determination, knowing I need it as much internally as I do externally, I push on until my kidney tells me it's time to get home, and old girl laughing at the younger one who could do more than I can now, she hasn't quite yet and she moves me on through my days when I the present occupant would not have the stamina to push on, mostly due to bad tendons in feet that echo the ones in my hands, walking a distance is painful, but she laughs she's happy she doesn't have to do it with her hands as they are worse. It was so wonderful to be out there at 6am, ducks shrouding the shoreline in clusters that must have brought a night safety to them. The slight pinking of the sky as they sun said hello to the day. This is a lake where I fished with my Dad, my husband and my son when he was young, after dinner we'd tool over here summer evenings, weekend afternoons, we experience much peace fishing together, admiring eachother finds, laughing as our son caught " a big one" on a hook we'd cut the tines off of, and his very little "big one would slip off the worm back into the water, no need for us to hurt our little fishies. We did this in 88, 89, and early 90. My Dad came with to my sons baseball games, too, in the summer of 90 and spring, we'd troop to the other park with lawn chairs and cooler in hand and laugh as the little 5 and 6 yr olds tried to find a "Good eye" for batting practice, little ones bored in the outfield sitting down on third base during the game, not much chance of them tagging anyone out, it would take too long to stand back up. We often don't know while we're living it, what are the best of times, until we are deprived of more days like those. That is why we gain wisdom as we age, we gain more values of time and of our families. My walk gains me spirit, and a better frame of mind for my day, my week. Getting back with nature has been the healer and soother for this soul. I have to make the time for this one thing, consistently is the goal.

Sunshine, early recall

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tv5iYj4TIbg http://youtu.be/Tv5iYj4TIbg http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FafLnokzeNo So the little girl was standing in the kitchen of the 2nd floor at Richmond, her mom was doing dishes at the sink, housewives in those days wore dresses, most of these women didn't have to work once they had children, in fact it was quite uncommon. I do believe the little girl was three at the time- 1958, that was the first time she heard this song, she absolutely fell in love with it, upon hearing this song she feels love, she experiences a quick variety of emotions, and when she's sentimental or missing someone very much who's gone but not forgotten she will have tears in hear eyes at the end of the song. She knows how to play it on guitar, and when she sings it she'll make through to almost the end before her voice cracks from the tears constricting her throat. Love of music started early.

Standing tall

When life promises chaos, shake your shoulders and stand strong. Tears brimming up within your eyes, sweethearts dumped you, and told you lies, shake the negative out, and stand strong. When every single person remains clueless,as they easily distract, and you only see the game plan at the core of everything, breath in and out, opened eyes on goal and stand strong. ( A line from Johnny Tremain light years ago: "Why did Raab and all the others die, to prove that a man could stand up".)

Going Intro

Sometimes if allowed a block of time will prove out what is real, and what is not. Take a block of time, and people claim they want to get together, they name the time and place, they've only got to do such and such first. They'll be done by:____pm. MMMM, MMMM, MMMM, wrong. So now you've taken several vacation days, and you have three days with three different people pulling this when you wanted to tackle a few projects of your own, it's amazing, if only people were more realistic with their own self truths of what they can get done, and what they can't in a given length of time, they'd actually spare the rest of us from their own scheduled growing pains. And so, I go introverted one more time for sake of my own life goals. Don't call me, I'll call you is the new motto for the chronics. And believe me you are chronic in your abilities to stand a person up. And yet the very same ones are the ones that want someone to come running when they need a rescue, we'll let's switch shoes, did it ever occur to you that someone else might need the rescue?

Higher ground

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Another day in paradise! Was quite sidetracked, the road back to being me was barely visible, quite a jaunt back but I think I gotten home now, oddly between trying to figure you out and where you'd gone off to, the household chaos that is the stack on my computer desk so rarely addressable it must be saved up until possible solutions are within my brain cells, the talker gentling prodding me to keep reading to clear the board, more of your retreat, me trying to find the light and gently Julia walks in on me, I have always seen her beauty of soul, she is in good part the white light of purity, and her gentle questions land me long enough to think, chaotically thinking but still slows me down enough to finally glimpse the light, huge thanks for this. Signs of possible troubled health, bring dream of actual death, Jesus just like Lisa: dropping to the floor, rising out 3D I hear "she's dead", I wonder who's dead, what are they talking about and then I see who has landed on the floor in a second, heart stopped, chapter closed. In real time I wake to thudding heartbeat in my own ears, I recall the dream, I am rattled, I get back up and think, I think of Lisa, so vibrant going down that way, I still can barely believe the idiots stinted her, saved her heart, but were to stupid the first few days to check her brain knowing full well that when any of us hit the ground full body weight, it's with an impact, surely if we were blood related I would have sued their dumb asses for "not thinking", and in that time she bled out internally, brain suffocated by her own blood. I think of me and life in this fast lane, band aid upon band aid, and the real white light and life I'd lost sight of.....Living, and living/loving time. That was two nights back, but I could feel the simple changes yesterday, and then Julia's email, so much sweetness and light, coming home to my boys, kitchen table rounded by us, and reaching out for your hand you leave it for me, and I feel you needed me back here with you in the light of love and family, not off on some side trek of paper stacks and solutions that are temporary, we are temporary too, we count more. "Honey, I'm home" (she laughs) - Stephen King/Pet Cemetery

Learning styles for Julia

What do you feel - understand, is your primary learning style? How do you grasp ideas most effectively? Visually, is my primary learning style, the eyesight and the power of perceptions that come from seeing, digesting, and understanding. Without my vision I would never see the colored aura's which help me to know what lies within the person I am meeting or encountering. Auditorily, is the secondary learning style, or coupled with a visual, a dynamic duo. Auditory learning is a learning style in which a person learns through listening. An auditory learner depends on hearing and speaking as a main way of learning. Kinesthetically-Rarely for this girl, as opposed to the 1st two. However as a child, yes, this was used much more. Kinaesthetic learning is a learning style in which learning takes place by the student actually carrying out a physical activity, rather than listening to a lecture or merely watching a demonstration.

Human Warmth

A question poised on what was most important to me in my relationships? Human warmth, or the warmth you feel in your various relationships is what I enjoy the most. It's an interesting quality, it's not always visible, it's not always measurable, but it surely feels like the warmth of the sunlight. It can be felt during a hug, a conversation, a shared moment witnessing something in the nature world, a song that's enjoyed or in your shared musical tastes. Sometimes it can exist just by sitting side by side with a good friend, a loved one, just taking a moment to co-exist together.

07/04/2011

North America, a birthday, 235TH if your counting from 1776. An awesome landmark in time, and yet nothing stacked against Europe or the middle east, or China. We are still a young country, we who reside still have many fine things to be thankful for: We have freedom of speech, usually not a punishable by death category in the land we call America. We have freedom of who we can marry. Freedom to bear our children regardless of what gender they might be. Freedom of what religions we can practice/participate in. We have the right for men and women alike to all vote in an election, and some of us have the right to think the major political parties should be abolished, and just for common men without a tag or huge money backers to be able to run successfully for any elected position, to believe that the two parties are only harming us these last few years as they think they have to conform on too many issue to what their large tag has been too long defined by. So yea we have the right to want to see changes per our own individual mindset. We have people born to pauper class that can work towards a better life. No slavery, as defined in the days of old. No sweatshops, as defined in the days of old. We have the right to move about the country should we desire to travel. We have the right to decide where our children can be schooled and by whom. We have the right to change jobs should we ever want to. We've come along way baby. We do not have the right to keep fouling the land in our old half hazard manner, we need to make stronger laws for the corporations as well as the consumer to protect it. We do not have the right really to keep taxing the hell out of the common man, while huge corporations stay exempt from taxes or threaten to move their businesses out of the country, simple cure you pay tax here and now, or you'll pay a heavier tax to import the goods into our land should you move to another country. We do have the right mid stream in a crisis to change our entire thinking and game plan, because progress was not moving fast enough, and like idiots hand it back to the very ones that debauched it in the first place. We are a young country, More oil leaks inland now, previously coastal, we do not have the right to allow large corps to leave their messes without complete cleanups. We don't have the right to allow Natural Gas diggers to foul the land, killing livestock and humans alike with gas coming out of the water faucets and water wells gone contaminated with that natural gas and the chemicals put into the land in it's place. We are a young country and there is much to learn, much to use freedom of speech for. Happy Birthday America, and God Bless it's populace.

An interesting weekend, running solo.

So many relationships, so little time, or so I thought. Friday, friends of mine from an Ex-Job surfaced, one in town from Michigan, and the other available wanted to do a get together, it's been a few years, so we met Melissa, David & I at Dirty Nellie's for lunch outside in their garden cafe. It was intensely hot, David was gracious enough to buy us ladies lunch, Melissa brought back the trinity ring (A celtic ring) which we have for some 10 years now shared, all of us alittle Irish, David gave it to me back in 2002, he had found it in an antique shop in 2001, wore it for a year, and took it off one day and told me I was more Irish than him, it was better off with me. David worked for me and along side of me for way too many years as he made his way through college, Mel worked in accounting, but had the same perverse sense of humor, we saw a lot of humor in our daily work, yet always got the job done & on time. So now the ring is back with me, we have a nice lunch, they both have jobs the really enjoy after years of searching, and I am happy for them. I come away glad we made the time to see eachother again, some type of grounding takes place when we catch up, like it's needed for the chapter to commence, and as we do hugs and take our leaves I wish us all the best. I run a couple of errands, drop back at my house, do what's needed, and take off again for social gathering number two of the day, my friend from 8 years on Cyndie has a gathering at her house, her house family is used to me, I've been there the last few years at one gathering or another, but it's the oldsters her mom, her sister in law June up from Tennessee, her niece and nephew I've known them for a very long time, the kids now are parents and grand parents, yet I knew the kids when they were newborns, I knew June when she was a young bride long before a marriage could go wrong, Cyndie's mom Sylvia has been like a 2nd mom to me, and Cyndie....out of all the people I know and I am related to Cyndie is always so happy to see me, she values that we're still ticking, I guess when our darling Lisa dropped that this is the gift she left to us, eachother. So I enjoy myself, and all these fine personalities, they are so gracious, some southern charm interlaced with our northern ways, I spent enough time smiling. I go back home even more repaired from all my days outreaches. It is good, I've needed this for awhile. It is living time, outside in the sun. Dinner, sleep, and up again: Sunday, some computer tasks, some balancing of checkbook versus the one that never sleeps, a low 2 digit, hmmm. Phone rings it's The Talker reaching out to put me onto a path I found yesterday somewhat already clouding due to tasks of the morning, he assigns me some reading materials, tells me to start over and re-create my landscapes and vibrations of output, I get off the phone, I read, I think, I go back and pull my March blog back into the present. And then Justin who had gone off to a friends house for a barbecue which was a gathering of his friends, but one to which we'd been invited also calls me to ask if his Dad and I would be stopping by or his dad was still out in the garage painting lures, and he was still painting, (in truth he didn't stop until 7pm), Justin tells me one of the other Moms is there who I hadn't seen in light years, so I throw on my two makeup articles, change and go, it feels good to be out driving my old truck to see the youngsters. Well I was impressed upon my arrival, my son came out to greet me, he brought me over to all his friends who were like adopted children to me for a long haul of time, (I was their Chauffeur, I was also their rescue squad back in the 90's, something I roped my husband into as well ) and we did hugs and greetings, and got caught up a bit, he showed me David's house which is a nice house, it's well geared to friends and gatherings, a bachelor's house, pie shape lot with a narrow ingress to a man made lake, a nice summer porch looking out, games set up, a finished basement as well complete with pool table and more games, and a large screen tv for sports viewing, they call it a Country Club and I saw the beauty of that from their late 20's mentalities, it is a party house. David used to skate across my living room carpet back in their rollerblading days, now he's a host to many old friends, especially the original core group. Seeing all of this and taking in the kids and where life has changed or landed them, I can only say although I love them all in a special way, I love my own son very well and all the more for his invite, his graciousness, his friendly banter with his own friends, I love him more for who he let himself become, he changed in ways they were not willing to, he let go of most of his old teen ways and moved onward, whereas some of them still cling to it, yet I am most impressed that he has never abandoned them despite some major differences in lifestyle, and neither have they, they maintain a solid friendship. Murph is the other one that found his own path. I walked away feeling good for having seen everyone, and as I go I am happy, for although my son see's David with a house and all the extra's that can go with it, I think as long as he has books, art supplies, guitars and piano and good friends, he is happy at his core...I think he always will be, I think that core will always attract something else good into his life. A 3 day holiday, and already so many adventures, I wonder what today will bring.

BACK TO: The Perfect List, rubbing the magic lamp

This is a magic lamp guaranteed order form: I love my family, and want / see us having many more years filled with good times and good health together, Golden Days Filled with Sunshine. I love my home, and want/ see us here as long as we want this environment. I love my husband, am glad he's gotten to grow and expand so he can use the knowledge when he starts his next job, he will be working at a job he enjoys very soon. I love our son, and am very proud of his adult choices with his education, and I will love seeing him teach High English as soon as he Graduates from Grad School in 2 weeks. He will bring good things and thoughts to a mass of High School kids needing confidence in their growth. I want to pay off all debts, and after that I want to save money for a rainy day. I want to have a couple of bar-b-ques this summer to catch up with friends and family. I want to take some time to exercise and have the time to think about the environment I love to view when I am out walking for my health and well being. I love my job and hope to have many more years there, and to make more money at work once I successfully pass my insurance license course and state exam. I want a new couch. I want a new mattress. I want my kitchen floor tiled with the tile we have on hand in the basement. I want my dishwasher installed and out of the basement. I want new front tires for my truck. I want to take a vacation to California. I want Rick and Frank to go fishing for Musky in Canada. I want to work hard, and enjoy my time when not working. I want to bask in the sunshine. I want positive people in my life. I want good things for my family. I want it all! Your wish is my command said the Genni: This is a magic lamp guaranteed order form: Good Health & Good Times on order. Your home is ordered. Husband's job is ordered. Son's job is ordered. Debtfree has been ordered. Savings For rainy day ordered. Gatherings and good times with family and friends ordered. Exercise and meditation time is ordered. Your job and your raise have been ordered due to your new insurance credential. Your new couch is ordered. Your new mattress is ordered. new mattress. Your kitchen floor will be tiled as ordered. Your dishwasher will be installed as ordered. Your new tires have been ordered. Your trip to California has been ordered. The trip to Canada has been ordered. Your enjoyable days off have been ordered. Your days enjoying the sunshine's warmth have been ordered. Positive people in your life have been ordered. Good happenings have been ordered. I want it all delivered.

Some time you just have to let go

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?"....mmmm missed it slept in till 7am. In one of my previous blogs I finally cut loose on some temperament contained for the last few years, I am however not without knowing full well where my blessing are, it was the bills payer, the accountant, who tries to find something else she can squeeze from the stone who was angry finally, by constant challenges, that had become passed any sense of humor the woman used to possess. So, I let some rage find my fingertips, and threw it out, believe there was more, I can't be the typist of the numbers aka Bill Payer, the squirrel hunter of all the fine foods obtained, the medical appointment make, the dental assistant curing holistically, the laundress of tattered threads, without an occasional BIZERK RAGE, it was only a matter of time that the Schizoid personality would emerge to scare even The Talker, and now I will have to go back to the big picture, just the big picture, I will throw out onto the horizon what is really desired, and carry on in the week, month, months, and year, and we will see what shapes... We let it go baby, let it go, let it go, and see again just what we want to have in our lives....down the line, there it goes, going, going gone............off with you. Daphne Du Maurier of whom I read every novel published wrote once about "THE PROGRESS OF JULIUS".....a descriptive paragraph at the beginning Julius is a bay he see's the clouds floating overhead, he raises his hands to the sky to capture them. At the end of the book a very old Julius is drowning in the water (sorry this always was a great ending to a long life story-I smile*), he comes up one last time see's the clouds, reaches up towards them and smiles, and then he is gone. Julius had good components, and bad components but since you knew him from birth through life unto death, you could really come to appreciate and love him for his capacity to love, to live, and to keep trying, he had great resiliency.