Last, first and middle

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" None could shine through this cloud dense winter morning sky, but I did look for it, as a child looks for the presents under the tree on Christmas Morning, ever hopeful.

This week I managed to fall off my own pedestal and commit what I felt was a near mortal sin of self betrayal and self loathing, a fall from grace, disgusting human at times, I betray my body and then my body turns around and betrays me.  I reach a point where I don't always understand what drives me. I need to solve these.

A famous and well loved man once shed some light on it, sometimes I feel he knew humans very well:
“I wear the chain I forged in life....I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.”
― Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

I came off one week of trying to help a young man accomplish something that mattered to him, and in that time frame we were our old selves, talking, animated, and enjoying ourselves while doing paperwork no less, a funny parody was when he was little I dragged him with to my real estate office, and he's help me sort out my briefcase, and file away whatever needed filing, and help me get listings sorted for a showing of property that would take place later in the day or week. I hope his future is everything he'd like it to be, all parents would.

After that this week at work, a phone call came into one of our suite occupants, over the preceding weekend he'd been trying to find a young man, the son of one of his friends, who had also been his client, his friend was out of town thus the favor.  Apparently the kid had been out at a party, last seen driving off and never made it back to his own apartment, so phone calls and searches were made, noda.

Somehow, he'd crashed his car, walked back to his own parents home, and planted himself in a running car in a closed garage.

The soul feels the injury of this and all that will echo out, so very young, more to the story, but one mistake in the here and now, one threat of a troubled time period that would ensued certainly should not have prompted this action.  No matter what else isn't true, time does solve out many problems, but you have to think with a mind that seeks solutions, a mind that doesn't just see closed doors.

The phone was on speaker at that point, I could hear both men sobbing.  

Another parent, out in the next room could feel their pain.