Observations via the State of Confusion: Illinois

I'm sure none of us born here, nor living here, nor working here can fully realize all the graft and corruptions that could possibly lead to a State without enough resources to function, but that is where Illinois has gotten to despite Taxes on products, special products with multiple taxes on it, a bar of soap being considered a luxury (WTF), taxes on property, toll systems established for light years on the expressway system, wages taxed, income re-taxed, so what do the citizens get?
Potholes that could easily blow out a tire, no sight of plows during a lovely rush hour drive home in freezing rain nor snow, driving home on expressways where the light timers were never changed for winter hours, same on the on & off ramps, and who is loading their pockets off of these citizen deprivations?  Do we have salt, do we have gasoline to run the plow trucks?  Better yet is the State Capital of Springfield lit up nightly like a Christmas Tree?  Are people who acted as a government official for 2-6 years pulling a lifetime pension for it?
How many of our governors or staff members have been jailed versus how many of them have gotten away with crimes against the State?
But on a thursday or friday morning you will see 4-6 trucks out on 53's end zone, 2-3 men to a truck, like a bad polish joke (yes, I am part polish) 1 to drive each truck, 1 to talk to each guy driving the truck, and 1 with a garbage bag in his hand walking alongside the road picking up occasional trash sighted.  How much does all that cost?
Would rather drive roads that lit or have roads that might get plowed in a storm?
And the State of Confusion is finally considered this week more broke than the State of California, some contest, and so the State of Confusion can't put humpty dumpty together again?

Below is an article in today's Chicago Tribune :

Illinois budget officials say the state will delay today's planned sale of $500 million in construction bonds after a recent credit downgrade.

A spokesman for Gov. Pat Quinn's budget office said the decision was made after conversations with potential bidders led officials "to believe the market is unsettled because of recent actions and comments made by the bond rating agencies."

It's unclear when the state would go back to the market or if the delay would impact the building schedule of a statewide public works program.

Last week, Standard and Poor's downgraded the state's credit rating from A to A-minus. The move means Illinois has the worst ranking of all 50 states, a distinction the state had already earned from Moody's. The ratings mean it could cost the state more to borrow money as investors seek higher interest rates.

The rating agencies blame the lack of action in Springfield on reforming the state's vastly underfunded public employee pension system. Quinn has been unsuccessfully pushing for changes for a year. The delay in bond sales could up the pressure on lawmakers to act sooner rather than later, particularly if it impacts construction of schools and roads in their districts.

House Republican leader Tom Cross of Oswego issued a statement about Quinn's move today.

"The administration's decision to pull the $500 million bond sale today is a clear indication that officials were concerned that we might pay too much in interest, in large part due to our awful credit rating. Our failure to pass meaningful pension reform, to pay down our large backlog of bills and to live within our means is contributing to this uncertainty in the markets for us," the statement read.

The Grand Parents

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?"

It's not our role but one we've witnessed throughout the years, the role a grandparent plays in their grand children's lives, it's an awesome role usually.

For me I only had my Grand Pa John Hughes, and I loved him dearly despite not understanding his role when fathering my mother, he was not always there for her, and let the wicked stepmother forced on her at age 15 have too much to say and too much money control which put my mom in a bad situation for most of her teen and early adulthood years, but as a Grand Father we had many good times with him, and I'd have to say he influenced that first love of music most certainly for me, another Irish dreamer.
I lost Grandpa to prostate cancer when I was 16 yrs old, but not before a ton of humor and music and hugs had been indulged in. His accordion rests with me, and I still love the sound of a well played flute.

Next I witnessed our own child's Grand Parents as they blossomed and bloomed into their own styles, all very different due in part to living proximity, when he was a very young toddler my folks moved in with us due to a Wisconsin home sale, until the addition we were building onto our house would be ready for them to occupy, tight quarters for those first few months, and more "No's" for the toddler as he learned the safety of given terrain, no privacy for anyone, couch sleeping for us.  What was tough for the adults involved turned into a good old time for a growing boy, parents busy with survival skills being tweaked, he ended up preferring his grand parents who had patience to color, read, play, and shower affections on him as we tried to get the addition completed and after,  well he'd announce to us he was going home with the twins as he dubbed them, and he'd spend time with Grandpa on the couch pretending it was a fishing boat, tossing him out of that pretend boat onto the blue blankets and carpet, or testing out Grammies cooking which he was already smart enough to know was much better than mine, and so it went his first babysitters, substitute parents, and good friends flourished, until Grandpa and Grandma would become ill and have to leave 12 years apart.

His other set of Grand parents in the city would see him for family visits and holidays, their hands full with a rather large family and other grand children to babysit, play with and love, and not long after another new Grandson would be reared by them, so those relationships as established always did flourish,, daily living, all the details involved, teaching them survival skills, taking them to games, playing catch, teaching them how to cook and on and on it goes.

And then we witnessed as our siblings became grand parents, all the care and attention they'd give as their own grand children came into this world and needed some more love and teaching passed on to them.  Sometimes seeing a look or a trait passed from one generation to another has been a thing that brought many smiles to us. It is without a doubt that I see parts of the sibling in the child or vice versa, eye color, a look that stops you in your tracks, or a special smile, and you see the heridity for a fleeting moment.

And that is where the blessing of time and good health really comes to be cherished, more time for them all to play and guide their grandchildren, that's what I wish for.  I have no idea if we'll be blessed this way one day, but it would be something to look forward to, I think we'd enjoy the days spent ........

And the world keeps going round

So many years later as it all keeps spinning, knowing where we've been, and where we've arrived to, it all goes a little too fast for me to savor it, grasp it, like the old fever dream of the sand slipping through my palm, so much of it does it's fleeting dance, dancing away from my hold.
Once years ago a person who would become a best friend one day long, long after, informed that I was the family "chump", I'd always give some forgiveness, another opportunity or chance to those I encountered on this lovely planet we call Earth.
Days could bring you to your knees, steal away the treasures that are found within the people we love, I'd vow a harder human spirit would emerge, and what do I get? The chump side is still there, only I'd prefer to call the resilient child within is the strongest part of the spirit caught within these walls of flesh, the flesh erodes and laughingly the child remains, much like Du Maurier's "Progress of Julius" and his life long story as a small child floating out on the waters he saw the clouds above and reached his hands upward trying to grasp them, and when he died an old man......after a novel full of adventures the last thing he did before he closed his eyes and surrendered to the waters was to reach up towards the skies and try to capture those clouds again in his fists.
So the child comes home from work these winter nights, January driving towards the sun noticing the light and sunsets are with her westward bound, a month early as this usually occurs in February at her birth date, and she knows somehow the world or the planet has slipped a notch early, she's been tracking this progression of winter light for years on that same time of day ride, a small detail to one man, intriguing to her.
As she enters her yard like Julius she looks up to the stars, the moon quarter moon earlier in the week now near a 1/2 moon, despite the cold she could stay out there gazing for awhile, it's still the child who enjoys all this, despite the tired woman who houses her, she goes into see her lovies and start some dinner.
One possible question is: Who is the chump really? The one that harbors the grudges. The one who buys into the bullshit? The one who teaches the lessons of always placing blame elsewhere?  Do we just leave that as a legacy, or do we keep on trying to mend fences, and build bridges?
Out of a cast of thousands, I only hold on to a neighbor grudge and maybe a handful from my youth of trusted friends who were disguised evils.  But in adult life, even if the shadow or subconscious person knows better or tries to guard, the woman puts herself on ice and lets the child lead with wonder that still is the essence.
I don't hold grudges, what was, was, what is, is, hopefully each chapter gave us something that was heartwarming, and hopefully we all see the beauties enough to know that that cup of life has always been replenished and remains Half Full.  

2012 , a door closes except for the memories

Each year brings good and bad to some of us, while some years become treacherous, other years become enjoyable, 2012 was one of those years for "our families", there is an old story that passes about throughout the times, that sums up what 2012 was for me: "I Wish You Enough", I will share it at the end of this writing.

In 2012, via pictures or sometimes videos, and some times real visits with our families, the year brought many of us "enough", little babies growing up into toddlers much loved by our own siblings who are their grandparents, and enjoying the world through their Grandma or Grandpas eyes, older children being exciting about getting their license, our own son finding someone who loves him for who he is and returns the caring for his special young woman.  Through the hard work of my spouse it brought us some stability in a faltering economy, not without a price paid by him as he still gives his 150% he always gave, he in particular brought me some peace, some light .  And 2012 brought us more of Grandpa & Grandma both unique, both loved,  both cherished by their large families now spun off into endless ancestry flowcharts.  2012 was kinder than some of it's relatives, and being thankful for such a stretch of time, well that I am. I would think we all are.
And so here is the story I promised, passed around many times via internet, but always a keeper:

" I wish you enough!"

      At an airport I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments
  together. They had announced her plane's departure and standing near the
  door, he said to his daughter, "I love you, I wish you enough." She said,
  "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I
ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy." They kissed good-bye and she
left.  He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I
could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy,
but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone
knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back
memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me.
Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell  him face to face how
much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing.
 "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.
"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead
and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my funeral, " he said.
"When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May
I ask what that means?" He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been
handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He
paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail,
he smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting
the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain
them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he
were reciting it from memory. "I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude
bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough
happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest
joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
 I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye." He then
began to sob and walked away.

My friends and loved ones, I wish you ENOUGH!!! They say, "It takes a
minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them,
but then an entire life to forget them."

Take the time to live!
 

January, named after Janus the god of the doorway

January is named after Janus (Ianuarius), the god of the doorway; the name has its beginnings in Roman mythology, coming from the Latin word for door (ianua) - January is the door to the year. Traditionally, the original Roman calendar consisted of 10 months, totalling 304 days, winter being considered a monthless period. Around 713 BCE, the semi-mythical successor of Romulus, King Numa Pompilius, is supposed to have added the months of January and February, allowing the calendar to equal a standard lunar year (355 days). Although March was originally the first month in the old Roman Calendar, January became the first month of the calendar year either under Numa or under the Decemvirs about 450 BCE (Roman writers differ). In contrast, years in dates were identified by naming two consuls, who entered office on May 1 and March 15 before 153 BCE when they began to enter office on January 1. Various Christian feast dates were used for the New Year in Europe during the Middle Ages, including March 25 and December 25. However, medieval calendars were still displayed in the Roman fashion of twelve columns from January to December. Beginning in the sixteenth century, European countries began officially making January 1 the start of the New Year once again — sometimes called Circumcision Style because this was the date of the Feast of the Circumcision, being the eighth day from December 25. Historical names for January include its original Roman designation, Ianuarius, the Saxon term Wulf-monath (meaning wolf month) and Charlemagne's designation Wintarmanoth (winter / cold month). The above was a little background for where this month came from, 2 months created by man and added to a different calendar which had also been created by man: Wolf Month, I can understand that after watching the huge full moon the last two nights, named by a people who suffer the same seasonal frigid cold as we do, January has seemed to me an unforgiving month, harsh, and at times to cold to think straight, but then I live in the midwest. A long time ago in the history of man there will be mentioned a time when the lands were dark, a time when the lands became unseasonably cold, a time and weather condition that invoked travel amongst the people to search for a warmer climate and the food that a warmer climate would yield to the populace, it is referenced in many books about Europe and in particular some of the slavic countries, in my minds eye I have believe it to have been an extended January which brought darkness, starvation, and a blight on the people, they speak of the dark cloud masses covering any sunlight from getting through to the land....and the wolves ran rampant over powering travelers on foot and travelers by carriage's horses so hungry and bold were they. Yes it must have started in January, be it the doorway to the year, it is one harsh month to get through. Very little margin for errors here, exercise caution, stay in doors as often as possible, and drink hot liquids to keep the colds from your body and spirits. Goodbye to January*

Only a very scary 1% could get this

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" It's there right behind the overcast sky, how could the sun come out on a week ended in insanity?  Agreed it couldn't want to shine.

as a small child I witnessed much insanity, chaos was what reigned, until enough time and love could bring about healings of wounded minds and yes by then wounded hearts, but no one I encountered ever would go into a school and open fire on the adults but positively not a child, so whereas I understand much about a humans mind breaking, I cannot understand these actions repeated over and over again of mad men and woman shooting up schools.

The first headlines after are always about gun control, as a person who lived through 1968 march up Milwaukee Ave, cars overturned and set to burn, bricks thrown through Shoppers World's windows, my God I could hear their anger from Nw Hwy & Foster where I stood, and the run home, made me understand why people want the right to have a gun for protection within their own homes walls.

In 1971 some disgruntled older brother of a guy my brothers sold a car to would come to the house while all of my family was gone, and very methodically tried to find an unlocked window to gain entry, we had no cell phones in those days so there was no way I could find my brothers, I only had to sit there and pray the guy would go away, and so I still understood even stronger why people would want the right to bear arms, to protect themselves from these space invaders.

But these 27-28 dead in Conneticut, mostly children, I cannot understand why anyone would lose their mind, shoot someone at home and then head for the nearest school, not dots are connected, no logic present.
We will never understand this type of insanity.  We are 99% sane, 1 % insane and only the 1% gets this at all, and they are too large in number actually.

One of my blood

I have so many nephews through marriage and yet I have but 1 through blood, he was the runt of the litters, and yet I have enjoyed him all these years. 
I wake up this morning, coffee in hand logging onto face book, always the variety, some putting up pictures of decorated tree, some boasting a new car purchase, and then I spot his post, I smile I am touched, he is my blood:

 “Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”
― Alfred Tennyson, Idylls of the King and a Selection of Poems

The simple life

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Saw a spectacular one on Thanksgiving morning as we drove to the city, one big orange ball first climbing out behind the purple night clouds and then blasting it's beautiful light into our eyes, I couldn't look away.
The best part of the day is it's beginning.

Scorpio

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Hmmm, you get to see them all don't you? It's one of your days Irish, I think of you often, usually when I'm laughing, or when your grandson's telling us a funny story, his own green eyes so expressive or seeing his own Irish peek out, or sometimes a song will trigger me. But I carry you in my heart, owe you many thanks, and will absolutely never forget the strongest lady I ever met who taught me what to love in life, and to find a laugh in way too many situations.  Happy 11201926  <3 br="br">

Oil of Oregano & Pure Virgin Olive Oil, for skin

Your skin is your bodies largest organ, so handle with care:

6-8 drops of Oil of Oregano & 1 shot glass of Pure Virgin Olive Oil, applied to most skin ailments brings a positive  reaction, healing and in a natural fashion without all the chemical whoopla prescribed by big Pharma that actually wears down the skin and is absorbed into the body thru the skin working against other organs.

Honey & Cinnamon Paste is a wonderful cure

Take a cup, 1 teaspoon of cinnamon,  3 tsp of honey, mix into a paste, and consume it. cures earaches, new colds, sore throats, and newly abscessed teeth.
And has cured some tough chest congestion.......think it's a mini miracle worker, use it for 4 days, and you've beaten it!  If you can't tolerate the past, put it in milk or ice cream

Health Benefits of Cinnamon, another dynamo

What is Cinnamon?

Cinnamon is a small tree that is commonly found in South Asia and the Middle East region. The cinnamon that we typically purchase in our supermarkets is actually the bark of this tree, either sold as sticks or ground into a powder. The two most popular types of cinnamon are Ceylon and Cassia, each of which are derived from different trees.

What are the Benefits of Cinnamon?

Cinnamon has extremely high anti-oxidant activity, and the oil of cinnamon has strong anti-bacterial and anti-fungal properties. Cinnamon is also a great source of manganese, fiber, iron, and calcium. As a result, it has been used as an effective home remedy for:

• Reducing blood sugar levels and treating Type 2 Diabetes.
• Lowering cholesterol.
• Aiding digestion.
• Treating diarrhea.
• Curing the common cold.
• Reducing arthritis pain.
• Boosting memory and cognitive function.
• Treating toothaches.
• Eliminating bad breath.
• Curing headaches and migraine pain.

Uses of Cinnamon

Home Remedy for Arthritis

Cinnamon has recently been shown to act as a natural remedy for Arthritis pain.

Home Remedy for Diabetes

Research suggests that cinnamon may help treat Type 2 Diabetes by lowering blood sugar levels and increasing the amount of insulin production in the body.

Home Remedy for Reducing Cholesterol

Recent studies have shown that consuming small amounts of cinnamon can help reduce LDL cholesterol (the bad one). Simply eat half a teaspoon of cinnamon powder daily. The cinnamon can be added as a mild sweetener to coffee or tea.

Home Remedy for Eliminating Headaches and Migraine Pain

Cinnamon has been found to be an effective natural remedy for eliminating headaches and migraine relief.

Home Remedy for Coughs and the Common Cold

Chinese medicine has long used cinnamon as a natural remedy for coughs and the common cold. A simple herbal remedy for treating a sore throat is the following:

• Add a cinnamon stick to boiling water.
• Let boil for 2 minutes.
• Remove the cinnamon stick.
• Use the cinnamon water for any herbal tea, such as green tea.
• Drink this tea two times per day. If the cold persists for longer than 3 days, consult your doctor.

Home Remedy for Toothaches

Cinnamon has been known to help relieve toothache pain. Simply make a paste using five teaspoons of honey mixed with one teaspoon of cinnamon powder. Apply a small amount of this paste directly onto the aching tooth 2 or 3 times daily until the pain is relieved. You can store any extra paste in a small container at room temperature.

What are the Side Effects of Cinnamon?

Some recent studies in Europe have shown that cinnamon derived from the Cassia plant contains a toxic compound known as Coumarin. This compound is known to cause liver and kidney damage in high concentrations. Since the powdered cinnamon that we purchase in our supermarkets is typically derived from the Cassia plant, it is important to avoid consuming high doses of it.

Since cinnamon has an anti-clotting effect on the blood, caution should also be exercised when it is used in combination with other blood-thinning products such as aspirin. Large quantities of cinnamon should also be avoided during pregnancy due to the possibility of adverse effects on the uterus.

Anyone that is currently taking medication for controlling blood sugar levels or blood thinners should consult their doctor before using cinnamon as a regular supplement.

Where and How to Buy Cinnamon

The powdered cinnamon that we commonly use as a spice is typically Cassia cinnamon, and can be found in most grocery stores. It can also be purchased in stick form. Ceylon cinnamon is typically more expensive than Cassia cinnamon, and is therefore usually only available in specialty stores. It is usually only available in stick form. While both types are known for their therapeutic effects, the Ceylon cinnamon is slightly sweeter and is therefore considered to be of higher quality.

Health Benefits of the Underated: HONEY

What is Honey?

Honey has been considered a wonderful healing agent for ages. It is a sweet and viscous fluid made by honey bees from the nectar of flowers. Honey comes in a variety of colors, from almost white down to darker colors such as amber, red, or brown. Honey is an amazing antibacterial substance which is comprised of sugars like glucose and fructose and minerals (like magnesium, potassium, calcium, sodium chlorine, sulphur, iron and phosphate), vitamins (such as B1, B2, C, B6, B5, B3), trace elements (like copper, iodine, and zinc) as well as amino acids. The nutritional properties, color and flavour of honey are determined by the types of flowers the bees pollinate.

What are the Benefits of Honey?

Honey contains vitamins, minerals, and amino acids, and therefore is a wonderful beauty aid that nourishes the skin and the hair. Honey also acts as an antibacterial and antifungal agent and helps disinfect and speed the healing process in wounds, scrapes and burns.

Scientific research from the University of California, Davis has also revealed that honey consumption raises our protective antioxidant levels. Antioxidants combat the free radicals which can damage cells.

Uses of Honey

Cold and Sore Throat Home Remedy

Honey is considered to be one of the best natural remedies for sore throats, coughs and general cold symptoms. Honey has long been used in various natural sore throat remedies ranging from teas to syrups. Even today many commercial preparations for sore throats and coughs (such as lozenges) are still primarily based on honey. For a simple and natural remedy to a cold or sore throat, take one teaspoon of honey twice a day until cured. If your cold or sore throat persists for longer than 5 days, you should contact your doctor.

Honey as a Beauty Aid

• Cleansing Scrub: Honey mixed with ground almonds makes an excellent facial cleansing scrub.
• Skin Firming Mask: A tablespoon of honey whisked together with an egg white, 1 teaspoon of glycerin and about 1/4 cup of flour makes an excellent firming mask. Just smooth on the face, leave on 15 minutes, and rinse off with warm water. You will be pleased with the results.
• Skin Moisturizer: Honey also makes a great moisturizing pack. Just mix 2 tablespoons of honey with 2 teaspoons of whole milk, smooth over the face and throat, and let it do its job for 15 minutes. Rinse off with warm water, and finish splashing with cold water.
• Lotion for Dry Patches: Honey also makes a great lotion for dry patches of skin on hands, elbows, or other parts. Just mix 1 teaspoon of honey with 1 teaspoon of olive oil and a 1/2 teaspoon of lemon juice. Apply to hands, elbows, heels of your foot, etc., and wash off after 15 minutes. Fast relief!
• Cure for Chapped Lips and Acne: Honey works well on chapped lips and for acne because it has antibacterial properties.
• Conditioner for Dull Hair: To give your hair lustrous shine, mix 1 teaspoon of honey into 4 cups of warm water. Use as a hair rinse. And if you're a blond, add the juice of 1 lemon, too.
• Antibacterial Mouthwash: Mix 1 tablespoon of honey with a cup of warm water. Use it as a mouthwash. Honey cleans teeth and dentures, and kills germs in the mouth.

What are the Side Effects of Honey?

There are no known regular side effects to honey when used in moderation. However, it is recommended that raw honey not be fed to infants under the age of one year. This is due to the potential for honey to carry C. botulinum spores which may be harmful to the undeveloped immune systems of infants.

Where and How to Buy Honey

There are two primary things to keep in mind when purchasing honey for nutritional purposes. First, dark colored honey, such as buckwheat honey, is generally thought to contain higher levels of antioxidants than the lighter colored varieties. Second, raw or unprocessed honey contains the widest variety of health-supportive substances. Any added sugar is simply a non-nutritive empty calorie that robs the body of vitamins and minerals.

A born romantic, who would have guessed

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Daylight is such a great thing, we under estimate it:)

SO I came across this little diddly this morning....and I read it twice before I saw it's author, who I read plenty of in high school with an English teacher who absolutely just loved his style of stories, this obviously came from a different of one man, backing up to my stories of people, multifaceted  like diamonds, all those sides, glints, and colors to be discovered, I really enjoyed finding this:

We have common cause against the night... Why love the woman who is your wife?
Her nose breathes the air of a world that I know; therefore I love that nose.
Her ears hear the music I might sing half the night through; therefore I love her ears.
Her eyes delight in seasons of the land; and so I love those eyes.
Her tongue knows quince, peach, chokecherry, mint and lime; I love to hear it speaking.

Because her flesh knows heat, cold, affliction, I know fire, snow, and pain...
We love what we know, we love what we are.
Common cause, common cause, common cause of mouth, eye, ear, tongue, hand, nose, flesh, heart, and soul.
~ Ray Bradbury

An Aunt's Inspiration

Aunt Dot told me some years back that I had a good writing style, and to start a blog so I could write about the things that affected me in this life, I did do this and it's allowed me to get my feelings and thoughts expressed on all the things we encounter in life, I wouldn't have had the confidence without her nudges., and shared love of Chicago a town we both grew up in.  We had learned all of this through emailing back and forth with her brother Dean who has been my good friend and Father in law for years now, I shared memories of Annunciation Church off of Paulina, and she wrote us back remembering she'd once lived across from it by the rectory, and of we were  writing back and forth about different Chicago landmarks, or old memories we each had of that vital town.

Some of the writing involved different people and relationships that made a difference in each of our lives.  Sometimes she would simply write that the computers were acting up and that Aleta her daughter was going to spend that sunday afternoon tweaking them a bit, and that she was off to the kitchen to make them all sunday dinner.  They lived in trailers that were next to the other, so they were able to have so nice family fun still on Lee's days off, or leisurely days of reading newspapers and books. 

My own Auntie's of merit long gone, and my own parents as well,  I enjoyed the relationship's as the evolved.
Both of them having me keep an eye on Aunt Vi when they couldn't, brought me into another vital link they shared, one that for me would bring about a great sadness, as I shared some of her last path causeways, a sadness maybe only my dear pal knew I experienced,  It brought with it some touching moments like her reaction to a pink rhinestone heart that was on my wallet, or stopping off to have dinner with her in the dining room when she could, or the simple things like getting her shawl or putting on lotion to legs and feet.  While she slept I read some old newspaper articles and learned more about her former life and what an amazing women she was.  I still miss Aunt Vi, and hope she felt my intent somewhat.

And then Aunt Dot's request for the posies for her own Ma, and we did it for Mother's Day, all of ours are at the same place, we remembered mostly the spot. She was so happy we'd done that for her.

And then the years brought vertigo to Aunt Dot, she couldn't be up long for the computer, time changes things, so Aleta and I kept some contact through emails, she is a good daughter, much in spirit to many other daughters and sons, she's given a ton of love back to the people who loved her so well. She lost her dad this year, and last night she wrote us about Aunt Dot's passing. My heart goes out to the family, very hard two in such a short amount of time, no words can convey enough on the loss to a family.

Aunt Dot became one of my Auntie's, in our age of computers it is amazing the relationships time builds, and some of the fun it gives, and comforts too in times of loss, she came into my life for some crucial parts and I can't let her go without saying: thank you for the push to express, much better than holding it in, thank you for the growth that this blog has given me in at least knowing myself, or my perspective on a few more pieces.

What comes naturally to one, another struggles for

A few nights back we were invited to come hear Jack & his group speak, they had just returned from a Group Getaway Weekend.
Jack joined the group to work through some communications issues he felt he had, not always able to express himself to key people in his life, although he does a wonderful job when he's here for a dinner night speaking with us, in fact I like listening to his thoughts as they evolve.
For him his attention was drawn to it due to a break up with his girlfriend of many years, but as he thought it through I think he felt he'd held in in his thoughts from many situations of old as they'd played out in his teenage years.
He is a friend to our son, and thereby ending up spending considerable time with us in his teen years, and for a time stayed with us while his own family had hit dysfunctional.

The group is many in number, different issues, but many stemming from their childhood or teen years, and yet some of them are oldsters like us.  Many were verbally abused or grew up in alcholic households, and a few had been physically abused.

This group & group therapy has tied religion aka: God into it.  One man has been involved for 20 years, helping to guide others is understandable to me, but seeking answers still or progress is way too long term for me to even want to think about.

The group has possible let Jack get in touch with many of his own thoughts or feelings and strengthened him to be able to verbalize or convey his feelings and emotions better to others, these getaways weekends held several times a year, but I would never wish it for him long term.  It was stated that men are groomed to not express their feelings, give hugs, cry in front of anyone, and on some levels this is true, butthey should be freed from cultural
rearings that could possible imbred this type of upbringing, simply being if you want to express yourself "go for it", if you're need to cry let it flow.

Similar to the people in this group I grew up in a way dysfunctional house, Mom having a genuine bonafide nervous breakdown, she was afraid of way too many things and the news media stories of the time only seemed to be additives to an already overwhelmed mind.  Caretakers of her aging Dad & his step wife, called out at all hours for hospital trips, calls from police over a dispute grandpa had been involved in, him drinking way too much and being found somewhere beaten up, a scar on his skull attested too lacks of controls there.  Three young children to care for, she became worried she would hurt us, she became worried she would poison us, I have no idea where these thoughts creeped in but they did, and she hospitalized herself rather than have anything more bizarre happen, and when she got back out of the hospital, she still couldn't cope and went back for even longer, she was gone the better part of that winter of 61.
When she came home she joined one of these group therapy things, it was to strengthen her, in truth she went backwards, she being suseptable picked up everyone else's main fear, and she listened to records of the group over and over, until  we all had our hands real full with this newly evolved edition, gone in with 1 or 2 things, come back with 12.  We had her quit group after a friend of hers committed suicide, one of my own friends moms from down the street.  And the rest would take light years to work through, and all the trimmings.

So yes Jack, I  loved hearing you speak, I like what good you've drawn from this group, but please don't stay too long, please have confidence in yourself and move on using what you've learned, you're a bright young man, go, travel a bit with your brother, and move on into the sun light, it's out there, waiting for you.

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Not recently enough, no time to just sit and watch even our more sedate mid-western sunrise, and somehow that seems to be a real shame, for somehow staying in tune to mother-nature keeps me grounded.
Some thoughts from the last week, unrelated, yet they make you weary:
Dear Mr. a service rendered and full filled = integrity

My dear 8-5 your AADH and lack of tuning into our world is going to catch up with you, you cannot be on the phone with friends at work 4 days out of 5 and not think that our workload and $$ volume is not going to suffer, you've got me to the point where I can hardly stay contained in my own skin at work, the pile on the table to be reviewed sits there week upon week and the dates are coming up and you continue to make it a a sandbox in a play zone.

It's the birth month of my mother and father, I carry them in my heart and sometimes in my head. Conversations never had continue, of all the values and care they instilled in us, patience is my hardest one to keep aligned. I think I use up much of it in my work day, but need to stretch it better in some areas, a work in progress or a piece of work depends on who I encounter it seems.

Driving:  Dear Gaming Generation again I urge you to put the cell phones down when you're behind the wheel, stop doing 65-75 mph switching lanes like you believe this is a game you can lose and start over, you really cannot start over after the crash, after the crash people maybe dead or badly injured because of your grand delusions.

My son goes out with some newer friends to celebrate the dad's birthday, and the parents tell their kids that hard times have come too close, the house must be sold and a down scaled life arranged for, retirement money once again are the only rescue and band aid.  So it seems that even as we see some economy recovery, others falter and prepare to keep fighting another year.  My son pitches in toward the birthday celebration, he has a good heart, he's his father's son.

We will move on, deeper into November, hopefully a few floating items out there will self correct, as I used to believe, although a sorely tested theory:  "man like water will rise to his best level".  Winter's around the corner.

Kms/Some days in the life of sunshine

Resounding Election Question: Am I better off than 4 years ago?

Amazing unit of measure to use is this fine Election Question of 2012: "Am I better off than four years ago?"

Well let me answer this in Kathy Speaks which can be a unique way to view a few things, I am a person with good long term memory, bad short term here and there, but I most certainly remember sitting here in September 2008 the year that George Bush & his miserable co-hort were celebrating their 8th year of annihilating/running a country,
I looked at my dears 401K and saw it had lost many thousands of dollars as the stock market went bezerk, news medias hyping all the doom and gloom, more plummets, I did what everyone said not to do & I moved it out of the stocks, and into a safer slower mode, within 1 years time it re-couped some of that loss which would take us to September of 2009 and the total new construction housing collapse that would make me think way too often of Scarlett O'hara, and her Civilization Gone with the Wind, the great cicil war between the north and south left the South totally collapsed monetarily their currency no longer good, their estates manless or moneyless, decay and chaos reigning over what had been the Old South.  Rhett Butler did sight to her that out of destruction come construction, and that rebuilding would commence again, profits were to be made out of that re-construction, new fortunes made by the builders and suppliers.
I was in my past life a history buff, it never ceases to amaze me how much could be learn from the past if man would only keep a clearer memory.
We were involved in New Construction so my man who had spent his adult lifetime building homes, supervising the many phases of building a subdivision became one of the MILLIONS laid off & phased out of an entire industry labeled New Construction.
And his wife who's ace card for making additional money in a pinched market, The Realtor in the family also became powerless in this field as all resale housing markets ground to a halt, then came the first glut of foreclosure homes, and another, waive after waive, year after year.  Friends and selves struggling to hang onto everything they'd worked light years for.  Many never made it, foreclosed on after being 2 months late, finally having a payment to send in the bank returned it to them already, they invoked the acceleration clause in the original signed mortgage, he tried to use the Home Affordable Mortgage Program being hyped and didn't make that either, he had owned his own carpet installing company, but his wife was laid off.....so not enough income, really, no shit Sherlock!
This was a gift given us by a republican choice of the people, those two men should have been exiled from the country once the stunts they pulled came to light.
Our current President and his opposition were pulled into the loop as they country sunk, 24/7 Congress & Senate sessions brought about the bail out of the very guilty banks, Wall Street, and automotive giants before our current President ever walked into the Whitehouse.

So short memories ensue, 2 years later the current laws allow a change over in the House that would fight every single bill the President would want passed,  2 years also starts campaigns way too early for the Presidents re-election or an opponent,  4 years later new elections 2 weeks away, the countries lost their minds and no one remembers what the heck landed us in this dung pile!

I remember.   Am I better off than four years ago? Are we?  We stood, we struggled, we sold off things near and dear, we tried, we made it, we survived it, and slowly it gets better, I see it here, I see it through my insurance agency as people call in for re-establishing their insurance on business, the amount of certificates of insurance the different companies ask for, some of the first and second wave foreclosures have sold off now.  I see the shift of the New Construction trademen shifting to the Post Destruction as they fix up the pre-existing homes that economically collapsed people were forced to leave.

Would I elect Mitt for President?  No way, no how, I would let him sit my dog.  He's an actor and why people can't tell that from his ever changing answers is way beyond me.
The man who actually has a backbone to try and get some type of slow progress made is already in the house.
And for practical pigs everywhere:  Why would you even want to risk the down time of converting, or re-establishing a new team at this most critical time, it would take them 2 years just to get up and running, we'd feel the backlash of that.
No Way, No How!
Sunshine  

Only time can ease some

"I shall walk this way but once, any kindness that I can do, let me do it now, for I shall not walk this way again".

And so constantly on face book we see all of the interactions and inter-reactions of people we know well and some people who have been acquaintances of varying degrees, we see their laughter, we see their sport team favorites,  we see cooking trends they're excited for, shoes they wished they had, training increments they dreading ( I did not know police trainees had to be pepper sprayed nor taizored but I do now), we see birthday celebrated, illnesses and prayers wished for, friends rallying to support whatever is in someones day, comments posted supporting others out there.
We see people missing their parents and posting beautiful heaven thoughts.  We also see people posting these heavenly thoughts for their children who have left the earth as we know it.  I thinks sometimes I feel their pain more than words can say.
One of them is rearing his grandson. His own son had been in the armed forces, come home, and the coming home part seemed to be where the troubles began or ended, he took his own life, no one really knows what he was thinking they only know they miss him, and he left grieving parents, and a grieivng son who is about age 9.
So much unexplained, and them left wondering, did they not hear something behind the words said?
A hard one to move on from, only perhaps time will help heal some of the wounds.

Only time can heal some wounds, and an whole lot of love.

A Young Mans Dream

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" I saw a bit of it this morning, and I want to make it clear sometimes my sunshine rises through the eyes of another.

A young man in my bloodline I've watched grow up from the cradle on, he has always been a big favorite of mine, he is my nephew Ryan.  Watching a little personality develop is a wonderful thing for an aunty, but in my eyes this particular one has always been intriguing, pretty clear cut about his likes and dislikes, well principled, his own worst judge so little disciplines ever warranted as he invoked his own.  My husband told me yesterday was his graduation day (texted by my brother) from the police academy, and so Aunty smiled with pride over where the young man directed himself, much love for this young gent. And this morning she see his fine picture on face book. And she sees a sunrise through Ryan's eyes.

Life and Change

Oh the adventures of childhood, the day Cyndie driving the bike, me on the handlebars ran us into Pankau Drugs brick wall at Austin & Milwaukee, hitting the wall full steam & flying off the bars no slow motion there, as much of a dead end as any other ever reached in this life, pain...yes a bit. Teeth fine, and no breaks.  And Lucky for Her she switched to horses in adult life.
But that same feeling comes now as we dead end one segment, and the unknown looms ahead like that damn brick wall, spend so much time really not knowing where we're going, good I guess for forcing you to really cherish the individual days.
The drive home from work you shake off the day, you try to have some kind of real living time with the family, these days that comes with so many varying schedules which inflict some type of mood disorder, the youngster wants to sleep, exhausted by his double jobs, his gal calls & wants to romp out for dinner, ask him a questions and he ignores you or grunts an answer. A different type of brick wall encountered some days, other days will get you a string of sentences describing one child out of hand at school, sometimes the parents altered the medicines prescribed for the child's current diagnosis, and this can really alter the abuse the staff members end up taking, bites, kicks, scratches, and occasionally the broken nose, all part of the staffs day as a youngster acts out, very little controls in his small package.
Spouse having just gruel through the weekly lawn mowing, that has each of us wanting to shrink the terrain closer to a city lot than even close to what we have.
All tired from a week as it nears it end.
4/5th's empty end out our thursday. Tired and quiet.
Some Football and sleep.

Half here & 1/2 not

As I get closer to the next dreaded step of the next birthdays and see our clocks ticking a bit faster, clueless to where we're going, yet remembering so much of where we've been in the past, who we've been, I stumbled upon a puzzle of two swans in my facebook puzzled hearts game and it's beautiful, then subliminally I start humming a song, damn it's a song that was out when we were dating, just started this long trek.  The lyrics still hold some meanings for me, and so I remain 1 foot in this present world, one foot in the past:

Wild Swans Against the Sun by Michael Murphy:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLzsIEZZz2g

Making a task harder

On a side note, you encounter the people out there who really can't seem to think ahead or anticipate in their work, odd for us neither one of us is like that in our work, so you will end up frustrated in your work day when you run into all the annals out there, who can't seem to connect their dots, think ahead or plan.  This will seriously impact your own progress, as they seem to live their work lives this way, yet you need their piece of the puzzle in place to carry it onto the next level of yours.
One would have to understand that just like hate taking a toll on the human body, or conflicts taking a toll on your own body and health, so would constant aggravation and stress endured as people drag their feet on your needed details.
My own intolerance of this only makes me snap eventually, hopefully at the right person.  Don't call me into your office, away from my work which I was doing, so that I can bear witness to you getting 5 minutes of finishing touches put onto something, if you're not ready for my involvement don't waste my time, even if you're the one paying me for my time. 
Highest and best use of time becomes very regimented in a do-er.  That's why you hired me, so why tie my hands?

"and so it goes"....- Kurt Vonnegut

White Noise, if you will

8 years back the office suites were full, equaling  4 peaople in addition to our own 4 people/staff . Our work office suite was half empty for the last 5 years the others had been moved out to a new location, so we had two larger suites to to right of us empty.  Five years can be a long time. At first it seemed overly quiet, but trust me you get used to it, quiet becomes bliss on chaotic days of phones ringing, and people showing up un-announced.

You possibly become spoil, and then they rent out 1 office suite to a man & his wife starting a small company, and then after 3 years of that small increase of interaction, this year his company blossomed full gambit, he brought over staff from India and rented to two bigger suites, and within one weekend began to fill them, first 6 new staffers, then another 6, and some drifters that walk around throughout the day ever pacing with their wireless Macs, ever talking their tech support, some quietly, some loudly, now have fun and throw in that it's all in another language.
Another conducts all day multiple conference calls as if he is deaf, he speaks very loudly.

I am in the middle of this chaos.

It's really a struggle some days not to stop and scream at them to get back to their respective suites, to stop this insane foreign country method of having little or no regard for the other sharing the space.

It degenerates due to the foreign language, when I'm typing an email now I find I am struggling to keep my own words in my head long enough to get them onto the screen, or in phone calls I am starting to loose the thread for cohesiveness.

I want to cry some days.   This is not me, how did I get here, and how long will I have to put up with this instant noise increase, and strutting back and forth like my area is a break room, everyone comparing their frickn days while I try to carry on with a new claim phone call.

It is white noise at it's best, like a scene from the old movie "snake pit", the insanity spews.

The Fun of Astrology

Aquarius: The Sun Enters Libra!




There's nothing laid-back about this week's transits! Firstly, Pluto turns direct on September 17, when power issues ratchet up. Then, a life-changing aspect occurs as revolutionary Uranus squares reform-minded Pluto on September 18 for the second time this year. Mercury then connects to this square on September 20 with not only its own opposition to Uranus, but a square to Pluto -- at which point you may learn something that prompts you to reconsider your plans. Finally, invest in your love life as the Sun enters Libra on September 22.

The truth is half of these dates forecasted are in the past.  Just fun every once in awhile to see what they think is in store based on the planetary line up, the stars and gravity.  This was a very old area studied by many great ancient scholars, and yet these days it's not given credit due tot the forecaster's not being scholars but people intent upon making a dollar off of it, and in addition to so much more has been discovered within and out of the Universe that they'd have to weigh in all of the new factors in their summations.

So yet another ancient tidbit of knowledge lies to the side of the road three legged now, and distorted, most of the truths drained from it.

The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions

Of course I'm laughing. Man's best thought is " I would have, but....." or"  I should have, but".
And there you have it, month after month, year after year, people make excuses for what they don't do.

I'm guilty of it, my paper work flow will salute that truth.  I hate paperwork, it never ends, I'd put it all out in the fire pit in a blink, if I didn't know I'd be searching for some darn piece within the next two weeks.  Example,  medical bills, or auto service records, "did it have such and such done to it", and off I go trying to locate the name that tune of the hour.

Other people make excuses with family, "I'd stop if I had more time".  Well here's the counter question: "How do you make time for everything else you do?"

"I'd go and visit if so and so wasn't there".  Counterpoint: What the hell does one person matter if the other 4 are who you wanted to see?

"I'm not feeling up to snuff lately".  Counterpoint: What can you do to change that, to make an improvement?  If you could do two more things to make possibly better, why wouldn't you?

"I don't have time to read".  Stay up an hour later and make time.

So you try to add in one more thing, push yourself a little bit more, take the initiative and you be the hugger the giver, make an attempt to make a sad song a little better.

Everyone feels the pains, the slow downs, but not everyone pushes themselves to make it a little better.
And that includes me and the paperwork, which should and hopefully will gets updated and filed.

Loving Grandpa is Easy

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Actually I see the sunrise through other people as well.  One of those people is Grandpa Dean, he's not my Grandpa he is my sons Grandpa, my husbands father.  He is a keeper, and any I time I spend with him is very valuable to my human spirit or soul. He's been one of my best friends in life.
We've researched and enjoyed many topics throughout the years, Astrology in the 70's, religion in the 80's and 90's, herbal medicines and homeopathic medicine's that serve my family well the last few years for certain.
Sometimes I pick him up for his dialysis appointment, and it gives us the opportunity to talk a little, and check in on eachother, a good thing as we've both had a caring and loving relationship of many years.  Even when I'd been naughty in a familial way Grandpa & our Mike always kept loving me for myself, few conditions imposed, so as close to unconditional love as I could get.
On our outings we use humor and care, and try to give some heart to the others we encounter who are also experiencing this treatment 3-4 times a week.  Simply open the door for them as they come and go can ease many paths, or wheel chair bound people who can't get over the threshold hump so without thought placed not once but twice for their exit. I cannot tell you how many fine and warm hearted people we encounter, they always greet eachother, and check to see how another is fairing out, they also appreciate eachother more when a renegade crabby person is thrown into their midst, and yet even they try to be nice to  crabby one and start to thaw that person attitude out a bit just by their simple caring ways.
One man is carrying his anger more than the others so he directs it to the various cab companies who come and pick him up, and with very bigoted questions directed at the others occupants in the waiting room, my second encounter with him finds he's been doing this for the last 7 years, and that this particular center opened in 2009 so it's a newer facility, his previous one was torn down and had been 1 block from his own house thus the cabbie hatred to be vented upon the 3 x's a week.  He openly asks each member "what they are" as in heritage, I lose my reading concentration and begin smiling, he will always get around to me and what I am reading and WHY I AM READING IT. Yesterday he diffused quickly, he was very tired by the treatment, he called the cab and we all watched out for it for 1 1/2 hours as he nodded out in his wheel chair, and yet it did not come for him.  Pace Bus Service also picks up other patients, and they are also reputed per the waiting room folks to average 1-6 hours late on pick ups.  He wakes up from his nap, calls them back to find no one's coming, and calls another cab company, he then wheels himself over to the McDonald's that fronts the facility thinking he'll have a better chance of catching a cab next the busy street.  I mentally assess how much wheeling strength is there, and despite his usual cranky start in the waiting room, hope that the Gods are kind and get him home sooner than later to his place off Broadway, I don't buy into his cranky thing I just see a man with Health Problems.  Other people stop out in the waiting room to have a snack or drink of water, many have family there to lend a hand, and others wait for their various driver's : familial or hired.
An ambulance comes for one woman who's blood pressure and heart rate went askew off to St Jo's, Grandpa asks me later if I saw this play out, two weeks ago he mentioned he'd been reading and he'd found in his readings that sometimes people do need an ambulance to come due to blood related problems that crop up, he asks if I and my spouse are aware of this and gives me one of his sideways guarded looks to make sure I tell him the truth, he ends up making me feel a burst of love and again I am so happy he shares his time with us. As I said before he is a keeper, just when he might feel we're keeping him, he's really been keeping us.
We go to leave yesterday and we're driving out of the parking lot, a big old golden BEE flies in my window and lands on my lap, Grandpa always watching and accessing watches my reactions, I put it in park exclaiming "I can't do this, I can't do this" my left hand clutches my pants leg outward, the bee stumbles about drunkenly, takes a hop misses, 2nd hop & back out of the drivers window it goes. Grandpa sitting there smiling as I re-compose myself and start driving back home :)

My mistakes have cost me

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Yesterday, I saw it rising, and you'd think that would be sufficient, but not for this slightly crazy gal.
To the world the following story would not be jarring or earth shattering but it threw me off balance.
I came from humble people, and since we didn't have much, maybe we set a store by what we did have, maybe watching someone use their personal belongings over and over again, instead of going out and getting new like some folks as they tire of a dish pattern, a silverware pattern, more trendy clothes, whatever....I am just as happy with 37 year old cups, dishes, silverware  only replaced here due a mindless creature our son brought home for three or four years who threw silverware out with paperplates, and took cups home by the gazooks, God's she was educated , medicated and mindless, a fine specimen of manic depressed disordered, suffice it to say when she babysat her niece and nephew she fed them pizza out of the garbage one day and thought she was a bonnie lass versus a potential dumb ass.
So, years ago I had bought tall tupperware cups, pastels with the lids, and Ma had a set as well, we used these for coffee every day of our married lives, it was one of the few things I had in the hope chest aka: my Grandma's cedar chest as we planned on getting married tupperware was apparently my material attraction. So we each had an identical set, ma's and mine.
Throughout the years mine would take more of a beating, lost pieces, whatever.  When Ma passed on, I incorporated her set into mine, including her pink cup.
Now when the mindless bitch was staying here so much, I hid the pink cup cause I didn't want Ma's favorite getting abducted by her, I hid it in the cedar chest until that girl was out of our lives.  I know a petty move perhaps, but I was trying to hang on to something.

The last three years as we've sold off jewelry, records, books, anything that wasn't nailed down, yet held a value to be adding to the ever-lacking mortgage dollars of this DEPRESSION, going going gone, might have made me just a little screwier (she laughs) than I already was, thus valuing my little world of keepsakes a bit more.

She laughs, she cries:  Yesterday I took out the garbage on the way out to work, set my purse on the ground, coffee cup on my back bumper, threw the garbage out, grabbed my purse and got int the truck and left, how the hell I never saw the coffee cup I'll never know, I fucking drove off with it on the bumper, a daily habit of reaching for it once I was on the main street rendered, oh fuck.... I drove back immediately, it should have fallen off on my own property since I drive like a jerk, stopping every 10 seconds, but NOOOOOO, no where in sight.

Crazy as it sounds, it threw my day out of whack, and a bit of my world with it, it was Ma's Pink cup, lost now as much as Ma.  Self hatred ensues, I should have left it in the cedar chest.

Now you will remember, Sunshine's always been honest as often as possible, largely due to the part of her inner child who still remains alive and thriving, so she'd be lying if she didn't own up to: Even a little thing can gain a tear & a smile 
FOOTNOTE:  With a smile I can tell you that the same morning I wrote this blog entry on, I left the house to go get Grandpa for Dialysis, and some two blocks down on Northwest highway I spotted the cup in the right gutter, backed up my truck (no cars coming), parked and retrieve my hit and run cup, scads of gravel inside it, definitely crushed by a tire I was very happy to be able to retrieve this particular mental pacifier, it is clean & going into the cedar chest today along with Ma & Dad's other keepsakes.

A Snow Rose

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?"

A very cool picture of a Baby Dragon

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?"

Santa & the great white hope of believing

I always believed in Santa Claus, and when my Mother told me Santa didn't really exist, and she nailed down my hopping Easter Bunny in the same conversation I was very pissed off.

So when the GREAT Housing market collapsed and you watched it all disintegrate, it's impact on the country, it's impact on our friends and families, it's impact on our household first one way jobs related, and then some other ways as the homes devalued, it became very close to the Santa syndrome all over again.  What could you believe in?

People.   My own people, and myself.  That's what I kept believing in.

This is not to say that we didn't encounter our fair share of people who would pull you into their own non realistic world, promising the sun and the stars, only to drop you on your face nose first of course, some well intentioned, some just strokers telling you what they thought you wanted to hear, some of this could even be amusing if you kept a very disgusting sense of humor in your armory.

People.   My own people, and myself.  That's what I kept believing in.

Now going back to Santa, the small child within still has enough resiliency left, so that she still believes, Santa has another round coming up soon, she's peeking out through the door hinge crack, she wants to see if Santa comes through, or if Santa drops us on our noses.  She hopes the small child within never stops believing completely. But when she's forced to be practical she still believes in:
 People.   My own people, and myself.  That's what I keep believing in!

Sunshine

The Broke State of Confusion, our own Illinois

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Yes, indeed, thank you. But even the most off the wall spiritual being will tune into the humor going on in her own State, a broke State, so we tender some observations on IDOT, oh the things we see in a work week driving down 53 North to Lake Cook Easts exit ramp.

Now the fun in this observing comes from 8 years of traveling the same path, a scary thought as this probably  doesn't improve your odds of survival if my eldest brother was correct in telling me to vary my route based on the law of average.
But more often than not I take 53N, and what do my wandering eyes see, no not Santa's Sleigh & 8 tiny reindeer, instead I see Idot one letter short of IDIOT out at 8am on 53 (they're not supposed to be out there per their supervisor some 4 years back before 11am) shoveling asphalt into tiny cracks on entrance and exit ramps smacking it down with a shovel (1 person) & three observing him standing around bullshiting (the ramps were totally redone last year, now 5 car lengths ahead in the middle lane is a 15 inch round hole that's been gaping and leering at our tires all summer, after two weeks of these monkeys playing their rush hour game backing up traffic, you'd think they'd have spotted this pot hole and perhaps thought about patching it.
This is the same crew that brings 3-4 trucks out so that two of their occupants can pick up litter from the grassed ditches, and those trucks are running wasting a vast quantity of gas throughout the summer, so pardon the expression but my brain sees some of this play out and can only think "WTF".

Who is their planner?  Who inspects these roads anymore before deciding on where the best bang for the buck is towards repairs?  Don't we need an overhaul in oh so many places throughout the state so that people begin to do the right things again, and if you're short on funds this becomes even more crucial?

Cool Article on Fire Rainbows:

No, it’s not the first of April, the phenomenon known as a “fire rainbow” does exist. Here, read the science behind it and marvel at some amazing photography of this rare beauty, the Circumhorizon Arc, known to its friends as a CHA.

If you are very lucky you may see a fire rainbow once or twice in your life. It sounds like it could be one of a series of children’s books – “Harry Potter and the Fire Rainbow” has a certain ring to it, but this phenomenon is not fiction. If you are in the right place and at the right time then a fire rainbow is something that you will remember witnessing forever.

To name it properly, a fire rainbow is a circumhorizontal arc. It is also known as a circumhorizon arc but whichever you chose, scientists (and aficionados) call it a CHA. It is given its name because it looks as if a rainbow has spontaneously combusted as it made its way across the sky. It could even be suspected, perhaps, that some malign fairy or goblin has blown the rainbow up to stop some errant human discovering that elusive pot of gold at its end!

The real explanation behind a fire rainbow lies more in science text books than in a Brothers Grimm tale. A CHA is a kind of halo – which is an optical phenomenon. These appear around the moon – or in this case the Sun. You have probably seen a halo yourself around a strong light source – take a look at street lights in the fog for example.

Although there are many different types of optical halos, a CHA is caused by the refraction though ice crystals in cirrus clouds of light from the sun. Refraction happens when the speed of light is reduced inside a particular medium. This particular refraction happens when light goes from air without cloud to air containing cloud. In this case it is vital that the cloud is cirrus in shape.

A cirrus cloud is one of those thin, wispy ones, often with tufts sticking out like disheveled hair! They can be huge – covering so much of the sky that you cannot see where one ends and another begins. When they are a massive sheet they are called cirrostratus. They are formed at enormous heights – over eight thousand meters. There is very little moisture at those heights and that’s why they are so skinny!

So, what happens when light hits a cirrus cloud and what special conditions are needed to form a fire rainbow? The refraction of the light causes it to separate from its “white” form to its different components (which people call wavelengths). The person on the street would say that the light is bent out of shape and split up in to all the different colors that make it up. In other words, a rainbow – or in our case, a fire rainbow!

So, why don’t we see fire rainbows as often as (its now more mundane!) cousin, the rainbow? For a start the sun has to be at least fifty eight degrees above the horizon for one to occur – and you have to be lucky enough to have cirrus clouds around at the same time! Because of the necessary height of the sun you will not see a fire rainbow north of fifty five degrees – and likewise further south of the magic fifty five degrees. You may occasionally see one if you are high up on a mountain further south or north, but it is not likely!

It is vital that the crystal is aligned just so as otherwise the light will not separate in to the rainbow like colors we expect. If the alignment is correct then the whole cirrus cloud will “explode” in to a flaming, fire rainbow! The sight is almost as if someone has sprayed the sky with gasoline, thrown a lit match at it and then leant back, arms folded, to take in their handiwork!

So, if you are lucky enough to see this phenomenon, perhaps it is a good idea to make a wish! The conditions for a fire rainbow are so exact that it means that to see one is a rare sight indeed. When nature does us this sort of favor by giving us a gift such as this, then perhaps it is only right that we make a wish when we encounter it! It may not be very scientific, but to be honest, would you care?

Don't Walk:

“Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”
― Albert Camus

Living by the Heart

“The only calibration that counts is how much heart people invest, how much they ignore their fears of being hurt or caught out or humiliated. And the only thing people regret is that they didn't live boldly enough, that they didn't invest enough heart, didn't love enough. Nothing else really counts at all.” — Ted Hughes

Regrets here or there, we've got a few, but probably not the ones others would entertain.

My menfolk are all colorful characters, the question to gauge all the trust on is: "Could you sleep soundly in a car while they drove?"  It's a question full of trust.  Yes, and not driving a stick shift is a dimension of it, too.

I've never had any regrets for the moments I've lived by the heart. I just vocalized my heart more than others might, or found songs or quotes to convey some part of what I feel. Life has shown great kindness to this heart.

My colorful characters bring much warmth into this heart. 

Morphing and our time tunnels

So much involved in being a human, again like the diamond with the multiple facets to a stone pitted against our own human natures, throw in the memory for a diamond, and well you can morph back and forth quickly from past to present and back again.  Being a human is a hard task at times.  Who you were once pitted against who you've become, or strands that stay as a core within the person, each new time zone adding on another dimension.

There are some who believe all the different time levels stay out there playing over and over again, even as you've spiraled your life into future decades, like some insane echo reverberating.

I can't believe that would be possible, just based on one moment of memory or real time where you stand out in the elements and there is complete silence surrounding you, those moments out in a field type environment would make you think it's all more simple and streamlined, and bare of any layers.

Yet you can't help marvel at all the layers and facets one life can contain making us all so very different.

A Day in the Life of Sunshine

 08011979      A Wednesday like any other Wednesday and then so very different, it would be the first time a control freak learned there was no control over anything.

In my heaven, one day I will get you back.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aiOjPVxNqY

A Family "Relative" to a Library

Each of those human books were born with a two sided cover, A Mother, A Father, 2 Sets of Grand Parents, 2 Sets of Aunts and Uncles that produced more books, and so on the adventures continued, each of the books gravitating towards the ones they "related to" the best. And so we came to be a library of enormous subjects.

The books became so wide of range and topic, they developed means by which to keep them sorted and categorize, as apparently no one wanted them all just strewn on the same bookshelf, so they came to need separate shelves.  But did that make them harder to find, or harder to understand?

 

When Reporter's stopped reporting and became the Media Frenzy

Journalism, was a skilled art, a world of Who, What, When, Where and How? Each newspaper story had to utilize those five items, and the skills a writer with the English Language brought the story to life and delivered it's meaning or impact.
Me, I remember standing dressed in my jammies (the funny ones with the feet in them, a young toddler) in front of the old black and white TV which usually had some static lines and dots running through, in Chi Town you had a choice of Channel 2, 5, 7 and possibly 11 at that time, eventually 32 and 26 or some such thing would be added.  David & Chad were the news casters, Len O'Connor, Fahey Flynn but they reported the TV news still using the Who, What, When, Where and How theories from the newspaper and they were respected for the good job they did in detailing for the public what had transpired on the day.
Somewhere along the way, the curtsey people developed, I remember for fact that channel 7 was the first where they thought they had to interact with each other and bring in people humors, all dressed in the same color tunics and jackets, entertaining weather people, it all grew away from reporter facts of what had happened into a world of who looked better, smiled  better, and who could deliver bad new while smiling at their audience.
Next came brief garbled half thoughts interjected whereby they converse about the news headlines instead just simply staying with the facts of a story, now they'd speculate openly about possibilities of how something shaped losing the truth, and now they began to cause chaos, they grew to be too powerful, and instead twice a day or three times a day, they were on 4 times a day as a standard, and many new interruptions into scheduled programming on a more active news day with special reports.
The news media which is very trashing in their lack of fact based details, as in reality at times, had grown capable of spreading panic about homes sales being down, like any gossip spreader milling rumors, repeated often enough they gave this sad news more oomph and power than it ever should have been given, it caused people to back off and wait, it caused prices to keep diving day after day, as they just wouldn't let it alone.  The home sale cycle had existed for decades, but it was a cycle you could pretty safely say ran in a five year cycle.
Not this time, this time was a humdinger as it timed in with some very greedy evil bankers having depleted their own institutions by all of the bad paper they had processed and sold off, so much chaos caused by greed that it toppled an ailing economy.
And the field day the reporters had with this just sent out echo upon echo of doom and gloom until you could just about see the America I love smoldering in ashes, knocking out more than 30 professions with it, we grind-ed to a halt.
Most certainly the greed of the bankers brought us far in getting here, but also equally responsible the current hack styled news reporters shoveled enough dirt onto the graves.
Where's their accountability?  Still pulling the same crap, if anything starts to get better they waylay it with their speculations just so they can a better TV rating.  They are disgusting at it's most profane form.

Aurora , such a beauty.

Humans and Diamonds, a common thread.

I've touched base on my theory here in other posts, an event brings it to mind again:

One human being is like a diamond with so many sparkling sides to it, and yet we each perceive the diamond differently, in part it due to our never seeing it in exactly the same light, one sees it in the best light, another sees it in it's worst light, we tend to forget that it has multiple angles to it's cut. Some of the diamonds are better cut than others, and some attract you to their glaring beauty and light.

An old diamond of my youth passed yesterday, this particular diamond always provoked thought in me, what was a good thing to do in my youth, and most certainly what wasn't, and laughter, he brought us a lot of smiles with some of his observations, or outright declarations on how he would lead his life. 

He was an end gamer on the hippie era, hair longer than mine, peace signs on everything, fringe on everything.  He taught us or observed that sleeping can be a waste of time (yes he actually calculated all the hours wasted in a year of life & then kept on multiplying) which has helped through the insomnia years.

To me he was a few years older and wiser than the rest, he had developed pretty good survival skills on everything at a saner level than most, friends to our older brothers or sisters ahead of us in school, eventually he surprising married up with a best friend of mine, and taught a lesson of what a few years passing could do to change a person.

We all moved on with our spiraling lives, eventually I'd come across her, and she'd incorporate herself into my life again, they had long separated and divorce, no good feelings left after one threw the other away like a piece of garbage, sometimes there is blackness within the diamond, from one perspective you can see the glimpses suggesting it on one of the cuts perhaps.

He recently called her to apologize, advanced prostate cancer, other locales now. She stayed neutral, it was the best she could do, "that's okay hon".  Today she says she's at peace with it all.  I've known her since we were 8 and she's a woman.

Me, I only remember the younger, more humorous young man, someone who made me genuinely smile at whatever the mental theme of the day was, during those growing and rather crucial times of our youth. 

 R.I.P. - Robert Norton, you were a most interesting diamond!