Life is not a bowl of cherry jubilee, vacations cancelled, called to work

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Hmm, every year I try to take some vacation in May and June, just a few days to enjoy what I hold dear, home. So many plans made for what I would do, for the 2nd day of 7 I was called into work to man the office while my boss went for a Stress test, he'd be back around 10am and then I could go home. Not. A day of freedom turned into a wild emotional day as he was transported by ambulance to the hospital they thought for angioplasty or stint, which turned into a quadruple-bypass surgery, all the fears that go with that surgery, and hopes it would go well hit all of us that day, his brother works with us and kept us posted on the progress, the new partners son came into help, he'd been in training to write new applications and try to obtain quotes for customers in need, a stack of upcoming renewals that procrastination still had left waiting until the last minute needed tending, my own duties have slowly gone from being caught up to being behind 1 to 2 weeks, lunch consists of a smoke break and back you go, eat at your desk and keep answering phone calls, and emails. I cannot describe how overwhelming it's been, survival skills long buried re-emerged to keep the dog and pony show going one day at a time. The surgery went better than most, the patient re-couperates, yet having seen him I see the worry in his eyes as to where this path will take him, he's always been very active, walked 3 miles a day, everyday. Juices in the morning, eats smart, no doubt that served him well already, but tires easily and probably wonders if that will go away in time, all unknown. Meanwhile back at the farm as I tend to think of it, people call, make decisions, the next day they call and have you reverse the changes. One in particular gets nasty about a quote for a $3,000,000 dollar house being $5,000 in premium, trust me best quote in the world., people with a $300,000 dollar house are paying $1500. in premium lets really think about that and multiply it out abit:) And then eventually the new partner comes in to help, I am crossed between mindless and embarrassed that he would even want to help as he wants to file for us to free me up. He comes in everyday, and continues to file, would like to learn more of what I do so I can have a day off this summer, I can't even begin to train him as I am just trying to survive and keep the agency floating in daily needs and demands. I spend much of my time making on line and over the phone payments for our clients, writing up renewal applications for others, trying to get it done on time so I can the renewal quote finally, needing to know clients details they give grudgingly to me as they're conditioned to working with my boss all these years, run into chauvinistic moments as I am still a woman dealing in a mans world. Road construction makes the ride home intense, and by the time I get to town I blow off my errands usually run, and head for home and my husband, wanting some sanity, needing to unwind and relax, if cooking dinner counts. Get up in the morning and go back in early so I can get something else caught up on or prioritize some tasks, get there and there's already 10 new problems, claims, more bills,new applications, changes to policies that are quite intricate, sometime the insurance carriers come back with twenty more questions, or refuse to put through the change, and you constantly try to keep progressing. This is the 3rd week of at least 6 weeks re-coup time for the boss. On top of this his house sold and they find another home remarkable far away, and it makes me wonder if sanity will ever come back to my daily life, I need time to digest, my instincts are usually so true. I realize I am very close to melting down, it's already made me crankier, nerve's raw, snapping and effecting my other relationships which I would not have harmed for all the world, I feel a need to isolate myself before I cause more harm to those I love, my core family I was born to could snap and bounce back, but my family we joined together is not as resilient, they can take it very personally as an issue versus a bad moment in an insane day. So, today the shadow will try to ride shotgun for the woman who will survive another day at the ever lovely office, the woman and possibly the shadow will drive home today with some luck, and the child will peek out to see if it's safe yet to be herself or if isolation is still a better choice. I do not want to melt down, I do not want to be surrounded by chaos. I cannot do 8 things at one time for this long and not make a serious mistake, but I have to keep trying and it's thursday....