A Good Friend to All

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Well one of our best friends in life saw the sun rise on Sunday, he had finally been talked into a hospital stay and tests to see why his body had gone into a decline these last 6 weeks, few months, or year depending on whom you spoke with, or how far you backed up your memory. We share many common beliefs about the herbal, natural method of healing what ails oneself, and yet there are times when due to complications developing, you are best off getting the tests done, and seeing what ails your body, the imaging choices they have available for organs is so vast. So you end up with multiple situations going on, and several treatments needed to snuff them all out, not easy ones but progressive in the healing needed. It was so hard to see the decline, to see where it was taking you, yet one week later it was a great relief to see some progresses being made, none of us wants a pre-mature situation for you. You are well loved, and such a good character in all of our lives. There is no other choice, It's the only chance at quality being restored is to endure a temporary treatment. It's actually that simple. Please don't make it complex. Agree.

And so it Goes....

And so November brings the layoff this year instead of December, known options have all run out, we will need to let the American Dream go...it's consumed too much of us already, eventually it will be better to get back to being in a better health and enjoying simple days instead of trying to outrun this horrid economy. 14 Million humans and counting have been affected, many have had to walk away from the dream as it wrapped around them choking them more as a nightmare, and still Congress, the Senate, and the Bankers dance onward, apparently not really understanding that the affected who have had such sharp income declines cannot possibly keep up with the gasoline prices, groceries prices, utilities, and bills all based on the old worlds higher income based pricing of greed and a lot of corruption packed into bills. Just the gasoline pricing consuming any summer work profit instead of them being used to pay down the previous winter's debt. As Hannibal Hayes said: "I love it when a plan comes together". Or And as Kurt Vonnegut said: "And so it goes".

Making Sense of no sense

Some times I become very sad at a happening, my spouse and I well I am the more open or expressive of we two, when I have a melt down or a cry session, or seek to find logic in the illogical, or struggle to make sense out of no sense occurrences, it's my expressions of emotion that let's his own escape, I am his pathway to expressing himself. A happening which is shape shifting within a loved one right now has us all pondering our own thoughts. I never learned as much about Chakra's as I should have, but did find Dana's recent writing interesting as she believes for a brief time she carried another persons Chakra's erroneously, that you can pick up someone else's was her point. And so I continue to ponder the unknowns world of answers and overlaps.

A Favored Poem for Life 10/28

C.I.P. - 10/28/02 "The life of clouds is a parting and a meeting. A tear and a smile. " - Gibran I first read this when I was 16 or 17 yrs old, I was touched by it, reading it again through all the decades of my life, I am more touched by it. It's author was a very wise being. A Tear And A Smile I would not exchange the sorrows of my heart For the joys of the multitude. And I would not have the tears that sadness makes To flow from my every part turn into laughter. I would that my life remain a tear and a smile. A tear to purify my heart and give me understanding Of life's secrets and hidden things. A smile to draw me nigh to the sons of my kind and To be a symbol of my glorification of the gods. A tear to unite me with those of broken heart; A smile to be a sign of my joy in existence. I would rather that I died in yearning and longing than that I live Weary and despairing. I want the hunger for love and beauty to be in the Depths of my spirit,for I have seen those who are Satisfied the most wretched of people. I have heard the sigh of those in yearning and Longing, and it is sweeter than the sweetest melody. With evening's coming the flower folds her petals And sleeps, embracing her longing. At morning's approach she opens her lips to meet The sun's kiss. The life of a flower is longing and fullfilment. A tear and a smile. The waters of the sea become vapor and rise and come Together and area cloud. And the cloud floats above the hills and valleys Until it meets the gentle breeze, then falls weeping To the fields and joins with brooks and rivers to Return to the sea, its home. The life of clouds is a parting and a meeting. A tear and a smile. And so does the spirit become separated from The greater spirit to move in the world of matter And pass as a cloud over the mountain of sorrow And the plains of joy to meet the breeze of death And return whence it came. To the ocean of Love and Beauty----to God. Khalil Gibran

Some thoughts 10/28*

C.I.P. - 10/28/02 "The life of clouds is a parting and a meeting. A tear and a smile. " - Gibran So much to tell you, so much has transpired, Good things, bad things, so much humor, so much love, so much growth, a beautiful little one added to our family bringing out so much heart and beauty, wonderful as we all felt it, and together. Yes, there's all the other stuff as well, negative, but compared to the bigger picture of all of us, it is a small piece that will now have to find it's own way, for I am tired and choose not to let it knock time off my earthly schedule, it was a piece/ingredient of life, it was not meant to be "life consuming", I rule that it's consumed enough of mine, and that's my final word about that. It's now 9 years since I sat up that October night watching Rocky Raccoon run back and forth across the garage roof panicking that there was no way off totally in sync to the oxygen machine, and me thinking I'd go mad any minute, it was my most desolate night to live through, knowing how totally screwed we really were, feeling that you'd already started down that other path, just holding off from telling me you'd gone on 4/5th's. I miss you and Dad tremendously, I carry you in my heart.

For Mike and for My Ma

Sunrise, Sunsets, rainbows, butterflies, the stars in the night, the northern lights, a few of the things that draw our sight. We learned how to love better for having known you. Babies are born into our lives, we watch them thrive, and enjoy the delights, of little ones born with their Grandfather eyes, one born on your side, one born on mine, little hands and baby toes, bring many smiles. We've tried to help many, whose love ones must leave, we've tried to bring reason to those who could see, the passing of time, all the sights we have seen, So treasured at the end, when one of must leave. Knowing how to live, yet loving for evened follies, made the Santa's appear to some as quite jolly, It was the depth of the love, your hearts carried forth, the forgiveness of sins, for which all were inspired. Mike 10/27/49 Ma 10/28/2002 I think of you both, the years of your giving,all the exchanges we had, when you were both living, all the missing we've done, and I had to try and write something that fit two of my Scorpio's who always were friends in addition to relatives. A tear and a warm smile for you.

The Talker And Dana and Chakra's

Sometimes in this life, we have people we stumble upon who constantly stimulate our brains to think, some make us think of our emotions, some make us think about what we want to achieve in life, and some make us think about the spiritual side of life. The Talker I first met when I was twenty, he was still working as in not retired yet, we'd spend time talking about astrology, the beauty of the signs, art forms in general, as he liked to paint the zodiac signs and scenery as well and then we wandered into some herbal remedies, and gentle speaking of the the spiritual world and all it might hold. The years grew in number as did our family, The Talker retired, and really had a chance to start reading in all the directions the curiosity of us all had long held. Longer conversations on herbal medicines and cures ensued, and spirituality blossomed for us all as he came to understand all of our simple and complex personalities and the spirits behind those dynamic beings. Ten years in and Twenty We suffered losses of significant members throughout the years, significant to one or the other of us I should rephrase, and The Talker would surface with a book, with a paragraph within a book, something to try and shed a better light on the happening, some substance in words to make it more understandable or doable so we could work through our pains and find the light. He shared with several of us "Seth speaks out", and Edgar Cayce and the mans sons writings as well. Sometimes unexplained things can occur, and they will leave you wondering..... Thirty years in we suffered a loss of one dear to everyone, and in his own pain and ours The Talker stayed with us and behind us all such as a June summer night in a backyard that echoed all the other years with our lost one, The Talker sat with us in the moonlight and gained some simple spiritual warmth from the music we played while we gazed into a fire pit watching flames grow brighter then eb, he spiritually stayed linked to us through all the bad days including the worst. Since that time it appears that witnessing a loss of a hero was too much for us, we all changed to some degree, we all became harder, maybe so no one could see the full extent of the pain, and yet The Talker has still tried hard with his uncanny eyes to see the individual good in all of us, to see the loving spirits emerge, he has become our catalyst of laughter, love of each other, he reminds us how deep the love for one another is. Dana, a psychic we follow says that there is a change of time being invoked right now, and that the most sensitive of us spiritually are feeling it, and that it causes a great inner thoughtfulness to take place as the human jockeys around all the shifts in energy, she indicates it's rocking her world. Per Dana "Half a dozen conversations with unrelated souls recently confirmed to me that what I was experiencing is occurring frequently to many people right now. Hopefully, this article will give you another perspective in your personal evolvement with your chakra system during this time of great change. Though I believe the overall energy landscapes of our [...]" Something is rocking the spiritual side, forgetting the negatives, the failures here or there, remembering all the wins, and all the accomplishments, all the things left undone and unsaid well from what Dana says the positive is the only thing for luggage that should be taken into this next level of journey, "Pack only your good baggage" so to speak. All of the positives stay loaded for this one. I am hoping that The Talker is just reflecting, sorting, and will soon "snap back" into place, and do what needs doing for this upcoming round, which Dana promises will hold a very special learning curve to it. (Written 10/25/11)

Alexander, the Artist.

A drive home in Autumn did find, Four dark trees within my sight, noticed by me for within their middle was the orange, red and gold brilliant maple. Within my mind Alexander's line of "there is no dark without the light, there is no light without the dark", I marveled all my life , what he brought to my sight! Trees, skies, flowers, and people, "there is no light without the dark, there is no dark without the light", A lifetime's observation has proven him right.

Fair Weather Friends or Family

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" In our younger days, we had various social circles, one on his side of life, and one for mine. And oddly enough after the first few years we had our son, many of our old friends no longer wanted to get together as they had no children yet, so socializing became family on both sides. Eventually some of those fair weathered friends had families and wanted to get reaquainted and re-entered our lives to some degree, but lessons learned of bring your tools with you, or can I see you I need to make my sons scout soap box derby car wore us down with time, they became visits with a purpose, not social relaxation. Other friends of depth married into other circles, and played the corporate game to get ahead, forgetting their old blue jeaned days, they didn't like to visit a smaller house, ours was actually classed as " claustraphobic", so one dear friend was lost entirely due to his career and his wife's taste in bigger homes, travel and boating. And so it is that family has remained our best friend to date, yes sometimes one or the other can cause some ripples, but not without a lot of sunshine. We watched babies grow, our siblings age, and our parents age to where we know time is a precious commodity, and we see more babies from this next generation replace our own kids, and now we are the age our parents were when the cycle started, and wisdom of the ages has set in as we see the years fly by. We don't miss the old acquantances, but we do value eachother and time more than ever.

When something pushes you over the edge, insanity reigns

Where to start? Once upon a time a princess met a prince briefly, actually on November 14th 1975. She would see him again on 11/21 at a party and somehow looks and chemistry and guitars would play a large role in the fate that shaped for these two characters in the great book of life. He would re-arrange his life out of a relationship that held no depth for him, and they would start over fresh. The prince worked as a glazier for a glass company, but really wanted to become a carpenter like Joseph and Jesus, he liked working with his beautiful hands, so he signed up to put himself through carpentry school until his schooling reached a point where he could work at home building with a few days a month for school. They would study together, learn more math together, and dream together. The princess and the prince got married in 02/1977 ("he was not the marrying type"). Their story is lengthy, with rocks and rolls throughout the years, some Godly smacks, some Godly kisses blown their way, I will not bore you with those recounts now, I will move on to the story line of mind. He built homes for 18 years of his adult life, he fell off roofs, he fell off work piles, eventually a fellow carpenter dropped a wall on him, around 1996 his back gave out, his bottom 3 disc had collapsed, and he needed surgery, his legs were numb up to his waist, a micro surgery was done to get the disc shaved and off of his spinal nerve, fun of all funs the doctor who argued with me about taking pre-surgery blood samples "it's not needed with so simple of a surgery, there is very little bleeding involved" was one of the wrongest assholes of our medical life, my prince went into a thyroid storm on the operating table, not of these ass wipes could understand what was happening as they struggled to stabilize him and in the next 4 months he would drop from 177 lbs down to 135 lbs, specialists consulted, back doctor re-consulted "no no it couldn't have to do with the back surgery", it was our own simple Dr. MD, DO. that asked a simple question of thyroid background and family history that allowed a simple test to be done, he was diagnosed with Acute Graves Disease, Acute in that he was dying slowly, they gave him a radium drink to kill off what was left of this hyper thyroid inherited from a maternal auntie though a rare condition for men, and it would make him hypo-thyroid and in need of daily meds for ever after to mock what a thyroid does for the body although changing his personality somewhat more somber and serious from who we'd been when we met, he was alive and regained some weight through time. Post back surgery it had been squared that the prince would work for a builder as a superintendent, and there were all types of supers, he worked his way up the super ladder one rung at a time, until he was what I called the Super-Super, and it was a job that usually spare his back from the old impacting carpenter lifestyle. This job lasted him near another 18 years until the economy collapse that entire industry. When he worked for that last company, he had an employee who reported to him, and in this economy they've reversed roles, with my man now reporting to the other for this seasonal, warm weather only job. It is the other that brings the wraith of Kath into play. Last summer was as a supervisor, some hard manual work involved, but spaced. This year it's been mostly hard labor, of roofing, siding, and replacement windows, we've done it all here together as a family so I know what is fully involved, my husband does this for the love of his family much like John Coffey sighted in the " Green Mile" (Stephen King's thriller), but friday night he came home looking unusually bad, and I come to find that this person's latest brain storm involves digging holes in a septic field, I'd like you to imagine how that would feel on your spine and legs after 8 hours, now throw into the mix how much stone is in a septic field, and if you've ever done digging you'll know that stone laden dirt is much harder to dig through than plan earth. The air colored with my same words my Dad said, and all of them were swears, turning the air blue my Ma would say, I told him if I had an address life as this man knows it would be altered. There is a big difference between a man who does you a favor, when deck has been re-stacked, and someone who seeks to break you, and therein lies the difference of my friday nite rage. Some Karma is needed here. And so I rub a tire and brutalized body with Oil of Oregano & Olive Oil, and I race ahead of him on cleaning the house the next day as he is usually the dynamo, and seek to give him free time to rest. I've told him he doesn't need to go back I would rather decline than see him go back. He won't listen cause he does it for the love of his family.

ADDH of the Mind

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Hmmmm....Beautiful* Some times my mind tries to solve a real day bill dilemma, and I keep trying to look into deep pockets or corners of the mind seeking a solution, of course using common sense would be one approach, but I have long sought to outrun this economy as I come up with the solutions, it was always a matter of how long it would last, at first it was said to be a couple of years, okay we're there already, then it was projected to be about 5 years out in turning around, no way at 3 years into it since it all went bezerko in Sept of 2008 stock markets plummeting Jobless figures still climb (and still don't take into account all of the self employed entities that are in the midst of these follies) and as a result Home Foreclosures are still a rampant numbered gift that keeps on giving. We spoke of taking in boarders that we knew to alleviate the winter pains of layoff, and both of those boarders have fallen through which would have commenced in Autumn of this year. ADDH of the mind sets in all corners of the mind are created equal they give no sane solutions to this old girl, are goal is to make it through, and yet throwing good money after bad is pointed out to us on occasion. What solutions do we try so often for the love of one, and for the love of the other, my own soul mate admits that if non of us others were here and involved his solution as mine would have been to pull the plug on this tiring game, yet on we must go, we've come so far and exhausted so much of what had once been on the table, we don't want to give up now in case it would be close to correcting, even if it was a half way point, or is it simply that we hate to give up? "Uncle", cry "Uncle"....no instead I will go and come up with yet another ludicrous band aid. I still think my theory expressed here long ago was a beautiful insight, re-hire all the laid off workers, lay off all the ones who have been working in their place, bring fresh blood and new ideas to the table from people who really value the idea of growth, it would give everyone a fair taste of what's happening to the masses, and exchange out the exhausted for the yet to be tapped resources, and maybe buy s all some time to make it. Genius bordering on insanity, maybe, but it does hold some truths. When ADDH of the mind is present, she cannot concentrate for long, she cannot relax for long, until it is nailed down.

My Heart Throb

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" At this moment fist light is reflected up into sky, from a powerful sun rising somewhere, I can not see it yet, but the day is beginning, enough to lighten the sky, I will never not be in awe of it. My heart throb: A simple man goes fishing for a day leaving the house early around 3:30am, his wife stays home and busy cleaning house to some degree, hers, not his, fits in a visit with an old girlfriend for breakfast, she gets groceries in from the store, she eats a simple meal of french bread, she is not cooking, by 7pm she is tired, she watches an old Harry Potter movie and must have dozed off, she hears a creak, it's a chair in the living room that make that creak, she turns her head to look and wahla, there her man sits looking at her, she feels her heart quicken as it always has upon seeing him, she smiles, she is happy he is home and safe from his adventure. The heart takes a while to slow back, she will probably die from a heart attack one day, it will probably be brought on by seeing him re-enters her day, her life. He has just always had that effect on her. She is blessed. I leave you with an old favorite song of mine, called Homeward Bound, that was once played lovingly upon my guitar: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6K8wfyzAJQ

Crazy little thing called love

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Yes, and sometimes I see it when I look in your eyes, it's probably a power of suggestion that seeing you still here makes my day, seeing a crinkle about the eyes showing a smile is coming forward, knowing the care and love is reciprocal, us playing good guy bad guy with "are you OK?". Life is good and I will always have appreciations for it's many aspects, but kiddo I live for you, your company, and your smiles. You are my sunshine every day and my moon at night. Call it too many years of the same humors, same looks, same interests, same principals, call it whatever you want to but as we head towards November 14th of 75 anniversary of two souls meeting on a Chicago street I can tell you fate couldn't have done any better than putting these two souls together, and when we fall we pick each other back up and dust off the weighty sediment from each others backs and re-establish the balance needed for the next increment. Aren't you lucky you have me as your dog, I'd follow you anywhere? Yes, that's what I tell him: "I'm your dog". LOL.

Run for the Roses

I am an online researcher by nature, if I think of something I will goggle it and read whatever I feel like in the links that reveal themselves. I was thinking of our lives and the various ways they've altered in the last few years and I looked up what my husband's old company Lakewood Homes has become: Lakewood Solutions and while I did so I found a blog they keep, it was actually a very positive blog explaining some of the services they now offer to banks who are needing foreclosed homes revamped or brought up to snuff. I think what touched me most was the heart the blog articles were written with, and that heart belongs to the companies owner Buz Hoffman. We always liked him and respected him, and so I was very happy to see articles written with some of our own soul kindred to his. There is no doubt we all went into shock when the housing market crashed so drastically as previously described in other Sunshine postings, but he runs this new company with a positive eye kept on the future, and he offers solutions to making the best of a horrible situation, his postings are filled with gentle references to the truths we now all live with, and somehow as I stumble along again seeing the hideous effects of daily labor play out on my husband body a man who sometimes confesses he doesn't know how many more days he can go there and do the physical labor called for in his early 20's and anyone knowing him would know he gives 100% to each of those days..no slacker...and me trying to keep the rabbits (as I call them, grocery shopping is hunting for rabbits here), and keep the ship from sinking by plugging holes in the bow, well somehow Buz reached my soul with own writings and pulled me to the thought of betterment's out there. I found a way to send him a letter of thanks for the old days, spouses never got to say goodbye to a man that hosted many company/family barbeques, ones where we'd laugh as my husband would try hard to give him the shirt literally off his back as they both had a penchant for wild prints on summer shirts, and to let him know that his blog is a positive force and well written, it would have to benefit anyone seeing it. And with all that said my man came in that night from a 13 hour day of tearing off a roof landing home at 8:30pm (my mind thinks: Oh God), his back and legs numb from the discs slipped out of place, on principle he won't "never while I'm breathing" think of going on disability because of all the slackers who defraud the system some of who he's met, and so we still both wish for a sane 12 month job, and go to bed with hopes for tomorrows soothing today. We Run for the Roses.

A special being in my life

Today is my brother Frankie's 60th Birthday, I'm the runt so I missed a few years of his time here on planet earth, but for certain I remember him from his own age of 7, we were all so different in interests, but Frankie was always one of my hero's, I don't care if he was singing Kevin Barry on the Dining room chair, singing on a swing out in the backyard, it was his voice and love of music that made him shine when I was his little sister. And as we grew he taught me to love and respect bugs, snakes, bees captured or observed, hollyhocks if I remember, Mr. Major's hollyhocks drew the Bumble Bees. He shared his toys, bikes, stuffed animals God how I loved Krissy the stuffed squirrel when I was sick, he'd borrow it to me for companionship, and always back to the singing he had a beautiful voice made for a choir. School days teaching me safety rules different than Ma and Dad's more expanded for what real life outside would encountered, and if anyone picked on me out the older kids they would Frankie to reckon with, he was awesome. And so we continued to grow, eni meani, mynie, mo, skating, baseball, volley ball, basketball, handball for when you were stuck by yourself, rolling down the hill, king of the mountain, it was the best part of my youth. Growing up teens, still keeping that eye and ear out for me and my safety, and guitars, how many songs did he write out for me lyrics and chords so I could keep growing even though by now he'd moved out, sharing his auto when he'd be on vacation, working on my cars when they'd break down or the big crash of the corvair, what a repair, driving down Harlem and teaching me how to make the impact less evil when saw the guy was going to hit us, but Frankie averted the street light (my side) so I wouldn't get hurt. And so we kept growing: Introduction to husband of 34 years, best man at the wedding, and brother and friend through out all of these years. Now his own family grown up, and him a grandpa this August, it's been an incredible journey, may I wish you many more with much love and thanks.

Family and a Fall Sunday

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Yes, and one of the best was my graduation trip (Present from Brothers) down to Daytona Beach Florida in 1973, about a 21 hour drive got us there in the dark, in those days you could drive onto the beach and they had not yet invoked the curfews that they now impose on the beach due largely to crimes against women. But as we sat there the three of us, that glorious first light hinted at on the horizon, and watching the sun slowly rise up out of the sea where it is rumored to sleep, sea gulls began their early morning flight, screeching as they hovered, it was glorious. I don't think my brothers really knew how much those 20 minutes would mean to me in life, how much it would keep me going, that no matter what gets tossed my way I can pause and remember that someone is seeing that beautiful sunrise, it still exists in spite of mans world experiments, or at least to date. So Sunday we had our family gathered, a day to catch up, observe all the changes, a lovely fall afternoon to sit outside, a new sweet baby Will in our midst his parents a young sweet couple, our nephew brings his charm and warmth to us as he arrives back from work, our son had been able to catch up a bit before his own work schedule intruded and held little Will for awhile, the baby slowly checking out our sons beard and deciding if it was friend or foe, us oldsters who now approach our parents old roles taking in the changes in each other, our spouses who have witnessed and participated in many roles throughout the years, all brought together again, and I am glad we were, I came away knowing everything had changes, nothing had changed, and we are all aging at a rapid speed, the original siblings to my minds eye the first memories I have are of them, and all the growing years, summer days and winter too., I was happy to see my family again just one time together, it's been so long since we were orphaned, I've dealt with so many other families, it was lovely for me to glance from face to face, and feel the peace of the autumn day and the new life of the baby works it's magic on us making us see what beauty has come to be shaped in our own children lives, therefore in our own lives. A little Chicago Bears for some Chicago styled humor of the Monsters of the Midway. And a lot of reflections, I'm still spiraling in. But I'm glad we had the day.

A visit from my oldest brother

The years have passed quickly, it's light years since we played in the back yard on Richmond in the late 50", or skated in the winters of the 60's at Gladstone, or played numerous sports on the playground at Hitch Elementary, danced at the holiday or went on our trip to Florida in the early 70's, long ago were the growing up years. In the 70's as young adults we'd play guitars together, and party together, my brothers always included my friends in the invites. My oldest brother Rob came in to visit from California this September week/2011, 1st time I've seen him since August of 2007, like we're having an aging race was my first observation, One mention of his when we spoke face to face Thursday night was "I'm quirky, I have some strong little quirks", I liked that, my mind laughed we're all quirky myself included. We all went in different directions in the 80's, we moved on some of us settling down, buying homes, rearing families, and relocating further away from each other, parents transferred to Wisconsin for a few years, just as they came back to Illinois a brother decided he'd try out moving to California that was in 1985, in 1990 we lost our Dad, in 2002 our Ma. You stay the same inside as an individual generally, the actual core or spirit of who you've always been from those formative years, yet all of these adult life spinoffs change you and etch your adult core with more intricate emotions/reactors/opinions, now put the same group of family back together much time has passed, we are all changed, yet in many ways the same, and yes he coined it "I have some Quirks". We all do.

A little quiet time, is always golden

This weekend was a most pleasant and happy weekend for me, it was chucked full of the simple things I cherished, I couldn't written it much better unless I had a little more energy. Saturday morning we cleaned, I sabotaged us by about an hour by cooking bacon up so our son cook have something to eat before heading out for a double shift, (you can't clean a stove if you're using it, can ya?), my pal escaped outside while I finished the other 1/2 of the house as we do a joint custody cleaning, he has the original half,I have the newer addition 1/2 as territory and more patience is required waking up it's occupant for work, and cleaning around our son until they're finally off to work. When I finally seek my spouse outside I spot that he's made a new seat for our bench in the corner he built for me light years ago, it is still a place of refuge he's found me sitting there thinking or having a sentimental moment many times the last few years-so far him to try and buy it time as the ants try to consume it, is a very sweet action. He is now cutting bushes a final autumn time, and tells me he's got it all handled, go do something else. This would have worked for someone else who's never cut these tall forsythia's (ladder required), but I hang in there working in harmony with him, him cutting, me raking and bagging debris, it is a tough job, tougher when you have to do it all by yourself, it was a beautiful end of summer day, maybe 75 degrees. What is an 8 hr job was reduced to 4, and he's off to his garage after we both sit on the bench for rest surmising our progress, and I go off to hunt for my rabbits (aka: grocery shopping on this ever limited budget.) While I'm shopping my oldest brother calls to tell me some of the plans regarding his trip in this coming week, lands on Wednesday, leaves the following wednesday, we are trying for a family gathering for sunday, I'm on the phone through the entire grocery shop and pray as I check out that I've remembered it all (you'd have to know me on this point, always scary). I come home and put everything away except for dinner, and start on that, my spouse gets a brainstorm to try making a sauce for the meat out of our veggies which we cut up and saute (he is after a green sauce with a kick to it for our shredded pork which we eat in tortes as we did all those saturdays with Mike & Kit, there is something comforting about this food ritual, simple but good. Sunday morning holds more of the same but the weather has shifted to rain on and off, and cooler, while he goes to his garage, I tackle little projects in the house that have aggravated me for some time, the basement is one of them, we'd never put humpty dumpty together again after the last flood of sump water, some of the shit is heavy, but I asked long ago for the help and was foo foo'd with yep, soon....months ago, so I am able to lift up the weight set and slide the carpet under it using leverage....leverage is something I was always intrigued with as a small child I saw a cool segment on romper room that has helped me through life...lol, I come upstairs I do my ironing of the special restaurant blacks I am stuck with even though it's not my job*, and I pick and cut the remaining peppers and freeze them and start to do the same to the celery we've grown this summer so it's all handy from the freezer as cooking ingredients for our stir fry dishes this season and vegetables that won't have to be bought at higher cold weather prices. I make popcorn for the games, and for the family whatever shift they're in here to consume it. A roast beef brisket is cooking in the crockpot with carrots and potatoes since early afternoon, he like this with a gravy I've come to learn, and it is a break from all the ground beef in the budget. Next is my favorite poncho I've had since I was 17 or 18 is finally torned and I endeavor in my skilless method to sew it, as I do a bath towel that can buy us more time as it got stuck under the agitator at some point and one end hangs off, while I sew my pal comes in early from his garage day, and seeks home, popcorn, football and a nap before dinner once he knows he still has time to do that, it's still raining outside on and off, so we enjoy our evening, even after his nap he is very tired, it shows in the face. We decide to go to bed, we're tired and we both get up very early with the work week. But it was a lovely two days of home and family.

Insomnia, spare time, and Email YAYAYAHACKERS

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" I've a knack for getting up at 12:30am technically Friday morning, so of course I've gotten to see my fair share of sunrises....it's only 3:23am so I will be waiting a while for today's. And I can make a safe projection that by lunchtime I will be needing a nap...which sucks as it's a workday, good projection, bad day dream. So I was amazed to find out this morning that some hacker asshole had become a vampire of my AOL email address, he sent out to all kinds of people God knows what as I wouldn't open the link to see, if I did my computer would probably blow up, so we'll pass on that scenario, won't we? My own experiment in terror was to change the password and the security question, now if only I can remember them, damn he sent to attorneys from old real estate days and family and friends, yikes I'm going to be getting some strange looks now. Amazing, do these people have full time jobs, are they up late drinking vodka and they just get possessed to Hack into someone's email account. Hard for me to believe it would be someone unemployed with real concern over landing a job to support home and family, someone trying to keep the proverbial roof over their families head......thus it has to be some small assed conceited yuppy computer geek with spare time and no life that feels the urge to Hack someone else's account, and I've got a challenge for them: Try instead to utilize your time to come up with real solutions to the family of cancer's that claim multiple thousands each year, try to find a cure for the US economics failures, try and make a single well intended contribution to someones day, asshole. Thanks for the jump start to a day in the life of sunshine:)

An empty spoon 2011

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Hard to understand sometimes we do not all see the sunrise, harder to understand when it's one of mine that struggles to see the good in the world, when his world runs out of balance. She walks into the kitchen, see's her husband cooking chili, she's injured her finger somehow with the heavy files at work busting whatever major blood vessel ran through that particular finger, it is twice as swollen as it's left counterpart, and it is purple as compared to white of the counterpart, it is tender, she is so graced and happy she doesn't have to cook dinner this particular night. She wants to chill out and relax, her husband sees this, and keeps working his chilli magic which will encompass every type of pepper that exists. She smiles. Her son has had a rough go of getting into the teaching system due to the economy and all the teacher lay offs that ensued, but he has been hired by a suburban district to teach High School English as a substitute, however, if you don't say you're available 5 days a week you go to the bottom of the list for calling, his present job which is paying many of his bills and student loans needs a two-three day commitment to the lunch hour bartender theory, if you refuse, then they cut your night schedule & hire someone else that will take more hours away, that these two clash in scheduling throws him for a loop, he is upset by it, I tell him unfortunately the win win here is to tell all your available since neither will keep you scheduled decently with a truth, and that in any case the teaching deserves the genuine loyalty since that is the full goal,he gets pissed at me and / or pissed at life, refuses to sit down and talk things out, when I pursue him into the family room, he walks out and closes the door to the music room, end of discussions!!! He so hates the economics of the household after these past few years, and when it touches him he hates it more, fatalistic he thinks it will always be this way for him burdened with so much student loan debt, I try to assure him during the initial conversation that his life won't always be this way, but it is hard to convince someone who no longer belongs in Santa, isn't it? Last winter brought more debt, summer has barely kept us floating due to that, and yet winter approaches again. It is hard enough to keep my / our own heads lifted with good attitudes, and always trying to believe if we tough it out we can win against this beast, that I try to project a good horizon to another of a different generation, I am shut out by his inability to slow down and listen, probably as he thinks they are lies, but no I truly am hanging in here to believe in better days, at the very least better days for him, and hopefully his father, as well, who established the night before that 1/2 of his body is numbing for physical strength due to the ever lovely lower back discs, we need a different 12 month job, that is his only answer, and no one knows what's behind the three closed doors up ahead, the lady, the tiger, or the 12 month job. What I can tell you is that some days we all become inadequate, we all hold an empty spoon at the very moment we are to try and help feed someone. " A Tear & A Smile"

The Aquarian versus the world 9/15-19

I received the following this morning, it's my Aquarian forecast for the next few action packed days, some could take it seriously, I choose to take it with my Irish/Polish humor in stride, of course we will all know more after these days have passed (lol): Get ready, because between September 15-19, you'll experience a flurry of planetary activity that will leave you in a whirlwind! It all begins early on September 15, when talkative Mercury exchanges pleasant words with ever-exaggerated Jupiter. The phrase "chatty Cathy" will be an understatement when applied to you .. but since everyone will realize how well-intentioned you are, you'll get a positive response to everything you say. Charm, tact and diplomacy will also be amplified that same day as Venus moves into its own sign of Libra. This transit will spotlight the traits these two share, helping you to keep the peace and maintain harmony -- as well as increase your desire for indulgence! On September 16, Pluto finally starts moving forward again following its five-month retrograde period. All those plans of yours that were originally sent back to the drawing board will now be ready to get put into action! Then on September 17 and 19, poor Venus is jostled by Uranus and Pluto, respectively. The former planet is inclined to be unstable, while the latter can lean toward possessiveness. When these two combine with loving Venus, you'll find yourself on quite the romantic roller coaster. Avoid making major emotional decisions until the dust settles, as current problems may turn out to be nothing more than minor glitches. Lastly, battle-hungry Mars moves into fiery Leo on September 19. Compromise will become an unknown word, and everything -- from work to romance to daily life -- will become supercharged!

The Beauty for the Forest

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" There are times in your life where you see a beautiful landscape set before your eyes, and you are awestruck by the magnificence of it. There are also times when you see one rose, or one leaf and you tune in equally to it's perfection of exactly what formed it to this perfection. So why it is on other days you can't see the individual beauty because of the encroachment of the forest? It's all perspective, isn't it?

A Soul, and the simple truth:

“You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” ― C.S. Lewis

The little things are the big things

We're only to September, yet the thanksgiving list shapes up for the yearly reflections that most often brings that inner warmth like a glow into my soul, most especially this year brought two new little lives to our families, a little girl born in January who is now crawling, and standing at times...doing the old table pull up, casting challenging looks out to her audience., And a little boy born in August, who is sweet in disposition, and smiling in his sleep secure in the love that envelopes his entrance into this world and cares for him on a daily basis, I am touched my brother who always had such a sweet voice gets to sing him to sleep at times, and I am in love with his parents who so enjoy all their moments. Children are the very essence of what this life is all about, it's beauty and grace, and all the love that is given, all the love that is exchanged as they grow and evolve, we are so happy for these little beings added to our families this year, they are the miracle's of life.

What's in a body, a human spirit.

Years have come and gone, as I stood at your side, few may wonder why I smile, you're true, you never hide. To ask you a direct spiritual question, you've answered and defined, you need no list, no pad of paper, you totally trust in your mind. Besides myself, the one I trust, and believe in totally blind, if it can be changed, or progress made, you are the one who could do it. And so I smile, pride ebbing forth, your human spirit captured, the love in my heart, which was there from the start, and you've only added to it. We are of different methods, but very much in tune, for all our basic principles, intact with the help of some glue.

What do you do?

"When was the last time you ever saw the Sunrise?" That is still a good question relative to each day being a new start. A new start if people let it become one. To take a cup of coffee, and sit out front and watch the sunrise can be such an awesome start to a day, Robin's hunting for worms, listening to the ground for directions. Birds flying overhead as the first light pink in the east shines some reflection upon your reflections. You struggle to catch a minute sometimes and you've found one, enjoy and linger, a sense of calm touches you, reminds you of the real essence of time and love. And so I took some time, to get back to the basics, and found my own way to the path, maintaining it still such a hard struggle, people you have allowed into your life crash back in with their own man made problems. They shake your calm right out to oblivion in their own struggle for what they want in their lives, conflicts, lies stacked upon more lies. When you lie to yourself, aren't you quite lost? We recently had encountered someone of old who was seeking refuge in our world to try and set theirs to right, they talked the talk, and walked the walk. Much of our energy was given to this two day task. One week later, we accidentally see the same individual again, and they have totally done an about face forward march, and have the arrogance to look at us defiantly to see if we will give up their lies and confusion. Other parties who were intermingled in the first week seek us out via phone, too. Threats of self inflicted damages are sung, Jesus now where has that calm gone, what to do? Do nothing? Do Something? Do Nothing? Close your eyes to the outer circle. Damn it, when someone draws us intricately into a mess. We need no messes, we're tired, we're weary. The next time someone seeks us out, we will probably hide, we can be otherwise engaged, that's what we can do. This particular sequence wasn't worth the spit it took to talk. Now back to that calm, so go get another cup of coffee and try that thought again today. When was the last time you watched the sunrise? Keep to your inner circle, it is saner there.

There are all types of Death

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" I just posted a blog that has to do with corruption and the fall out suffered by common folk over greed, affluent people lining their pockets with someone Else's life time savings, getting caught at it, and still getting away with it. It's the American way apparently, Corruption, Government, politicians, wall street, banks, insurance companies, mortgage companies, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, the dept of treasury, the Federal Reserve all intertwined, interwoven, lie upon lie, conceal it, sell it off, screwing the American Public at every available turn, just to keep turning profit, and unload all the bad crap elsewhere, pulling Europe into their own downward turn at times just to keep goal. It started in 2008 and where it will end no one knows, the affected have become the afflicted a middle class that was shot to hell in several moves, probably won't get back up, not really, it was too permanent of a kick ass shot. An entire segment of workers removed so permanently by the collapse of the housing market: All Contractors that had anything to do with housing markets unemployed!!!!!!!!!! Honorable Realtors, who tried to walk a good path, Home Inspectors, Mitigation companies Real Estate Attorneys Many Honorable Loan Officers, who defined their business through a truthful fit, Home Surveyors, Carpenters, Electricians, plumbers, concrete workers, landscapers, street pavers, fencing companies Brick Layers, Housing Subdivisions, stopped dead in their tracks, as the banks wouldn't loan any further for their development until more houses were sold and closed, but builders not being able to build, forced to give it all back to guess who, the greedy banks. Now most of these people from this collapsed world, owned homes, God Bless them Sometimes both husband and wife of the family worked in home related industries and became doubled screwed. The point is, three years into it, and there is no way home, so many foreclosed on, so many more on the horizon, barely able to put one foot in front of the other, and even as they leave their precious homes where they knew love, reared their families, where the hell can they afford to go? Even if their blessed with one working, what can that person afford? So they sell of their belongings at major losses, and give the rest away to charities or resale shops, and down size into an apartment again, no more house, no more garage, and that's if they can get anyone to rent to them after a foreclosure scars their credit history, and the personal bankruptcy that is recommended by attorneys and accountants in conjunction with the foreclosure mode of moving on. As you approach these walks of life you watch your counter part, your loved ones, none of it is taken gracefully by the spirit, the spirit is screaming, it's angry, it's in pain, it takes a toll on the body, the mind, each person diminishes before your eyes, it kills you off a bit as you progress towards the reality. You look in the mirror, you see a strangers face looking back, if you're lucky you'll laugh...who is this woman? If one scary near death moment can take years off your life, what has this done? Yes, I believe there are all types of death, and a sweet part of America has died, the constructive part.

Breaking Stories 09/02/2011

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Yes today: U.S. to sue big banks over mortgage securities: report news.yahoo.com http://news.yahoo.com/u-sue-big-banks-over-mortgage-securities-report-031719348.html Or: http://news.yahoo.com/aigs-attack-bank-americas-8-5-billion-settlement-192207733.html or: http://news.yahoo.com/allstate-sues-goldman-over-mortgage-debt-losses-215444216.html About a week short, three years ago...the stock market went beserk, and I had to start switching monies from our now non-existent 401K into much safer at the time bonds, we lost a good 9K-13K in one week, but the choice I made would serve us well in the one year that remained before we had to pull the 401K to survive off off that first hideous year of lay off. Now, people are finally starting to want to go after the big boys that caused all of the fallout, and quickly worked with all the higher ups to conceal and do damage control as it spun out into the population like an awesome killer flu. To this day they still continue to manipulate the foreclosure market by forging documents to take to court, as the dumb asses couldn't find their own records, they finally got caught at that when they foreclosed on a forgery expert who herself had taught many a fine treasury dept agent how to tell a forgery....yes it's all true just Google it. Who will have the last laugh here? Probably the big boys, but I can wait to watch all their bullshit and baffle, if the US government collects anything it should get paid back into Social Security which never should have been defrauded and de-flocked the way ti was....thank you LBJ!, and all the others that followed, and people wonder why I wouldn't want another Texan for President!

Half Time, her sardonic kicks in

People would think me a moron to know how much I try to hide under a rock during this dreaded month of mine. I can honestly say only a handful of good things have ever happened for me during it, and ton of bad, near maddening events scorched it for me. My own parents (had they still been here, but instead they're there) would have/or did reached/reach 64 years of marriage yesterday, I thought of them on and off throughout the day, I think of them often for the life lessons they taught me towards a marriage, and yet all the other components of life. My Lauren pre-occupied my mind during the first week of the month, my grief there is finally blurred, no more acute pain, but I do remember the days of sitting by that grave crying in the rain, seemed the only place I could go for peace or rest for quite awhile. And I remember still painfully losing Dad, the unreal three D back, near out of body that comes with back things, we buried him 21 years ago today, and my eyes cloud still, it's been many years since I held his hand in mine, he could be a softie as he aged, he had a wisdom to him (Pa, I still try hard to not tailgate, I knew it upset you so), his practicality is what has run my ass these last few years, he is in my backbone when it comes to this recession, day after day of papers in front of me I'd rather incinerate they near gag me as does the thought of Ground beef for dinner. And in a few days I will hear Across the Universe echoing in my head as the mind wanders to Ma and that God Forsaken surgery night of monsoonal rain, and the doctors word that did echo out across my universe, music saying nothing would change my world, when everything had changed in a sentence. And so as we were waiting for little Will to be born it was only natural that stress was a major component to the waiting, in part due to not believing in Santa any longer, and in part to dear old August. I am very happy and relieved that this little boy baby who I will meet this weekend, is thriving surrounded by love and family, I am happy for an August event finally some balance to the month. My brother a Grandpa, awesome, he will really enjoy this. And so we are passed 1/2 time in the month, I peek out from under my rock.

Baby Will

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Yes, a great one today, my incoming text message, one to roust me from my sleep from my brother, and one to get me on my feet from my niece....saying baby Will had been born. August 9th, 2011 Baby Will has been born to our Jenny & Bill. So long from the Xmas announcement of Preggers to this August day. Face book already posts his picture, he is gorgeous, and call me crazy but I can see the resemblance from our other baby pictures, eyes, cheeks and nose. I am so happy for them all, I am a worry wart by nature, but last night as I made myself pass out it was cause I could no longer tolerate my poor nieces time clock of labor, it had been way too long already. I am so happy to see her face book posting this morning, as she is so happy for this event in her life. And I can finally relax on my August blight, and put it to rest in the closet. Go.....Jenny and Bill, and now Will, you all Rock;)

Blessings

No, I didn't forget, just for reasons of my own doing a lower profile with regards to realities, awaiting good happenings as they say, but do I remember August, oh yes indeedy, a tricky terrain if ever there was for this old gal, but would I have evolved and toughened without it? Saw the double red headed hawks several times this week, figured they were seeking me out...a little check-in perhaps to see if I'd gotten swallowed whole by a whale maybe? No I am still here, living up to life's challenges as they are tossed my way. I can't seem to solve but with band-aides, if it wasn't so serious, it would render a fine comic scope to it. So I've occupied my time with watching the Washington Follies, a show bigger than life with more disgusting characters in it, Tea baggers wanting no new taxes, and republicans protecting the Millionaires and billionaires under Tea Bagger disguise, of no taxes means even NO TAXES ON THE RICH AND FAMOUS...who with their corporations quite often pollute our lands, taint our waters (yes I am enjoying all those natural gas commercials speaking of how much they're doing for the population (exploding water faucets and bad water wells come to mind from the poor people afflicting with them digging too close), My heavens Warren Buffet and Bill Gates even volunteered their opinion publicly that they wouldn't mind paying more taxes, but the Washington grease my hand & I'll grease yours good old boys clubs couldn't and tenaciously wouldn't let that shape so they're be some source of revenues generated that could actually slowly make a dent in the deficit. It's a mind challenge game for me to always try to see what they're really trying pull despite theirs words flowing. Similar to our house, in summer I should be able to get ahead and yet I am so buried from trying to jockey spring, and the ever lovely gas prices which kill me, that I can't get ahead nor even. And neither can this fair land we call America, they've killed her off for the Rich and Greedy to keep on draining her resources but give nothing back. I truly would have fired them all, or at the very least had them on unpaid leave for 1-2 years, let them get a taste of the real world. And so I stay quiet little lady, and I look forward to the big picture, and hope for some good familial news soon. And that will keep the inner child happy if that can shape sweetly*

Happy Birthday, Jenny

Always in the present, different days take you back to the past, and coming from a small family versus marrying into a large family, I've always seen the world with two sets of glasses, one for the big family that seemed to take birthing and more children way in stride as a given almost, versus my small family and how each child broadened our horizons so very much, it's always been such contrast. I remember all of us waiting up for Jenny to be born, and she played it down to the wire our little Leo did. And I remember many of her growing minutes, throughout time, sitting here smiling, snugged up in baby outfits with pointy hoods, little toddler girl on the run, charming little girl watching her disney, scaring us as she catapulted down the stairs gymnasics would suit her early, playing fingers with her Dad as I did with mine, all smiles in time. Preheated vehicles as her parents tried to capture or coax her into leaving when she wasn't wanting to part yet on Christmas Days. Sleepovers where she'd come to get me once she was up, so we could start the bacon. She was so cute, "I'm up Kath, you told me to come get you". And of to the land of Smurfs we go, her and Justin squealing as they exchanged shared favorite characters. Watching her and Justin climb the magnolia tree with squirt guns in hand to shoot poor Ryan as they ran about for a summer gathering. And then they grow up, they go through their teens, they go off to college, they get married, a good man for her very much in tune with each other, a very emotional day, happy for her, happy for my brother, feeling my ghosts in hand with me. And now today her birthday, she is about to give birth to her own child, a boy child anticipated some time this week who's mom has been learning to sew so she can have special outfits decorated for him, he will be much loved, and so the circle of life continues to spiral outward, and with it some many more good times will be enjoyed by my brother and his family, I am very happy for their new adventure. And Will, he is much loved already, even as we patiently wait for him to arrive. A Little Leo Boy.

Finding Soul

Yesterday, I found my socks, and old shoes which hadn't been in the recently flooded basement, donned them and drove my self over to Twin Lakes, it had been so long since I escaped, I who used to walk 2-3 miles daily and was energized for the days at that point, now walk with a maimed determination, knowing I need it as much internally as I do externally, I push on until my kidney tells me it's time to get home, and old girl laughing at the younger one who could do more than I can now, she hasn't quite yet and she moves me on through my days when I the present occupant would not have the stamina to push on, mostly due to bad tendons in feet that echo the ones in my hands, walking a distance is painful, but she laughs she's happy she doesn't have to do it with her hands as they are worse. It was so wonderful to be out there at 6am, ducks shrouding the shoreline in clusters that must have brought a night safety to them. The slight pinking of the sky as they sun said hello to the day. This is a lake where I fished with my Dad, my husband and my son when he was young, after dinner we'd tool over here summer evenings, weekend afternoons, we experience much peace fishing together, admiring eachother finds, laughing as our son caught " a big one" on a hook we'd cut the tines off of, and his very little "big one would slip off the worm back into the water, no need for us to hurt our little fishies. We did this in 88, 89, and early 90. My Dad came with to my sons baseball games, too, in the summer of 90 and spring, we'd troop to the other park with lawn chairs and cooler in hand and laugh as the little 5 and 6 yr olds tried to find a "Good eye" for batting practice, little ones bored in the outfield sitting down on third base during the game, not much chance of them tagging anyone out, it would take too long to stand back up. We often don't know while we're living it, what are the best of times, until we are deprived of more days like those. That is why we gain wisdom as we age, we gain more values of time and of our families. My walk gains me spirit, and a better frame of mind for my day, my week. Getting back with nature has been the healer and soother for this soul. I have to make the time for this one thing, consistently is the goal.

Sunshine, early recall

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tv5iYj4TIbg http://youtu.be/Tv5iYj4TIbg http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FafLnokzeNo So the little girl was standing in the kitchen of the 2nd floor at Richmond, her mom was doing dishes at the sink, housewives in those days wore dresses, most of these women didn't have to work once they had children, in fact it was quite uncommon. I do believe the little girl was three at the time- 1958, that was the first time she heard this song, she absolutely fell in love with it, upon hearing this song she feels love, she experiences a quick variety of emotions, and when she's sentimental or missing someone very much who's gone but not forgotten she will have tears in hear eyes at the end of the song. She knows how to play it on guitar, and when she sings it she'll make through to almost the end before her voice cracks from the tears constricting her throat. Love of music started early.

Standing tall

When life promises chaos, shake your shoulders and stand strong. Tears brimming up within your eyes, sweethearts dumped you, and told you lies, shake the negative out, and stand strong. When every single person remains clueless,as they easily distract, and you only see the game plan at the core of everything, breath in and out, opened eyes on goal and stand strong. ( A line from Johnny Tremain light years ago: "Why did Raab and all the others die, to prove that a man could stand up".)

Going Intro

Sometimes if allowed a block of time will prove out what is real, and what is not. Take a block of time, and people claim they want to get together, they name the time and place, they've only got to do such and such first. They'll be done by:____pm. MMMM, MMMM, MMMM, wrong. So now you've taken several vacation days, and you have three days with three different people pulling this when you wanted to tackle a few projects of your own, it's amazing, if only people were more realistic with their own self truths of what they can get done, and what they can't in a given length of time, they'd actually spare the rest of us from their own scheduled growing pains. And so, I go introverted one more time for sake of my own life goals. Don't call me, I'll call you is the new motto for the chronics. And believe me you are chronic in your abilities to stand a person up. And yet the very same ones are the ones that want someone to come running when they need a rescue, we'll let's switch shoes, did it ever occur to you that someone else might need the rescue?

Higher ground

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Another day in paradise! Was quite sidetracked, the road back to being me was barely visible, quite a jaunt back but I think I gotten home now, oddly between trying to figure you out and where you'd gone off to, the household chaos that is the stack on my computer desk so rarely addressable it must be saved up until possible solutions are within my brain cells, the talker gentling prodding me to keep reading to clear the board, more of your retreat, me trying to find the light and gently Julia walks in on me, I have always seen her beauty of soul, she is in good part the white light of purity, and her gentle questions land me long enough to think, chaotically thinking but still slows me down enough to finally glimpse the light, huge thanks for this. Signs of possible troubled health, bring dream of actual death, Jesus just like Lisa: dropping to the floor, rising out 3D I hear "she's dead", I wonder who's dead, what are they talking about and then I see who has landed on the floor in a second, heart stopped, chapter closed. In real time I wake to thudding heartbeat in my own ears, I recall the dream, I am rattled, I get back up and think, I think of Lisa, so vibrant going down that way, I still can barely believe the idiots stinted her, saved her heart, but were to stupid the first few days to check her brain knowing full well that when any of us hit the ground full body weight, it's with an impact, surely if we were blood related I would have sued their dumb asses for "not thinking", and in that time she bled out internally, brain suffocated by her own blood. I think of me and life in this fast lane, band aid upon band aid, and the real white light and life I'd lost sight of.....Living, and living/loving time. That was two nights back, but I could feel the simple changes yesterday, and then Julia's email, so much sweetness and light, coming home to my boys, kitchen table rounded by us, and reaching out for your hand you leave it for me, and I feel you needed me back here with you in the light of love and family, not off on some side trek of paper stacks and solutions that are temporary, we are temporary too, we count more. "Honey, I'm home" (she laughs) - Stephen King/Pet Cemetery

Learning styles for Julia

What do you feel - understand, is your primary learning style? How do you grasp ideas most effectively? Visually, is my primary learning style, the eyesight and the power of perceptions that come from seeing, digesting, and understanding. Without my vision I would never see the colored aura's which help me to know what lies within the person I am meeting or encountering. Auditorily, is the secondary learning style, or coupled with a visual, a dynamic duo. Auditory learning is a learning style in which a person learns through listening. An auditory learner depends on hearing and speaking as a main way of learning. Kinesthetically-Rarely for this girl, as opposed to the 1st two. However as a child, yes, this was used much more. Kinaesthetic learning is a learning style in which learning takes place by the student actually carrying out a physical activity, rather than listening to a lecture or merely watching a demonstration.

Human Warmth

A question poised on what was most important to me in my relationships? Human warmth, or the warmth you feel in your various relationships is what I enjoy the most. It's an interesting quality, it's not always visible, it's not always measurable, but it surely feels like the warmth of the sunlight. It can be felt during a hug, a conversation, a shared moment witnessing something in the nature world, a song that's enjoyed or in your shared musical tastes. Sometimes it can exist just by sitting side by side with a good friend, a loved one, just taking a moment to co-exist together.

07/04/2011

North America, a birthday, 235TH if your counting from 1776. An awesome landmark in time, and yet nothing stacked against Europe or the middle east, or China. We are still a young country, we who reside still have many fine things to be thankful for: We have freedom of speech, usually not a punishable by death category in the land we call America. We have freedom of who we can marry. Freedom to bear our children regardless of what gender they might be. Freedom of what religions we can practice/participate in. We have the right for men and women alike to all vote in an election, and some of us have the right to think the major political parties should be abolished, and just for common men without a tag or huge money backers to be able to run successfully for any elected position, to believe that the two parties are only harming us these last few years as they think they have to conform on too many issue to what their large tag has been too long defined by. So yea we have the right to want to see changes per our own individual mindset. We have people born to pauper class that can work towards a better life. No slavery, as defined in the days of old. No sweatshops, as defined in the days of old. We have the right to move about the country should we desire to travel. We have the right to decide where our children can be schooled and by whom. We have the right to change jobs should we ever want to. We've come along way baby. We do not have the right to keep fouling the land in our old half hazard manner, we need to make stronger laws for the corporations as well as the consumer to protect it. We do not have the right really to keep taxing the hell out of the common man, while huge corporations stay exempt from taxes or threaten to move their businesses out of the country, simple cure you pay tax here and now, or you'll pay a heavier tax to import the goods into our land should you move to another country. We do have the right mid stream in a crisis to change our entire thinking and game plan, because progress was not moving fast enough, and like idiots hand it back to the very ones that debauched it in the first place. We are a young country, More oil leaks inland now, previously coastal, we do not have the right to allow large corps to leave their messes without complete cleanups. We don't have the right to allow Natural Gas diggers to foul the land, killing livestock and humans alike with gas coming out of the water faucets and water wells gone contaminated with that natural gas and the chemicals put into the land in it's place. We are a young country and there is much to learn, much to use freedom of speech for. Happy Birthday America, and God Bless it's populace.

An interesting weekend, running solo.

So many relationships, so little time, or so I thought. Friday, friends of mine from an Ex-Job surfaced, one in town from Michigan, and the other available wanted to do a get together, it's been a few years, so we met Melissa, David & I at Dirty Nellie's for lunch outside in their garden cafe. It was intensely hot, David was gracious enough to buy us ladies lunch, Melissa brought back the trinity ring (A celtic ring) which we have for some 10 years now shared, all of us alittle Irish, David gave it to me back in 2002, he had found it in an antique shop in 2001, wore it for a year, and took it off one day and told me I was more Irish than him, it was better off with me. David worked for me and along side of me for way too many years as he made his way through college, Mel worked in accounting, but had the same perverse sense of humor, we saw a lot of humor in our daily work, yet always got the job done & on time. So now the ring is back with me, we have a nice lunch, they both have jobs the really enjoy after years of searching, and I am happy for them. I come away glad we made the time to see eachother again, some type of grounding takes place when we catch up, like it's needed for the chapter to commence, and as we do hugs and take our leaves I wish us all the best. I run a couple of errands, drop back at my house, do what's needed, and take off again for social gathering number two of the day, my friend from 8 years on Cyndie has a gathering at her house, her house family is used to me, I've been there the last few years at one gathering or another, but it's the oldsters her mom, her sister in law June up from Tennessee, her niece and nephew I've known them for a very long time, the kids now are parents and grand parents, yet I knew the kids when they were newborns, I knew June when she was a young bride long before a marriage could go wrong, Cyndie's mom Sylvia has been like a 2nd mom to me, and Cyndie....out of all the people I know and I am related to Cyndie is always so happy to see me, she values that we're still ticking, I guess when our darling Lisa dropped that this is the gift she left to us, eachother. So I enjoy myself, and all these fine personalities, they are so gracious, some southern charm interlaced with our northern ways, I spent enough time smiling. I go back home even more repaired from all my days outreaches. It is good, I've needed this for awhile. It is living time, outside in the sun. Dinner, sleep, and up again: Sunday, some computer tasks, some balancing of checkbook versus the one that never sleeps, a low 2 digit, hmmm. Phone rings it's The Talker reaching out to put me onto a path I found yesterday somewhat already clouding due to tasks of the morning, he assigns me some reading materials, tells me to start over and re-create my landscapes and vibrations of output, I get off the phone, I read, I think, I go back and pull my March blog back into the present. And then Justin who had gone off to a friends house for a barbecue which was a gathering of his friends, but one to which we'd been invited also calls me to ask if his Dad and I would be stopping by or his dad was still out in the garage painting lures, and he was still painting, (in truth he didn't stop until 7pm), Justin tells me one of the other Moms is there who I hadn't seen in light years, so I throw on my two makeup articles, change and go, it feels good to be out driving my old truck to see the youngsters. Well I was impressed upon my arrival, my son came out to greet me, he brought me over to all his friends who were like adopted children to me for a long haul of time, (I was their Chauffeur, I was also their rescue squad back in the 90's, something I roped my husband into as well ) and we did hugs and greetings, and got caught up a bit, he showed me David's house which is a nice house, it's well geared to friends and gatherings, a bachelor's house, pie shape lot with a narrow ingress to a man made lake, a nice summer porch looking out, games set up, a finished basement as well complete with pool table and more games, and a large screen tv for sports viewing, they call it a Country Club and I saw the beauty of that from their late 20's mentalities, it is a party house. David used to skate across my living room carpet back in their rollerblading days, now he's a host to many old friends, especially the original core group. Seeing all of this and taking in the kids and where life has changed or landed them, I can only say although I love them all in a special way, I love my own son very well and all the more for his invite, his graciousness, his friendly banter with his own friends, I love him more for who he let himself become, he changed in ways they were not willing to, he let go of most of his old teen ways and moved onward, whereas some of them still cling to it, yet I am most impressed that he has never abandoned them despite some major differences in lifestyle, and neither have they, they maintain a solid friendship. Murph is the other one that found his own path. I walked away feeling good for having seen everyone, and as I go I am happy, for although my son see's David with a house and all the extra's that can go with it, I think as long as he has books, art supplies, guitars and piano and good friends, he is happy at his core...I think he always will be, I think that core will always attract something else good into his life. A 3 day holiday, and already so many adventures, I wonder what today will bring.

BACK TO: The Perfect List, rubbing the magic lamp

This is a magic lamp guaranteed order form: I love my family, and want / see us having many more years filled with good times and good health together, Golden Days Filled with Sunshine. I love my home, and want/ see us here as long as we want this environment. I love my husband, am glad he's gotten to grow and expand so he can use the knowledge when he starts his next job, he will be working at a job he enjoys very soon. I love our son, and am very proud of his adult choices with his education, and I will love seeing him teach High English as soon as he Graduates from Grad School in 2 weeks. He will bring good things and thoughts to a mass of High School kids needing confidence in their growth. I want to pay off all debts, and after that I want to save money for a rainy day. I want to have a couple of bar-b-ques this summer to catch up with friends and family. I want to take some time to exercise and have the time to think about the environment I love to view when I am out walking for my health and well being. I love my job and hope to have many more years there, and to make more money at work once I successfully pass my insurance license course and state exam. I want a new couch. I want a new mattress. I want my kitchen floor tiled with the tile we have on hand in the basement. I want my dishwasher installed and out of the basement. I want new front tires for my truck. I want to take a vacation to California. I want Rick and Frank to go fishing for Musky in Canada. I want to work hard, and enjoy my time when not working. I want to bask in the sunshine. I want positive people in my life. I want good things for my family. I want it all! Your wish is my command said the Genni: This is a magic lamp guaranteed order form: Good Health & Good Times on order. Your home is ordered. Husband's job is ordered. Son's job is ordered. Debtfree has been ordered. Savings For rainy day ordered. Gatherings and good times with family and friends ordered. Exercise and meditation time is ordered. Your job and your raise have been ordered due to your new insurance credential. Your new couch is ordered. Your new mattress is ordered. new mattress. Your kitchen floor will be tiled as ordered. Your dishwasher will be installed as ordered. Your new tires have been ordered. Your trip to California has been ordered. The trip to Canada has been ordered. Your enjoyable days off have been ordered. Your days enjoying the sunshine's warmth have been ordered. Positive people in your life have been ordered. Good happenings have been ordered. I want it all delivered.

Some time you just have to let go

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?"....mmmm missed it slept in till 7am. In one of my previous blogs I finally cut loose on some temperament contained for the last few years, I am however not without knowing full well where my blessing are, it was the bills payer, the accountant, who tries to find something else she can squeeze from the stone who was angry finally, by constant challenges, that had become passed any sense of humor the woman used to possess. So, I let some rage find my fingertips, and threw it out, believe there was more, I can't be the typist of the numbers aka Bill Payer, the squirrel hunter of all the fine foods obtained, the medical appointment make, the dental assistant curing holistically, the laundress of tattered threads, without an occasional BIZERK RAGE, it was only a matter of time that the Schizoid personality would emerge to scare even The Talker, and now I will have to go back to the big picture, just the big picture, I will throw out onto the horizon what is really desired, and carry on in the week, month, months, and year, and we will see what shapes... We let it go baby, let it go, let it go, and see again just what we want to have in our lives....down the line, there it goes, going, going gone............off with you. Daphne Du Maurier of whom I read every novel published wrote once about "THE PROGRESS OF JULIUS".....a descriptive paragraph at the beginning Julius is a bay he see's the clouds floating overhead, he raises his hands to the sky to capture them. At the end of the book a very old Julius is drowning in the water (sorry this always was a great ending to a long life story-I smile*), he comes up one last time see's the clouds, reaches up towards them and smiles, and then he is gone. Julius had good components, and bad components but since you knew him from birth through life unto death, you could really come to appreciate and love him for his capacity to love, to live, and to keep trying, he had great resiliency.

Anger Management 101, the promised land.

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?", yes, but I begin to slip past all that.... I have seriously got to get my act together, yet again, I am angry, deeply angry, at life, I see her wily tricks, and I am beyond the humor it, I see all the life changes imposed like a sentence of prison time, but with no date out, and I become angrier, I see all the manipulations of government, Congress and the Senate and I deeply resent the basket of shit they landed us in with no end in sight, as they cannot play in the sandbox nicely for the common good of the people. I see raises promised three years hence and not given, forgotten about the simple phrase of I can't do it this year, but I'll do it next year, and the next year he had forgotten and said I'm maxed out for life? Don't think so, the more my workload increases due to your sporadic brother the more angry I become on that, if you get a %, then I should get a %, your world is rosey mine is not, do you care, only to a point. Watching my slightly skewed but messed up spouse roll out the door each day looking almost okay, and by nightfall he is maimed makes me angry at a nation that allowed manipulations of the building industries collapse, we're cast back to newly wed days when we'd already paid all those dues and more, yes I've become real pissed off, and I can't do this shit much longer, the juggling act, done to finally forgetting key dates of due, shit wasn't there anyhow, so why worry about a date. Throw in Nuclear plants in New Mexico and that other fine state surrounded by water, how could you not think that one out? Instead of recesses you fools need to sit down intensely as you did pre-election with the finest and keenest minds and address these problems of humanity one at a time until you come up with genuine solutions, then the laws regarding them need to be passed with an immediate date, not the bullshit you pulled with healthcare reforms starting in 2014 when frigging people are out there now un-protected by the pre-existing baffle and bullshit of HEATHCARE CORP/aka: Blue Cross....2014 my ass. And yes I know I have to get a grip on it, I know I should head for the iodine bottle and dose myself for the next three days, and I do really know about the big picture: I have you...slightly battered or not, I have our son and main amusement in the verbal world, I worry about the good health as it's slightly slippery giving off some possible signals of it's own, I worry about our eyes, our teeth, our cars, our capability for gas, food, I worry when I try to spend 20. to 60 on groceries for a week too many weeks in a row, I have turned into a stereotype Pollack with only 1/2 the blood in me, and reached some new level. Solutions are but small dreams on the horizon, as I've gotten to a state of non-believer, listening to the news and cringing regardless of subjects. Oh Sunshine where the hell are you? Start with the iodine.....and work your way out of this

Relatively speaking

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Over 20,440 opportunities, many missed, but I still do love you sunrise, you bring a fresh start to each day...for someone, and sometimes you bring with you the stark reality of what actually happened the day before, but all in all you bring us light, I can actually understand why so many worship your rise, it holds underlying logic. Thinking back I can tell you that there's never a good age to die, my Grandpa John at 72 from Prostate, Lauren robbed of all the good days that could have been, should have been, Dad going at 71 yrs of age, Ma at 75 years of age, our brother at 58, never enough damn time to be with all of us. More landmarks will follow, landmark being someone you've cared for deeply or loved deeply throughout the course of earth time. Simply put there is always more shit to be endured somewhere up the road, but never enough golden time put aside to celebrate all of these links in the chain. So, we value that we do have good reason to celebrate two of our links this week, the annual gathering has just been pushed back a week, it is a time when we celebrate for one reason or another that two people started a family, a family becomes celebrated then because it's brought to our lives many others we have known and loved, and our own families have grown larger and fuller as a result of this one unity, plus it is that unities birthday celebration on top of it, a whopping 82 years old for the woman (29930+ sunrises), and a quite glorious 85 years old for the man (31025+ sunrises), they have made it for the long haul, ups, downs, and all arounds. That's a lot of sunrises, now, have you ever seen the sunrise?

Wisdom versus hindsight

Wisdom takes time to develop, it is a grace that we learn through common daily living, it can be from our own life mistakes, it can come from work experiences, but it can not be gained without participation and seasoning of daily life. It is different than hindsight, hindsight is looking back, seeing where you possibly made an error, or for certain did as the case may be, and really longing you could redo it. Wisdom is knowing you can't redo anything but drawing out the knowledge of how to do better, and how to move forward on certain life experiences. I think in our youthful days we all move forward a little too fast at times, and that speed can be a pitfall, similar to our current generation who played too many video games and really believe when they're driving that the game is on, forgetting how vulnerable our vehicles and our bodies within them really are. I also can see at times, where as we age and become wiser, we've also become more tired, so our energies are not always given to all the directions they should be or could be, we put onto the back burner items to ponder, and sometimes we never go back to finishing what was cooking. I am guilty of both counts, and must try to do better. Must try to re-focus so all is in order. This should become a daily goal, and maybe that's my wisdom for today.

I received these daily

I receive these daily, from a entity who believes in unconditional love, ever stretching, and ever correcting, ever present. I hold that there's great truths that all can be healed by love, this one seems to have been written for all of us that fall from grace on occassion, sometimes we know why, sometimes we never begin to have a clue, but this messengers belief holds hope for us mere mortals and for mankind, it is I believe as easy as humans let it be: Tuesday, June-21-2011 Mistaken identities. At times it seems reasonable to get possessive about what we own. Such as... personal opinions, ideas of right and wrong, chivalry attitude in the face of apparent animosity, protecting something or someone we hold dear at any cost, oblivious at those upset with us who seem unreasonable in their density of mind... ...yet Love has nothing to protect or defend because it loves all there is no clear demarcation she sees all, in need of love thus the wrongdoer becomes the wronged one and when one is wronged, all are wronged what is there to protect and defend? True Love is wise she puts her hand on your heart, to soften your mind when you meet with resistance. And that's the moment when Universe bends at your mighty power: the power of giving up ownership on that which even when it feels good it brings sorrow for others. that's the moment when you are most loved ♥ (actually you are MOST loved... always ...shhhh...) Yours truly .... The Love Messenger

Epoxy & Housing

It's not funny, but sometimes lately as items in the house keep breaking, my dear spouse brings in his epoxy from the garage, it's main use is for his lures to hold weights in and the eyes of fish epoxied into their precut slots, now epoxy is holding my prescription sunglasses together the last 1 1/2 years, and we've recently added the dryer lint screen to it's repaired item, and lets not forget my statue he did that now has the angel kissing the birds ass instead of kissing it's head....very humorous at the time, I've now grown to love it more for his peculiar touch to it. From his laid off days, I often wonder what else has been expoxied into conforming another year or two if it holds. The household resembles strongly it's residents. We have held together, slightly insane at times, yet like so many other components in life we admired, we've refused to go down gracefully, we are all fighters, and although we are running extremely tired, like dazzed runners trying to hang in there for the balance of the race, we cling onto eachother when one of us weakens, and keep tugging along for some process. We have resorted to a small lottery ticket as long shots continue to loom, no twelve month job in sight. We continue on, as we wouldn't want to give in and be wrong to have caved so easily....if we just had a little bit more stamina.

Days of old, and music

Music is a natural healer: For about the last 14 years, the friday before Fathers Day a band named American English who perform only old Beatles music, plays at our community park center, an outdoors concert that starts in the daylight and ends in a night under the stars, only last year it was rained out, so mid week my old friends starting trying to coordinate when and where we'd meet for this now tradition of ours. Similar to traveling and hectic paces before you actually sit down on the plane, I ended up working late, everyone in American remembering their insurance details at 4:45pm on a friday, I handled accident reports, payment problems, and found out one client forgot to tell us about 5 new drivers she inherited in a company acquisition, one of which was in the accident previously mentioned. Traffic to home, a bank run to cure an account, BLT's for dinner prepped while my spouse cut the grass, and by 7:40pm I walked out the door & manned my beloved hand me down truck for my adventure. We found our friends, and they found us, and we rocked with the band listening to golden old music that surrounded us on the decades changing lifestyles years back, the 60's, 70's and 80's how quickly everything changed, but to our youthful then world, either the band changed us or we the human culture of those times changed the band, I was never certain which, perhaps it was a combination of both, but none of us would ever be the same. It brought us into a much faster paced world, which evolved into the present times. I thought of Forest Gump while I was sitting there and how well that movie pegged those times, and the music influencing the times. But as they played yellow submarine and had everyone clapping and singing along, or when the closed with Hey Jude, the night out under the stars still held magic for me, some type of healing from the magic of music and being outside was very good for me, for us all.

My son, the chef

Our son, has always fascinated us with learning and wanting to cook up something different, he's been doing this on and off for a number of years, but the last two years he's really grown in his endeavors, and what's more fun for me is he gets his father to try new foods we never thought he'd eat in his lifetime, the saving grace of this is the man needs as many green vitamin sources found only in these unique food groups as can be mustered, he takes no vitamins as a supplement, yet his body certainly is lacking due to years of his own food group insistence. Now we, as many other households have always had a game of our son, your son, and my son. When he graduates he's "our son" and our son also plays guitar, when he makes green sauce which my husband loves: he' says " my son made it", when he has a fender bender then he'll say: Your Son did that", these are just examples, but you get my jest. Well, our son has gotten him to eat real live garlic, Bokcho (or however the hell you spell it), all kinds of green leafy things spun off from lettuce or spinach, a bigger variety of cheeses including the ever dreaded parmesan/romano group that my husbands long detested ("if it smells like vomit why would you eat it?") And for just this one item of love bestowed on two aging hippies, I thank him tremendously. And for the patience of him watching us sample things like we were the three year olds and he was the parent, well all I can say is I see the humor of those moments, Laughingly, Love you, Mom and Dad

And the balance of life continues

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" When was the last one enjoyed by you? Go see another. Yesterday seemed a strange day, as items kept vying for position, some news items we've been following, some statuses of the day, some beginnings, some endings. All of them emotional triggers. The Indiana student who's missing, on America's Most Wanted, but following the articles as they publish, Have very strong instinct she's still by that final building, if the guys legit who claims someone punched him in the face and he has no memory after...well hypnosis would be highly interesting, but the girls probably in that building still or just outside of it, and they should research the damn thing carefully, that what my flash is saying. Meanwhile, my Kit was off to Sandy's wedding, after working a full day - inventory time, Sandy was our acquaintance light years ago when she was married to Bobby Lehman, I think we last saw er at Kris & Rays wedding, but she and Kit have stayed in touch better, and off she went for the wedding and sometime to catch up with Cheryl who is my husband's God Daughter, so that was cool, and we're happy that Sandy has a good partner this time. The wedding hall is close to my pal's son's house, so she will stay there for the night rather than drive back the long haul. Also, Meanwhile, Marvin who is Marcella's brother, (and I just wrote about him yesterday morning, )somehow he got Ecoli in his lungs, and in his blood stream, coupled with years of Diabetes that was hard to control, well poor Marvin, Marcella twin passed away yesterday, If any of us think we take it badly or would take it badly, just add on the twin dimension: Many of them feel they are 2 yet one, and when something happens to the other, they feel it in a whole new dimension. Hard for me to describe, but she certainly did, she said she felt him leave...so sad. Other than that we did normal chores mandated by time, cleaning (opps he got an idea to windex the pictures on the wall, and oppps my family collage was down, broken, glass to smithereens...still have a piece of it in my palm from the 45 minutes clean up it gave as a parting present, and of course thinking about mirrors and luck, I wondered why the hell it was my family collage that gave.....hopefully that won't be another story. Him pulling weeds, cutting grass, so I took his truck for it's oil change, and laughed when the guys asked me if I'd be bringing in the other two as I have done that in the past, funny cause mines needs to go into today, it was due in May or by miles, and in either case it's past due, and has been shuddering at times lately..I worry for it 154,000+ miles how much longer can she go? But she knows I like her well, she was a hand me down after I gave mine to Mike, but she's been kind to me. A Quick grocery shop, and I came home to a son who wanted to make us some lunch out of food he bought this week, little different items, turkey burgers, and some kind of crawdad patty, so we all did a taste test, which was a good thing as he was on call for work, and when he called in they needed him. And so a saturday came and went with plenty of little sidenotes to ponder, others to make you thankful, that the passage of time has stayed kinder for a short while.

May & June Oddities giving off: We are all Bubbles

A number of things occurred in May & June, I deleted the actual items, important to some, not important to others, they were eye openers, like little cancer surgeries, I think they involve love and like being confused and a great deal of limitations invoked. I think my friend & father in laws book described life and it's pathways nicely, sweetly, it is forever changing and shape shifting, I so liked this at reading it in his book, I asked him to send it to me, and sweet dear that he is he complied happily, he is a lovie. The passage reads: "It is quite likely that you will become a loner, in the sense that you will be independent and free. You will not feel bonded to groups or rules. No one will make your decisions for you. Yet at the same time you will feel a very spiritual bond with everyone and everything. You will see your responsibilities clearly, and you will see the responsibilities of others clearly. It is as though you will see all people as individual universes. Each is a tiny bubble floating through space under its own power and direction. Every so often two of these bubbles come together, and like bubbles, they blend and overlap. They may blend for a very short period of time, or for a long time. While blended, these bubbles share certain portions of themselves with one another while still maintaining their own identities and autonomy. At some point, the bubbles separate and float on to experience other bubbles. The same bubbles may come together for a while, then float apart for a while, then rejoin again, and so on. So it is with you and your interactions with others. You give experience to, and gain experience from, others. But you and they still remain the masters of your own learning and spiritual growth. It is impossible to give without also receiving." Sometimes, we might feel like we drift, but it will reshape as it is fated to. Thus we are really bubbles, it is a sweet explanation of a very confusing life. And so it goes....for the bubbles.

Ecoli

I have a friend Marcella, she is a twin to Marvin. She has fretted over him for light years as he had diabetes and many of the side spin offs it would trigger. Marvin's been in and out of the hospital for so many trips the last two years, and Marcella who is married to my friend from High School, Keith (a truck driver...across the US usually) she frets, asks us to give a prayer ... her face book friends. Then awhile back he came home to stay with her, he needed more help and attention than what he was capable of giving himself. They had some good months, and it went well for awhile. Marvin ended up back in the hospital last week, poor Marcella was torn up about it, fretting about if she was making the right choice as he didn't want to go back, test were run but relative to the diabetes, yes? Time lost. No, Marvin has Ecoli, and it is in his lungs and in his blood stream, Marvin who is Marcella's twin, buddies for light years, knowing each other as long back as they can remember, well he is dying, all treatments have been stopped, and they are down to final comforts, their family is gathered, her daughter keeps her friends posted. I feel sadness, I feel inadequate as there are no words or prayer that could ease her heart, that is where we get to sometimes. I do know that I will talk to each of my brothers this weekend. And I will stop and think about the passage of time, and how frail time can make us.