Seasons

Do you know the value of "a day"? A Day in each Season? Most of the days in each season hold... Spring in the Midwest, temperatures rise to warm your soul, snows melt off, the landscape changes from brown to green as the grass peeks up from the terrain, trees sprout little buds, a vast array of birds return to either stay here or head further north, tulips and hyacinths up next and a little flower I have one of called a snow drop which comes from a bulb I planted with Dad some twenty years ago...all of the bulb flowers we did here together. The forsythia bushes in the back sprout a pretty yellow flower in the spring....and around that time I want to play Hooke from work quite badly.....and this is known as spring fever....everything bursting with renewed life. (Even as early as mid February it is finally light again on the drive home from work, something I treasure as I hate being in the dark all winter.) The spring rains bringing out the daydreamer in many souls. Spring holds all of the promise of pleasurable days ahead. Summer in the Midwest, hillsides covered in thick grasses, butterflies and dragonflies in a vast array of colors, listening to trees as the wind rustles their leaves, the sun showering you with warmth while you do your outside chores, all of the beautiful flowers within our sight and grasp, the option to grow your own vegetable garden for a few months out of the year, and finally rendering home grown tomatoes so different from the synthetic store bought ones. You and I with our bar-b-ques, listening to music and talking, you letting me get over my work enforced cabin fever, to feel the sun on my face and some breeze...priceless as good as chocolate or sex....for this I thank you, I was meant to be free, I was not meant to be locked up by any design. Me loving the sound of Katydids, and you groaning cause you find the sound annoying. Fall in the Midwest bring us a color feast as the trees change their brilliant hues, the landscape becomes gold and brown again, the farmers that are left harvest their crops and turn the fields to black again, many of the flowers droop, but the hardier ones become actually more beautiful as they show their strength one last time before the killing frost gets them to surrender to the solid cold coming. The birds migrate back out through the area, one more opportunity to spot all of the foreigners to our locale, and now the leaves fall to the ground, blown by the winds that come with the season. More rains to cleans the earth. A time change to make it all more solemn. A time for our families and friends to Give Thanks for all of the good days we've had. Winter in the Midwest brings cold days, time to find the gloves, hats and boots. Darkness when you drive to work and darkness back home, somehow you've missed the daylight except for snatches of it seen through an office window. The first snow always brings a brings the awareness that you need to settle in, and now the terrain is covered in white so clean at first, so pure a vision, until our mere existence batters it to grays and blacks. The birds now are the sparrows, chickadees, finches, cardinals and blue jays, and hawks who are 4 seasoned like us, we are the residents, we stay for all seasons. In winter we have some ice storms that give us trees with brown and blackened branches and lampposts covered in ice, glacial. In winter we have wet snows that covered those items the same yet give off enhanced beauty, so pretty that you'd have to be a dragon not to enjoy the sight of everything covered in clinging snows, it is highly beautiful. Winter brings more time indoors, oven or stove top cooked meals, brings more reading time, or some opt for indoor projects or hobbies which are all welcomed when we are not busy shoveling snow or chopping ice. It is a time to take catnaps on a weekend, it bring Christmas and a New Year to the world, a chance to start over to some degree, another rebirth: winter slowly struggling under harsh temperatures, and harsh weather days, very slowly we head back towards Spring.....and head into the light and promise of the unfolding seasons. I have loved them all, it's all I've known, but I am good with this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f01UehWq3v8 Bobby DYlan & Joan Baez ' Blowin in the Wind'

Poetry, Proes, Prayer and song and their comforts

Do you know the value of "a day"? ****** Michael?: **************** A Symbol of Hope: A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam And for a brief moment its glory and beauty belong to our world But then it flies again And though we wish it could have stayed... We feel lucky to have seen it. -Unknown ****** Mother?: ***************** I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!” “Gone where?” Gone from my sight. That is all. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!” there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: “Here she comes!” And that is dying. -Henry Van Dyke ***************** ***** Father?: Do not stand at my grave and weep,I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow,I am the snow on the mountain's rim, I am the laughter in children's eyes,I am the sand at the water's edge, I am the sunlight on ripened grain,I am the gentle Autumn rain, When you awaken in the morning's hush,I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight, I am the star that shines at night,Do not stand at my grave and cry,I am not there, I did not die. Mary Elizabeth Frye1904-2004 ***** Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy 0 Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. -Saint Francis Of Assisi ***** Amazing Grace Amazing Grace how sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me, I once was lost, but now am found, Was blind but now I see. Was grace that taught my heart to fear, And grace my fear relieved, How precious did that grace appear, the hour I first believed. Through many dangers toils and snares, I have already come, Tis grace that brought me safe thus far, And grace will lead me home. ***** Then Almitra spoke, saying, We would ask now of death. And he said: You would know the secret of death. But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heath of life? The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light. If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life. For life and death are one, even as the river and sea are one. In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond; and like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring. Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity. Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honor. Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king? Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling? For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered? Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance. -The ProphetKahlil GibranWalker & CompanyPhoenix Press, 1923 ****** Life and death should not be considered as opposites.It is closer to the truth to speak of dying as an entrance rather than an exit. What the doorway of death offers is a resurgence of tremendous vitality,for you are entering from what could be described as a watered down version of life into the thing itself,the vitality of primary reality. If death could be seen as a beautiful clear lake refreshing and buoyant,then when a consciousness moves towards its exit from a body,there would be that delightful plunge and it would simply swim away. Emmanuel's Book: A Manual For LivingComfortably In The CosmosCompiled By Pat Rodegast & Judith StantonBantam Books, 1985 *** Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenity,To accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can,And the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time;Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;Taking, as you did, this sinful world as it is,not as I would have it; Trusting that you will make all things right if I surrender to your will;That I may be reasonably happy in this life,And supremely happy with you forever in the next. Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971) **** Swing Low Sweet Chariot Swing low sweet chariot,Coming for to carry me home; Swing low sweet chariot, Coming for to carry me home. I looked over Jordan and what did I see Coming for to carry me home,A band of angels coming after me, Coming for to carry me home. If you get there before I do, Coming for to carry me home, Tell all my friends I'm coming too. Coming for to carry me home. I'm sometimes up, I'm sometimes down, Coming for to carry me home,But still my soul feels heavenly bound, Coming for to carry me home.

Outsource America, what a bad concept.

Do you know the value of "a day"? Obviously not. The war on terrorism may have started in the wrong place. It should have started here in America, the moment outsourceing jobs was mentioned by any political idiot. We simply should have told them to get back under their desks until they had a better idea, worthy of the country. I work in an office suite that contains several businesses, one of the newly developing lines of business is a company that helps jobs be outsourced to India. They write manuals for companies products here in the States, and then they ship these manuals to India so India can do the work cheaper than Americans would work for. As was explained to me.....they don't mean to skirt your problem....but they must stick to the manual, and thus the endless hours on the phone for a dell technical problem, I myself spent 5 hours on the phone with them two weeks ago, and another 8.5 hours on the phone with them yesterday trying to get a computer re-programmed. I had the bad luck of having three different tech people from India make me repeat the same processes I had already completed with another tech earlier in the day, they don't even read or comprehend their own notes taken previously on the same case #. It was fascinating and I used every bit of self control and grace that I had in my body.......remembering that they have to go off of the maual....it is their bible for the product, to hell with common sense, and definitely to hell with computer logic 101. Americans are out of work in big numbers, and our country has set up and allowed for our own jobs to be given to people who will never pay taxes here, never live in neighborhoods here, never understand another American here. One of these techs was so tired or bored that he kept dozing off on the phone and I have to talk loudly to jolt him back into my repeated question. Sorry, this American is not interested in seeing anymore jobs outsourced!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The lights in the fire

Do you know the value of "a day"? Some weeks we work harder than others. Some weeks beat us up a bit more than others. I escaped from work last night, and went to my new part time office to meet some old friends who welcomed me back to a place I was 23 years ago, that was wonderful. Of course I had many new faces to meet and that was at night, the day shift would be more complicated, yet I picked the night to ease my first steps back into this real estate office. Got the needed paperwork eliminated, and got things in motion for the future which remains unshaped. I came home, it was approaching twilight, and I was by myself, so I supplied and stacked the firepit...a new item to me, I started the fire with some newspaper, and she came to life, and I sat out there as twilight turned to black and I did so enjoy that fire, some music going in the background. I cooked dinner on the grill for an imaginary family who took no part in it once it was done, but I didn't care this time around as I was so enjoying the fire. Friday phone calls came in, and I had my ear piece in to free my hands, and still sat there. My time spent watching the beautiful flames, smelling the wonderful smelled the woods give off, stars easier to see overhead, and I relaxed from the week, and daydreamed a bit, shoes off connected to the earth and the elements a bit more than usual in this shoed world. It was good, it has a healing to it. I was back down into myself as that is all I can be.

She was forgotten

Do you know the value of "a day"? Once upon a time there was a beautiful young bride, her eyes shown with happiness, she married a handsome young man who had a son from a previous relationship. This proud young bride embraced all. The beauty of the wedding, ice sculptures She thought it would be wonderful, she thought they'd stay happy, she made a home for them, and tried to make it work, although new to so many aspects of home and family. She welcomed us all. So much love to lavish, her soul as pretty as she, the eyes mirroring her happy days.  She seemed to do well with the little boy, he needed so much tending and mending from his own first chapter, she tried to bring happiness and stability to their home, no doubt disciplines she may have had in her own home in her growing years.  I can't say when the tables turned, if it was her new man being out of work in a seasonal trade, or if it was too much alcohol, turned to other items from days of old, but her situation diminished, and due to the pride and a lot of optimisms she didn't see it coming.... Arguments ensued, betrayals mounted, the home became a battered ground, her family was affected as her own brother was now involved in way too many of the same avenues as her spouse, hard to walk away from. When she made the man leave, she was several years into this married life, the boy was the hardest part for her as she had loved him for along time, but the boy did travel back with his father to their original home.  And at that point in time or shortly after, somehow caught up in our own lives, we lost track of her.
She found her charge cards maxed, unbeknownst to her, she found loans taken out unbeknownst to her, she had worked hard always, and she lost it all....she would spend light years paying down debts she hadn't incurred just to save her own good name, it would take ions before she would trust again. She would loose her condo, as she ended up getting laid off from the mighty corporation she had worked for, she would start over in a very strange line of work....strange for her, and this place is where we found her some 18 years later., well one found her sooner, and kept the secret well. We have missed our sister of old, we see her initial pain upon meeting us all again, we vow to hide her name...face... and revised life from the man, as she can still not want to see him, she wants no part of him, and yet she still embraces us all. She is happy, she started over again 2 years ago, she is risking a lot by trying to have a family again so late in her life, but she did win in many ways, ever in spite of the extreme loss. Oddly enough, we are not the ones who rescued, we should have but we saw the wrong side of the coin and got tunneled by it. She was lucky that one friend she had made in the old life, old apartment, stayed friends and held true, and got her the support to make it through till the light shined again. And we are so happy for her, and all of the sisters keep this same secret. We protect her future, her peace of mind, most likely because we didn't protect her when she sunk, we let her slip through the cracks, and she should have been tended someway. It is amazing she is so forgiving and full of love. We all change to some degree, but we all have damages we've inflicted knowingly or unknowingly. May she walk in light for her endeavors.

The Young Songwriter, a young woman

When I was 17 my brothers gave me a crashcourse in guitar, then left me to fend for myself. I bought a guitar chord book, a classical guitar for about $64. and a moody blues song book. I went home and taught myself slowly everything I needed to be happy with a guitar. Oh can fingers ache, eventually you gain callouses. That guitar and I were quite often one, we really got through alot of things together. I whaled on it, I'd sing my heart out, I wrote some pretty damn good songs on it. I bought a bunch of new sheet music, and song books as the years unravelled and kept going with it. It was my soul saver until I met Mr. Rick, then he saved my soul. Music is still what gets him and I through any of the tough spots, it helps us cope., mend, relax, and we even clean house better if it's on.

Dream M 072508

Do you know the value of "a day"? Well imagine my surprise at seeing you. You above all people do know the value of a day. I don't know what it means, but I will try to put it down. Mike dressed in his blue suit...no white shirt, shirt is yellow, tie has some maroon in it, he's sitting on my piano bench (Mine's painted white) legs crossed, no cigarette but cigarette demeanor implied, Kate's next to him trying to talk to him very sincere in her explanations, he's looking away towards Kit, and Me. Kit tells Katie to stop taking all of his time, she tell Katie that Dixie is the next one to talk to him, she tells Katie to Move On that Michael is waiting to talk to Kathy M, Michael smiles at me, eyes showing warmth, ignoring Katie now to listen to Dixie. Katie is frustrated but won't get up off of the piano bench, Dixie talks to him warmly, he smiles some more, done, and it's my turn to go by him. KM Wakes up as she's getting up to go ......... What does it mean, where was everybody else, where's Rick? Can't get the jest of this, but it was good to see you, you looked more like you did for Krissie's wedding or my folks funerals, my favorite pallbearer, and we joke about you being aged and being my pallbearer even if you had to tie chains around the frickn casket & pull it down the church stairs, funny there is no replacement for you there either. And the adopted sis still laughs at the picture it conjured. You thought I was the spacey one, but I did make you laugh a bunch with my bullshit imagination. So what's your point with the butterfly on my hood, the fallen prayer card, and now this dream? I can't tell if I'm staying or going? So, I just have to keep doing whatever it is I do everyday until then, OK? Kath

The loss of a parent

Do you know the value of "a day"? One goes suddenly, there is a problem, you call 911 , you wait, they come, siren intense this time it's for yours, and before you know it, they've stabilized and your following them in your car to the hospital, you intensely watch that vehicle ahead of you ever thankful as it gets further ahead of you, as they are getting closer to better help. Then come the explanations of the problem that has occurred within the persons body, emergency surgery, small hope given, age taken into account, and that few make it from the surgery, he's bled out most of his blood into his body, "we'll try our best", 5 hours of staring at the walls, praying, watching your family members do the same, one is on a plane 4 hrs out, I don't think I ever prayed that hard in my life. Patient makes it through the surgery.....flatlines within 12 more hours, too much damage done to the heart by the rupture. Oh my God, a person I never really thought would be gone is. Was my goodbye heard, was my hand felt? Another has pains, we do doctor runs getting assessed, anything to further us as the pains persist, and worsens. Finally it is much worse, we get the last appointment expedited, entrance into the hospital requested, more tests.....Blockage......Surgery.....Oh no he comes out to speak and I catch only "her body is riddled with it", Oh Gods, 1 month after we're into Hospice, and 29 days after we are done. Did she understand the purity of love and care given from one who's hearted was heavy and broken? And that is how we become an Orphan. How many times have I wanted to tell them one more thing? How many times is the best I can do to stop and bring them flowers and babble to them anyways? I will miss them until I follow, I will love them and their good values given all the days of my life, The Inner Child

Healings set in motion, 3 items invoked + more

Do you know the value of "a day"? A Week? Here's a fragmented recipe some learned on my own & some taught by my friend aka father-in-law : 1. So thoughts given, I went back to my obsessive Physics Law, and have tried all week to think on it....to every action there is a reaction, how to correct? Set other items in motion as they'll have a reaction, too, won't they? 2. Tell the bottom lined truths, not the crap filler people want to look like truths, the real bottom lined truths must prevail. 3. Well if it's true that when we don't care for a quality in another...we are to look within ourselves and correct our own flawed quality...and supposedly and sometimes true, it will spiral outward by our having looked inward at our own flaw-correcting our own flaw, and sometimes, maybe all of the time. 4. Completion of steps 1-3 = 4Th step. Ready, set, go: Words=thoughts=deeds= I AM SORRY, I FORGIVE YOU, I LOVE YOU. I forgive you, I am Sorry, I LOVE YOU I Love You, I Forgive You, I am Sorry. Reversal of First Law of Physics could Occur.
Apathy Approach if 4 not completed, hold a rock in your fisted hand as long as possible, feel the hurt in hand as anger in body, after 5 minutes, let your hand open drop the rock and all of your anger.....flows out and away with it.............. be relieved.......deeply relieved of all of the anger. If incapable of any of this, more wisdom is needed than what is in my poor, bizarre brain. And if I've truly reached this level in my life, I can't really have too much negativity back flow into my space, So The brain has given all it can to the recipe, and must retreat to it's own good space. Life is short, and then we ....................., so let's enjoy the best, the sun, the sky, us. The dust will catch us too soon.

Life, a tribute to an incredible man

When was the last time you saw a sunrise or a sunset? Do you know the value of "a day"? Odd, I finally wrote you your tribute last night, I had been unaware of it's existence until Lee presented it. I've been confused between grieving over your endgame, and celebrating all that you had created, nutured, and loved on this earth. I think I felt I was loving it all, and enjoying it all for you still. I felt your approval in 2007 when you sent all the monarch butterflies. Gods, Chicago, Fantastic, so very cool of you to do this for all to enjoy, the wonder you put into our hearts. I smile for this. I watch the air more in anticipation. This years butterflies have been white, less volume, but you had gotten to a good place. And the deer, the mother and fawn you had toy with me two days in one week, she trusted me, why? So did the baby. Oh well, You know we all love you still, miss you still but now we will continue on our paths, a little muddled, a little worn down, but time is precious isn't it? I took all of the other writings off, I knew you enjoyed some of them, and others you let me think it out on, I did appreciate that. I will go back to taking care of your brother, your friend so much like you-but harder as I told you he would be, he always hides the gentle part well from the world so they don't burn him too easily. And though it will be harder for awhile, we still will ride shotgun as promised. I love you well my friend, and now I shall go on. As I told you the day they sent me in to say goodbye, I cannot do that, so I simply will tell you as I did then: "I'll see you later"! You smiled as your smiling now, cause I am still such a girl...sometimes. A Tear & A Smile for you, Love Kath

Heaven, A different concept

Another Day in Paradise I wander to: When was the last time you saw the Sun rise? My opening line, another day in paradise, and my babbling about the sunrise, so taken for granted. My husband came out with a gem this week about this....existence possibly being hell, or hell on earth, he was talking to some other family members, trying to make a point, and somewhere it stuck with me like things do where they wander around in the back of your mind, which quite possibly should be the front of your mind, but that will probably be a different discussion. Anyways, here's one for you.....have we ever thought that this was heaven or paradise 2008, but non the less paradise, and that we should embrace all of the wonders and beauties as long as we have the gift of vision and smell, when was the last time you smelled a flower or the sea or enjoyed the smell of fresh cut grass or leaves freshly raked, or homemade bread. And touch....very few people know a wonder I held and petted as a little girl, when I was three or four one of my favorite things was to hold a caterpillar and let it run up and down my hands and arms, and to pet it, all of those feet, and such soft fuzz, ahhhh the poor thing was very bald by the end of a day with me. But I did hold it with love and awe. Or the touch of a loved ones hand...a gentle caress. The soothing touch when you have a high fever and someone is kind enough to lay a cool hand on you. And vision: a beautiful deer, a bunny, seeing the love of your life, seeing your child, rainbows, lakes, trees, oceans, sunrises, the moon, the stars. And let's not take our hearing for granted, all of the laughter we've heard throughout the years, the words Dad or Mom said to us by our children, the words " I Love You' uttered, all of the wonderful music we've experienced, the oceans surf, and the sound of silence, too. The sound of your life partner breathing next to you while you should be sleeping. Maybe this is heaven.

Making the same mistake twice

Another Day in Paradise I wander to: When was the last time you saw the Sun rise? If I make a mistake, I will always make the same one twice, sometimes thrice. I do not know why. Funny Girl

A story for a friend who stood by me, in my dark.

Another Day in Paradise I wander to: When was the last time you saw the Sun rise? Who knows why I thought of this today, but I did and I started laughing by myself while standing in the kitchen, and I knew I had to try and write this one out. Eleven years ago I knew life had gone out of balance again. I can't tell you what aspect, but it was big to me. Ten years ago I felt like I had lost my mind, and struggled to stand strong and go on in a very chaotic world....known to me as Kathy's World. Sometimes the people within our world simply change one day and head down a different path the cause and effect of this can lead to chaos for those of us with rose colored glasses it can be devastating, until we all find a path to walk. So we stand and try to do something sensible like painting the house, destroying your own well loved gardens , hanging out with your crazy friends so you can become less numb and feel that you are capable of a life still, the struggle of finding yourself after years of being layer with multiple personalities within your own unit, whatever, and sometimes you get a bug up your ass to do something slightly insane..........and if you're smart you will call a friend for guidance.....my insanity was my closet, I was very angry at my closet, it had organizers made of wood, that I no longer wanted in my well fed rage, clothes unloaded onto floor, a reciprocating saw in my hands-plugged in, a chair to stand on for height, I called my friend Mike who could give great stability let alone instruction to me on how to cut out these organizers without maiming myself, after we got through the paragraph on why I shouldn't do this, he caved and actually stayed on the phone with me while I destroyed my closet, no doubt smiling at times as he warned about nails not to be hit, not to fall off of the chair, stressing how careful I was to be in my wacked out world. He got me safely back to unplugging the tool after I had destroyed everything I possibly could for that day, it was my 40th birthday and my immediate family was all out somewhere, with their own friends of choice, I had been totally forgotten, in this new midlife crisis world. My friend had great humor and love with me, he understood my rage and he seemed to love me better as a sister possibly all the more for my follies, as I tried to ref-discover the path that was concealed in the dark woods. He would become my guide. More phone calls would follow, cutting the bottom off of a Xmas tree, oooohhhh I got the reciprocating saw out again, this time December, outside and cold, oooppps the tree sap really does stick to the blade, times almost hitting the frickng cord...that could have been life altering, oh too funny. Recipe calls, advice, caring. Years before it was back up parent, who do you call when your child is sick, someone logical who has older children, right? The voice of experience? Calling him with updates on his brother after back surgery, concern as they couldn't seem to get him regulated...after this surgery they claimed was so simple of a procedure. Watching his brother shed lbs after lbs before the Thyroid even became suspected, knowing it was headed for a very big permanent problem, always listening to me think it through. And the advice or additional thoughts given. So much alike in our conclusions. Pacing outside a hospital again, chain smoking, babbling the doctors findings on my Ma to him, letting him know I had to pretend in front of her for a month, she couldn't know what we knew, he stood his ground and still remained the friend, reassuring that it sound like all was being done for then. My dear friend it is no wonder they left your phone on for us, this has been so hard, and in conclusion none of us really understands still- the choice of you, but we do see it going on time after time to more nice people....I still love you, I still want to call you, I still want to hear you say...."The thing you have to remember here is"......... or "That there is used for..."

Jesus, the greatest storyteller & teacher for life

Another Day in Paradise I wonder to: Let me preface this with a question being poised on TheTalker.Org: "Was Jesus Gay?" Nope, don't care. If he was, would he care that I am a female with a male? Nope, he wouldn't care. Jesus was either everything he's been depicted to be, or at the very least for his time...he was a very enlightened and loving man, at the very least he was a great storyteller, at the very least he enlightened people with a greater insight into what we might do if we followed a better path than what was normal in his time and days on earth. At the very least he inspired many in his time, but more importantly in our time to be good, gracious, and love well, to give more than take, to see the beauty that is within each of us. A great storyteller, a great teacher, on his worst days he was an example of how best to endure the pains of life. More stories: The betrayal, forgiving and overlooking, whips, beatings, crown of thorns, carrying such a heavy load and uphill at that, only to have your own body weight supported by nails. The stories of Jesus, versus the paragraph found in any encyclopedia, have gotten this old girl down many forks in her own path. Whether he was what some thought him to be, or if he was simply and good and gracious man, I have always cared for him, and given great thought to him, and I cherish him and his life lessons to me. And that was what I came out of Zeitgeist still carrying: The lessons of Jesus and the strength given to me and many others to endure and cope with all that is thrown into our path. Yes, I still love my lord, Jesus. From your birth through to your own death, you give me so many stories to work with. Now Sunshine's take on it: (Sunshine is more the childlike-innocent part of myself): A small child 3 or 4 yrs old, sits in church on Sundays and soaks up gospels of Jesus, she is reared in a Chicago Catholic church going family. Sunshine loves these stories, she is with a family that seldom reads her a story, or tells her a story, they are too busy with life's moments to think of that for this third child they've chosen to have. Sunshine's family moves as she is turning 6, they yank her from a public school called Moose in December, so she's had Kindergarten & 3 months of first grade in public school, which will soon prove weak. They thrust her into a catholic school by their own choice, oh suffice it to say she is already way behind in reading and the fine art of math, Sunshine finds out she only knows religion somewhat as she was a good listener in church for the last three years. Two weeks after this fantastic December 6Th move , Sunshine's own mother falls prey to a sickness (a humdinger of a sickness) that will last for about 4 years, her family forced into debt by a new much bigger mortgage and plenty of hospital bills from the moms lengthy stay there, her Father is forced to now work two jobs and her eldest brother has become the family care giver which is not limited to the younger siblings safety, ironing after washing by hand their uniforms they must now wear in this new and very harsh environment. At night when Sunshine goes to bed, she hugs the little dog pillow her mom made her in therapy, and the little hand size bunny mom would send next, and she cries, she has lost her mom, mostly she has lost her Dad, too. She has no friends in this new place yet, she is totally lost in the new catholic school, she is doing badly in school, but she does find peace and some type of comfort in the stories of JESUS which have multiplied as she has religion daily now. Two long years later she is going into third grade and tells her own mother who is still badly damaged...but back at home....that she can't go back to catholic school, she would really rather be dead than go back, she gets sick to her stomach on school mornings, she has as a young child really thought about suicide for the only time in her life. She does find a rainbow and for third grade she is transferred back to public school, she does find the light slowly again the next two years go by, she lands somehow...weak in many areas, but able to rebuild again, catch up again, progress into an almost normal child slowly, after way too many traumatic events not to be described here, she has walked away from the old, painful, evil, horrific days for the love of Jesus, he was there and stood behind me all of the days past and into the future when I could barely survive....and always will. So, whether he was everything we have ever been taught or impressed with, he was at the very least a great storyteller and teacher who has given so many of us the strength to carry on regardless of age, gender, sexual preference, race, physical impairments, mental impairments, whatever shape we are in when we call upon him, he gets us through to the next level. Love you, Sunshine

We cannot be all things to all people?

I have always found in adult life that my brain is connected to my stomach. The complexities of daily living and survival that are thrust upon us can be overwhelming to the brain and thus reflect themselves in our health and actual well being. It spirals out until peace is restored to the brain. Damage can be incurred during this process. We are one individual. We are one couple. We are one immediate family. We have spun outward from our original immediate families. We have family who all need their needs met. We have employers who must have their needs met. We have friends who must have their needs met. We have creditors who must have their needs met. Similar to the sunlight, with all of it's sun rays spiralling out over the mountains, fields and seas. This is no easy feat. One of my sayings favored in life has been: "We cannot be all things to all people". I don't know who's phrase it is, might be Willie Shakespeare or not, it's been accurate. We are influenced by knowledge or circumstances and that cause us to select our priorities, and on occasion our priorities do no meet/address what someone else needs from us. Sometimes it will go unnoticed. Sometimes someone you disappointed will bring this matter to you attention, and let you know how miserably you failed. This can be a show stopper, and cause some reflection to take place.

A very long chapter in this book finishes this week

Another Day in Paradise I wonder to: Graduating from College with his BA, his second degree, we will see if he decides to go onto the next level with night classes for his Masters or his Certification to teach, as he first wants to work for awhile, reduce the student debts-a very high price tag for formal education, student loans accumulating to some $44K+, it is no wonder they don't want that hanging over their heads, they need to start life out fresh not as casualties of the national debt society so many of us have fallen prey to. Oh well he went to the last class tonight, and then he fell off the face of the earth, very unlike him...he has always called as he's driving back out with commentaries on the road conditions, the conditions of the roads, eclipses, Descriptions of the clouds or Chicago's Skyline. Tonight was his last test, last class. He texts me back at 1am..." staying in the city", he has a friend or two with an apartment in there, he has family in there, I have no idea of where he really is, or what happened to make this first time decision. I can only hope he didn't meet up with an asshole, I can hope that he didn't see a bad grade posted that would affect his graduating, I can hope that he didn't feel like he bombed on last nights test given after he turned in his other papers/formal presentation.....I can only hope for him the way I have always hoped for his successes, for his heart not to be broken too often, for his well being. I found out light years ago that I had no control over my own life/light, that we make choices, yes, but that the choices others make whose lives are interwoven with our own, well...they can impact your life wonderfully or terribly., so I certainly have known for years I have no control or aim for where his path went if I couldn't control my own. So I wake up at midnight...the 2ND night in a row...I read email, wait for him to text at 1, Iron from 2-4:30am, hands are stiff, cut the grass last nite, I am trying to make certain I am ready for today, tomorrow when the graduation should take place, and Saturday when the bar-b-que for celebrating is set for, multi-tasking, what an interesting way to look at preparation days. Meanwhile< class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">driving the bus didn't let him off and took him for a ride to Inverness, I think of how panic stricken ( now there's a catchy phrase) we were trying to find out where the hell he was, school officials not knowing....checking, trying to find the bus ....oh it was a scary 2 hours before we found him, and like all little kids he did try to tell her she was way off the destination mark. Me, Ma and Dad were slightly berserk, Rick was at work.....Rick's been at work and unavailable in the early days for some real fun stuff I'd have to wade through, yes I really did drive myself to a hospital in labor, and at 9pm at night some 11 hours later when he finally came in I did try to hit him....., but the bus episode he shouldered off fairly easy. A toddler crawling into the chiffarobe not the drawer section, the section for hanging cloth* those little outfits, crying cause you came in and found him before he could finish hiding himself. Another day pulling him out of the dryer he had climbed in, pictures on the wall that captured the moments for us. How high his voice would go with excitement at Christmas or his birthday parties: " You guys come here" you guys being my mom and dad who were his favorite playmates of yesteryear, He dubbed them "the twins" one Halloween when they came in dressed ( yes he made us all dress up except for his father) as ghost , swathed in identical white sheets to make his evening as we prepared for the yearly pizza party, back from our trick or treating, I think that was his Silver Hawks year, I believe it was 1989, Dad would be gone in 90, Ma would be buried on Halloween of 2002, Ghosts what a good choice, they will be with us in spirit on Friday, as will be Michael who never condemned his Godson for any of his teenage pranks, paths or stupidity that only youth can gracefully give such an abundance of, Mike who only listened....and at the end of that weeks story would ask: "Did you learn anything out of it?" And then they would smile at each other and Mike would shake his head, and smile at Justin. It was those moments that got Justin into his truck after work for a drive to see his God Father who was sitting in his chair one last time, Juice and Sean at his feet facing him, chilling with him two of his favorite boys, and again choosing late the night of June 6Th for a drive to the city to be there for the Somerville Santa's time, and their horrific moment. Yes, somehow I've slipped more into the present than the past as we stepped up to this plate, Graduation. What a long haul. I am tired. It was not all easy, the good outweighed the bad. But the Bad moments can take a toll on your mind and heart. My responsibility as I have seen or felt it, is now at an end. I could or should have done somethings differently, we all could have, but we have arrived, we hope. As one Chapter closing, in most cases another one is open, like a house full of doorways where you must linger long and hard in each room before you can progress to the next doorway, that complete our young life: Rick's and Mine and now we will move into being middle aged, and enjoying life as much as we can, and working towards a possibility that maybe one day light years from now this friggn house can get paid off and we might see retirement of sorts. Goodbye First 1/2, it was a wild but highly enjoyable ride. And Son: Live each day to it's fullest, take nothing for granted, savor it all, and love wisely and well. Be a giver not a taker. Never give up on a dream that's feasible. With Love Your 53 year old, Mom

Mike & Us in 2008

Another Day in Paradise I wonder to: We all are taking a second look, a second consideration to the details of the past. We are still haunted by our missing link, the wounds are still somewhat raw, even though we have tried to move on together, we still feel a void at times - an emptiness, although most of us prefer to carry him with us, and for us that do have that preference there is little void as we carry him with in mind and heart and always feel his laughter when we folly, or when we play with eachother. On the rougher days the lady and I take a vacation day, and side track ourselves by being together, the worst is a month out yet, but we will be together, it is the promise of the shotgun rider to stay each time until the worst is over. Some people are blessed with a knack for remembering dates, and others are oblivious to dates, birthdays, anniversaries. She and I always were two that remembered dates. We remember going back many years, so how the hell could we forget last year? A year ago she took her leave of absense, a year ago I sat on the floor looking up at my man friend who wanted to know why he should allow hospice, what it's benefits were to his family or to him, and he agreed to it then. A year ago we started the final chapter in his book, the book with the physical body present, instead of the spiritual presence who is quite mischeivious and playful. So we will wander through the days of May only to head into June, the pains will become more acute this first anniversary, they will rob many of us once again, and somewhere along the way we might remember that small parts of us witnessing his daily battles, well eventually we wanted him release from the physical body, and maybe for our wisdom he will send us the butterflies one more time. We do feel his presence quite often, and I don't think it's imagination, I think it's his strength of character pressing through the perimeters. A Year Ago I wrote something for this family, maybe not perfect, but getting alot of it right, telling them what I loved them best for, and emailed it to them, as they all kept trying to figure out why Mike and not one of them? I was trying to show them their own value...treasured by the next, treasured by Mike as well. I will insert it here as it still stands true: Do you remember the old email about why the parent loved each one of their kids best? I look at all of you sometimes, and you make my heart burst with love for each one of you. There was an old email or story about a woman with many children, and the kids were always wanting to know who she loved best, and she told them all " I Love you best because........" Dean: I love you best as you're always trying to teach us one more new trick that will ease an ache, or cure an ailment, you've dabbled in countless mind boggling arenas, health, ESP, the portal from our body world to our spiritual world, and even astrology. You keep us on our toes always looking, and thinking about all the possibilities out there, if we'd only read more. I love ya best for all the hugs and love you send each of our ways. Doll: I love you best cause sometimes you surprise me with a gentle hand-holding experience or a look of total understanding when part of my world falls apart. I feel the warmth, and the caring that goes out to all of us., even though we're a wild and crazy clan in our own way. I love you best for conquering the stairs and making a man happy that his Ma came to see him, thereby making the mans Ma happier, too. Dixie: I love you best cause you have a pure heart of gold that's alway seeing the glass as 1/2 full and not half empty. You given us all a lot of love, and I especially love how you view your siblings as the little children you once tended and watched grow up. I love you best for what a loving sister and friend you are. I love you best for what a loving mom you are to the boys, always wondering if they're both doing good.You're a sweetie. Lynda: I love you best for dropping what you're doing and coming when we need you., your practical matter of fact care of us that allows for ironing and cooking for us, but gives us a logical view of things and keeps it on course when it starting to slip out of control, for pulling some type of order back in when chaos was reigning. I love you best for your memory that bring something back to one of your siblings they'd forgotten about. I love you best for saving us when our cameras crap out at a family gathering, and we think there's no pictures capturing the good times and smiles, but you had pictures to rescue with. Bruce: I loved you best for your stories told as a storyteller should convey them, for the slight twinkle in your eye when you're about to hoodwink us with the punch-lines, I love you for helping Dixie protect her retirement, I love you best for driving down here on 10/26 to see an old friend, I love you better for driving half a day back and forth to see the same friend last sunday. Two old friends so pleased to see each other. Katie: I love you best for the soul and spirit you give away freely to make certain your siblings are cared for in the very legal world that can bite us all, you've protected us as many times and ways with your knowledge of the law and your knowledge of us, present and into the future. I love you best when you're naughty and you moon or boobie us. I love you best when you are near butter cream and we see you fighting your other self for control of if you should fling it at one of us. I loved you best the day you were hanging upside down from tree in the backyard during our hose fights. I love you for all the love you lavish on us. Mike: I love you best as you've been my good man friend for 30 years, you've known all my pains and joys, you've known things I could never tell your brother, my spouse, you've been pall bear to my two parents because they really enjoyed and liked you, you've been my friend as I did Hospice for my Mom, you've been the heart of our family with your wife and always welcomed us home for holidays or bar-b-ques, you've been our confidant and advisor in money matters and matters of the heart, you've been our friend who listened to all while he was cooking or baking. I love you for your simplicity of soul. Kit: I love you best for your spirit in living life, for constantly finding something good in each day, for all the laughter we've shared, for all of the challenges you'd give our menfolk, and have us all laughing some more. I loved you best for washing the chicken. I love you best for the vigor you live each day with, for all the friends you try to help or council who are having a tough time or having health problems. I love you cause until your sleeping you never quit a day, better than the ever ready battery bunny. I love you best for being capable of seeing some good in each of us, and waiting for us to find it too. I love you best for how well you love your man and your children. Rick: I love you best for your honesty, you are one of the kindest, warmest, gentlest men I've ever met. You might be a man of few words but your always standing behind one of us lending us strength when it's getting too hard to stand and be strong. You call it the way you see it, and that truth will usually bear out. I love you for living out my best of life and worst of life, and for staying. I love you for being a good brother to your siblings, and always assessing who needs a hug or teasing or words on a given day. I love you best when we're bar-b-queing and at night when we're falling off to sleep, and when we're listening to tunes in the truck. I love you best for letting me be myself each moment. I love you best when your smiling while Justin tells us about his day at Baker's. Justin: I love you best for all the warmth and laughter you bring to our world, the smiles you bring out of your father when you tell us of an adventure. I love you best for the wisdom you show, when you go to visit family in your own vehicle, as it means you really wanted to be there. I love you best for the days of courage you've exibited as we would lose family members and you'd stand tall trying to support the rest of us by accompanying us through the days. I love you best for all of your growing year memories that are finely etched in my head, and for all of the love you kept flowing out of my heart for you. I love you best for the day you fell on the sidewalk, noticed the abrasion and wanted me to go back out and get your knee skin. Brian: I love you best for your observant nature, you know alot about each one of us and hold the information until it is needed and are sure of yourself, I love you best for liking the Moody Blues as much as I do, I love you best for how brave and matter of fact you are no matter what faces the family or yourself. I love you best cause you always know what the family will need next at gatherings, and where we can find it. Mary: I love you best for your never ending giving to the family, your countless errands and tasks to each day, even though you had a full life already, you made room for us all. I love you best for your playful nature and humor, and the way you can coax all of us out of a black mood, by the sound of your laughter. I love you best for the personality your Banyon possesses. Woof, Woof, Woof.=Wants more beer. Pat: I love you best for your smiles and laughter, and the grins when telling us the days stories, I love you best for being a warm hearted man to the family, and caring for us and proving it was worth the trip off of the mountain. I love you best for being there for Josh and Mike and Kit and Sean and all of us. I love you best for knowing the cup is usually fuller, seldom empty. Sean: I love you best for the wonderful son you've been to your parents, I love you best cause you know how to lay out the details, I love you best cause of your warm heart and the love you give us. I love you best when I watch you give orders to little Mike, and I smile cause I remember your Dad giving you the same "stick", I love you best when you smile and give me a hug, and let me know I'm a loved auntie. Sonia: I love you best for your beautiful eyes and heart, and how well you adapted to this family, I love you for being a very good match for our Sean, I love you for how much you love Kit and Mike, and how good you are with all of us. I love you for what a good Mom you are, I love you the best for making Sean laugh. Kris: I love you best when your smiling or really pissed off, and it makes us laugh. I love you best when you let us tease you, and make you laugh. I let you best when you're bossing one of us around, I loved you best when you used to brush my long hair, and you were such a little girl. I love you for all the love and care you've shown to the family. Re: I love you best when you're talling us some good story about Kris, I love you best when you're hollering at the tv when your sports are on, I love you best for what a good son-in-law you've been to Kit and Mike, I love you best for all the auto's you've fixed and made doable again. I love you best for all the warmth you bring to the family. Josh: I love you best for loving us back, and caring about us. I love you for the safety I feel when you give me a hug, I love you best for all the years we watched you grow up with Justin. I love you best for the wonderful young man you have become, I love you best for taking care of us, and your wonderful knack of knowing everything thats going on around you - without our knowing it. I love you best for being there for Kit and Mike and all of us. Donna: I love you best for all the love and friendship you've given us for almost thirty years, I loved you best when we'd manage to lose your jewelry at a family gathering usually cause we were being bad and chasing you and we'd spend hours looking for it, I love you best for always trying to do something kind, or give us something of your self and hanging with us for all the good times and the worst. I love your smiles. Sarah: I love you best for all the energy you possess that keep us moving and learning. I love you best for all the warmth and hospitality you've always given us. I love you best as you understand what family and hard times can mean to a family, and you offer us I love you's from miles away. I love you best when you think you've locked your keys in the trunk. I love you all. And one of them wrote back to say: Kath, Thank you. I love you best for your steadiness. Your presence and strength. I love you best for your wacky sense of humor, that great ability to find something funny in even the toughest situations. I love you for the way your loyalty and protection extends to all you care about. I love you best for the outstanding son you have brought into the world and raised to be very good man. I love you for your love of music….and for loving me. Donna

All of the fine details, should be shared

Another Day in Paradise I wonder to: How many times through the real estate, friends or family have I seen all of the details of a families paperwork handled by one and only one person in the household? Taxes, household accounting such as bill payments or record keeping, loans, budgets, family documents such as Health Powers of Attorney, or Wills all handle by one person either a Mom or Dad. It usually starts due to a couple learning each others temperaments for paperwork, one being a fuzzy and one being detailed orientated, one sheltering the other from the concerns and worry that go with the territory unless a silver spoon has been acquired by them. Oh the hidden dangers here, a day comes when the main paper monger is no longer on planet earth, and a person not knowing jack shit about how their household ran must jump into the middle of stacks of paperwork and learn how to swim in it. It is hard enough to be a grieving widow or widower, but it is excruciatingly painful to have this necessary battle to wage on top of the grief. My sister and I using some of our father in laws humor call it "A Learning Curve". She is learning how to swim through the papers, she grieving and learning and determined to do him proud. My husband and I try to help her where we can with explanations on all of the aspects one encounters, one category at a time. And we do all agree taxes suck. Documentations required suck. Painful questions and explanations suck. But we are slowly tunneling through the accountants questions. In my lines of work I have encountered people, they call in and they don't understand Insurances, Pensions, 401K's, they don't understand Real Estate Matters, they don't know how they hold title to their own property, they haven't made Wills or Health Powers of Attorney, 'THEY'VE NEVER WANTED TO THINK ABOUT IT', and boom one day their significant other is here, and they next day they're parish from the Earth, and here is this person alone without prior knowledge of his or her life details. Decisions need to be made, they don't even know where their own paperwork is kept within their own house. My own hubby, and also one of my best friends hubby, same quote:"If it's not on the kitchen table (hers was the dining room table) I'm not going to look for it" So what do we do? Do we leave our important documents, passwords, account info out for someone who has this type of attitude? My humorist side says "Yes". None involved members of a household in America: Please tune into your life details, easier to learn slowly, than to crash course.

Unrelatedly Unhinged People & their stories

A lady Realtor received a phone call last week up in Jefferson County, Wi to show one of their Remax Office listed properties, and off she went to meet this stranger who has now confessed to a crime he claims he committed. When she didn't come home that evening the realtors family starting calling her office staff to see if they knew where she was, and eventually it was found out that she had gone to show a home and not returned. She was found strangled and burnt. The man who has given his confession claims he was angered when she asked him why he would want to buy a home that he couldn't afford easily? This we should call house rage, similar to road rage, people triggering, people snapping, people killing over a question that we've been told to poise when dealing with buyers especially now due to our housing market problems, where homeowners feel they were push into buying on an arm loan...maybe too tight for their resources. But to take a life of a 70+ year old woman over a question she is trained to pre-qualify potential buyers, she is trained to do a lot of numbers in her head. ********* Through an insurance agency I spend time with: A client who owns a business in Chicago, mi-Chicago is in his Fullerton buildings second floor office doing paperwork, minding his own business, and in walks a masked man with a gun, he demands his money and his rolex watch, threatens violence with words yelled. Who the hell are these people? Who taught them right from wrong? They know it's wrong if they're wearing a mask? ********** Me, a girl of 18 goes into a Pharmacy in Northwest Chicago years back to pick up a prescription for my Ma who was sick and sitting out in my car, we had just gotten back from the east end of Chicago after her doctor appointment. A Man walks in quickly, waves his gun in our faces, and makes us lay on the floor if we don't want to be shot, and leaves with the cash registers money. ********* Self control, what does it really mean? Coveting thy neighbors goods, and what it really means? Thy Shalt not kill, and it very bottom line meaning? We have to look somewhere for the solution, they say to look within yourself when you see things, qualities you don't like in another, and yet we have the unhinged portion to deal with, the people who think we aren't all the same...that their needs run higher than the next guys. If people could just truly know we are all purple, we are all from one walk of life, all with problems, all without immediate solutions. We should learn to value the next guy, the guy with no name next to us, in front of us. Value humanity.

The times they are a changing.......

The time period we are living in has become a very problematic scary time, mostly due to manipulation of man in more powerful positions who use their power for the good of themselves instead of the good of all mankind. We are involved in wars, costly in manpower killed, costly in equipment, and yet the people they represent do not want these wars, some are started due to hidden resources of the countries they exist in, some might be started due to our leaders wanting us to be heavily located in a foreign region, but seldom are they really being fought for the reasons the public is given. Wars will always impact our economy. People wanted done and over with and the manpower brought back home. So, then the housing problem was started. It was started to blind sight the people within the country so they'd forget about the issue of a war we didn't want. The housing issue would not have existed if it wasn't for the daily press being fed information that held some true, but was blown out of proportion so badly that it couldn't begin to correct itself slowly as it has in the past. So much media...and doom and gloom was given this topic that it one year it has severely impacted national levels of housing, loans given by banks, and eventually banks and mortgage houses became effected from this media tirade. Now it's so bad it's effected thousands of companies, Real Estate Companies, Builders, Contractors of all categories having to do with housing have felt the impact. Real Attorneys who built their whole practice on the one line of business....items having to do with properties being sold are impacted as well, and all of these are having to cut jobs, incentives, bonuses which in turn is impacting the baby boomers of vast quantities. When you are in your 20's or early 30's you struggle sometimes to make ends meet, you've starting out with your family, maybe due to that you go from two incomes back down to one income so Mom or sometimes Dad can stay home with the children in their early growing years, this was our choice years back, daycare was an option we didn't want to utilize if we could squeak by without it. So now you're in your mid fifties, and compliments of a system that should be working for the people but isn't due to massive expert manipulations of the systems, now you get to be lowered back down to your knees, handed your ass, have no raises for several years for both incomes trickling into the household, your bonuses are cut, your lifestyle is streamlined, and reduced until you are back exactly where you were 30 years ago, no progress made. Two incomes no longer enough to support the vehicles needed to convey people to their far away jobs, yet gas prices increase these same years, therefore foods and goods prices are increased as well, Vehicle prices keep going up, yet they tell us our homes prices have dropped, so it's harder to re-finance as your home maybe worth 30-50 thousand less than it was two-three years ago, or worse depending on which part of the country you live in. But now you can't make ends meet. What to do? It is a revolving door, can't get out. You have bad sleep, you gain circles under your eyes from worry in multiple categories, stress is starting to impact your actions, reactions, your day, you're slipping. Part time work to boost the situation, you have learned this from your father? Okay. Might help.

Grandpa and the Irish

Grandpa was born in Ireland as John Joseph Hughes May 6 1889-June 4, 1971, he would in America years later marry Catherine Agnes Lyons who was called Kitty Lyons and reported to have been a cook county nurse when he met her here in Chicago, Il, Kitty came over to America having missed the Lusitania, she traveled here on it's sister ship, good move, Grandma I never met. He came to America with his sister Mary Hughes who would later marry Uncle Martin Madden. Grandpa always told me the saddest site he saw was his mother crying as he left, he would be the only family member not to return for a visit. Eventually his brother Tom Hughes, he would acquire Mary as his wife, sister Del Hughes would come to Chicago as well, she would marry into the Loftus family. It is mentioned by family on the southside that Grandpa may have been needing to leave Ireland at that time due to involvement in what would become the IRA. Long, Long Ago, in a kingdom by the sea intruders from another Isle sent hired soldiers from a third isle to capture the beautiful Emeral Isle. In the Emerald Isle all lands were confiscated-stolen, looted, ravage along with it's people, and anyone left was placed into servitude of the new invaders from Scotland hired by the English. This resulted in the north of the Emerald Isle being more heavily populated for centuries by the Scottish & English imported landholders, very hooked on William of Orange who made certain his own celebration was time to co-incide with the Irish Celebration of St. Patrick's Day, and these two celebrations would only result in more bloodshed in the streets and all the crazy events that came from it would go on for weeks to come, it became a very dark life for the Irish of the land, and small wars and daily battles pre-vailed, one set having all the rights and the people born to land having none, no rights, no voice. All of this was passed generation to generation, including the bundle of hatred that only grew with the events of times. By the time Grandpa was born, Scottish-Irish decended people and the English as well had a very strong Ulster, Irelaand built in north, factories ...similar to sweat shops, Irish paid a pittance for a horrendously long days work, quite often they wouldn't even hire the irish laborer and would employee poorer Ulterman instead. And still they conflicts raged on, people's home invaded, people prisoned for long times without benefit of a trial, and the Irish could only form an underground type of network to fight back. The local government held no posts for the Irish, it was unheard of in the North. The South was a bit better, Irish could still own farms and land down there, but watching the north most did not want to rock their own boat to push for more rights. And then their main crop was Potatoes, and the Potatoe Phamons would come, they'd all turn black and be inedible, people starved to death, no one offered aid, dead bodies in the road side, the stench of multiple deaths from Starvation going on for seasons until the land would yield food again. I grew up with the freedoms America has to offer, but I would be oppressed if I grew up with no rights, no capability for growth. So Grandpa and his Irish segment of the family brought us humor and music, he knew how to play the Accordian and flute and St. Patrick's Day to me meant Grandpa was coming to visit to celebrate our heritage on my Mom side of the family. We sang so many Irish Songs, we slowly learned of the oppressions suffered by our ancestors, and we listened to old 33 long play records and learned more music, and the love of the sounds and instruments used. I loved St. Pat's as it signaled spring to a small child, and Grandpa was always good with us, a time enjoyed. And then he taught us all the wrong words to Star Spangled Banner, and Battle Hymn of the Republic, and sent us off to school that way....as he had our own mother years before, Oh the embarassment of this Irish Humour.

The State of....................Confusion?

Well it's March and the clocks have gone ahead the hour, winter was harsher this year so we are all ready to go forward. So much has been deteriorated, Dana in her readings & newsletters mentions and skips upon so many things that parallel my own instincts: Well the Zija: http://www.zijapower.com/heartbeat did get rid of the joint pain in hips & lower back, knees., but it cannot make a dent in the damaged shoulder-sometimes the pain wants to drive me to my knees-so there must be a nerve involved to make that happen, only a good massage, whatever I did to it last year when I tried like hell to lift from under the wrong cramped angle using shoulder since we were on the floor well it was a doozy, I'll work on it as the weather breaks .... Sleep, I used to sleep through anything, the alarm, others being up and noisy, now I do my three hours at best and I'm ready to go again awakened by pain, a turning partners, snoring partner, furnace kicking on or off...coffee time and early computer snooping and lots of thinking. http://articles.mercola.com/sites/current.aspx Aspartame, why in God's name would they allow something they know for certain causes cancer in rats to be consumed by billions of people on a daily basis, their mega bucks that's why. But they outlaw smoking in bars or restaurants, the drug industry always does win, so many $$$$$$$$$$$$ as Dr. Mercola sites. Global Warming, now there is a place where you could revise and form new laws, I am with Al Gore on that one, you couldn't get started soon enough. And this is another feeling I share with Dana at Purple Phoenix: http://www.thepurplephoenix.com/purple_phoenix_press.html We can all make a difference to our fading environment and world, we should all feel that things are going strongly out of balance, but we still have time to correct the environment that is our world and our future and our children's future, and many more generations will come to exist if we all collectively forget the wars, forget not taxing huge organizations who rake in billions polluting our world, lets tax them and make them accountable for cleaning up their messes, why should there be water with growth hormones being drunk daily in one region of the country, anti-depressants released into another portion of the countries water, it is time for people to picket, boycott, get interviewed for new papers, why not have a column about the simple peoples opinions, let correct some issue, if we all try, we might make an impact on the future. http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/ : Our money and currency should be accountable to our own government, it should not be self governed as it has been all of these years so it can keep being manipulated by these rich fools who care for no one that is not in their circle, and even few of those. This movie also covers religions and that we are really all equal, we are all purple, pink, beige, tan, brown, but equal. It is a man's/woman's common sense, education, actions and reactions that make him stand alone or make him or her shine on given days, it is also learned behaviors we either liked or didn't like that help us to find our best path.

Dreaming

Mom trashing covered by a sheet, face showing good sign, told her she's be okay, kept thrashing, "It's ok Mama, you'll be okay..... Suddenly I remember where the light yellow sheet was from and that it was on the final bed when they came to collect her for service preparations......I wake up still staying it's okay and in my inside mind I know it's not.....and oh God's I come to realize it's really Rick doing the trashing about, some unknown night terror chasing him, and I tell him it's okay, rub back, sooth.....nothing okay, what did this dream mean....some of it is common sense, and at the same time I should hide under the rock. Dana is right this sleep is not sleep......it's so consciously awake, it's a joke to call it sleep. What do dreams really mean? It's not always evident.

Homes and Clients

In 1986 I went to school for Real Estate, my son was 3 yrs old, slowly and painstakening it evolved into a nice comfortable extra nest egg for the family. First it replaced sidejobs my carpenter husband had previously worked at. Commissions are paid after the successful closing of a property you either had marketed, or brought a buyer to. Usually you would have time to gain a rapport with the buyer, use some humor, some education skills if the were new to the process. You would develop negotiating skills as time went by to be service your clients. I farmed my given territory with newsletters, and developed a 3/4 Marketing, 1/4 buyer pie for myself. Certains it grew and strenghtened, and as funny girl would learn, other years it would decline so sharply it could set a self employed person on their ass. The rise and fall of...... Real Estate is a great way to see people in action, at their best, at their worst. Divorce, oh what a sad shape of affairs, screaming over your children at a spouse you once loved and valued, the poor little girl who put the sign on her bedroom door saying "no yelling or screaming in my room" Children should be nutured, they are not divorcing their parent. It is a marriage to be dissolved, it is two paths that can't travel in the same direction, it is one of you changed and not the other, but it is not the child's relationship, they have their own relationship. Battered wives trying to find a place to live where they won't be found by the stalker, it took him three years after the initial beating when she lived on a first floor and he crashed his way through the patio door-she would cringe when people tried to hug her or touch her....he had beaten so badly...face, ribs, spirit all broken and therefore uprooting of her life before he found her again, that's four years after a different type of divorce than the first I cited. Cancer victim selling his unit while on hospice there, (so his greedy and believe me they were )children wouldn't feud over it. All the trips on a saturday or sunday to meet people at a house in a town miles away, cell phone with you, but could they have the decency to call and cancel when they knew they didn't like the color of the siding, or it had no curb apeal for them.....no most of them would leave you sit out in front of it....waiting for someone who was truly WASTING your time, like you didn't want to get back home to your own family or dinner preparations??? The wife wants a 2 story the husband wants a ranch = A Split level home, but it takes time to work that out. Newly weds take them out looking for 6 months, really 6 months, buy the first house they had ever been shown.....should have been running my Dad to the doctor instead, maybe the aneuyrism would have been heard, caught, oh how we judge ourselves. Some nice couples, some nice families, all the laws to watch so you don't violate anyones rights, all the long term lookers, all the nights, weekends, missed occassions, out in farmland USA, vulnerable, meeting strangers, traditionally average of 16 realtors murdered every year, some by serial killers who look for only woman realtors, stopped the opens houses....first no more vacant homes after trapped in wrong end of house, thought I was gonna die, thank God they came and got him and explained he was just an overly friend mentally challenged person, now called mentally challenged, scared the hell out of me, but at least I learned....what not to do. Inhabited homes, still letting in people from street, thieves, snooping neighbors, un-qualified buyers, leaving 5% of them as qualified, crazy....not anything I believe in. You want to buy real estate, get to a lender, see what you can afford, call the local realtor of your choice, set up several weekend viewings, can do 4-6 homes in one outting and after that you'll confused, "Know it when you see it", and move on it quickly, a good attorney can kill any contract, just as a good attorney can keep any contract alive as long as their arrogance doesn't cloud the horizon. Helping people is a good goal, but it does require time and patience, it requires taking control and guiding them until they realize they've found what they were seeking.

Sunshine, a nickname and where it came from

When I was 18 at my first full time job I was working in this correspondence schools mail room, and with in the company there were three routes for delivering and picking up all of theircorrespondance (their clients/students did their lessons on cards that were mailed in for grading) I had the route that would take you through the VP Wings, and interesting group of people once you got to know them. They actually had a bowling league, and also a company choir/chorus, I joined both. I went to College at night several days a week, my Mom had made it pretty clear I needed to pay my own way, so slowly I did progress. Many of the employees were in the bowling league or chorus, we had a chorus directer they hired to train us, and off we went to play and sing for senior citizen homes, veteran homes/hospitals, and fundraisers/charity concerts. I played guitar and could somewhat sing so sometimes I would have a solo, and slowly this introverted girl became more extroverted by having reached a comfort zone. Denny worked in the computer lab with Peaches a girlfriend of someone who would become a future sister inlaw years down the road, Denny was one of the managers, very sweet disposition, saw the upside of people he encountered, and he dubbed me Sunshine (for John Denver's song Sunshine on my Shoulder's) as I always had a smile for most. Nicknames can be interesting, they hold a story, Dad's for me that stuck as a child was Chicky, dubbed for holding my legs up like a chicken dressed for Sunday dinner, my cousins still call me Chicky. Stamp a nickname given by neighborhood children as our shortcut name was Postal. Secret Storm or Stormy used by my brothers when I was in my late teens and early twenties....as they viewed me as secretive but with a temper, thus the secret storm, my California brother still call me Stormy at times. But due to the diverse nature of blogs and their potential, it is Sunshine who generally writes this, she is still an optimist, she still finds the rainbows, enjoys nature, daydreams, she still looks for the good to come out of people no matter what they bark.

3, 5, 35, and 53, what's in a number? A Glimpse

Well when I was three I was absolutely fascinated by Caterpillars that would be cocooning on brick buildings I passed on walks home with Mom from the grocery store. Meanwhile my eldest brother was fascinated by baseball, and truly wanted through our dirt backyard to be a player and a groundskeeper all rolled into one. Other days we mimicked ticket sales and a backyard kiddie land via tickets my Dad brought us from WLS down on Washington Street, Dad was a printer and printed literally the Magazine "Prairie Farmer" which I always imagined was read by farmers....especially since we lived in the city.....I still do not know this for a fact, only my childhoods answer to who read it. Dad always had stained inked fingers and finger nails which I loved playing with, and his fingers always smelled like nicotine, from his Lucky Strikes. Speaking of strikes Dad also bowled at the Fireside Bowling Alley in Chicago for WLS-Prairie Farmer's Team. I loved that place, too. Every once in awhile we'd get to go bowling, which I always enjoyed gutter balls or learned. My other brother, the middle child who infinitely got blamed for way too much of his siblings doings...well he was totally pre-occupied with catching bumble bees in a jar off hollyhock plants growing down the street from us near the alley way. He learned their tempers, their strength of this very interesting insect. I wonder what he makes of them these days? My family I have lived with in adult life have noticed that the same bumble bees we think live here year after year, the same homes are sought near the garage and under our front step, sometimes they fly mighty close to gain their entry, as if to say to the step sitter....stand clear your in my path. Oh the nights of hiding and seek, how every child should learn how to count. Listening to the buzz the buses made at night as they still had connections to cables running overhead them at North Ave & California where we resided across from Humble Park. We lived around the corner from the first Oberweiss Dairy I knew of, and as you walked by you could smell milk, and vanilla, it was wonderful, and we made friends with the purple Man....who worked there, we'd stop and chat with him, Ma made many acquaintance type of friends along our path. I always thought it was cool that they saw something friendly and happy in her beautiful green eyes same as I did. My mom was always chewing Doublemint Gum, and she smelled of it, as did her purse, and her sometimes used fur coat, a coat she bought slowly on a lay a way plan from Evans up near 6 corners....I think it was....as that part of the city still looks the same to me 53 at night as it did when 3. Squeeshed in the middle of two adults driving, move your arm honey, move your leg honey, driving clutch then, no automatic trans for us at that point, one parent driver- male., face buried in the fur coat, loved that sensation-it was so smooth and doubleminted, Mom never smoked. 5, it was such a great house to live in, living upstairs was wonderful, downstairs had always been colder, upstairs was filled with warm and fun times, my parent were always having family over for big gatherings, this ones birthday, someone else coming home from the army, Christmas and Easter Gatherings. Church first, parties afterwards, evening a normal sunday was church first, and then off to deli for fresh breads and cold cuts for sunday sandwiches, chicken dinner to follow for night. The churches: Annunciation a beautiful church, St. Sylvester's another pretty Church and the beautiful bungalows that surrounded it on the Blvd was it Humboldt Blvd...can't know for certain without driving it, and St. Fidelous the coldest place for feeling, the smells of the wooden pews, and clicking risers being moved in rapid succession, chewing on the wood and getting smacked quickly, mimicking the old women saying Hale Marys, speesss, speeesss, sppeeesss, and another smack from Dad, it never matter how far away I was....like water seeking it's own level he'd find me.....Dad had pretty good hearing for having been around all those noisy printing presses at work. Uncle John after a big dinner always loosening his belt, it was a good thing though cause we knew he wouldn't give us a spanking so the belt thing with him was good, not like when Dad had to give punishment for more serious crimes like breaking a neighbors window with the baseball. Uncle John and Auntie Mamie must have been on one of their separations already cause they were never there together, the girls came with her or by themselves for visits to Ma and Dad. Pretty funny they actually got married three times, didn't figure out till later that you can love someone deeply, but maybe co-existing under the same rood is not the real answer for all. The girls loved my Dad as much as my Mom, but I suspect they took advantage as would befall their youth of Ma, and she'd get into the middle of some scrap they were having with their own Mom and Dad. I found out years later her and Dad had contributed in a pretty big way to making sure they had a catholic education by paying the tuition, they always paid for Doctors visits when their own parents couldn't or wouldn't tune into the nieces needs. Aunt Billy, and Aunt Agnes were Auntie Mame's sisters and we saw them for many occasions, both were wonderful, but I especially loved Aunt Billy who died way too young, she was such a sweet heart of a woman, she dies when I was six. When Ma got sick she was my favorite babysitter. And Frankie setting the alarms, and stereos to go off at the same time at different ends of the house, Auntie Mamie went nuts when he did that, and Aunt Billy would laugh & play his game with him, similar to the vacuum cleaner hose game he played with grandpa when he babysat, using it as a megaphone type of apparatus....yelling Grandpa is an Orange man......and Grandpa come running to track him down by the vacuum cleaner hose and its direction, Ya never say that to A Catholic Irishman....Orange man have to do with William of Orange, Catholic Irish Color = Green, William of Orange was the enemy of the the wearing of the green, Ireland, long battles, warfare from 1000AD and onto 20th century bombings, it was rumored after my Ma passed that Grandpa may have left Ireland when so young out of necessity due to his Irish involvement in supporting his own political beliefs, he may have been too involved. He said the saddest site he saw as he left was his mother waiving good bye to him and she was crying. All of the Hughes got to go back for visits except for Grandpa John, his closest link was when his own still Irish brother Pat, or Paddy would come from home to visit, and the Accordion was out as were the flutes for those festivities. AHH, the impact of being at the first few Irish Wakes, they are like no other, the jokes, the stories and my own very appropriate father with his head thrown back with laughter, it was hard for me to assess this behavior. So many wakes, they would go out for drinks after, and music. Back to Richmond, and 1627 N. which stands vacant today due to too many vendetta fires being launched by the people who came after us, it was the best any child could wish for, it is what made a childs life seem so barren and cold when Ma got sick, after we moved to a different house further north in Chicago, the Land of Milwaukee & Bryn Mawr, and a cold house that would take years to become a home again, it's like jumping into grey and cold to really go there, although many survival skills came out of 6-10 yrs. or 12. Not many children to play with once we were able to escape, children ridiculing children, getting beat up and spit on (the last time I was spit on as a child.....the person also had a complimentary bicycle chain with she used as a whip that was the day I learned to fight back), no food, soda and cookies for breakfast on a lucky day, creamcheese sandwiches for lunch...with or with out the nuns heel mark on it if you were unfortunate enough to drop it, why were so many nuns uncharitable and unkind? I came to the conclusion that only Sister Mary Joan Agnes was a good/great person, the who liked to abuse small children, they belonged behind bars in a zoo. Our own children have lucked out avoiding any similarities to our childhood. I have always understood how the mind can break, and how much time is needed for repairs. A Dad working 2 jobs to support unrun household as they're were two mortgages now instead of one compliments of all the doctors bills, and let me tell you Doctors do love to bill..even for a spare second when they pop in to say a hello...how are you? = $150-500. such bullshit, ..Rolled out of it eventually gradually. Never would have made it out sanely without my brothers. They taught me how to be a child, how to keep on playing, learning skating, volley ball, tennis, hand ball, basketball, and king of the mountain which really only involved small hills, by the time Ma was getting better she couldn't understand why I ripped my clothes so easily, why wasn't I ladylike? Must have been all the fences I climbed and hills rolled down. Well my childhood years gave me great stamina for enduring, it taught me what I wanted to turn out like...and what I didn't want to turn out like. 35, 1990, Working Real Estate. making progress, chose that as it would still let me be an available mom to son, could schedule appointments to a doable time frame, could be home when son was sick or on holiday, and worked around his school schedule. Husband able to be home on weekends and not do side jobs any longer to help out, I was bringing in enough to more than offset, easier on his back which was worsening. August of 1990 I lost my Dad, a sudden surprise with little goodbye time, the core family was devastated. The loss of a family member is so impacting. Decisions on services, small land investments, wakes...old friends and family, churches, burial, stones, words, rains, heavy rains, off centered family, never holding quite the same balance again. Changing, tuning of beliefs, the dreams that come eventually. Conditioning you for more up the road. 53, 2008, how it flies, like jumping out of the proverbial window. Of course more loses, each in their own crude and hurtful way, yet you try to maintain some type of grace. With Ma it was a couple of weekend morning breakfasts where she'd tell us how great the cooking bacon smelled, food she'd gum alittle for flavor but not really eat, but she heard us talking and smiled through those beautiful green eyes, that grew lighter as she dimmed. You realize at some point that you are now orphaned, it's a puzzling theory as an adult but non the less real. And last April 4th was Dicky's wake, he'd been in my life as a very entertaining and caring boo-a-rang since I was young....oh how I missed that birthday called in 2008 we were the two Aquarians 13th and 15th, I used to laugh when he told this runt of the litter...even while he was dying of prostate cancer how he always wanted to jump my bones.....and here he had been my first crush....I told him I knew it...and laughed. And our brother, friend and confidante, how graceful was he? From the start it tried to strip him of his dignity, and he fought it at every turn, and was grace itself. How do we humans who love well manage to keep loving and exuding warmth and care when we know we will part soon? I don't know how we manage it, but we did fine there, and saw it all through, and he stayed as gracious and loving with us till we parted. They all still guide us, when we are weak they lend us strength, when we are sad they give us warmth, when we suffer another loss we ask them to guide them in and hold them safely till we can meet up again. "Smile the while, I kiss you sad adieu, when the clouds roll by I'll come to you", the first song Mom taught me to harmonize with her on. So at 53 she knows, it's going by much to fast, she's learned to savour minutes and time frames, she's learned how to value and totally overlook faults, because she knows she may miss those faults in the future. She has developed a sad instinct that lets here know when more is en route, the color aura's assist at times. She tries to value each day, each encounter, and each good link she has.

This and That Inc

The wrong hands As a person writing a blog for over a year, closer to 2 years, the first advice I received was in fact the best, be careful of what you say......but my purpose in writing my blog was to let my fingers put down my thoughts, thoughts on daily moments lived, some enjoyed immensely and some excruciatingly painful, my blog that I loved the best is a mirror to my soul, it is my soul written out of my brain with the heart and feelings involve of a 52 year old woman who has lived life, embraced it, pounded it into the shape she wanted it to be in, kicked it in the ass when it would donkey up, and smiled at it when it gave off something wonderful or unexpectedly beautiful, she basked in it. That is who sunshine was. She is affectionately called Kath by her husband.Writing is the only way I can capture my soul, that could possible convey the warmth and caring behind these eyes that have traveled many days, and years to reach these conclusions.My blog being shared was to give strength to others, to possibly verbalize where they couldn't, to let them know they weren't alone in the dung pile. Monday, January 29, 2007 Crucial Moments: Speed or not, hurry or not? Some times when we're driving we all want to speed up and get there sooner, of course my husband told me about 27 years ago, that you really don't get there sooner just cause you're speeding. So for twenty seven years I've made it my hobby to see if he was right, and more often than not he is correct: I pull into a toll booth or ramp exit in back of the ying-yang that cut me off 5 minutes back.The crucial moment comes into play when you arrive 5 minutes, or 2 minutes, or 1/2 minutes after a crash, then you feel empathy for those involved in the event yet, you are highly thankful that it wasn't a day you chose to speed. All of that timing is what makes up a days events. You're either on the good side of five minutes or the one bad split second.And then there is the law of averages, which becomes scarier as time passes. Posted by Heartbeat at 4:21 AM 0 comments Tuesday, January 9, 2007 The Best Days of Your Life Was it discovering Caterpillars, and holding the poor thing all day? Ooh it's a worm in disguise?Was it the day a boy named Allan Miller kissed you on Moose's kindergarten Floor?Was it the day your mother bought you a soft ball size green rubber ball from the corner drug store across from Humboldt Park, which by the way had a stone drinking water fountain in front of it, and a soda parlor inside of it?Or was it the day you filled up your new baby buggy with dirt and worms and hauled it up 2 flights of stairs, and tried to implore you mother to let them sleep with you that night?=Memories from a child of 4-5 yrs old.Was it learning to love music from an early age (due to an Irish and Polish influence, ooh only some people know how to celebrate St. Pat's & St. Joseph's Day, a split household ethnically balanced in March each year)?Was it the first time you saw a rainbow stretched out over Humboldt Park?Was it going to church on Sunday and not dropping your little purse or gloves in the gutter as you existed the 55 Plymouth?Or was it listening to your brother sing like an alter boy angel every time he was on the swings, with that wonderful boy soprano voice he had?Was it the day your parents renewed their wedding vows after a very harsh time period for them?Or was it the day you met the man who would still make your heart do somersault's thirty years later?Was it the night he proposed?Or was it the cold February Day you stood on the church steps, smiling and laughing together while people pelted you with rice?Was it another day in February when you got to kiss your little boys forehead after he was born?Or was it the day you laugh so hard cause the same little boy had fallen out front, noticed his knee skin was gone, and demanded of you that you go get it off the sidewalk and put it right back on his knee?Was it all the days you looked into your husbands eyes and saw the love mirrored back at you?Was it the day you buried your mom, and extreme happiness came to you knowing she was within touch of your Dad's casket, and you knew a long journey had been ended the best it could?Was it any Day your child laughed out loud and made you start laughing just for the sound of his laughter?Was it the day you stood out in your yard viewing the garden of veggies and flowers with your angel standing watch, your husband beside you, and you cried for happiness?Or was it all those days?I think we are blessed with the many best days in our life. Posted by Heartbeat at 4:03 AM 1 comments Saturday, January 6, 2007 Me ke aloha aloha - love.Like most Hawaiian words, it has a variety of meanings:As a greeting it means hello or goodbye. As a noun it means, compassion, mercy, love, lover, grace, kindness. As an adjective, beloved, kind, charitable. As a verb: to love, to pity, to venerate. In some contexts it can even mean alas! In the doubled form: Alohaloha means to make love, express gratitude, affection, or compassion, or to give thanksMe ke aloha - With lovemahalo - Thank you.Possibly of portugese origin. Sometimes seen with the modifiers "Nui Loa", meaning "Big". Posted by The Talker at 1:47 PM 1 comments Saturday, December 30, 2006