A very long chapter in this book finishes this week

Another Day in Paradise I wonder to: Graduating from College with his BA, his second degree, we will see if he decides to go onto the next level with night classes for his Masters or his Certification to teach, as he first wants to work for awhile, reduce the student debts-a very high price tag for formal education, student loans accumulating to some $44K+, it is no wonder they don't want that hanging over their heads, they need to start life out fresh not as casualties of the national debt society so many of us have fallen prey to. Oh well he went to the last class tonight, and then he fell off the face of the earth, very unlike him...he has always called as he's driving back out with commentaries on the road conditions, the conditions of the roads, eclipses, Descriptions of the clouds or Chicago's Skyline. Tonight was his last test, last class. He texts me back at 1am..." staying in the city", he has a friend or two with an apartment in there, he has family in there, I have no idea of where he really is, or what happened to make this first time decision. I can only hope he didn't meet up with an asshole, I can hope that he didn't see a bad grade posted that would affect his graduating, I can hope that he didn't feel like he bombed on last nights test given after he turned in his other papers/formal presentation.....I can only hope for him the way I have always hoped for his successes, for his heart not to be broken too often, for his well being. I found out light years ago that I had no control over my own life/light, that we make choices, yes, but that the choices others make whose lives are interwoven with our own, well...they can impact your life wonderfully or terribly., so I certainly have known for years I have no control or aim for where his path went if I couldn't control my own. So I wake up at midnight...the 2ND night in a row...I read email, wait for him to text at 1, Iron from 2-4:30am, hands are stiff, cut the grass last nite, I am trying to make certain I am ready for today, tomorrow when the graduation should take place, and Saturday when the bar-b-que for celebrating is set for, multi-tasking, what an interesting way to look at preparation days. Meanwhile< class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">driving the bus didn't let him off and took him for a ride to Inverness, I think of how panic stricken ( now there's a catchy phrase) we were trying to find out where the hell he was, school officials not knowing....checking, trying to find the bus ....oh it was a scary 2 hours before we found him, and like all little kids he did try to tell her she was way off the destination mark. Me, Ma and Dad were slightly berserk, Rick was at work.....Rick's been at work and unavailable in the early days for some real fun stuff I'd have to wade through, yes I really did drive myself to a hospital in labor, and at 9pm at night some 11 hours later when he finally came in I did try to hit him....., but the bus episode he shouldered off fairly easy. A toddler crawling into the chiffarobe not the drawer section, the section for hanging cloth* those little outfits, crying cause you came in and found him before he could finish hiding himself. Another day pulling him out of the dryer he had climbed in, pictures on the wall that captured the moments for us. How high his voice would go with excitement at Christmas or his birthday parties: " You guys come here" you guys being my mom and dad who were his favorite playmates of yesteryear, He dubbed them "the twins" one Halloween when they came in dressed ( yes he made us all dress up except for his father) as ghost , swathed in identical white sheets to make his evening as we prepared for the yearly pizza party, back from our trick or treating, I think that was his Silver Hawks year, I believe it was 1989, Dad would be gone in 90, Ma would be buried on Halloween of 2002, Ghosts what a good choice, they will be with us in spirit on Friday, as will be Michael who never condemned his Godson for any of his teenage pranks, paths or stupidity that only youth can gracefully give such an abundance of, Mike who only listened....and at the end of that weeks story would ask: "Did you learn anything out of it?" And then they would smile at each other and Mike would shake his head, and smile at Justin. It was those moments that got Justin into his truck after work for a drive to see his God Father who was sitting in his chair one last time, Juice and Sean at his feet facing him, chilling with him two of his favorite boys, and again choosing late the night of June 6Th for a drive to the city to be there for the Somerville Santa's time, and their horrific moment. Yes, somehow I've slipped more into the present than the past as we stepped up to this plate, Graduation. What a long haul. I am tired. It was not all easy, the good outweighed the bad. But the Bad moments can take a toll on your mind and heart. My responsibility as I have seen or felt it, is now at an end. I could or should have done somethings differently, we all could have, but we have arrived, we hope. As one Chapter closing, in most cases another one is open, like a house full of doorways where you must linger long and hard in each room before you can progress to the next doorway, that complete our young life: Rick's and Mine and now we will move into being middle aged, and enjoying life as much as we can, and working towards a possibility that maybe one day light years from now this friggn house can get paid off and we might see retirement of sorts. Goodbye First 1/2, it was a wild but highly enjoyable ride. And Son: Live each day to it's fullest, take nothing for granted, savor it all, and love wisely and well. Be a giver not a taker. Never give up on a dream that's feasible. With Love Your 53 year old, Mom