Anger Management 101, the promised land.

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?", yes, but I begin to slip past all that.... I have seriously got to get my act together, yet again, I am angry, deeply angry, at life, I see her wily tricks, and I am beyond the humor it, I see all the life changes imposed like a sentence of prison time, but with no date out, and I become angrier, I see all the manipulations of government, Congress and the Senate and I deeply resent the basket of shit they landed us in with no end in sight, as they cannot play in the sandbox nicely for the common good of the people. I see raises promised three years hence and not given, forgotten about the simple phrase of I can't do it this year, but I'll do it next year, and the next year he had forgotten and said I'm maxed out for life? Don't think so, the more my workload increases due to your sporadic brother the more angry I become on that, if you get a %, then I should get a %, your world is rosey mine is not, do you care, only to a point. Watching my slightly skewed but messed up spouse roll out the door each day looking almost okay, and by nightfall he is maimed makes me angry at a nation that allowed manipulations of the building industries collapse, we're cast back to newly wed days when we'd already paid all those dues and more, yes I've become real pissed off, and I can't do this shit much longer, the juggling act, done to finally forgetting key dates of due, shit wasn't there anyhow, so why worry about a date. Throw in Nuclear plants in New Mexico and that other fine state surrounded by water, how could you not think that one out? Instead of recesses you fools need to sit down intensely as you did pre-election with the finest and keenest minds and address these problems of humanity one at a time until you come up with genuine solutions, then the laws regarding them need to be passed with an immediate date, not the bullshit you pulled with healthcare reforms starting in 2014 when frigging people are out there now un-protected by the pre-existing baffle and bullshit of HEATHCARE CORP/aka: Blue Cross....2014 my ass. And yes I know I have to get a grip on it, I know I should head for the iodine bottle and dose myself for the next three days, and I do really know about the big picture: I have you...slightly battered or not, I have our son and main amusement in the verbal world, I worry about the good health as it's slightly slippery giving off some possible signals of it's own, I worry about our eyes, our teeth, our cars, our capability for gas, food, I worry when I try to spend 20. to 60 on groceries for a week too many weeks in a row, I have turned into a stereotype Pollack with only 1/2 the blood in me, and reached some new level. Solutions are but small dreams on the horizon, as I've gotten to a state of non-believer, listening to the news and cringing regardless of subjects. Oh Sunshine where the hell are you? Start with the iodine.....and work your way out of this

Relatively speaking

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Over 20,440 opportunities, many missed, but I still do love you sunrise, you bring a fresh start to each day...for someone, and sometimes you bring with you the stark reality of what actually happened the day before, but all in all you bring us light, I can actually understand why so many worship your rise, it holds underlying logic. Thinking back I can tell you that there's never a good age to die, my Grandpa John at 72 from Prostate, Lauren robbed of all the good days that could have been, should have been, Dad going at 71 yrs of age, Ma at 75 years of age, our brother at 58, never enough damn time to be with all of us. More landmarks will follow, landmark being someone you've cared for deeply or loved deeply throughout the course of earth time. Simply put there is always more shit to be endured somewhere up the road, but never enough golden time put aside to celebrate all of these links in the chain. So, we value that we do have good reason to celebrate two of our links this week, the annual gathering has just been pushed back a week, it is a time when we celebrate for one reason or another that two people started a family, a family becomes celebrated then because it's brought to our lives many others we have known and loved, and our own families have grown larger and fuller as a result of this one unity, plus it is that unities birthday celebration on top of it, a whopping 82 years old for the woman (29930+ sunrises), and a quite glorious 85 years old for the man (31025+ sunrises), they have made it for the long haul, ups, downs, and all arounds. That's a lot of sunrises, now, have you ever seen the sunrise?

Wisdom versus hindsight

Wisdom takes time to develop, it is a grace that we learn through common daily living, it can be from our own life mistakes, it can come from work experiences, but it can not be gained without participation and seasoning of daily life. It is different than hindsight, hindsight is looking back, seeing where you possibly made an error, or for certain did as the case may be, and really longing you could redo it. Wisdom is knowing you can't redo anything but drawing out the knowledge of how to do better, and how to move forward on certain life experiences. I think in our youthful days we all move forward a little too fast at times, and that speed can be a pitfall, similar to our current generation who played too many video games and really believe when they're driving that the game is on, forgetting how vulnerable our vehicles and our bodies within them really are. I also can see at times, where as we age and become wiser, we've also become more tired, so our energies are not always given to all the directions they should be or could be, we put onto the back burner items to ponder, and sometimes we never go back to finishing what was cooking. I am guilty of both counts, and must try to do better. Must try to re-focus so all is in order. This should become a daily goal, and maybe that's my wisdom for today.

I received these daily

I receive these daily, from a entity who believes in unconditional love, ever stretching, and ever correcting, ever present. I hold that there's great truths that all can be healed by love, this one seems to have been written for all of us that fall from grace on occassion, sometimes we know why, sometimes we never begin to have a clue, but this messengers belief holds hope for us mere mortals and for mankind, it is I believe as easy as humans let it be: Tuesday, June-21-2011 Mistaken identities. At times it seems reasonable to get possessive about what we own. Such as... personal opinions, ideas of right and wrong, chivalry attitude in the face of apparent animosity, protecting something or someone we hold dear at any cost, oblivious at those upset with us who seem unreasonable in their density of mind... ...yet Love has nothing to protect or defend because it loves all there is no clear demarcation she sees all, in need of love thus the wrongdoer becomes the wronged one and when one is wronged, all are wronged what is there to protect and defend? True Love is wise she puts her hand on your heart, to soften your mind when you meet with resistance. And that's the moment when Universe bends at your mighty power: the power of giving up ownership on that which even when it feels good it brings sorrow for others. that's the moment when you are most loved ♥ (actually you are MOST loved... always ...shhhh...) Yours truly .... The Love Messenger

Epoxy & Housing

It's not funny, but sometimes lately as items in the house keep breaking, my dear spouse brings in his epoxy from the garage, it's main use is for his lures to hold weights in and the eyes of fish epoxied into their precut slots, now epoxy is holding my prescription sunglasses together the last 1 1/2 years, and we've recently added the dryer lint screen to it's repaired item, and lets not forget my statue he did that now has the angel kissing the birds ass instead of kissing it's head....very humorous at the time, I've now grown to love it more for his peculiar touch to it. From his laid off days, I often wonder what else has been expoxied into conforming another year or two if it holds. The household resembles strongly it's residents. We have held together, slightly insane at times, yet like so many other components in life we admired, we've refused to go down gracefully, we are all fighters, and although we are running extremely tired, like dazzed runners trying to hang in there for the balance of the race, we cling onto eachother when one of us weakens, and keep tugging along for some process. We have resorted to a small lottery ticket as long shots continue to loom, no twelve month job in sight. We continue on, as we wouldn't want to give in and be wrong to have caved so easily....if we just had a little bit more stamina.

Days of old, and music

Music is a natural healer: For about the last 14 years, the friday before Fathers Day a band named American English who perform only old Beatles music, plays at our community park center, an outdoors concert that starts in the daylight and ends in a night under the stars, only last year it was rained out, so mid week my old friends starting trying to coordinate when and where we'd meet for this now tradition of ours. Similar to traveling and hectic paces before you actually sit down on the plane, I ended up working late, everyone in American remembering their insurance details at 4:45pm on a friday, I handled accident reports, payment problems, and found out one client forgot to tell us about 5 new drivers she inherited in a company acquisition, one of which was in the accident previously mentioned. Traffic to home, a bank run to cure an account, BLT's for dinner prepped while my spouse cut the grass, and by 7:40pm I walked out the door & manned my beloved hand me down truck for my adventure. We found our friends, and they found us, and we rocked with the band listening to golden old music that surrounded us on the decades changing lifestyles years back, the 60's, 70's and 80's how quickly everything changed, but to our youthful then world, either the band changed us or we the human culture of those times changed the band, I was never certain which, perhaps it was a combination of both, but none of us would ever be the same. It brought us into a much faster paced world, which evolved into the present times. I thought of Forest Gump while I was sitting there and how well that movie pegged those times, and the music influencing the times. But as they played yellow submarine and had everyone clapping and singing along, or when the closed with Hey Jude, the night out under the stars still held magic for me, some type of healing from the magic of music and being outside was very good for me, for us all.

My son, the chef

Our son, has always fascinated us with learning and wanting to cook up something different, he's been doing this on and off for a number of years, but the last two years he's really grown in his endeavors, and what's more fun for me is he gets his father to try new foods we never thought he'd eat in his lifetime, the saving grace of this is the man needs as many green vitamin sources found only in these unique food groups as can be mustered, he takes no vitamins as a supplement, yet his body certainly is lacking due to years of his own food group insistence. Now we, as many other households have always had a game of our son, your son, and my son. When he graduates he's "our son" and our son also plays guitar, when he makes green sauce which my husband loves: he' says " my son made it", when he has a fender bender then he'll say: Your Son did that", these are just examples, but you get my jest. Well, our son has gotten him to eat real live garlic, Bokcho (or however the hell you spell it), all kinds of green leafy things spun off from lettuce or spinach, a bigger variety of cheeses including the ever dreaded parmesan/romano group that my husbands long detested ("if it smells like vomit why would you eat it?") And for just this one item of love bestowed on two aging hippies, I thank him tremendously. And for the patience of him watching us sample things like we were the three year olds and he was the parent, well all I can say is I see the humor of those moments, Laughingly, Love you, Mom and Dad

And the balance of life continues

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" When was the last one enjoyed by you? Go see another. Yesterday seemed a strange day, as items kept vying for position, some news items we've been following, some statuses of the day, some beginnings, some endings. All of them emotional triggers. The Indiana student who's missing, on America's Most Wanted, but following the articles as they publish, Have very strong instinct she's still by that final building, if the guys legit who claims someone punched him in the face and he has no memory after...well hypnosis would be highly interesting, but the girls probably in that building still or just outside of it, and they should research the damn thing carefully, that what my flash is saying. Meanwhile, my Kit was off to Sandy's wedding, after working a full day - inventory time, Sandy was our acquaintance light years ago when she was married to Bobby Lehman, I think we last saw er at Kris & Rays wedding, but she and Kit have stayed in touch better, and off she went for the wedding and sometime to catch up with Cheryl who is my husband's God Daughter, so that was cool, and we're happy that Sandy has a good partner this time. The wedding hall is close to my pal's son's house, so she will stay there for the night rather than drive back the long haul. Also, Meanwhile, Marvin who is Marcella's brother, (and I just wrote about him yesterday morning, )somehow he got Ecoli in his lungs, and in his blood stream, coupled with years of Diabetes that was hard to control, well poor Marvin, Marcella twin passed away yesterday, If any of us think we take it badly or would take it badly, just add on the twin dimension: Many of them feel they are 2 yet one, and when something happens to the other, they feel it in a whole new dimension. Hard for me to describe, but she certainly did, she said she felt him leave...so sad. Other than that we did normal chores mandated by time, cleaning (opps he got an idea to windex the pictures on the wall, and oppps my family collage was down, broken, glass to smithereens...still have a piece of it in my palm from the 45 minutes clean up it gave as a parting present, and of course thinking about mirrors and luck, I wondered why the hell it was my family collage that gave.....hopefully that won't be another story. Him pulling weeds, cutting grass, so I took his truck for it's oil change, and laughed when the guys asked me if I'd be bringing in the other two as I have done that in the past, funny cause mines needs to go into today, it was due in May or by miles, and in either case it's past due, and has been shuddering at times lately..I worry for it 154,000+ miles how much longer can she go? But she knows I like her well, she was a hand me down after I gave mine to Mike, but she's been kind to me. A Quick grocery shop, and I came home to a son who wanted to make us some lunch out of food he bought this week, little different items, turkey burgers, and some kind of crawdad patty, so we all did a taste test, which was a good thing as he was on call for work, and when he called in they needed him. And so a saturday came and went with plenty of little sidenotes to ponder, others to make you thankful, that the passage of time has stayed kinder for a short while.

May & June Oddities giving off: We are all Bubbles

A number of things occurred in May & June, I deleted the actual items, important to some, not important to others, they were eye openers, like little cancer surgeries, I think they involve love and like being confused and a great deal of limitations invoked. I think my friend & father in laws book described life and it's pathways nicely, sweetly, it is forever changing and shape shifting, I so liked this at reading it in his book, I asked him to send it to me, and sweet dear that he is he complied happily, he is a lovie. The passage reads: "It is quite likely that you will become a loner, in the sense that you will be independent and free. You will not feel bonded to groups or rules. No one will make your decisions for you. Yet at the same time you will feel a very spiritual bond with everyone and everything. You will see your responsibilities clearly, and you will see the responsibilities of others clearly. It is as though you will see all people as individual universes. Each is a tiny bubble floating through space under its own power and direction. Every so often two of these bubbles come together, and like bubbles, they blend and overlap. They may blend for a very short period of time, or for a long time. While blended, these bubbles share certain portions of themselves with one another while still maintaining their own identities and autonomy. At some point, the bubbles separate and float on to experience other bubbles. The same bubbles may come together for a while, then float apart for a while, then rejoin again, and so on. So it is with you and your interactions with others. You give experience to, and gain experience from, others. But you and they still remain the masters of your own learning and spiritual growth. It is impossible to give without also receiving." Sometimes, we might feel like we drift, but it will reshape as it is fated to. Thus we are really bubbles, it is a sweet explanation of a very confusing life. And so it goes....for the bubbles.

Ecoli

I have a friend Marcella, she is a twin to Marvin. She has fretted over him for light years as he had diabetes and many of the side spin offs it would trigger. Marvin's been in and out of the hospital for so many trips the last two years, and Marcella who is married to my friend from High School, Keith (a truck driver...across the US usually) she frets, asks us to give a prayer ... her face book friends. Then awhile back he came home to stay with her, he needed more help and attention than what he was capable of giving himself. They had some good months, and it went well for awhile. Marvin ended up back in the hospital last week, poor Marcella was torn up about it, fretting about if she was making the right choice as he didn't want to go back, test were run but relative to the diabetes, yes? Time lost. No, Marvin has Ecoli, and it is in his lungs and in his blood stream, Marvin who is Marcella's twin, buddies for light years, knowing each other as long back as they can remember, well he is dying, all treatments have been stopped, and they are down to final comforts, their family is gathered, her daughter keeps her friends posted. I feel sadness, I feel inadequate as there are no words or prayer that could ease her heart, that is where we get to sometimes. I do know that I will talk to each of my brothers this weekend. And I will stop and think about the passage of time, and how frail time can make us.

Tiger Lillies

Well, 7 years completed, how many to go? The last two weeks I've taken a few days vacation to use them up or lose them, combined with Memorial day weekend, and also the next weekend as well, as June 7th got me my 7 years with the agency badge, this year the badge came in the form of Tiger Lillies, orange and salmon colored in a white vase, UPS Strolls in with a box of flowers...too much fun, but I have to say the flowers looked beautiful for having been tossed around on trucks for God knows how long, somehow this appealed to my warped sense of humor. Also, non-comformist, spurred on by being taken out to lunch the first few years (I really hate being taken to lunch), since and including 2007 I have been off every anniversary date, thus the flowers arriving on the 8th instead. The lillies arrived with a card which "promised a better year"! Hmmmm, I will ponder that. I started working for one brother, and now the other has returned for several years, workload doubled, people talking at me doubled, plus two people to help trouble shoot their computers when the push a wrong button, wages remained the same, yes the flowers were lovely, and I shall ponder the rest. They asked me if that meant I'd get the 7 year itch? Hmmm.

A few experiements, some small progress

Let us jump back in time to the old companies yearly business trips, which seemingly had to be held in the hell holes of the world like Dominican Republic or Jamaica, a few blocks of lovely beaches and resorts surrounded by God knows what. It was the Dominican Republic treat that gave us the monkey being tossed onto him and the monkey pox as we dubbed it, back in 2004. Believe it or not we still fight those monkey pox, three years back it was at it's absolute worse, remember the alfalfa baths combined with the radical approach of non-chlorine bleach, oddly enough something there soothed the savage beast which remained undiagnosed by any specialist that was consulted. But seasonal as it is for becoming aggravated, more active, we've held it at bay for awhile, still using a salve prescribed but sparingly-as the salve can cause the skin to break down through long term use, we have tried many different things throughout time, some would improve for awhile and then be rendered useless, we have tried to switch off now to Oil of Oregano combined with Olive Oil, it has been giving some good relief, and improving the skin quality, we will see how long this lasts. Meanwhile another gets those carbuncles, blocked oil ducks, and on him we try the tea tree oil, and see a slight change in skin tone emerging. Another wait and see, but better than the medical choice left of cutting it out. If we could solve these two puzzles, it would be great for 2 of the lovies.

Scrooge, Tiny Tim & Bob

Was not the best part of the story the end of all being together, after Xmas past, present, and future ahad visited Scrooge in the night? Didn't it fill you with wonder and happiness that something had been gained by jostling all of Scrooge's emotions as the clock struck midnight? And so it's been with mankind long before Dickens, and long after, that one small action, one small memory can keep a flame of love & hope alive in us all. It was and is a favorite of mine, and of course Christmas is not the only time it can happen. A gesture, a few words, all of them are great medicine's for the soul.

You are the best!

What a human, going out each day and giving that 150% that you insist upon giving, we know it depletes you, but you keep on doing it. The fun lies in the evenings, back home, dinner cooking, and watching your meter re-charge with stories and conversations of all of our days combined, humor restored to humorless eyes, laughter, advice flowing heartens all, we enjoy being here, we still enjoy a family night, a movie together, simple yet still sweet. Our son brings much color to our evenings when he's off a night, an English Major who always had a great way of conveying with words an entire scene that played out elsewhere, we sit laughing as he describes his characters encountered. No one can make you laugh like he does. Yes, you are both the best. Keepers.

The Messenger, Don't shoot him!

I receive these daily messages from The Love Messenger, below is today's June 10, 2011: "Ever wondered when faced with choices, decisions... when not sure... *You get the best choice when you live decisions to Love. Just a reminder about Love: Love is supportive (of each other - those involved in the choice) Love doesn't try to change, nor control anyone, yet it supports growth Love is accepting of so perceived flaws by seeing the greatness of that which is perfecting itself Love is unconditional yet it doesn't insist upon unconditional circumstances Love is respectful of boundaries Love supports expression of individuality Love always meets the other half way even if at times it may have to go all the way Love is committed, loyal and rejoices in integrity Love is open and sincere it doesn't judge yet it sees the truth and loves anyway Love is generous yet wise to see the foolishness of giving where gifts are not appreciated and cherished and Love is best understood when you see that no matter what you are loved ♥ - and here comes the paradox of Love, you see there aren't really any choices to make...when you think about it... " All of the above is true, yet all of the above can be used as a crutch in so far as it can be used to Rationalize, instead of being used as a truth to heal, Rationalization is not a good thing, Healing is a good thing.

WAYYY Too Much is put off on God

No matter the culture, there is a God for it, and way too much gets put off on God. He is blame for occurrences that were issued through man, he is counted on to rectify their messes, help the masses, sort out their choiced blunders that it is a small wonder even if he did exist, how could he possible keep up with what is strewn on the path. The fact is that all of the blessing or beauty of God is within each man, and each man chooses the path, and what litter the path becomes strewn with as they walk it. If you don't like something, then make an attempt to fix it, start by only acknowledging good or bad that you witness yourself. Thrown empathy out of the window, throw out all heresays: a bad game of telephone is still just that, words spinned, embelished and added,throw out all your damn double standards, throw out all items lacking wisdom, get rid of the clutter, and old baggage, and treat others as you'd like to be treated, if you do this on a continuous basis you will see marked improvement. If I hung on to every single affront that has been cast my way, I would turn away from mankind. It is then a true beauty that within our souls we are capable of trying it all over again until we get it more right. And the truth without a rubber band is: God doesn't judge us, only other humans do that. "Tomorrow is the 1st day of the rest of your life!"- Anonymous

A planned day, ad-libbed

Yesterday up early ironing, laundry, straighten the house quickly, a day off from work (2of 2), and off onto the expressway I go, of course my mind being on auto pilot goes to head for 53North as is my daily custom, when in fact I am headed for Chi Town needing 53 South, If I didn't understand myself so much...I'd have been pissed as I had to turn the car around. In fact my first act of the day was spilling my full 16 oz cup of coffee on some valued papers (uses for oregano oil, tea tree oil, alfalfa, cinnamon, etc.), and so I stayed all day, slightly clumsy, a notch out of sync, always a scary feeling as if something in the brain has just become shot, in fact it started the night before as I jump sideways Eddie Bunker style up the cement stair in back, no shoes, think I broke my baby toe again trying to get Archie whatever the hell he wanted from the kitchen in such a hurry, I love Archie dearly, but sometimes when he's in dictator mode he can make me a basket case, and sometimes it affects my safety and sanity, the mood that someone comes home with can set the evening scenerio for good or bad. Anyways, I digress, into Chicago I went, some nice man in the third lane put his brakes on for no damn good reason & I almost rear ended him, so once I got to the restaurant to meet our Kit I was able to relax somewhat, the restaurant called the Blue Angel is in my old neighborhood near Habetler bowling alley where I spent much time bowling as a youth and with Kit 2 years back, and near her place of work as well. The Blue Angel is where her & Mike used to go for their breakfasts, it was their favorite. Then we were going to go obtain the almighty street parking permits for July and on, but right as we got there playing follow the leader we got a babysitting SOS from from the kids two towns over, so we parked my car at the house and away we went to rescue for an hour or two. She does so love that little girl who somehow inherited your eyes, and your smile. She gives the bay the same stick she's used for light years: " What you doing girlfriend", and the baby just starts smiling, it's an awesome smile. Hugs, kisses, and off we leave for the dollar store, for her and I this is equal to sending other young children to the zoo or museum, we love dollar stores, this one boasts the truth to everything there being a dollar versus all the others which fibb against their titles. Finally we go back to the house, and chill out, a drink apiece and toast to you and your life as we've done since the first anniversary in 2008. We go downstairs to sit on the front porch a place of many good memories, we watch a squirrel chilling up in the butterfly tree, he's lazy in the heat, the temperature of 96 is a tough one to sit through, finally we seek the refuge of air conditioning and talk about houseplants not liking the change of season. Her son is right she will keep accrueing houseplants, she needs someone to nuture, and they've won the draw. Finally I depart mid rush hour to get back to my other 1/2 who also needs a friend this day, he is surprised I am home when he comes in, he is tired and sore, and over heated. Shower, relax and a movie, we stay up later than usual on a work night enjoying the movie, and off to bed and our plywooded mattress. The day is done.

The Beauty of Friendship

Back in 2008 on a early summer day well before July, Miguel next door, Pat, Kit and I sat out front together, and we had a really nice day, talking, remembering & laughing, some type of music playing in the back ground, on and off remembering our Michael. It was good, it was genuine, later Mary joined us, and the warmth and love continue to flow well into the evening. Pat nicknamed us ( Kit and I) "The evil twins", said why not you didn't much see one with out the other, thus the twins, we loved it, we laughed. Funny how friendship can grow throughout the years we had plenty of tiffs, some petty, some major, but through Michael we always worked them out, and like a house built from the bottom up, we used these disagreements to learn more about the other and strengthen ourselves. Back in 2002 we had been at war again, neither of us remembers why, but as she walked into the funeral home with Michael & her children for my own Mother's wake, I was happy to see them all, and proud of her for knowing the difference between petty bullshit, and real sincere life matters of the heart. It was Michael who'd been on the phone with me throughout my mom's hospice, it was Michael who'd offered years of friendship (poor man hated the telephone, but used it) to me while this household suffered through at least one mid-life crisis and kept me glued to weather it out. After 2002's skirmish Kit and I stayed friends, and as 2006 evolved into 2007 we became sisters much the same as all the other sisters she'd adopted throughout the years from her husbands family. And then sometimes with a great loss, living through the same days, seeing many things the same way, having shared the backgrounds on your own families, well sometimes you really do become sisters. There are times when I look back, when I think you knew exactly what you had shaped, and I think it might be one of your happier moments, that you left the two in eachother's hands, and that you would have been very happy last week when my own fine spouse told her to drop the in law, he is her brother! She carries on, she spouts her own bullshit and baffle, and believe me she baffles many, lol, but she remained totally in love with one and only one person, and will remain so, and when she tells people at a wedding we attend together, that I am her woman, well I guess I am. Thank you for leaving me with a wonderful friend, and a great sister to tough it all out with.

And that has made all the difference:

"The Road Not Taken Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." — Robert Frost Can it be 5 years since it all started shifting? A life, a spirit, a powerful being, a problem solver, a husband, a father, a friend, a son, a brother, an uncle, a grandfather, a god father you were these to all of us, a different relationship with all, a total commitment to all at our given time of quality with you, and always: when you'd had enough you walked away to tend elsewhere. So many years, over 35 of them spent tending a house, rebuilding what was rotted, replacing what had worn, and a schedule that permitted time with everyone, you had your finger on the pulse of the families, and could generally tell before they could what was lacking, what was needed in most arenas before the core participants could tell. You listened, you pondered, you offered many advices as we came and went from your life. It would be seldom that anyone left your side without feeling better or that they had a better game plan than they arrived with. Our families, your wife's families, no difference between what was given out in wisdom or assistance. You and she conspiring on how and where to help with so many people, many times shorting yourselves to accomplish the mission. When you left our sides, we were our strongest, because of all your years of tending and loving us, we were ready to carry it forward for you, and in honor of you, so you'd know we had really seen how one valuable life could impact us to the point of making us bettered humans. All of us have lives that spiral far out, with many obligations, with many schedules, with many responsibilities and burdens, hopefully with many good times of laughter, and I've no doubt that even though time and small problems which might have become magnified throughout that time, well I've no doubt that today at some point each of us will pause, or even have our minds wonder to you, to night when the winds picked up in June fiercely, and the trees newly leafed were heard loudly with forces of wind, as the earth didn't want to give up you and an 8 fell to the ground. We carry you in our hearts, we try to walk the walk, and talk the talk, we try to remember kindnesses, we fall short of you, but we will never forget you or what you gave to us all, we can only promise to keep trying until we get it right, and do you honor. A tear & a smile*

Michael 06072011, a tear & a smile*

"No man is an island, entire of itself every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls it tolls for thee." - — John Donne

May Days

What's more beautiful a sunrise, a rainbow, a butterfly, the ocean in any mode,a sunset, or a loved one's face? A Loved ones Face! A wedding. A Welcome Home party for Baby/& Graduation Party for Nephew. Hmmm, we've been locked up for so long now, really devoid of group contact for the better part of 3 years, that us socializing, and seeing tons of people, was an amazing experience. I think we were lucky we dealt with the wedding first, some people I knew, and few you'd met, and then meeting lots of new people neither of us had met, and remembering all of our ettiquettes, and social graces together. The next day out into the world we go into a re-union of family we haven't seen all at one time in three years, so many additions to the family, little babies and toddlers, and new spouses everywhere. Seeing old favorite's, and all the rest as well brought out many great emotions, and still a few conflicting ones. Seeing how happy the kids all are, feeling what's genuine and noting what isn't, best yet was how happy my brother was, he is a great family man, he is a great host, and it was nice to see his happiness as we sat with an old group of friends and got caught up. Watching my guys play their few games of bean bags on and off, and then my nephew and his boyhood friends he's spoken of so often, I believe I met some of them years back when nerf ball gun wars were the big sleepover promise to the kids for birthday gatherings, yes, it was fun. One black cherry, two black cherry, three black cherry....oops better put space and time in there, good kept it at four black cherry total. After such a weekend, we were tired, and enjoyed a lazier sunday at home the next day.

Saturation

Funny with our daily lives, and regimen sometimes we become saturated, with all the media, all the opinions of others on what we should do, we take it all in until we are so heavy we can't move, and the end result is we just sit there like a lump, loaded down and overly oiled. We have become saturated. This past week, I finally took a few days off from work combined with the long weekend, and did a day of sorting through old bills receipts no longer needed, always kept them in an alphabetical binder, and have done so for so long it's become a way of thinking, so I sorted through each years binder looking for item needing to be saved, little there except some medical & medicine history receipts relative to my spouse I might want to remember in this ever dimming world of mine. So what can I tell you, he was rained out that day, and would hand me one box down after another, therefore we now have about 12 boxes of crap that can go go go soon. And other boxes actually got labeled, "by the way I've got a Sharpie with me", yes he's amazing. (My schiz'd side thinks, who the hell would have a sharpie with them?) The next day I cut the lawns, and did a quick grocery shop, our sister from Chicago was coming out to spend the evening with us, and ended up spending two days, all caught up on, different details or next steps talked about, and through another sister we learned skype: a computer program which allows you to see eachother via computer and actually talk to eachother as if it was a phone call without the benefit of a phone. Yesterday our nephew had a barbq after the pouring rain ( he cleaned his grill through that), and we spent time cooing the newer baby girl who thrills us with her smiles, and little humor she's developing. We saw our niece from that side who doesn't always make it to our gatherings, and it turned out to be a leisurely day spent good naturedly. And the kids were touched when the grand uncle fed the baby, and rescued her as her Dads back went out into the S shaped pain ridden stance, and he needed to be relieved of holding her weight. My spouse even allowed me to drive home as I'd had ice coffee and coke all day, and was the best pick for the 45 minute drive. It's probably the time of year, or it might be that look in the babies eyes that had us all a little out of sorts, she has your intense look in those eyes, odder yet she has your smirk of a smile, a little emotional all in a nostalgic way, but I think everyone was bettered by the day. We all are re-working our lives, each one has been gotten to another fine chapter, some are settling from the disruptions in their lives last year of failed business, divorce, and some are bucking up for this years disruptions and changing, but all are in sync with getting it figured out or done. Somewhere in the interactions of the weekend, I did come to find out, I am saturated by all that's evolved, wars I waged against time, decisions I've tried to hold at bay, indecisions as well which have gone hand in hand with decision making that good old opposite, and I'd become laden down with it all, absolutely saturated with it's oil. Slowly through the relaxation of some time to relax and think, and listen to others situations and think some more, I feel like I've almost shook out of the oil, not quit there yet, but soon I will be able to think straight again and analyze one more time to see what course we should take for certain, the oil has kept me wishy washy as logic battles emotion, round and round it has gone, and in this round I do not wish to look back one day and say I should have tried harder, I want to be certain I've tried my 195% best on this round. Out of the oil comes a CRUMB?

Getting this slacker to work, self discipline?

The next two days, and 3 days after bring the freedom of office work, vacation days. Since not in traveling mode these days, I try to match my days with the holiday schedule....but there are things needing tending at home, so we will see how much time I can spend actually doing all the things on my trusty little slacker list. The list can be long on occasion and this girl might ditch out on the list for a day, and simply lounge around the house, or do a movie marathon. And if the girl at heart is smart she knock out the list early so she can do all.

First loves

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Ah, yes it was many and many a year ago in the kingdom by the sea that an everlasting love of those waters first were born within me. Seeing the dawning first light of day cast a shimmer across those waters that would become loved by me. And the warmth of the sun as it powered up slowly embracing my face, like a lovely warm kiss, is why I can miss not being by thee.

Home is where the heart is*

We have begun thinking, looking at downscaling, it is what I would think of as forced timing, it would have come one day, but we are in truth not ready or wanting to make our move. We have much happiness and enjoyment here, much beauty that catches our eyes: 1/2 the home built by our family and friends, some gone, some still interweaving in our lives, but the deeds of past are still long remembered in this short term memory erred mind. The spring flower beds planted with Dad are still one of my major spring wonders as I watch them all come back. The summer gardens planted by my better 1/2 as he watched his company decline into the 2008 sinkhole, using this as his nightly therapy are gorgeous as they come back year after year. Flowers long established, planted by me when I tried to work through my first and very real mid-life crisis, are comprised of plants from one of my life sisters and my own fine brother. The inside of the house is made of up love and care from many years, and all sorts of perks my spouse initiated to keep my son & myself amused. So, take people who don't want to move, throw in dashes of what else will we find, and a dot of can I make it on my own miserable shrunken by health care premiums salary, and knowing full well the value of the house is nothing you will see land on a closing table, and suffice it to say the brains run in circles for days now. Yet one of our bodies is totally used up and can no longer afford abuse of trade, he will die sooner if we do not do this, and yet parts of me will remain here as it has everything to do with 50% of the spirit. Downscaling was to be done at a rational time, in a rational market, in a rational world, none of which exists any longer. So focus deeply, and you will see that it served us well, and thank God the love can travel with us on this next adventure.

1 Coin, two sides

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Yesterday we went to a wedding. The family of the groom's mother and I have been friends for quite awhile. Last year her daughter was married and I went to that wedding with Kit, it was a lovely wedding, everyone shined, much laughter, much dancing, good spirited conversation. Yesterday's wedding was for her son and his lovely bride, very happy they are, and yet everyone else seemed out of temper would be my best description, they had all been stretched a bit too far, or some underlying problem kept pummeling through their enjoyment. A much smaller wedding, but it meant much to me that we'd been invited to join in their celebration of life, and I'd always wanted my spouse to me the people I'd spent the 12 missing years with, good friends can get you through a ton of darkness when the lights go out, and I remember being there for them as they were for me, I remember the love and warmth they gave to me and to each other. Some of me concludes that in 12 years especially the last 5, we are aging, we have aged to the point where it is all harder, a table of aches and pains, standings not comfortable nor is sitting for too long, clothing that to some is not comfortable, they'd all rather be in jeans, social graces of greetings murmured over and over, toasts, and well wishing, and many traveling much further than they'd have liked to, we'll a few of them must have bottomed out at the same time to the point where I'm sure my partner couldn't see what my brain cells had captured. So, odd most of our table abandoned off into 6 different directions, music a little loud for conversation, although fun as the groom had picked it all out himself from every decade. The ending and the 1 1/2 drive home had us happy we both only had one drink early on some 5 hours earlier, when we came upon a town doing 10 car random checks for drinking and driving, a road block and a parking lot off to the side whereby they'd check people for DUI. So, home, clothing changed out, tired, but glad to have landed back here, and off to a much needed rest. The Oldsters

The Day the Music Died

Like jumping from a 130th floor, life images flashing through your mind, I can see glimpses of other days and times when I listen to American Pie by Don MCClean, it was an awesome song released when I was 16 yrs old. It meant a lot then, and it still means a lot to me now. Living a full life you gain many things and people, and you also lose many things and people. It feeds the soul and it depletes the soul. "And the 3 men I admired most: the Father, Son and holy ghost, they took the last train for the coast, the day the music died" This line sums up how I feel about our energies of the last few years.

The Body Betrays the Mind, and Mind Betrays Body

So you're all dressed up to go to the party? You're gonna have a good time? Saving grace arrived in time? You are so silly. So you wanted a job so you could get it all headed in the best direction, and you landed it, and started it, but it is the worst possible thing for your body, the pain is barely manageable, the work is harder than what you had to do at 28 through 45, and the collapsing discs in your back now render sciatic pain traveling downward. And several rooftops involved: You spend 13 hours yesterday brick siding a stupid 3rd floor chimney for some smuck who will never see it eye to eye, and to make it more fun the long hours are due to someone having not ordered the right amount of siding, so it has to be torn off several side redone, to get it to work. Material shortages are common, but they won't care if your salaried will they as it cost them no additional labor to complete it as dark rolls in after the sun has set? We don't know how long you can do this, we won't know the human cost, we only know it's horrible, it's all in the eyes. We know we still need to down scale whatever can be. And why do you do this? John Coffee of Stephen King's (The Green Mile) mind once said: "They did it for the love of the other". The pain of a human soul can sometimes match the pain of the human body.

More Band-Aides Please

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Band Aides protect a cut, don't they? My honey had me perform surgery on him this morning with an exacto knife, yikes I had to gear up for this two weeks, and then it was a negative impact on my Little Lion Man Soul, he get's these under skin nodules containing pus sacs galore, the theory was to get through the skin layers and hit the man sac, disgusting & squeeze like you were trying get a bullet out, God damn doctor didn't do this the last office visit and really should have.....thought it wouldn't be covered, yikes, that leaves Little Lion man with faltering courage for deeds of blood especially. So to remove a bullet could I ever be brave enough to hurt/help my dear man? http://youtu.be/Xd8tOAJMA8Q

War of the Roses

In the movie War of the Roses, an affluent couple try to get divorced, but played top the topper in insults and pranks to one another as they go, the shame of it was the love and admiration for each other was still there but as they one upped each other they fueled the fire portion to the final scene where she jumps onto a chandelier (one of them had weakened the chord), he goes to save her, and they both drop several stories to lie side by side dying, the grudge is too wide she pulls her hand away as they die but not before he feels the insult. I cried at the end of that movie, and each time I see i still cry. It is the moral of story that gets me when deep loves are involved, and people behave destructively, one insult piled upon another, Jesus Christ himself could not resolve messes like these, and yet if you looked at the actual basis for how they started they are a small matter, but where they can evolve to can overshadow many. When Justin was little he'd come home and try to describe some of his friends to us: This one had just a mom, or two mommies, this one lived with his Dad cause the mom left a long time ago, he knew children with two new families whereby they'd have to have two birthday parties, two Christmases, two everything's as they original parents were still incompatible even in the best interest of the child, we joked about one little gal and that she'd end up with two weddings one day the old war was still so potent. Where does it end? When can people still see some good in each other, see the love that's still there and stop to heal, and salvage? This post was brought about by something I've been seeing on facebook, a young man getting married in a week, his dad used to be married to one of my friends, but when their daughter was married last year he refused to be in a picture with her of the bride's parents, and he chastised the son for including pictures of the birth mom/original wife in the video of the bride's growing years, punchline they divorced over twenty years ago, and the fun part is he was the one that left them as a family. So many oddities out there in all forms. We hear about unconditional love in some life influences, while some must hear about unconditional disdain.

Thresholds

As we walked the path, we headed wherever we wanted to, some times as an experiment not really sure where the path would take us, we'd climb a hill never sure if a decline was over the rise or if we'd finally hit the crest and see the water on the other side. It was a good walk with many peaks and valleys to it, great for the adventurer in us both. Now we've come to crossing with so many split offs, it's become hard to know what direction to walk, some of the paths are not even appealing to us but present themselves as choices, and the ones that look more appealing will require band aids, making us unsure if they are worth the injuries we might sustain, they are higher risk for sure. So for now unable to make a sound decision, and no longer being as adventurous as we once were, we sit and rest for awhile to see what the day brings. Not our usual spur of the moment way of proceeding, but the only way that's comfortable for now.

The Wine, the rainbows

"I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widowed bride, but something touched me deep inside the day The Music Died"-Don McClean/American Pie Action, re-action Physics, a law that still holds the ultimate fascination for this old girl. I witness it in constant motion, I witness it in constant emotion, some days I am so strung out there amongst the subliminal that I have a hard time grasping the realities amongst all the scenes playing out, it takes days for me to finally grasp it, and get the bottom line for the old Kathy, the one who hasn't been pummeled to smithereens...."Where's Waldo" for those who read the books, she laughs? And so maybe on a monday evening she imparts too much white wine too quickly on an empty stomach, and the frickn light bulb goes on (still laughing at self). She takes a tour in her well loved blooming yard, a place that evolved into beauty slowly by the hands of her father, her mother, her husband, her son, herself holding sentimental flowers planted by now unseen hands, and some still seen hands, a yard full of live people and ghosts, my ghosts, and the wine hits and she's off to babble something out with her husband of many intriguing yet all in all happy years. She sees him realize what he's dealing with, he loves her at the same moment he wants to box and contain her, so he agrees and gives her his own insights as to trying both things as none can hurt, but all or either can help. He relinquishes her of the garden hose and the watering responsibilities so she dial for help in further the agenda, it takes a village to love a person, to care for a person, she just couldn't live in an empathic world-mutiny ensues, it is the one thing that makes her crazy, the child with the peg board of 3 yr old recall lives on and we don't like the pegs that won't fit, we have to pound those damn things until they reshape into some doable. And so he is happy when the food is cooked and ready to come in, so he can get her fed and settled, sometimes she drives him crazy, yet that is where the light comes from, like a moth to a bulb, they still feed each other back and forth, situation to end. We speak of regrets and no regrets sometimes as it was always important to us to have as few as possible of them as our clocks run down or out, and we always quill the others, we will not add more, not without resistance. Life can be tricky, it can appear empty, but when you're blessed with good people in all the important corners, you have to see the beauty in that without the wine. There are so many times where I am fascinated by the beauty a handful of people can give off, rainbows in themselves. -Sunshine

Grace of Spring

The winter harshness now receding, the tulips and daffodils push up and warm us via their colors, fragrance and grace, the caress of sunshine on our face. the freshened air after a rain, the greening of the lands making browns obscured, the first signs of life and new beginnings, bring hope to all for another chance. A humble people who've worked their years, can view it all with loving tears, Not wanting much but our terrain, and loved ones laughter on the wind.

Hey, Ma.- 2011

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Thomas Sullivan Magnum "Did you see the sunrise?" Magnum to Ivan So, this fine day brings many good memories of you. You been gone way too long already, and have missed or not missed many conversations, many laughs, many ironies, the extent to which remains unknown by me as I still babble to you phone or no phone. Strong thoughts of 9/11 were brought up this week after the icon was finally caught up with, and I wondered for your take on this potential Ivan, and his demise, after we had witnessed the same destruction that day. Many conversations held with you and Dad on the economy, depression babies conversations of the past flitting through my head, the morning scenes of backpackers across America emerging from the edges of darkness each morning as the light comes up, heading for the soup kitchen that is ours on Northwest Highway, the homeless much more now than a few unfortunates or druggies or people with mental health issues, now they include some very fine folks who used to walk our paths, and used to hold fine jobs, trying to live off the land like a Frontier Freemont who's afraid of getting too far away from civilization or it's amenities. So as I flit back into the past: Thank you for your diligence when I ran the high fevers, thank you for the Kool-aide the day I bit my tongue jumping up in down in the little swimming pool, thank you for all the band-aides, thank you for all the lady like lectures, fall walks, movies, music, authors, and fine books. Thank you for all the Irish humor that would carry us through so much strife, thank you for making me witness a woman standing up to every adversity and when times were the absolute darkest thank you for teaching me to stand and endure, and make it through each unblessed episode, until the chapter could be closed. Love to you and Dad wherever you roam, I carry you both in my heart and in my head. The tulips and daffodil's Dad and I planted still bloom each spring, the plants we all sunk in 85: The Justin Bush, Ziggy Bush, and Reenie Bush are all still in the yard under bloom, I used Dad's boat cushion yesterday for my knees as I planted the veggie garden, there are so many memories here of all. Rick found me the day before sitting out on the old now sad decaying bench just soaking in the natural beauty of the yard, him like an old dog comes out to retrieve me from my thoughts bringing me back into the present and what has new buds on it, and where some weeds need to be yanked. Knowing what you should do, and wanting to do it are two different things, yes? I still have the last card you gave me, when you told me to take care, I have to say Ma I never saw it coming some 5 months out, Love you, Happy Mother's Day to my mom.

Politics have no place in this economy

"Have you ever seen an American Sunrise?" Recap: 2008, fall, fallout from the ALMOST wall street collapse, banks collapse, future and resale housing collapse completed after 8 years of George W. Busch and Dick Chenney, both REPUBLICANS being our heads of state aka: President & Vice President of the USA. What happened to our nation at that particular time had been shaped by many leaders of past, by policies initiated no doubt, but these gentlemen aforementioned had plenty of time to see what was coming, and to reverse most of it, and to be able to have the time to buffer the rest. Instead they chose to line their own future pockets as fast as they could, and with dereliction of duty they let the American Populace fall without grace. Now being the country we are,this affected 1/2 half of the populace short term, and 1/2 half of the populace long term. The fun of this is what used to be middle class is now lower class or poverty level class whichever phrase you prefer, and we see very clearly through our last few years of sinking and skrimping to solely get by in a household how much the upper class still continues to squander and pack into their own pockets everything that's not nail down they continue to rape and pillage. There was a few weeks where all gathered together intensively to come up with their bailout, which bailed the wall street segment and banking segment (insurance companies are included in the banking segment), but they forgot about the general populace, they created some band aids short term to ease a path which will never be the same, and then they proceeded to rip those band aids off like a smart but uncaring mother who says if she goes fast it will hurt less. The wounds had not even scabbed yet, so the rip just leaves the lesion open to infection. And so the democrats who went in to solve it, mid way (2 years in) are faced with a republican house to block their original planned agenda for re-grouping, who now want to continue debilking social security and medicare of monies they didn't pay into but have for light years successfully squander out of funds that were to be held next to sacred. The game of each party is block and block, no progress, or values destroyed, checkmate, screw the pawns. The only solution besides an out and out useless revolution is: "God Damn it< get your asses back to the table you all surrounded 3 years ago, and really sit down and hash it out (no Vacations) until you have addresses something worthy of the people you are being OVERPAID TO REPRESENT!

One mans villain may be someone else's .......leader?

So this week brought the announcement that Osama Bin Laden had been disposed of permanently, Our President Barack Obama relayed that Navy Seals had a successful mission invading a compound in Pakistan, and that Osama Bin Laden had been shot and killed during the invasion into the compound, and after his identity was confirmed that he had received burial at sea. 10 years of searching, and now finally DEAD! Bin Laden has been an enemy of the American people for quite a long time, the strongest reasoning for this was his design of 9/11/2001, all the time and planning that went into our training his terrorist/illegals as pilots so they could hi-jack our own airplanes to be crashed into various U.S. building targets, thereby killing the people within the airplanes along with whatever people would be killed within the target's: The Twin Towers of the World Trade Center, and The Pentagon which were successfully hit by these "Terrorists", and it is said that the fourth building was to be The White House which was averted by the people who were on that airplane is the main story told due to captured conversations aboard that vessel...or that we shot it down to avert it's destiny of origin is a thought wondered about by many. The news media, and the people who flooded the front property of the White House and More people who flooded Ground Zero of the old World Trade Center, droves of people gathered based on rumors leaked out into Facebook and Twitter, finally confirmed by our President with a special announcement. People all over the United States rejoiced, were made happier knowing this villain had finally tasted our justice. I felt a little better hearing the news as well, and I expressed myself by saying he should have been captured and dissected one little piece at a time so he could feel some high levels of pain with karma as the server. My own son after watching all these reactions to the news wrote his own blog piece more or less stating that we were reducing our levels of reaction to the terrorists who have burned, spit on, and urinated on our own flag and SOLDIERS when captured, likening it to animal farm, and an ending of pig versus man, man versus pig, and how upon looking at eachother they could no longer tell the difference. And so for a few days now I have reflected on the populace's take on this event, my own and my son's, and I know logically he is correct. I also know that what will keep this conflict alive within me is: September 11 2001: Morning, A plane crashed into one of the twin towers, shortly after another crashed into the 2nd tower, a plane crashed into the pentagon, a fourth plane crashed shy of it's intended destination. Shortly after, the TOWERS began to collapse crushing thousands of people in their massive rubble, reducing thousands of lives into a pile of concrete and steel and glass. For weeks these piles would be sifted through for any signs of life, few successes there, any signs of identifying all the lost souls that perished that day, the season of fall in New York carrying with it numerous days of rain for the seekers to constantly suffer through as they had this horrendous task in front of them, missing husbands, missing wives, missing children, missing fireman, missing policemen, missing daughters, missing sons, what a contribution was made to All Souls Day by this one man name Osama Bin Laden executing a plan to teach America a lesson. So my conclusion this week had to be that my son is a better person than I, and he is his own person guided by my husband's logic through the growing years, and in this one particular instance it will take me light years to see the full value of his wisdom. I know he is right here, yet I can't reach his level at this time. I would have captured this son of a bitch, and I would have dissected him slowly while he was still alive so that he could feel at least 3000 entirely different successive pains, one from each spirit he snuffed out that morning.

St. Alonso's Tears

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." — Oscar Wilde (Lady Windermere's Fan) I saw this quote this morning, took it for what it implied which is quite true at times, and then started smiling as I thought back to it's literal sense: Sometime back in 2006 when we traveled to San Diego, a meteor shower was to occur one evening, and after dark Sarah had the thought to have us all go driving up into the mountains to see this show named St. Alonso/Alonzo's Tears. Higher and higher we'd drive and get out to see what we could see, but Sarah wanted it darker and to be further away from the city lights casting any glow, so she's have us remount our seats in the vehicle and she'd driver higher to next level, and we'd test it out. We did this drive up into the next level some 4 times before we came to a weigh side/rest stop parking lot, it was amazing cars were parked everywhere in no particular order, and their occupants were laying on sidewalks, in the parking lot, on huge ledges that bordered land drops. And so we looked up to watch the stars, and eventually tired and found that laying down was really the best way to see the most of these spectacular shooting stars. The cries did appear to be crying shooting stars. It was a special evening that prefaced an important chapter in our lives. Being in love with this planet and it's beauties, I have found it comforting that sometimes it gives you such a wondrous present of beauty, which will see you through many dark days, and that many times you just need to understand that this beauty goes on and on, no matter what your current day brings you, that beauty is out there somewhere in our world.

Simplicity of Soul.

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Listening to music can be a wonderful reviving experience for the soul, Iron n Wine is today's choice Resurrection Fern, Flightless Bird-American Mouth both work for then & now. Sometimes we get so bogged down with what society has made important in the measure of a man, that we can barely see straight the purity of souls before our eyes. I see you. I see you every day. I see your beautiful actions of heart in motion. Yes I laugh and tease you as nothing can stay out of place for more than ten minutes, but you constantly try to make something better for one of us, all you have to do is spot what is lacking, or who needs a hand, and you're there in the middle of it, and people wonder why I am in the middle of too much, but the truth is it is probably due to living with you for light years. Without you I never would have bothered to right wrongs or wage battles, I am to resiliency what you are to visual matter. Summed up you try to fix what the eye can see, and I try to fix the things the eye can't really see, but they are there real time despite their being invisible to most. Some of it became so devastated, I now refrain from from fixing anything but my own Sails, I cannot change what doesn't want to be changed, I cannot undo all the hurts, and once I learned that lesson, I totally went back to our life, which is a good life as you're in it. You are so beautiful, how the hell did I ever chance to cross paths with you on the streets of Chicago? Final answer: It was worth the entire path! It was a good match regardless of speculations made, we are both of the same simplicity of soul, everyone is loved, everyone is cherished. I love you, I forgive you, I am sorry all equated to " You can come home now all is forgiven"?

Facebook & Religion

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Here's my answer to the one's posting on facebook their precise idea of what God & Jesus are or should be, but by posting their rendition they put upon the rest of that we should feel identical with grand precision as they feel, they are making it too complex when it really is a simple matter for the present day: The child within believes much, and the adult she emerged into believes that the real miracle lies within each of us, the beauty of each soul, love of heart given, the sacrifices made for another out of purity of soul, and the way we cherish each other as we learn from loss, exactly how we should live. ** kms 04/2011

Crossroads

Coming off of a major powered week (thank you Aries), had classes monday and tuesday, crammed numerous insurance facts into this aging brain which has many memory problems, swiss cheese at it's finest as we all wonder what I'll remember and what I'll forget, so it was urgent to me to take the test for these classes as soon as possible, studying each morning and night just to try and retain the State's desired facts. Awesome! I totally hyper blast mindlessly out the door to the test, thinking there is no chance in hell I can pass either segment, mindless is an interest word, I doubt few can actually how close I was, brain seeking to understand small words by yesterday morning, a struggle at best, and so they sit my down at the monitor, and miracles can happen: My mind can focus on one question at a time as that is all these wonderful people put up onto the screen, no longer seeing a row of 10 questions leading to 50 more is a small miracle in itself, yes I can do this 1 question only actually helps me to refocus and find some calm within myself. 2 hours later they tell me I passed both segments? " Your kidding" I utter, and the girl smiles reassuringly. So now I wake up after finally catching up on some needed sleep and rest for the noggin, and I find I am drained, and I have no desire to make progress today. I have bills, I have no money left as I just paid the ever lovely mortgage, and truck. I need groceries, but procrastinate spending my remaining money. I see no job solutions on the horizon for my dear partner in crime, so I know I should market the house and get out from under the higher ticket payments, yet it is a conversation I really hate to have, if I don't want to do it, how can they, and yet it is beginning to look like the only solution to this God Aweful Housing Collapse that keeps one of us jobless, I believe in him so much if I had the money I'd hire him he's so capable of running any project. Instead I take an April 1st deadline, and move it to April 15th, and from the 15th I move it to May 1st, and before you know it I'll have moved to May 15th, but that must be it my friend. And then we will have to face the music, and face all these lovely housing in our neighborhood that have been on the market for the past 2 1/2 years, eh? And knowledge of short sales, only to avoid that F word, Foreclosure or so we hope. Of Course F starts alot of words, doesn't it? And so I will do little or nothing until I can move again. "The Beatles- " She's leaving home, Bye Bye".

Pleasing people, living up to others standards:

K & R 11/14/1975* One week later: Triangle Park, Chicago & Guitars in hand, and look where it got us:"They sat together in the park, as the evening sky grew dark, she look at him and felt a spark tingle to her bones, twas then she felt alone and wished that she'd gone straight, and watched out for that simple twist of fate" - Simple Twist of Fate/Dylan & Baez ******** Found this slightly remembered quote this morning, still love it: Famous words from poet John Lydgate, later adapted by President Lincoln - and appearing in various permutations: “You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”. Simply put we cannot be all things to all people, if we please one person, we might end up dis-pleasing another. And yet they say they want us to be ourselves, they want us to just be the person they claim to love in us, and then they go and try to change us?

March went out like a lion, And April Cried & stepped aside....

March brought just a handful of wishful thinking weather days, almost a kiss against winter, and then winter came back to claim more time on her clock: My man was out like a flash with his rake, backyard one day, front the next, clearing winters savage debris of deadness it leaves in it's wake. Small green tulip leaves and crocus leaves emerge from the white rocks like a small magical show we see plants spring up giving us signs of hope that another long winter has grudgingly given up on whipping our asses. On weekdays I leave early and return late, my job keeps me busy enough yet I miss my home and family when I am gone for so many hours, and amuse myself somewhat at lunchtime by going to small park near work, this week brought toddlers out who are just learning to experience the park, and of course none of them wanted to leave the park, so Grandpa's and young Mom's had the pleasure of trying to induce the children to go home for lunch or "follow me", some children play it coy and walk in the opposite direction of what they've been told to do, I watch from my vehicle, I love this part of my day, I love observing the basic human natures that haven't gotten changed generation to generation, swings, slides, some climbing bars, and little toddlers so real and genuine in their awe of the park. And when I am driving near the only remaining farm in Buffalo Grove, I see Mallard & Drake swimming in a roadside puddle, and enjoy the natural moments beauty so much like Redlin Landscape, Geese up ahead checking out last years cornfields for any rare finds, and I know someday up the road we'll all be stopped up in traffic as some mother hen needs to cross her chicks via the road of human high speed. These natural moments are the things that keep us stable or at least me. Work is fast paced, but brings it's own share of emotions to roller coaster through. This week brought one of my favorite's business insurance no longer needed, his young adult children call me and explain how his brain tumor of last year has come back big time to claim him soon, the son explains this as he is on the way to the emergency room, his Dad's had a bad fall and is being checked out, son rushing to catch up with him and other family already there, balance is gone, and slowly it will all halt to a stop. We share some thoughts, some empathies, and hopefully I've given a perfect stranger some heart to help the day. I cannot help but think of our Mike, of Kit holding his shirt tight behind him to keep him on target in his gait. His card is still in my truck with little red roses, I read it while at the park, sure was true, they picked it well. I think of Ma and all my lunchtime runs to hear a doctors update, I think of the bone spurs I got from running down those hospital parking lots and long hallways. I have nothing but love and understanding for anyone who goes through this horrible limbo. I come home finally, day almost done, they wonder why I am in an upbeat mood, I wonder to myself if it's genuine or if I mask who I am, and know quit reasonably that it's more genuine, I am happy to be home with them, I am happy to still have them about me. Time waits for no one, so we enjoy what we have while we have it!

And so it shapes

And so yesterday brought the end of a long road traveled, our son finished his required coursework for his Masters Degree at National Louis University. He did not however file his paperwork for graduation in February as required for some insane reason for a May Graduation, so he will get his diploma in August instead. But reaching light years back to driving the pre-school graduate to kindergarten, first grade, second grade we had to bus him, (he did not like to part with his dear mom in the mornings, and so as to not prolong his pain nor mine, the bus was worth the money at the time.) we have light years later with many stories to tell arrived at this point of Schools is out, unless he volunteers in the future to want more knowledge and that my dear friends is entirely on him. Now he needs to find a job hopefully in teaching and earn at least enough to start paying off some delicious $60,000 in student loan debt incurred for his degrees, we paid for the first degree, he gets to pay for the 2nd and third, which were more costly. Serious money charged for an education and a diploma you say? So while he was off to his last class, turning in projects he hopes are on par with his 4.0 grade point average achieved and maintained throughout the last 4 years, his mother who watched this all play out boxed stacks and stacks of papers needed for the long haul, and shelved tons of books onto a bookcase she donated to this cause. The family room has become a family room once more, no 20 stacks here and there, done, done, DONE! So pizza he wanted upon his return, and pizza he got, Happy, Happy Day my old friend, it has been a great time watching you grow, and grow upwards towards your own goals. And all the nagging, waking, coffee, breakfasts, last minute print jobs, "read your School emails", all of it worth while, done with love. Now go lead your own life, find a job, find a girl worth keeping as a life partner, travel, do it all, time is a funny thing it captures much but it passes so quickly, make all the days from here on count, and dance it like it would be gone too soon! Dad and I are tired, we slow, we're happy cause we're eachothers best friend and both have the same cycle to work through, you can come back and visit, bringing all the stories you've always brought us to see life through your green eyes! Much love and pride, Ma & Dad 03/20/2011 Done Good*

Simpler Beliefs, Avoiding illness & Using Home remedies

As I was brought up in the 50's we always saw the doctor for illness, we always used antibiotics to recover from the infection or cold. That's how my parents cared for us as children, teens, and young adults. I was prone to colds, ear infections, and high fevers. When we started our own family we continued on the same path for many years. We also lost my father in 1990 within 24 hours of a hospital admittance and emergency surgery that offered the only chance. Rough choices, but when a loved one is involved the only choice, is the only choice. All of us would take a long shot, over know possible shot at all. My Mom became ill with a rapid celled cancer in 2002, gone in 59 days. Lots of Doctors appointments and hospital time there and then home hospice via Vitas Hospice and a loving family who kept on giving until she was safely where she needed to go. Then our brother in life also became ill with another supremo rapid paced cell cancer, the time lost in their (Dr.'s ) diagnosing it, but once they did they moved with lightening speed towards their initial treatment of it. Our sister on the west coast had discovered a product named ZIJA, 100% natural fruit juice, 60-90 minerals and vitamins in each 6 oz can $3.43/per can or 102.95 monthly for each case. He started taking it from what I understand to lower his sodium levels post surgery to strengthen his level of nutrition as quickly as possible and have all the needed vitamins and minerals consumed to fight the cancer cells that were consuming his good cells, nutrition is the only good ingredient you can obtain to fight off the destruction this disease causes, it is like pacman let loose. I started using the product the same year, due to the economy and only the economy I have had to cut back severely the last two years, but I will resume taking the right amount of this product as soon as possible. Who can say in this day and age they've not had a cold in 5 years? I can. When I was on it, I had no joint pain anymore, right now my back & hips feel the weather like a barometer, but when I am on it I am fine. Prone to ear infections from allergies, allergic to grass and leaf molds, but when I am on it I am fine. On it I lost 30 lbs, off it I gained back 15. Is it not worth $3.43 a day? Ear infections, abscess of a tooth, throbbing nerve in a tooth = root canal, I take 1 tsp. and 2 tsp. honey, mix into a paste and eat, whaala, the symptoms go away with in five days. Oil of Oregano and all it can cure. I am saying you don't need to diminish your body and health with antibiotics, there are natural foods, and ingredients which can cure many ailments, so that I no longer understand why people are stubborn and won't try this, why won't they read or research enough to know they have another choice. A healthier choice. Holistic MD's exist, Dr. Mercola is in Hoffman Estates near Higgins Rd, why can't people simply try this other avenue?

Pay Taxes & Die, humorous hardship,over a 401K, his/theirs

The end of a long story: Let me preface this tale by saying we've tried hard to be a kind and gentle people, we've worked hard, and the only savings we ever really accomplished was through my husbands 401K which unfortunately we needed to cash out in 2009 due to the collapse of the home construction world as we knew it, his own lay off, attempting to find a job, which no kidding had once been comprised of picking up the phone, calling 2 or 3 past coworkers and whaala the next day you had a job, usually at your same level. The housing market was and is so devastated by the fall out suffered in 2009 that even now in the spring of 2011 it shows small signs of starting up again, most construction companies switched to commercial projects much of which involves union and back dues if you were to attempt to re-enter with many current members ahead of you on the long lists. So we must survive and choose our only avenue left to our eyes, but the company we withdraw from does not mark it as a hardship, and later refuses to mark it as a hardship even though it was. When it's not a hardship then you are liable for the tax on it and a penalty, The tax was taken right off the tops for the most part, but the penalties were not, and upon doing the taxes for 2009 well we'd end up owing almost eleven thousand dollars, odd that was the same amount we had left to live on after a particularly harsh winter. So you make choices, we chose to continue living and paying our bills out of what remained, and filed for a tax compromise claiming hardship, your life in numbers documented, and re-documented, and critiqued, and more documentation requested by our very sincerely helpful IRS who does understand the millions of Americans effected by hardships since the great bailout of idiot banks and investment houses began two years back. After a 9 month pregnancy of waiting for an answer, and the stress involved in going up against an entity you've always been afraid of, they tell us we've got it, we heard of so many declinations to other people we know we are amazed. We're to pay them the 1/3 we offered. Doable we already paid 2/3 of that, Loopholes is the get any return from this year, which is also needed by our household. (Written in 6font on the back of a form we had signed) Our accountant who we finally fessed up to this week while doing this years taxes is not surprised. We've never had a tax return of $5K plus until now. So, we like idiots smile as we realize they got most of the original tax penalty involved, we did save a little by months and months of paperwork, finding exactly why I made various deposits and withdrawals from two years ago, how the hell would I remember when this brain is Swiss cheese personified, yet I was forced to spend hours and hours on this computer between the banks and my quicken, and can only say God Bless Quicken and Intuit who made it, my saving grace little notes I made so I would not forget, in case I ever had to re-construct. It was a small win, but I guess doable in the long run. The housing market is still not active, bare slow traces of some backed by megabuck corporations are seen (just as happened to our farms), they usually want to pay the person 2/3 or 3/4 of what they previously earned for such a set of job skills, and thousands of applicants for one position. So we again erase our minds of what could have been, should have been, we stay to the present and that we all still breathe, we look to spring sunshine to lift us up and and along, and we will reach a time deadline imposed by ourselves for the next very tough decision, until then we wait for a phone call, a stay of execution, some way to remain here with honor, with some semblance of self esteem intact. Otherwise it will be time for the next steps which we hope we won't have to walk. Hardships, what's the definition? Each man thinks he can define it. But let me tell you it is different for each man and woman. Along with the bailout, could a protection have been placed for the people, yes, it was even mentioned in the great pre-election, was it done, no.....it was a sentence on the wind of past memory along with the rest of it. And so onto the next chapter....

A Book, A Thought, am starting over: "The Secret"

I have such good recall on so many items, especially the past, but I also have a swiss cheese memory problem going on, I should be labeled at times: "Retains Water". My son and husband are aware of it, and they keep an eye on me to see how it shapes and if it spirals, the reasons can range from too many 106 fevers as a child to, a wooden baseball bat, or too many years of stress, the only good news is, I'll forget I've seen a movie, I'll forget I bought a given ingredient already for the kitchen larder, I will forget for weeks to get other items needed for the household, I preface this happy writing with this as I might have read or seen this book before but I have just a flash of that possibility, if I read or saw it previously, well I have forgotten that: A few weeks back one gal up at work, our property manager for the building mentioned she'd read a book recently and it changed her life, I was intrigued, she told me it was called " The Secret". Mental note that I made and actually retained was to hunt down the book, I mentioned it on facebook, and my best friend of childhood days Cyndie ordered it, and had it shipped to me, I received it on thursday, and finally started reading it yesterday. Now I've never been a materialistic gal, yes if I was rich I'd have a fine set of clothes and shoes, but I am not currently rich in any money sense, but I am rich in the people who encompass my life, I have many good friends, and I have a wonderful family, quirky at times but a fool I would be not to see the actual wealth and richness of people surrounding me. This books entire point is based on "the Law of attraction" which I blotted out somewhere in the past just cause I didn't like how it was phrased....I don't like the word attraction actually, it makes me think of the old dating seen a different attraction meant entirely. With the Law of attraction, simply restated a magnet will attract a similar magnet, so "it's important how you think, think about the things you want to see on your horizon, and what you'd like to see shape in the future, think about it only in I Want & I Need, and it will shape. Correct old ways of thinking about what you don't want, don't want's attract only don't wants. So from this day forward as long as my memory bank can retain: "I am only thinking about what I want to see shape up, and I will only project out for good positive thoughts on that horizon", and life should extend itself to re-shape Magnet pulling like to like.

Is the cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? A trick question

I have always been fascinated by the perspectives of humans on the following question: Is the cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Go one, just ask it, even people you think you know well will surprise you with the answer. Really, you'll be surprised. Spice up your day, and just try this out. I've always seen it as fuller, someone else will always see it as emptier. The real answer is: Each one of us "IS THE CUP", we determine what's in the cup, at the very least we determine what we think is in the cup. We are the cup.

Fridays

Fridays, are awesome......Mode of the day: "I CAN DO THIS": Crazy work week, major account up for renewal, all of the details to get the quotes obtained, and poof we can't find the customer/client, I've had to smoke her out before, best done by email one liner's of "Call US", it worked got the details nailed out., and onto typing up numerous id cards for their fleet of vehicles, and certificate for all their driver destinations, many downtown buildings that have insurance requirements and wording to choke a horse, but so far caught up with all that, by 3pm my mind becomes a sludge pond, and I take a 4 minute smoke break = 1/2 a smoke, I have never officially been given a break so this 4 minute things been going on for 7 years now, as needed once in the afternoon on rare days. My nephew works for her, it was how we got him restarted after his business closed. She keeps up on his baby with me, she knows our stories, her own mom is going through chemo now and in town to see a specialist, that's why she eluded us, and now we're good again for awhile. Now thrown in all the other clients of the day, resend this so and so didn't get it the first time, an elderly lady who can't make up her mind on her vehicle coverage, now she's fun, comp only not driving it didn't get my license renewed in December, versus two days later needing full coverage lies and says she got her license renewed, and then next week back again.....I could just type this into the insurance carrier's comment slot and get it canceled for no license, but haven't had the heart yet....although she's pushing it. My poor Barry who used to be a young and impetuous rich kid, always a demanding attitude, that owned 13-16 buildings in Chi town at all times and would fix them up and sell them off, oh what this economic collapse did to him, he got stuck holding 13 buildings, prices plummeted and he can't give them away, yet he's lost so many tenants or some building weren't rented out yet, he cannot always make his bills, mortgages, insurance bills, they all keep him stressed, and yet the whole experience has made him kinder and more understanding as we've grown in our 7 year relationship, his laughter at the adverse has kept us both going, he is horrible with paperwork and I've offered to drive in and help him organize for free....he laughs as he tells me he shreds his incoming faxes and bills, thus the phone calls needing to know exactly what he owes, "incorrigible" was designed for him. Yet Barry is my favorite now. I used to want to whip him. Parents calling to find their son never reported an accident, nor filed a claim on a recent event where they were the wronging party. And so it goes, day after day, all these people with so many different problems and how to best help them, and throughout echoes of our own lives real and personal so that you struggle harder to find a solution for the needy people of this time. The week packs a whallop, and you need saturday to find sunday the actual day where you know who the hell you are, and what you feel finally undaunted by all these shadow stories. So yes, I am happy when it's friday.

Another Day, March 2nd

When was the last time you watched a sunrise? He preps for an interview, one more important than others as it is his familiar line of work, he looks great, dressed in a suit walks out with his folder, embarking on an hours ride to this place further away, but totally doable. He's was recommended to these people by his old boss which can only help with the morning. One small step for mankind. He and I are each others mood elevators, I cannot say how many times in the last two years we've asked each other if the other was alright. Some white light on him, too. I hope he catches a break so he can resume pride of work, and spend his days working on a job site, instead of tidying some damn thing here, all of which starts to erode a soul or spirit. I would not care for the planet without him. (That is how I can so feel my sister's plight, she is the great pretender, her life ended 3/4th's about 4 years back, she is bullshit & baffle personified as she facially greets her world, still a light hearted joker for the masses, but inside she is deadly serious to this day, dabbling in a few things until she can be released to follow her pal.) So, hopefully today will bring us good news from all walks, the last few days were a little chaotic, disconcerting, whatever. So let's just visualize that soon this man will go to work daily, coffee thermal cup in hand, and that some level of normal can be returned to his days..... Here's to seeing it played out and finished, yes I am picturing it now!

Some white light, please.

A day can be mighty long, a long lazy day, a long work day, a long day in events. Your religion can start to slip at times, unsure of what you believe anymore, and yet you find yourself praying, so I guess I have to stick with Jesus for the last round, he was always the one I prayed to anyhow, he's a paragraph in a dictionary, but has always been big in my life of decades. So simple really and a win win, they wrote gospels off him all the good stories I learned to read off of days prayer book as I was shoosh in church, not understanding some parts and Dad conveying what it meant in Chicky speaks, Mom giving us a look for talking in church, and days when was reversed, but I learnt the beauty of how it should be from those stories, and I learned the sadness of history from those same stories, and I cried the first time I heard of holy thursday, the betrayal, and of course the finale of what is called Good Friday, which has never seemed good to me. So I pray to someone who either had a great advantage over the common man, and yet lived as one, I pray to someone who was the greatest story teller of all time, I pray to the goodness that he left in his past for us to find. The week brings events of babies re-hospitalized for ailments we wish they didn't have, so we pray for them, car accidents other are involved in and we pray for them, we pray that they only have good things shape for them, our love for our family is bigger than most perceive, these older eyes have seen much pass, but there are certain things we would never want for our family. So Jesus if you have any power to guard, and powers to guide, please keep the white light over those I love. I am not perfect, I am not without fault, but it is the good one asking you for light over this all.

Our Spring

How can I describe what Springtime means to me? In the last week of February, a month that brings me back home still in daylight and starts the few trickle of hope, the Cardinals song pulled my attention, I had not heard that voice in so long, it has always made me feel a surge of hope, and made my weary winter step spunk up a bit, becoming lighter. Up at work off the parking lot, the forsythia's are bent over from the blizzard, I've never seen them so, my male cardinal friend was within one sideways bush singing his song. We have them in our backyard frequently, and we have a border of Forsythia's as well, which this lady loves, we planted them all five of us in 1985 when we were all still fine and here. Their short timed yellow blooms in spring bring the wild life back to our sight, and keep us amused year after year watching birds, squirrels, bunnies and their babies, watching them tend to their new arrivals, build nests, it is a wonderful experience, and even more beautiful as it plays out year after year. The grass begins to green, our perennials begin to show who survived the winter cold, wonderful smells long missed fill the air we breathe, it's wonderful and no small wonder that it makes man feel like everything will be better. I hope for much, I hope for a wonderful spring.

Time to regroup

Beat up from the week, most saturdays I am near useless as I age, I seem to need a slower pace just to regroup from the week. Sometime on sunday morning my brain starts functioning, healing more its old self. This week my boss was out of the office on vacation, many newly quoted items were being obtained, always more details needed for the ever lovely insurance underwriters of America, one poorly used word will have them grilling you like a prisoner under interrogation, I so despise petty underwriters, they must be emptied human shells near clones working for the richest corporations in America trying to tear down the bones of their fellow man. So after this tough week, I found out from my mate we were staying home, and I missing my homemaker component who seems to have evaporated these last two years decided to cook, cupcakes, potatoes salad, a newer porkchop theory, and it all turned out well, surprise, surprise. There is a element to our oven when baking that is simple once you catch the drift, cook on minimum time less 5 minutes. If you don't know this simple rule everything will be overcooked or burnt. Todays endeavor will be to make another batch of Beef barley soup, last batch was great, can it be duplicated? I hope I can, something about that soup is healing, it makes you feel better about eveything...some comfort food. Crap, time to make the tax appointment, too. Hate Taxes, hate it more this year that they get to keep it, but I still won some major ground within it all. So, All of our recently ill people are on the mend which is great, the littlest one will bare watching she accidentally ingested something during childbirth that makes her little lungs prone to lung ailments now especially while so young, she is a sweetheart though this well named love of ours. 2 Days left to this month, and we walk back into March which usually brings some sort of Possibility of Spring, and Spring itself brings hope to us all as we will watch nature preparing to be reborn, re-strengthen, and this woman who thought she had a chance in hell of surviving this winter, well she will lovingly embrace the Spring and all it wants to bring. It is a time to regroup, we will try to see our best bottom lined horizon and act appropriately to what can be accommodated in our future. We have a chance in the middle of the week that could make such a different, I am picturing it taking place, and us being able to move forward again in a totally positive fashion. I picture him out there doing his thing with pride once more!

Funny Facebook with it's YearBook Application

I looked over my shoulder, and they were gone. Throughout life we grow, and we also diminish, events cause us to act differently, some of us want to re-connect with old friends or family, some of us enjoy the humor involved, while others do not, and that's all to be respected, we are all different, and due to that different things make us tick the way we do. As we progressed done life's road my own husband cut one of his oldest friends out of his life because no shit everytime Paul invited us to dinner he had a saw or a miter box out, and just needed a few pieces of trim cut to finish off a room, or tile to be cut for a foyer, all kids of treats, so it became an invite to come visit and have fun was now moved to earlier and earlier so this little project could attended to as he moved into different homes in Bolingbrook or Downers Grove area. A visit to us would entail making little Donnie's Derby Car for Boy Scouts, and a xmas eve visit that used to make us perpetually late for GrandMa Dolly's Christmas Eve when she still held it, nuff of my humor, Rick quit this particular friendship some 13 years back.....done, finito, adios! I have some crazy Irish Cousins, I keep the relationships with, my brothers have no desire to, and I also keep in touch with two of my Polish cousins, just via email usually of the Irish side is on facebook with me. But my main fun this year has been facebook, and hooking up with some of my high school friends, and some of my grammar school friends as well. All of these relationships involve forgiveness, theirs and mine in all probability, everyone can remember something bad given enough time, but it's the good stuff that flows for many of us, love of the same music, some poetry, some prose, some jokes, and some memories woken from a long sleep, we all went down to Foster Beach Freshie year, Sophomore year, and most of Junior summer as well., first by bus, then by car, yikes, and so the memories flood out of summer days spent together, and our trips to the Holiday Ballroom each friday night to dance to the music and all the bands we saw that became famous in our time, and even school memories of Taft having the new building annexed to the old, moving the parking lot to a temporary dug out dirt lot that ina heavy rain consumed my Corvair....which had to be lifted by the boys and placed on higher ground for me to get out of the lot. They so enjoyed it that they remembered to move my car on me ocassionally to a different slot just for fun. They've started a high school Yearbook on facebook now, and it's sort of fun to see what will get posted, let's you know who was impressed by what, and is all a good laugh, especially if you've forgotten it. It's kept me and Cyndie closer than we had been in lite years, it's helped Jackson through the loss of her husband this past year, it's helping Chris as he goes through the miserable foreclosure proceding just to know how many of us crazies are hanging on by the skin of our teeth. It's a small thing, yet can used as a good tool to get someone through a pile of muck a little kinder, a little cared for.