Saturation

Funny with our daily lives, and regimen sometimes we become saturated, with all the media, all the opinions of others on what we should do, we take it all in until we are so heavy we can't move, and the end result is we just sit there like a lump, loaded down and overly oiled. We have become saturated. This past week, I finally took a few days off from work combined with the long weekend, and did a day of sorting through old bills receipts no longer needed, always kept them in an alphabetical binder, and have done so for so long it's become a way of thinking, so I sorted through each years binder looking for item needing to be saved, little there except some medical & medicine history receipts relative to my spouse I might want to remember in this ever dimming world of mine. So what can I tell you, he was rained out that day, and would hand me one box down after another, therefore we now have about 12 boxes of crap that can go go go soon. And other boxes actually got labeled, "by the way I've got a Sharpie with me", yes he's amazing. (My schiz'd side thinks, who the hell would have a sharpie with them?) The next day I cut the lawns, and did a quick grocery shop, our sister from Chicago was coming out to spend the evening with us, and ended up spending two days, all caught up on, different details or next steps talked about, and through another sister we learned skype: a computer program which allows you to see eachother via computer and actually talk to eachother as if it was a phone call without the benefit of a phone. Yesterday our nephew had a barbq after the pouring rain ( he cleaned his grill through that), and we spent time cooing the newer baby girl who thrills us with her smiles, and little humor she's developing. We saw our niece from that side who doesn't always make it to our gatherings, and it turned out to be a leisurely day spent good naturedly. And the kids were touched when the grand uncle fed the baby, and rescued her as her Dads back went out into the S shaped pain ridden stance, and he needed to be relieved of holding her weight. My spouse even allowed me to drive home as I'd had ice coffee and coke all day, and was the best pick for the 45 minute drive. It's probably the time of year, or it might be that look in the babies eyes that had us all a little out of sorts, she has your intense look in those eyes, odder yet she has your smirk of a smile, a little emotional all in a nostalgic way, but I think everyone was bettered by the day. We all are re-working our lives, each one has been gotten to another fine chapter, some are settling from the disruptions in their lives last year of failed business, divorce, and some are bucking up for this years disruptions and changing, but all are in sync with getting it figured out or done. Somewhere in the interactions of the weekend, I did come to find out, I am saturated by all that's evolved, wars I waged against time, decisions I've tried to hold at bay, indecisions as well which have gone hand in hand with decision making that good old opposite, and I'd become laden down with it all, absolutely saturated with it's oil. Slowly through the relaxation of some time to relax and think, and listen to others situations and think some more, I feel like I've almost shook out of the oil, not quit there yet, but soon I will be able to think straight again and analyze one more time to see what course we should take for certain, the oil has kept me wishy washy as logic battles emotion, round and round it has gone, and in this round I do not wish to look back one day and say I should have tried harder, I want to be certain I've tried my 195% best on this round. Out of the oil comes a CRUMB?

Getting this slacker to work, self discipline?

The next two days, and 3 days after bring the freedom of office work, vacation days. Since not in traveling mode these days, I try to match my days with the holiday schedule....but there are things needing tending at home, so we will see how much time I can spend actually doing all the things on my trusty little slacker list. The list can be long on occasion and this girl might ditch out on the list for a day, and simply lounge around the house, or do a movie marathon. And if the girl at heart is smart she knock out the list early so she can do all.

First loves

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Ah, yes it was many and many a year ago in the kingdom by the sea that an everlasting love of those waters first were born within me. Seeing the dawning first light of day cast a shimmer across those waters that would become loved by me. And the warmth of the sun as it powered up slowly embracing my face, like a lovely warm kiss, is why I can miss not being by thee.

Home is where the heart is*

We have begun thinking, looking at downscaling, it is what I would think of as forced timing, it would have come one day, but we are in truth not ready or wanting to make our move. We have much happiness and enjoyment here, much beauty that catches our eyes: 1/2 the home built by our family and friends, some gone, some still interweaving in our lives, but the deeds of past are still long remembered in this short term memory erred mind. The spring flower beds planted with Dad are still one of my major spring wonders as I watch them all come back. The summer gardens planted by my better 1/2 as he watched his company decline into the 2008 sinkhole, using this as his nightly therapy are gorgeous as they come back year after year. Flowers long established, planted by me when I tried to work through my first and very real mid-life crisis, are comprised of plants from one of my life sisters and my own fine brother. The inside of the house is made of up love and care from many years, and all sorts of perks my spouse initiated to keep my son & myself amused. So, take people who don't want to move, throw in dashes of what else will we find, and a dot of can I make it on my own miserable shrunken by health care premiums salary, and knowing full well the value of the house is nothing you will see land on a closing table, and suffice it to say the brains run in circles for days now. Yet one of our bodies is totally used up and can no longer afford abuse of trade, he will die sooner if we do not do this, and yet parts of me will remain here as it has everything to do with 50% of the spirit. Downscaling was to be done at a rational time, in a rational market, in a rational world, none of which exists any longer. So focus deeply, and you will see that it served us well, and thank God the love can travel with us on this next adventure.

1 Coin, two sides

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Yesterday we went to a wedding. The family of the groom's mother and I have been friends for quite awhile. Last year her daughter was married and I went to that wedding with Kit, it was a lovely wedding, everyone shined, much laughter, much dancing, good spirited conversation. Yesterday's wedding was for her son and his lovely bride, very happy they are, and yet everyone else seemed out of temper would be my best description, they had all been stretched a bit too far, or some underlying problem kept pummeling through their enjoyment. A much smaller wedding, but it meant much to me that we'd been invited to join in their celebration of life, and I'd always wanted my spouse to me the people I'd spent the 12 missing years with, good friends can get you through a ton of darkness when the lights go out, and I remember being there for them as they were for me, I remember the love and warmth they gave to me and to each other. Some of me concludes that in 12 years especially the last 5, we are aging, we have aged to the point where it is all harder, a table of aches and pains, standings not comfortable nor is sitting for too long, clothing that to some is not comfortable, they'd all rather be in jeans, social graces of greetings murmured over and over, toasts, and well wishing, and many traveling much further than they'd have liked to, we'll a few of them must have bottomed out at the same time to the point where I'm sure my partner couldn't see what my brain cells had captured. So, odd most of our table abandoned off into 6 different directions, music a little loud for conversation, although fun as the groom had picked it all out himself from every decade. The ending and the 1 1/2 drive home had us happy we both only had one drink early on some 5 hours earlier, when we came upon a town doing 10 car random checks for drinking and driving, a road block and a parking lot off to the side whereby they'd check people for DUI. So, home, clothing changed out, tired, but glad to have landed back here, and off to a much needed rest. The Oldsters

The Day the Music Died

Like jumping from a 130th floor, life images flashing through your mind, I can see glimpses of other days and times when I listen to American Pie by Don MCClean, it was an awesome song released when I was 16 yrs old. It meant a lot then, and it still means a lot to me now. Living a full life you gain many things and people, and you also lose many things and people. It feeds the soul and it depletes the soul. "And the 3 men I admired most: the Father, Son and holy ghost, they took the last train for the coast, the day the music died" This line sums up how I feel about our energies of the last few years.

The Body Betrays the Mind, and Mind Betrays Body

So you're all dressed up to go to the party? You're gonna have a good time? Saving grace arrived in time? You are so silly. So you wanted a job so you could get it all headed in the best direction, and you landed it, and started it, but it is the worst possible thing for your body, the pain is barely manageable, the work is harder than what you had to do at 28 through 45, and the collapsing discs in your back now render sciatic pain traveling downward. And several rooftops involved: You spend 13 hours yesterday brick siding a stupid 3rd floor chimney for some smuck who will never see it eye to eye, and to make it more fun the long hours are due to someone having not ordered the right amount of siding, so it has to be torn off several side redone, to get it to work. Material shortages are common, but they won't care if your salaried will they as it cost them no additional labor to complete it as dark rolls in after the sun has set? We don't know how long you can do this, we won't know the human cost, we only know it's horrible, it's all in the eyes. We know we still need to down scale whatever can be. And why do you do this? John Coffee of Stephen King's (The Green Mile) mind once said: "They did it for the love of the other". The pain of a human soul can sometimes match the pain of the human body.

More Band-Aides Please

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Band Aides protect a cut, don't they? My honey had me perform surgery on him this morning with an exacto knife, yikes I had to gear up for this two weeks, and then it was a negative impact on my Little Lion Man Soul, he get's these under skin nodules containing pus sacs galore, the theory was to get through the skin layers and hit the man sac, disgusting & squeeze like you were trying get a bullet out, God damn doctor didn't do this the last office visit and really should have.....thought it wouldn't be covered, yikes, that leaves Little Lion man with faltering courage for deeds of blood especially. So to remove a bullet could I ever be brave enough to hurt/help my dear man? http://youtu.be/Xd8tOAJMA8Q

War of the Roses

In the movie War of the Roses, an affluent couple try to get divorced, but played top the topper in insults and pranks to one another as they go, the shame of it was the love and admiration for each other was still there but as they one upped each other they fueled the fire portion to the final scene where she jumps onto a chandelier (one of them had weakened the chord), he goes to save her, and they both drop several stories to lie side by side dying, the grudge is too wide she pulls her hand away as they die but not before he feels the insult. I cried at the end of that movie, and each time I see i still cry. It is the moral of story that gets me when deep loves are involved, and people behave destructively, one insult piled upon another, Jesus Christ himself could not resolve messes like these, and yet if you looked at the actual basis for how they started they are a small matter, but where they can evolve to can overshadow many. When Justin was little he'd come home and try to describe some of his friends to us: This one had just a mom, or two mommies, this one lived with his Dad cause the mom left a long time ago, he knew children with two new families whereby they'd have to have two birthday parties, two Christmases, two everything's as they original parents were still incompatible even in the best interest of the child, we joked about one little gal and that she'd end up with two weddings one day the old war was still so potent. Where does it end? When can people still see some good in each other, see the love that's still there and stop to heal, and salvage? This post was brought about by something I've been seeing on facebook, a young man getting married in a week, his dad used to be married to one of my friends, but when their daughter was married last year he refused to be in a picture with her of the bride's parents, and he chastised the son for including pictures of the birth mom/original wife in the video of the bride's growing years, punchline they divorced over twenty years ago, and the fun part is he was the one that left them as a family. So many oddities out there in all forms. We hear about unconditional love in some life influences, while some must hear about unconditional disdain.

Thresholds

As we walked the path, we headed wherever we wanted to, some times as an experiment not really sure where the path would take us, we'd climb a hill never sure if a decline was over the rise or if we'd finally hit the crest and see the water on the other side. It was a good walk with many peaks and valleys to it, great for the adventurer in us both. Now we've come to crossing with so many split offs, it's become hard to know what direction to walk, some of the paths are not even appealing to us but present themselves as choices, and the ones that look more appealing will require band aids, making us unsure if they are worth the injuries we might sustain, they are higher risk for sure. So for now unable to make a sound decision, and no longer being as adventurous as we once were, we sit and rest for awhile to see what the day brings. Not our usual spur of the moment way of proceeding, but the only way that's comfortable for now.

The Wine, the rainbows

"I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widowed bride, but something touched me deep inside the day The Music Died"-Don McClean/American Pie Action, re-action Physics, a law that still holds the ultimate fascination for this old girl. I witness it in constant motion, I witness it in constant emotion, some days I am so strung out there amongst the subliminal that I have a hard time grasping the realities amongst all the scenes playing out, it takes days for me to finally grasp it, and get the bottom line for the old Kathy, the one who hasn't been pummeled to smithereens...."Where's Waldo" for those who read the books, she laughs? And so maybe on a monday evening she imparts too much white wine too quickly on an empty stomach, and the frickn light bulb goes on (still laughing at self). She takes a tour in her well loved blooming yard, a place that evolved into beauty slowly by the hands of her father, her mother, her husband, her son, herself holding sentimental flowers planted by now unseen hands, and some still seen hands, a yard full of live people and ghosts, my ghosts, and the wine hits and she's off to babble something out with her husband of many intriguing yet all in all happy years. She sees him realize what he's dealing with, he loves her at the same moment he wants to box and contain her, so he agrees and gives her his own insights as to trying both things as none can hurt, but all or either can help. He relinquishes her of the garden hose and the watering responsibilities so she dial for help in further the agenda, it takes a village to love a person, to care for a person, she just couldn't live in an empathic world-mutiny ensues, it is the one thing that makes her crazy, the child with the peg board of 3 yr old recall lives on and we don't like the pegs that won't fit, we have to pound those damn things until they reshape into some doable. And so he is happy when the food is cooked and ready to come in, so he can get her fed and settled, sometimes she drives him crazy, yet that is where the light comes from, like a moth to a bulb, they still feed each other back and forth, situation to end. We speak of regrets and no regrets sometimes as it was always important to us to have as few as possible of them as our clocks run down or out, and we always quill the others, we will not add more, not without resistance. Life can be tricky, it can appear empty, but when you're blessed with good people in all the important corners, you have to see the beauty in that without the wine. There are so many times where I am fascinated by the beauty a handful of people can give off, rainbows in themselves. -Sunshine

Grace of Spring

The winter harshness now receding, the tulips and daffodils push up and warm us via their colors, fragrance and grace, the caress of sunshine on our face. the freshened air after a rain, the greening of the lands making browns obscured, the first signs of life and new beginnings, bring hope to all for another chance. A humble people who've worked their years, can view it all with loving tears, Not wanting much but our terrain, and loved ones laughter on the wind.

Hey, Ma.- 2011

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Thomas Sullivan Magnum "Did you see the sunrise?" Magnum to Ivan So, this fine day brings many good memories of you. You been gone way too long already, and have missed or not missed many conversations, many laughs, many ironies, the extent to which remains unknown by me as I still babble to you phone or no phone. Strong thoughts of 9/11 were brought up this week after the icon was finally caught up with, and I wondered for your take on this potential Ivan, and his demise, after we had witnessed the same destruction that day. Many conversations held with you and Dad on the economy, depression babies conversations of the past flitting through my head, the morning scenes of backpackers across America emerging from the edges of darkness each morning as the light comes up, heading for the soup kitchen that is ours on Northwest Highway, the homeless much more now than a few unfortunates or druggies or people with mental health issues, now they include some very fine folks who used to walk our paths, and used to hold fine jobs, trying to live off the land like a Frontier Freemont who's afraid of getting too far away from civilization or it's amenities. So as I flit back into the past: Thank you for your diligence when I ran the high fevers, thank you for the Kool-aide the day I bit my tongue jumping up in down in the little swimming pool, thank you for all the band-aides, thank you for all the lady like lectures, fall walks, movies, music, authors, and fine books. Thank you for all the Irish humor that would carry us through so much strife, thank you for making me witness a woman standing up to every adversity and when times were the absolute darkest thank you for teaching me to stand and endure, and make it through each unblessed episode, until the chapter could be closed. Love to you and Dad wherever you roam, I carry you both in my heart and in my head. The tulips and daffodil's Dad and I planted still bloom each spring, the plants we all sunk in 85: The Justin Bush, Ziggy Bush, and Reenie Bush are all still in the yard under bloom, I used Dad's boat cushion yesterday for my knees as I planted the veggie garden, there are so many memories here of all. Rick found me the day before sitting out on the old now sad decaying bench just soaking in the natural beauty of the yard, him like an old dog comes out to retrieve me from my thoughts bringing me back into the present and what has new buds on it, and where some weeds need to be yanked. Knowing what you should do, and wanting to do it are two different things, yes? I still have the last card you gave me, when you told me to take care, I have to say Ma I never saw it coming some 5 months out, Love you, Happy Mother's Day to my mom.

Politics have no place in this economy

"Have you ever seen an American Sunrise?" Recap: 2008, fall, fallout from the ALMOST wall street collapse, banks collapse, future and resale housing collapse completed after 8 years of George W. Busch and Dick Chenney, both REPUBLICANS being our heads of state aka: President & Vice President of the USA. What happened to our nation at that particular time had been shaped by many leaders of past, by policies initiated no doubt, but these gentlemen aforementioned had plenty of time to see what was coming, and to reverse most of it, and to be able to have the time to buffer the rest. Instead they chose to line their own future pockets as fast as they could, and with dereliction of duty they let the American Populace fall without grace. Now being the country we are,this affected 1/2 half of the populace short term, and 1/2 half of the populace long term. The fun of this is what used to be middle class is now lower class or poverty level class whichever phrase you prefer, and we see very clearly through our last few years of sinking and skrimping to solely get by in a household how much the upper class still continues to squander and pack into their own pockets everything that's not nail down they continue to rape and pillage. There was a few weeks where all gathered together intensively to come up with their bailout, which bailed the wall street segment and banking segment (insurance companies are included in the banking segment), but they forgot about the general populace, they created some band aids short term to ease a path which will never be the same, and then they proceeded to rip those band aids off like a smart but uncaring mother who says if she goes fast it will hurt less. The wounds had not even scabbed yet, so the rip just leaves the lesion open to infection. And so the democrats who went in to solve it, mid way (2 years in) are faced with a republican house to block their original planned agenda for re-grouping, who now want to continue debilking social security and medicare of monies they didn't pay into but have for light years successfully squander out of funds that were to be held next to sacred. The game of each party is block and block, no progress, or values destroyed, checkmate, screw the pawns. The only solution besides an out and out useless revolution is: "God Damn it< get your asses back to the table you all surrounded 3 years ago, and really sit down and hash it out (no Vacations) until you have addresses something worthy of the people you are being OVERPAID TO REPRESENT!

One mans villain may be someone else's .......leader?

So this week brought the announcement that Osama Bin Laden had been disposed of permanently, Our President Barack Obama relayed that Navy Seals had a successful mission invading a compound in Pakistan, and that Osama Bin Laden had been shot and killed during the invasion into the compound, and after his identity was confirmed that he had received burial at sea. 10 years of searching, and now finally DEAD! Bin Laden has been an enemy of the American people for quite a long time, the strongest reasoning for this was his design of 9/11/2001, all the time and planning that went into our training his terrorist/illegals as pilots so they could hi-jack our own airplanes to be crashed into various U.S. building targets, thereby killing the people within the airplanes along with whatever people would be killed within the target's: The Twin Towers of the World Trade Center, and The Pentagon which were successfully hit by these "Terrorists", and it is said that the fourth building was to be The White House which was averted by the people who were on that airplane is the main story told due to captured conversations aboard that vessel...or that we shot it down to avert it's destiny of origin is a thought wondered about by many. The news media, and the people who flooded the front property of the White House and More people who flooded Ground Zero of the old World Trade Center, droves of people gathered based on rumors leaked out into Facebook and Twitter, finally confirmed by our President with a special announcement. People all over the United States rejoiced, were made happier knowing this villain had finally tasted our justice. I felt a little better hearing the news as well, and I expressed myself by saying he should have been captured and dissected one little piece at a time so he could feel some high levels of pain with karma as the server. My own son after watching all these reactions to the news wrote his own blog piece more or less stating that we were reducing our levels of reaction to the terrorists who have burned, spit on, and urinated on our own flag and SOLDIERS when captured, likening it to animal farm, and an ending of pig versus man, man versus pig, and how upon looking at eachother they could no longer tell the difference. And so for a few days now I have reflected on the populace's take on this event, my own and my son's, and I know logically he is correct. I also know that what will keep this conflict alive within me is: September 11 2001: Morning, A plane crashed into one of the twin towers, shortly after another crashed into the 2nd tower, a plane crashed into the pentagon, a fourth plane crashed shy of it's intended destination. Shortly after, the TOWERS began to collapse crushing thousands of people in their massive rubble, reducing thousands of lives into a pile of concrete and steel and glass. For weeks these piles would be sifted through for any signs of life, few successes there, any signs of identifying all the lost souls that perished that day, the season of fall in New York carrying with it numerous days of rain for the seekers to constantly suffer through as they had this horrendous task in front of them, missing husbands, missing wives, missing children, missing fireman, missing policemen, missing daughters, missing sons, what a contribution was made to All Souls Day by this one man name Osama Bin Laden executing a plan to teach America a lesson. So my conclusion this week had to be that my son is a better person than I, and he is his own person guided by my husband's logic through the growing years, and in this one particular instance it will take me light years to see the full value of his wisdom. I know he is right here, yet I can't reach his level at this time. I would have captured this son of a bitch, and I would have dissected him slowly while he was still alive so that he could feel at least 3000 entirely different successive pains, one from each spirit he snuffed out that morning.

St. Alonso's Tears

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." — Oscar Wilde (Lady Windermere's Fan) I saw this quote this morning, took it for what it implied which is quite true at times, and then started smiling as I thought back to it's literal sense: Sometime back in 2006 when we traveled to San Diego, a meteor shower was to occur one evening, and after dark Sarah had the thought to have us all go driving up into the mountains to see this show named St. Alonso/Alonzo's Tears. Higher and higher we'd drive and get out to see what we could see, but Sarah wanted it darker and to be further away from the city lights casting any glow, so she's have us remount our seats in the vehicle and she'd driver higher to next level, and we'd test it out. We did this drive up into the next level some 4 times before we came to a weigh side/rest stop parking lot, it was amazing cars were parked everywhere in no particular order, and their occupants were laying on sidewalks, in the parking lot, on huge ledges that bordered land drops. And so we looked up to watch the stars, and eventually tired and found that laying down was really the best way to see the most of these spectacular shooting stars. The cries did appear to be crying shooting stars. It was a special evening that prefaced an important chapter in our lives. Being in love with this planet and it's beauties, I have found it comforting that sometimes it gives you such a wondrous present of beauty, which will see you through many dark days, and that many times you just need to understand that this beauty goes on and on, no matter what your current day brings you, that beauty is out there somewhere in our world.

Simplicity of Soul.

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Listening to music can be a wonderful reviving experience for the soul, Iron n Wine is today's choice Resurrection Fern, Flightless Bird-American Mouth both work for then & now. Sometimes we get so bogged down with what society has made important in the measure of a man, that we can barely see straight the purity of souls before our eyes. I see you. I see you every day. I see your beautiful actions of heart in motion. Yes I laugh and tease you as nothing can stay out of place for more than ten minutes, but you constantly try to make something better for one of us, all you have to do is spot what is lacking, or who needs a hand, and you're there in the middle of it, and people wonder why I am in the middle of too much, but the truth is it is probably due to living with you for light years. Without you I never would have bothered to right wrongs or wage battles, I am to resiliency what you are to visual matter. Summed up you try to fix what the eye can see, and I try to fix the things the eye can't really see, but they are there real time despite their being invisible to most. Some of it became so devastated, I now refrain from from fixing anything but my own Sails, I cannot change what doesn't want to be changed, I cannot undo all the hurts, and once I learned that lesson, I totally went back to our life, which is a good life as you're in it. You are so beautiful, how the hell did I ever chance to cross paths with you on the streets of Chicago? Final answer: It was worth the entire path! It was a good match regardless of speculations made, we are both of the same simplicity of soul, everyone is loved, everyone is cherished. I love you, I forgive you, I am sorry all equated to " You can come home now all is forgiven"?

Facebook & Religion

"Have you ever seen the Sunrise?" Here's my answer to the one's posting on facebook their precise idea of what God & Jesus are or should be, but by posting their rendition they put upon the rest of that we should feel identical with grand precision as they feel, they are making it too complex when it really is a simple matter for the present day: The child within believes much, and the adult she emerged into believes that the real miracle lies within each of us, the beauty of each soul, love of heart given, the sacrifices made for another out of purity of soul, and the way we cherish each other as we learn from loss, exactly how we should live. ** kms 04/2011

Crossroads

Coming off of a major powered week (thank you Aries), had classes monday and tuesday, crammed numerous insurance facts into this aging brain which has many memory problems, swiss cheese at it's finest as we all wonder what I'll remember and what I'll forget, so it was urgent to me to take the test for these classes as soon as possible, studying each morning and night just to try and retain the State's desired facts. Awesome! I totally hyper blast mindlessly out the door to the test, thinking there is no chance in hell I can pass either segment, mindless is an interest word, I doubt few can actually how close I was, brain seeking to understand small words by yesterday morning, a struggle at best, and so they sit my down at the monitor, and miracles can happen: My mind can focus on one question at a time as that is all these wonderful people put up onto the screen, no longer seeing a row of 10 questions leading to 50 more is a small miracle in itself, yes I can do this 1 question only actually helps me to refocus and find some calm within myself. 2 hours later they tell me I passed both segments? " Your kidding" I utter, and the girl smiles reassuringly. So now I wake up after finally catching up on some needed sleep and rest for the noggin, and I find I am drained, and I have no desire to make progress today. I have bills, I have no money left as I just paid the ever lovely mortgage, and truck. I need groceries, but procrastinate spending my remaining money. I see no job solutions on the horizon for my dear partner in crime, so I know I should market the house and get out from under the higher ticket payments, yet it is a conversation I really hate to have, if I don't want to do it, how can they, and yet it is beginning to look like the only solution to this God Aweful Housing Collapse that keeps one of us jobless, I believe in him so much if I had the money I'd hire him he's so capable of running any project. Instead I take an April 1st deadline, and move it to April 15th, and from the 15th I move it to May 1st, and before you know it I'll have moved to May 15th, but that must be it my friend. And then we will have to face the music, and face all these lovely housing in our neighborhood that have been on the market for the past 2 1/2 years, eh? And knowledge of short sales, only to avoid that F word, Foreclosure or so we hope. Of Course F starts alot of words, doesn't it? And so I will do little or nothing until I can move again. "The Beatles- " She's leaving home, Bye Bye".

Pleasing people, living up to others standards:

K & R 11/14/1975* One week later: Triangle Park, Chicago & Guitars in hand, and look where it got us:"They sat together in the park, as the evening sky grew dark, she look at him and felt a spark tingle to her bones, twas then she felt alone and wished that she'd gone straight, and watched out for that simple twist of fate" - Simple Twist of Fate/Dylan & Baez ******** Found this slightly remembered quote this morning, still love it: Famous words from poet John Lydgate, later adapted by President Lincoln - and appearing in various permutations: “You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”. Simply put we cannot be all things to all people, if we please one person, we might end up dis-pleasing another. And yet they say they want us to be ourselves, they want us to just be the person they claim to love in us, and then they go and try to change us?

March went out like a lion, And April Cried & stepped aside....

March brought just a handful of wishful thinking weather days, almost a kiss against winter, and then winter came back to claim more time on her clock: My man was out like a flash with his rake, backyard one day, front the next, clearing winters savage debris of deadness it leaves in it's wake. Small green tulip leaves and crocus leaves emerge from the white rocks like a small magical show we see plants spring up giving us signs of hope that another long winter has grudgingly given up on whipping our asses. On weekdays I leave early and return late, my job keeps me busy enough yet I miss my home and family when I am gone for so many hours, and amuse myself somewhat at lunchtime by going to small park near work, this week brought toddlers out who are just learning to experience the park, and of course none of them wanted to leave the park, so Grandpa's and young Mom's had the pleasure of trying to induce the children to go home for lunch or "follow me", some children play it coy and walk in the opposite direction of what they've been told to do, I watch from my vehicle, I love this part of my day, I love observing the basic human natures that haven't gotten changed generation to generation, swings, slides, some climbing bars, and little toddlers so real and genuine in their awe of the park. And when I am driving near the only remaining farm in Buffalo Grove, I see Mallard & Drake swimming in a roadside puddle, and enjoy the natural moments beauty so much like Redlin Landscape, Geese up ahead checking out last years cornfields for any rare finds, and I know someday up the road we'll all be stopped up in traffic as some mother hen needs to cross her chicks via the road of human high speed. These natural moments are the things that keep us stable or at least me. Work is fast paced, but brings it's own share of emotions to roller coaster through. This week brought one of my favorite's business insurance no longer needed, his young adult children call me and explain how his brain tumor of last year has come back big time to claim him soon, the son explains this as he is on the way to the emergency room, his Dad's had a bad fall and is being checked out, son rushing to catch up with him and other family already there, balance is gone, and slowly it will all halt to a stop. We share some thoughts, some empathies, and hopefully I've given a perfect stranger some heart to help the day. I cannot help but think of our Mike, of Kit holding his shirt tight behind him to keep him on target in his gait. His card is still in my truck with little red roses, I read it while at the park, sure was true, they picked it well. I think of Ma and all my lunchtime runs to hear a doctors update, I think of the bone spurs I got from running down those hospital parking lots and long hallways. I have nothing but love and understanding for anyone who goes through this horrible limbo. I come home finally, day almost done, they wonder why I am in an upbeat mood, I wonder to myself if it's genuine or if I mask who I am, and know quit reasonably that it's more genuine, I am happy to be home with them, I am happy to still have them about me. Time waits for no one, so we enjoy what we have while we have it!

And so it shapes

And so yesterday brought the end of a long road traveled, our son finished his required coursework for his Masters Degree at National Louis University. He did not however file his paperwork for graduation in February as required for some insane reason for a May Graduation, so he will get his diploma in August instead. But reaching light years back to driving the pre-school graduate to kindergarten, first grade, second grade we had to bus him, (he did not like to part with his dear mom in the mornings, and so as to not prolong his pain nor mine, the bus was worth the money at the time.) we have light years later with many stories to tell arrived at this point of Schools is out, unless he volunteers in the future to want more knowledge and that my dear friends is entirely on him. Now he needs to find a job hopefully in teaching and earn at least enough to start paying off some delicious $60,000 in student loan debt incurred for his degrees, we paid for the first degree, he gets to pay for the 2nd and third, which were more costly. Serious money charged for an education and a diploma you say? So while he was off to his last class, turning in projects he hopes are on par with his 4.0 grade point average achieved and maintained throughout the last 4 years, his mother who watched this all play out boxed stacks and stacks of papers needed for the long haul, and shelved tons of books onto a bookcase she donated to this cause. The family room has become a family room once more, no 20 stacks here and there, done, done, DONE! So pizza he wanted upon his return, and pizza he got, Happy, Happy Day my old friend, it has been a great time watching you grow, and grow upwards towards your own goals. And all the nagging, waking, coffee, breakfasts, last minute print jobs, "read your School emails", all of it worth while, done with love. Now go lead your own life, find a job, find a girl worth keeping as a life partner, travel, do it all, time is a funny thing it captures much but it passes so quickly, make all the days from here on count, and dance it like it would be gone too soon! Dad and I are tired, we slow, we're happy cause we're eachothers best friend and both have the same cycle to work through, you can come back and visit, bringing all the stories you've always brought us to see life through your green eyes! Much love and pride, Ma & Dad 03/20/2011 Done Good*

Simpler Beliefs, Avoiding illness & Using Home remedies

As I was brought up in the 50's we always saw the doctor for illness, we always used antibiotics to recover from the infection or cold. That's how my parents cared for us as children, teens, and young adults. I was prone to colds, ear infections, and high fevers. When we started our own family we continued on the same path for many years. We also lost my father in 1990 within 24 hours of a hospital admittance and emergency surgery that offered the only chance. Rough choices, but when a loved one is involved the only choice, is the only choice. All of us would take a long shot, over know possible shot at all. My Mom became ill with a rapid celled cancer in 2002, gone in 59 days. Lots of Doctors appointments and hospital time there and then home hospice via Vitas Hospice and a loving family who kept on giving until she was safely where she needed to go. Then our brother in life also became ill with another supremo rapid paced cell cancer, the time lost in their (Dr.'s ) diagnosing it, but once they did they moved with lightening speed towards their initial treatment of it. Our sister on the west coast had discovered a product named ZIJA, 100% natural fruit juice, 60-90 minerals and vitamins in each 6 oz can $3.43/per can or 102.95 monthly for each case. He started taking it from what I understand to lower his sodium levels post surgery to strengthen his level of nutrition as quickly as possible and have all the needed vitamins and minerals consumed to fight the cancer cells that were consuming his good cells, nutrition is the only good ingredient you can obtain to fight off the destruction this disease causes, it is like pacman let loose. I started using the product the same year, due to the economy and only the economy I have had to cut back severely the last two years, but I will resume taking the right amount of this product as soon as possible. Who can say in this day and age they've not had a cold in 5 years? I can. When I was on it, I had no joint pain anymore, right now my back & hips feel the weather like a barometer, but when I am on it I am fine. Prone to ear infections from allergies, allergic to grass and leaf molds, but when I am on it I am fine. On it I lost 30 lbs, off it I gained back 15. Is it not worth $3.43 a day? Ear infections, abscess of a tooth, throbbing nerve in a tooth = root canal, I take 1 tsp. and 2 tsp. honey, mix into a paste and eat, whaala, the symptoms go away with in five days. Oil of Oregano and all it can cure. I am saying you don't need to diminish your body and health with antibiotics, there are natural foods, and ingredients which can cure many ailments, so that I no longer understand why people are stubborn and won't try this, why won't they read or research enough to know they have another choice. A healthier choice. Holistic MD's exist, Dr. Mercola is in Hoffman Estates near Higgins Rd, why can't people simply try this other avenue?

Pay Taxes & Die, humorous hardship,over a 401K, his/theirs

The end of a long story: Let me preface this tale by saying we've tried hard to be a kind and gentle people, we've worked hard, and the only savings we ever really accomplished was through my husbands 401K which unfortunately we needed to cash out in 2009 due to the collapse of the home construction world as we knew it, his own lay off, attempting to find a job, which no kidding had once been comprised of picking up the phone, calling 2 or 3 past coworkers and whaala the next day you had a job, usually at your same level. The housing market was and is so devastated by the fall out suffered in 2009 that even now in the spring of 2011 it shows small signs of starting up again, most construction companies switched to commercial projects much of which involves union and back dues if you were to attempt to re-enter with many current members ahead of you on the long lists. So we must survive and choose our only avenue left to our eyes, but the company we withdraw from does not mark it as a hardship, and later refuses to mark it as a hardship even though it was. When it's not a hardship then you are liable for the tax on it and a penalty, The tax was taken right off the tops for the most part, but the penalties were not, and upon doing the taxes for 2009 well we'd end up owing almost eleven thousand dollars, odd that was the same amount we had left to live on after a particularly harsh winter. So you make choices, we chose to continue living and paying our bills out of what remained, and filed for a tax compromise claiming hardship, your life in numbers documented, and re-documented, and critiqued, and more documentation requested by our very sincerely helpful IRS who does understand the millions of Americans effected by hardships since the great bailout of idiot banks and investment houses began two years back. After a 9 month pregnancy of waiting for an answer, and the stress involved in going up against an entity you've always been afraid of, they tell us we've got it, we heard of so many declinations to other people we know we are amazed. We're to pay them the 1/3 we offered. Doable we already paid 2/3 of that, Loopholes is the get any return from this year, which is also needed by our household. (Written in 6font on the back of a form we had signed) Our accountant who we finally fessed up to this week while doing this years taxes is not surprised. We've never had a tax return of $5K plus until now. So, we like idiots smile as we realize they got most of the original tax penalty involved, we did save a little by months and months of paperwork, finding exactly why I made various deposits and withdrawals from two years ago, how the hell would I remember when this brain is Swiss cheese personified, yet I was forced to spend hours and hours on this computer between the banks and my quicken, and can only say God Bless Quicken and Intuit who made it, my saving grace little notes I made so I would not forget, in case I ever had to re-construct. It was a small win, but I guess doable in the long run. The housing market is still not active, bare slow traces of some backed by megabuck corporations are seen (just as happened to our farms), they usually want to pay the person 2/3 or 3/4 of what they previously earned for such a set of job skills, and thousands of applicants for one position. So we again erase our minds of what could have been, should have been, we stay to the present and that we all still breathe, we look to spring sunshine to lift us up and and along, and we will reach a time deadline imposed by ourselves for the next very tough decision, until then we wait for a phone call, a stay of execution, some way to remain here with honor, with some semblance of self esteem intact. Otherwise it will be time for the next steps which we hope we won't have to walk. Hardships, what's the definition? Each man thinks he can define it. But let me tell you it is different for each man and woman. Along with the bailout, could a protection have been placed for the people, yes, it was even mentioned in the great pre-election, was it done, no.....it was a sentence on the wind of past memory along with the rest of it. And so onto the next chapter....

A Book, A Thought, am starting over: "The Secret"

I have such good recall on so many items, especially the past, but I also have a swiss cheese memory problem going on, I should be labeled at times: "Retains Water". My son and husband are aware of it, and they keep an eye on me to see how it shapes and if it spirals, the reasons can range from too many 106 fevers as a child to, a wooden baseball bat, or too many years of stress, the only good news is, I'll forget I've seen a movie, I'll forget I bought a given ingredient already for the kitchen larder, I will forget for weeks to get other items needed for the household, I preface this happy writing with this as I might have read or seen this book before but I have just a flash of that possibility, if I read or saw it previously, well I have forgotten that: A few weeks back one gal up at work, our property manager for the building mentioned she'd read a book recently and it changed her life, I was intrigued, she told me it was called " The Secret". Mental note that I made and actually retained was to hunt down the book, I mentioned it on facebook, and my best friend of childhood days Cyndie ordered it, and had it shipped to me, I received it on thursday, and finally started reading it yesterday. Now I've never been a materialistic gal, yes if I was rich I'd have a fine set of clothes and shoes, but I am not currently rich in any money sense, but I am rich in the people who encompass my life, I have many good friends, and I have a wonderful family, quirky at times but a fool I would be not to see the actual wealth and richness of people surrounding me. This books entire point is based on "the Law of attraction" which I blotted out somewhere in the past just cause I didn't like how it was phrased....I don't like the word attraction actually, it makes me think of the old dating seen a different attraction meant entirely. With the Law of attraction, simply restated a magnet will attract a similar magnet, so "it's important how you think, think about the things you want to see on your horizon, and what you'd like to see shape in the future, think about it only in I Want & I Need, and it will shape. Correct old ways of thinking about what you don't want, don't want's attract only don't wants. So from this day forward as long as my memory bank can retain: "I am only thinking about what I want to see shape up, and I will only project out for good positive thoughts on that horizon", and life should extend itself to re-shape Magnet pulling like to like.

Is the cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? A trick question

I have always been fascinated by the perspectives of humans on the following question: Is the cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Go one, just ask it, even people you think you know well will surprise you with the answer. Really, you'll be surprised. Spice up your day, and just try this out. I've always seen it as fuller, someone else will always see it as emptier. The real answer is: Each one of us "IS THE CUP", we determine what's in the cup, at the very least we determine what we think is in the cup. We are the cup.

Fridays

Fridays, are awesome......Mode of the day: "I CAN DO THIS": Crazy work week, major account up for renewal, all of the details to get the quotes obtained, and poof we can't find the customer/client, I've had to smoke her out before, best done by email one liner's of "Call US", it worked got the details nailed out., and onto typing up numerous id cards for their fleet of vehicles, and certificate for all their driver destinations, many downtown buildings that have insurance requirements and wording to choke a horse, but so far caught up with all that, by 3pm my mind becomes a sludge pond, and I take a 4 minute smoke break = 1/2 a smoke, I have never officially been given a break so this 4 minute things been going on for 7 years now, as needed once in the afternoon on rare days. My nephew works for her, it was how we got him restarted after his business closed. She keeps up on his baby with me, she knows our stories, her own mom is going through chemo now and in town to see a specialist, that's why she eluded us, and now we're good again for awhile. Now thrown in all the other clients of the day, resend this so and so didn't get it the first time, an elderly lady who can't make up her mind on her vehicle coverage, now she's fun, comp only not driving it didn't get my license renewed in December, versus two days later needing full coverage lies and says she got her license renewed, and then next week back again.....I could just type this into the insurance carrier's comment slot and get it canceled for no license, but haven't had the heart yet....although she's pushing it. My poor Barry who used to be a young and impetuous rich kid, always a demanding attitude, that owned 13-16 buildings in Chi town at all times and would fix them up and sell them off, oh what this economic collapse did to him, he got stuck holding 13 buildings, prices plummeted and he can't give them away, yet he's lost so many tenants or some building weren't rented out yet, he cannot always make his bills, mortgages, insurance bills, they all keep him stressed, and yet the whole experience has made him kinder and more understanding as we've grown in our 7 year relationship, his laughter at the adverse has kept us both going, he is horrible with paperwork and I've offered to drive in and help him organize for free....he laughs as he tells me he shreds his incoming faxes and bills, thus the phone calls needing to know exactly what he owes, "incorrigible" was designed for him. Yet Barry is my favorite now. I used to want to whip him. Parents calling to find their son never reported an accident, nor filed a claim on a recent event where they were the wronging party. And so it goes, day after day, all these people with so many different problems and how to best help them, and throughout echoes of our own lives real and personal so that you struggle harder to find a solution for the needy people of this time. The week packs a whallop, and you need saturday to find sunday the actual day where you know who the hell you are, and what you feel finally undaunted by all these shadow stories. So yes, I am happy when it's friday.

Another Day, March 2nd

When was the last time you watched a sunrise? He preps for an interview, one more important than others as it is his familiar line of work, he looks great, dressed in a suit walks out with his folder, embarking on an hours ride to this place further away, but totally doable. He's was recommended to these people by his old boss which can only help with the morning. One small step for mankind. He and I are each others mood elevators, I cannot say how many times in the last two years we've asked each other if the other was alright. Some white light on him, too. I hope he catches a break so he can resume pride of work, and spend his days working on a job site, instead of tidying some damn thing here, all of which starts to erode a soul or spirit. I would not care for the planet without him. (That is how I can so feel my sister's plight, she is the great pretender, her life ended 3/4th's about 4 years back, she is bullshit & baffle personified as she facially greets her world, still a light hearted joker for the masses, but inside she is deadly serious to this day, dabbling in a few things until she can be released to follow her pal.) So, hopefully today will bring us good news from all walks, the last few days were a little chaotic, disconcerting, whatever. So let's just visualize that soon this man will go to work daily, coffee thermal cup in hand, and that some level of normal can be returned to his days..... Here's to seeing it played out and finished, yes I am picturing it now!

Some white light, please.

A day can be mighty long, a long lazy day, a long work day, a long day in events. Your religion can start to slip at times, unsure of what you believe anymore, and yet you find yourself praying, so I guess I have to stick with Jesus for the last round, he was always the one I prayed to anyhow, he's a paragraph in a dictionary, but has always been big in my life of decades. So simple really and a win win, they wrote gospels off him all the good stories I learned to read off of days prayer book as I was shoosh in church, not understanding some parts and Dad conveying what it meant in Chicky speaks, Mom giving us a look for talking in church, and days when was reversed, but I learnt the beauty of how it should be from those stories, and I learned the sadness of history from those same stories, and I cried the first time I heard of holy thursday, the betrayal, and of course the finale of what is called Good Friday, which has never seemed good to me. So I pray to someone who either had a great advantage over the common man, and yet lived as one, I pray to someone who was the greatest story teller of all time, I pray to the goodness that he left in his past for us to find. The week brings events of babies re-hospitalized for ailments we wish they didn't have, so we pray for them, car accidents other are involved in and we pray for them, we pray that they only have good things shape for them, our love for our family is bigger than most perceive, these older eyes have seen much pass, but there are certain things we would never want for our family. So Jesus if you have any power to guard, and powers to guide, please keep the white light over those I love. I am not perfect, I am not without fault, but it is the good one asking you for light over this all.

Our Spring

How can I describe what Springtime means to me? In the last week of February, a month that brings me back home still in daylight and starts the few trickle of hope, the Cardinals song pulled my attention, I had not heard that voice in so long, it has always made me feel a surge of hope, and made my weary winter step spunk up a bit, becoming lighter. Up at work off the parking lot, the forsythia's are bent over from the blizzard, I've never seen them so, my male cardinal friend was within one sideways bush singing his song. We have them in our backyard frequently, and we have a border of Forsythia's as well, which this lady loves, we planted them all five of us in 1985 when we were all still fine and here. Their short timed yellow blooms in spring bring the wild life back to our sight, and keep us amused year after year watching birds, squirrels, bunnies and their babies, watching them tend to their new arrivals, build nests, it is a wonderful experience, and even more beautiful as it plays out year after year. The grass begins to green, our perennials begin to show who survived the winter cold, wonderful smells long missed fill the air we breathe, it's wonderful and no small wonder that it makes man feel like everything will be better. I hope for much, I hope for a wonderful spring.

Time to regroup

Beat up from the week, most saturdays I am near useless as I age, I seem to need a slower pace just to regroup from the week. Sometime on sunday morning my brain starts functioning, healing more its old self. This week my boss was out of the office on vacation, many newly quoted items were being obtained, always more details needed for the ever lovely insurance underwriters of America, one poorly used word will have them grilling you like a prisoner under interrogation, I so despise petty underwriters, they must be emptied human shells near clones working for the richest corporations in America trying to tear down the bones of their fellow man. So after this tough week, I found out from my mate we were staying home, and I missing my homemaker component who seems to have evaporated these last two years decided to cook, cupcakes, potatoes salad, a newer porkchop theory, and it all turned out well, surprise, surprise. There is a element to our oven when baking that is simple once you catch the drift, cook on minimum time less 5 minutes. If you don't know this simple rule everything will be overcooked or burnt. Todays endeavor will be to make another batch of Beef barley soup, last batch was great, can it be duplicated? I hope I can, something about that soup is healing, it makes you feel better about eveything...some comfort food. Crap, time to make the tax appointment, too. Hate Taxes, hate it more this year that they get to keep it, but I still won some major ground within it all. So, All of our recently ill people are on the mend which is great, the littlest one will bare watching she accidentally ingested something during childbirth that makes her little lungs prone to lung ailments now especially while so young, she is a sweetheart though this well named love of ours. 2 Days left to this month, and we walk back into March which usually brings some sort of Possibility of Spring, and Spring itself brings hope to us all as we will watch nature preparing to be reborn, re-strengthen, and this woman who thought she had a chance in hell of surviving this winter, well she will lovingly embrace the Spring and all it wants to bring. It is a time to regroup, we will try to see our best bottom lined horizon and act appropriately to what can be accommodated in our future. We have a chance in the middle of the week that could make such a different, I am picturing it taking place, and us being able to move forward again in a totally positive fashion. I picture him out there doing his thing with pride once more!

Funny Facebook with it's YearBook Application

I looked over my shoulder, and they were gone. Throughout life we grow, and we also diminish, events cause us to act differently, some of us want to re-connect with old friends or family, some of us enjoy the humor involved, while others do not, and that's all to be respected, we are all different, and due to that different things make us tick the way we do. As we progressed done life's road my own husband cut one of his oldest friends out of his life because no shit everytime Paul invited us to dinner he had a saw or a miter box out, and just needed a few pieces of trim cut to finish off a room, or tile to be cut for a foyer, all kids of treats, so it became an invite to come visit and have fun was now moved to earlier and earlier so this little project could attended to as he moved into different homes in Bolingbrook or Downers Grove area. A visit to us would entail making little Donnie's Derby Car for Boy Scouts, and a xmas eve visit that used to make us perpetually late for GrandMa Dolly's Christmas Eve when she still held it, nuff of my humor, Rick quit this particular friendship some 13 years back.....done, finito, adios! I have some crazy Irish Cousins, I keep the relationships with, my brothers have no desire to, and I also keep in touch with two of my Polish cousins, just via email usually of the Irish side is on facebook with me. But my main fun this year has been facebook, and hooking up with some of my high school friends, and some of my grammar school friends as well. All of these relationships involve forgiveness, theirs and mine in all probability, everyone can remember something bad given enough time, but it's the good stuff that flows for many of us, love of the same music, some poetry, some prose, some jokes, and some memories woken from a long sleep, we all went down to Foster Beach Freshie year, Sophomore year, and most of Junior summer as well., first by bus, then by car, yikes, and so the memories flood out of summer days spent together, and our trips to the Holiday Ballroom each friday night to dance to the music and all the bands we saw that became famous in our time, and even school memories of Taft having the new building annexed to the old, moving the parking lot to a temporary dug out dirt lot that ina heavy rain consumed my Corvair....which had to be lifted by the boys and placed on higher ground for me to get out of the lot. They so enjoyed it that they remembered to move my car on me ocassionally to a different slot just for fun. They've started a high school Yearbook on facebook now, and it's sort of fun to see what will get posted, let's you know who was impressed by what, and is all a good laugh, especially if you've forgotten it. It's kept me and Cyndie closer than we had been in lite years, it's helped Jackson through the loss of her husband this past year, it's helping Chris as he goes through the miserable foreclosure proceding just to know how many of us crazies are hanging on by the skin of our teeth. It's a small thing, yet can used as a good tool to get someone through a pile of muck a little kinder, a little cared for.

Banks & Big Business

So then you might ask yourself: "What's going on"? The banks who were bailed out, most of them repaid their debts already, some bought themselves new toys so they'd stayed ahead of the competition drawing people who want all the new toys at their disposal as clientele. Some of these banks funnel to foreign shored owners, more than we think in all probability. What lessons did they learn with the collapse? Did they learn to not invest strongly in a stock market prone to diving in a turmoil-ed world market? They have plenty of real estate as foreclosures mount and they take back the deflated house, no better to hold those for a better day and re-coup their monies ten fold. Ah! Buying up mediocre businesses. Hmmm. Let's ponder this. What's to be gained by buying up small businesses, well it depends if the bank needs that type of business doesn't it? What types of businesses could the banks utilize? Well, anything to do with housing: Small builders, small electricians, small plumbers, a sprinkling of small general contractors, small insurance agencies, yes I begin to see your point. The bank has a large number of properties to repair and maintain, so there is a need for small businesses to be acquired so they can be maintained and insured during this collapsed market. Hmmm. We've had customers call us for home insurance after they'd find theirs had been canceled in error, and their mortgagee (the bank) would impose a $4500. premiumed policy on them, versus the $1300.00 genuine cost of our policy on the same home, there is a bit of a profit there, wouldn't you say? And so it goes: Rhett turn to Scarlett and told her "out of destruction comes construction", he also told her that the south had burned, Atlanta was gone, the old south was gone, "It was a civilization Gone With The Wind", and so it is! Grieving can take many forms, sometimes we grieve for a personal loss of a human being who long lived in our life, sometimes people grieve during the divorce process over a spouse who changed through time of life, and some people in this particular economy who have cashed in their life savings, 401K's, loaned against their life insurance, sold off land they valued, and thought of selling other personal possessions they really don't want to part with, well some of these people are grieving too, for a civilization gone with the wind* And maybe these same people hate to see the banks who were so heavily involved in setting up this chain of events, win or profit off anything further that involves them! My thoughts, well I hope the bastards rot!

Truer statement never spoken.

"I looked over my shoulder, and it was gone." Life can be very kind, very enjoyable, and yet you hit patches, where everything constantly changes, and changes piles upon more changes have you look into the mirror one morning and you no longer know who you are. Yes, I realize that one day this feeling will go away or I will. I fully know nothing of these changes are permanent, but then neither am I nor we. There are all kinds/types of losses, we have suffered many people losses, and slowly crawled back up into the day light, sometimes while doing this you could feel the forced pain of trying to have a personality, of trying to move out of it, but pain can be very entrapping, can't it? Then one can experience job losses, which can try and mess with you and redefine who you are. You're still the same person with the same qualities, it was the job entity that changed, not really you, wasn't it. But combine that with the economic loss that being jobless can render, and eventually during a long haul of economic loss and role playing loss, well you do begin to change don't you? But we manuever through it, don't we? We win a few rounds by the skin of the teeth, teeth that are breaking down as we have no dental do we? But we're here. And then someone throws that very last humorous log on the fire, we find that we have more coming our way, yet we are uncertain how bad it will be. What can a second oldster do to strengthen her hiring capabilities which will be needed in a short time, how short we do not know, but we do know it is coming. We resent being placed in this position at this time, we are highly pissed off and angry that someone we trusted most next to family would jeopardize us, so pissed that it actually took a few days to see straight, to get our sea legs at pretending that all is lovely as ever. Why is it that one brother in a business, didn't learn any valid lessons from his other brother in the same business. Why would he even do this after all the lessons we learned the hard way when his brother did the very same thing four years ago. Look at how well it ended up for him. This proves to me that the care for others is not even being thought of, and I resent that. And so I must really think this out carefully, and beef up my lacking components, and start to search for another means of surviving. Classes are needed here. Watson, you couldn't have picked a worser time to get this new brain fart! "I looked over my shoulder, and it was gone"

Another Day in the Life 2/17/2011

Amid winter of 2011 and cold or snowy days we catch a week which revitalizes our spirits a little just based on improve outdoor temperatures. So my friend works this week as always at sending his resume and answering other inquiries some of this modern online job hunt programs render, some days it can be time consuming, it's winter so not as many contacts as last spring started to occupy him with, simply stated the economy still sucks kazooks, and no one especially wants a soon to be 58 year old for too many positions, but I'll keep him and he knows that. So boredom finally makes him notice he could have himself a project around the house if he wants one by utilizing his old tile originally intended for our NOT DONE Kitchen (LOL)... stored in the basement for 6 or 7 years now to transform our bathroom which apparently had a leak under the flooring nearest the toilet, we always used sheet goods in that room previously but this tile is ceramic, and as small as the room is these days it provided enough challenges to an aging body which hates being bent over due to a bad lower back and all the pain that unleashes. I am off at work and have been slightly mentally preoccupied as something is out of kilter there, foul moods come at me throughout the last few days and my mind analyzes what could possible be bringing this forth, a recent accountant visit or multiple vacations being conducted or a wedding that plays out right after the vacations, who knows, or is it just possible that the dog bit him yet again, it was only 2 weeks back that I noticed his last injury and found out the truth as to the dogs causing it. Usually I don't get snapped at all week, this weeks been a challenge...I might have to take duct tape to work with me today to get through friday which will lead to one of my superiors vacation week, thanks be had. The youngest member of our group has been wrapping his head around some job rejections, reason given: overwhelming amount of candidates, but is still to re-rev his own engines and start all over again for the next semester possible. Meanwhile he's taken a course load not usually recommended to be taken at one time due to it's burden, yet doing so to keep a full time schedule keeping a deferment of student loans in check, and killing off his masters requirements in one swoop to most likely appease a mother who went slightly berserk in January when neither job nor school was obtained to defer those loans or pay them. Good that the classes and course work keep him busy, observation days are next which will help regain some confidences, some hands on insights. Long preface but we get finally to the point: I've been trying to leave work on time so I can see the last traces of daylight = an occasional sunset, I am an out door person or am happiest when I am out with nature, I come home to men of my heart grilling dinner outside on February 17th, a balmy night, a full moon with fast white gray clouds floating in front of it, it was wonderful. The young man went and got the propane for the grill, my man had just finished battling with sinks and toilets that leaked once the water was turned back on (from the past I can tell you this is one of his least favorite pass times, and here he actually pushed himself to prepare the food and begin to grill as I pulled into the drive. I was touched. They do know me, and so often go out of the way to make a simple day much better. And me I got to spend an hour or more out in the breeze, under the moon with a man I love very much, listening to what I had missed in his day. How great was that?

She would love the same things, the earths gifts

She first recognized the great out of doors, she loved days in the sun shine, basking in it's warmth, she still does. Butterflies and their development was a natural love. Holding earthworms for an entire day showed how one little creature could give off a slime to protect itself, holding good quantities of dirt showed how they could maneuver through it, and somehow process it through their own bodies, and give it of later as their own poo. She spent years completely mystified by these creatures, and protected them from man whenever she could. These two facts would shape how she ticks more than any other two ingredients in her young life. Hours of mining the earth for worms, and occasional pieces of coal which she insisted were diamonds, black diamonds. Buggy filled with dirt and worms instead of Dolly's (she'd already fed her dollies and given Susie bubonic plague which made her get the black spots all over her body, poor Susie got buried in the back yard with Pokie the turtle and Petie the beloved Parakeet who she had also found dead on the bottom of the cage, what a rude surprised that morning brought.) She preferred the worms to Dollies as the worms rarely died after an entire day of being held. The Caterpillar's were not as sturdy, but they were lovely none the less as they climbed up and down a 3 year olds arm, tickling her palm as they walked across. The cocoons they made on the brick buildings of Humboldt Park were wonderful to see each spring. And then her brother widened her world with his own love of bees, she noticed flowers, the flowers drew the bees to them, flowers for her took on a new found love of their own, some carried good smells and some carried acrid smells, all would become loved and memorized. And what did the rest of it bring her? An entire lifetime of good times, bad times, gains and losses, repeated with a rhythm, predictable only in that it would repeat again. Worthy but not without damage. What has remained the one healer, the outdoors, days in the sunshine, butterflies, worms, flowers, birds and wildlife added on, and love of the land and nature. It has been her constant friend that could ease the rest of the repeated item, enhance the days, and put her to rights again.

A Memory Pops through

When we were little some people lived next door: Juanita, Nancy, Dee-Dee: she was the little girl, there was another girl can't remember her name now, but yesterday I was driving at lunch I work off McHenry Rd, I am distracted and still in awe of big dump trucks one of which passes me...lots of wheels....long, I thought what street am I on? McHenry Rd. My brain hears my moms voice years ago after that family moved away from us, she's on the phone, her voice is alarmed, she gets off the phone and tells us Dee-Dee got run over by a 16 wheeler on McHenry Rd in Gilberts. I am shakin as this little didley flips into my noggin, no idea why the brain releases what it does, but Dee-Dee was a nice little girl, and dump trucks are still an everyday danger.

What's in a week on Facebook

So many days, so many people, little things and big thing alike, they altered me, they make me retreat, think, and eventually reach out. Facebook is a truly interesting internet community mostly comprised of others who were in your address book, you are given a chance to hook up with someone as a friend, maybe friends of your friends, names present themselves on and off and you can choose to befriend them or ignore the request. As you go on you will find different things that show up before your eyes will provoke a different emotion/sentiment from you, it all can be overwhelming in one mood, and completely touching in another mood. You can go through on occassion and delete someone from your friends, an interesting experience, maybe you just had too much of a given emotion on a given day. Here's a sampling of a month: One friend this week had to put their cat down, sad a resident of their home and family for many years they are taking it hard. Three weeks ago a daughter of a close friend loses her baby-no heart beat any longer, so sad as the weeks play out and she struggles to find standing ground for herself and her family again. Two totally different levels of sadness, eys? I struggle to stay in an economic game that threatens to beat my ass month by month, but my friend from 3rd grade and up is 40 paces ahead of me as he tries for the Home Affordable Mortgage, and has been to court for foreclosure already, his status in this Illinois life is based on if he can get this new mortgage which takes often 4-6 months to achieve, he used to own his own carpet and tile shop, the shop is now gone and yet he continues to try and get jobs enough to pay for the household bills, his wife is in lay off status and trust me unemployment doesn't even come close to what she really made when working, plus they lost their health benefits, so have no health insurance at this time. Meanwhile, 6 months ago another high school friend lost her husband to cancer, her kids are on face book her, they make postings as they get through the first holidays without Jim, and tease eachother sometimes about who cooks a dish better, or who is a hopeless shopping fiend. And another is sad because she has no relationship and is a spinster at this point. Others go online and seldom post anything, but they are watchers, they like to watch the rest of the world playing out, see the humor used on other occupants. I find they usually don't post a picture, they like their anonymous world. Another friend post positive quotes daily, to point that it all lies within us as humans to succeed, but has struggled to keep her own job this long, and a household where she supports three people, and struggles to keep her horse a loved creature she rides on weekends, yet he's costly so she teaches horseback riding now as a way to hang onto him and reduce the cost to stable and feed him. Her and I have been friends for the long haul since children when she found me hiding from others under her back porch when we were 8 years old, the others were out to hurt me, I found protection for the long haul at her home, she lived down the street from me. You see so many different scenario's, many emotions triggered. Some things less important, yet they all effect/affect them, don't they?

Fannie & Freddie, American Freedoms Dying

"Has anybody here seen my old friend Bobby, Can you tell me where he's gone?" "I looked over my shoulder, and they were gone. Abraham, Martin & John." Again I repeat one half of our country is oblivious to the freedoms slipping away that they might need one day for themselves or for their children, or their children's children. The newest Lark is that the government is taking suggestions on how to replace Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac who currently hold or back most of our mortgages. Their solutions are to propose they be held by the private sector. The Private Sector could be: The Rockefeller & Co who are the Ziegiest Movie's Core nightmare. Another Private Sector would be foreign countries such as China, Brazil, Russia , or other foreign entities who have seriously put their money into American Soil for the various bailouts needed. The scenario's are not good for this massive of a project and it's affects on your average man & woman who wish to purchase a home, restrictions would be enforced of a much stricter nature than ever seen before in the USA, and PMI or Principle Mortgage Insurance's charged in the past on a riskier buyers credit background would be steeply increased even if it was named something else so both could be charged, thus making success of payments more iffy than it already would be for people with an unknown future who might face layoffs or other problems....in a 30 year lifespan of a mortgage. My personal belief's are that if Fannie & Freddie are still ailing or if they are flawed, it would be better to fix or remodel slightly these entities to make them better and stronger rather than completely reinventing a wheel of this magnitude, a wheel that was design over decades after FDR put into place new mortgage terms after seeing the collapse from the Great Depression when they had 5 years mortgages as a primary term of time. American Freedoms will be highly decreased if these new plans are put into place, there will be no way to monitor nor regulate them. And then they will seek to kill off Sallie Mae who has given the only opportunity for high educations to the common man, the man/woman who's parent was not able to pay for their college education, but based on student loans executed for these less privileged children, they've been able to go ahead and achieve a higher level of eduction in this college mandatory society we've become. And one freedom at a time decreased will bring about a change of class here in the USA that will make us comparable to India with it's caste class system, or China, with it's sweat shop labor rates, and we will be back to where we started when we were indentured men and women, much sooner than you think. Plus the change of Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac will have been the last log on the fire for the total collapse of the housing market in America, it will be the straw that breaks the camels back (Homeowners) in the housing collapse which has kept on giving.

The Solitary Soul

Life's disappointments arrive on the pathways, challenging our beliefs, along with our maths. People on the pathway will voice their opinions, right and wrong our decisions, called into question, The solitary soul feels what they are thinking. At time's we are mocked, ridiculed for past actions, And even now, as we still care quite deeply for others, for values and principles which have become so ingrained, that's what made us different from the most common man, The solitary soul still sees the difference. As far back as memory allows me to think, I've looked out these eyes, and witnessed my world, understanding and tolerance have tempered my love, and loves given a wide berth to more and to most, forgiveness is possible with this solitary soul. kms

The Daily News, crime up, chaos increased

We read the newspapers, and it's odd but it seems everything has run out of balance: Egypt having riots, Social Security doesn't have enough funds and need something done to fund it (alittle different from the lying sacks of shit who have maintained it was solidly funded), State cutting more programs and not able to fund so many needed programs, Cities that are running in the red and cutting programs, crimes committed by Crack addicts and Junkies are up, home invasions are up, robberies of every category private and public are up, doesn't seem the desperate people are committing the crimes-more of them have too much pride to change their integrity now, but the riffraff is multiplying out of hand as the police are cut. Just in general conversations with people I've encountered since the one guy tried to talk me out of my money at the bank drive up, and since the night another tried to gain access to our home with his car break down story, I been told twice of different Hoffman Estates scams to gain entry to homes or cars. And this is winter time, a time when crime is usually lower as no one wants to be out in the elements any longer than necessary. It makes you wonder what summer will bring to the towns. The right to have arms still holds in most towns and I believe that is a good thing in case more chaos ensues. I think too many components are running backwards, who is going to reign in the rule breakers when it's stepped up a few notches? With all levels of government running in the red, and all the program cuts, I still see collapse ahead, not recovery, and I am only working off instincts and reading the writing on the wall as I always did.

Life segments

I looked over my shoulder, and they were gone. Life's chapters could be divided into Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. Then the decades or the years could become sub chapters. I played some youtube oldies out in the 70's this morning, took me back to when we met. Strange timing to meet through other people just because we pulled our cars over so you and my bro could firm up concert plans for that night, Shawn Phillips if I remember right. And then the party the next week at his apartment, pursue, pursue, third strike out, I give up and then you come and find me. And our 3rd time out with guitars, playing on a cold night in the park. That was when I decided I didn't want to part with you, I wanted you in my life, solid. So Spring, Summer, and part of Fall have passed, it's been quite a roller coaster ride, and I selfishly ask for more. More time, More chapters. We've remained so simple despite life's complexities. Your birth stone was very accurate, you are a diamond.

How many cooks are in the kitchen?

A day. 24 hours. Increments thereof. We have three chefs in our kitchen, and in our home. We each spend a day differently bringing ingredients into our own life individually, and also getting that life flavor achieved when you put us all back together each evening. Since we run three different paths that will re-cross, it is very interesting to me to see what each finds important in their day. One is looking for a job, he wants a better job that will finally answer all seasons, possibly with benefits. When he's not busy with that task he does household management ranging from snow & ice removal to cleaning to computer maintenance. And some nights he cooks dinner. Oddly enough another looks for work in yet again a profession that's been hit hard by layoffs, most of the school districts requiring him to complete online packets and some wanting online packets backed up by paper packets to be mailed in for considerations. He also has student loans looming over his head every time he stops his schooling, now is not the time so he continues his masters, and takes two remaining classes that will broaden his teaching horizon by 3 more years of 6-8th grades by Mid April, which might lend him a more rounded scope when next submitting his packets, March should bring more student teaching experience at a different level which will also help regain stale confidences once known to him a year back. He is our own personal google and has his hands on the pulse of what happens in the world each day, and time marks life for his father and I who are just slowly walking through time trying to survive at some known standard to us. He also cooks some evenings. Me, I am the trick bag working days, in the winter they all seem long and forever before I come back home at night, most times they know what they're talking about and I am mildly clueless as I've missed the first 1/2 of their day. Some evenings errands are run on the way home and they wait to unload a vehicle of whatever rabbits I endeavored to find. A near depression hits on nights I walk in and no dinner is thought of yet, but I try to hide it by getting ready some meal to have in the evening time slot, motivated by either love of them or by survival of having frickn bannanas or cherio's for my own lunch which I've come to hate most food in my day path. My brains used up from the day, my hearts used up from the months, not much inside this shell, except love of family. Bring it up and out, usually can after I've landed for a few moments. Weekends are for bills, and for projecting more bills versus income, keeping a sort of budget projection sheet, doing any paperwork needed for the household, real grocery shopping, any clothes re-organizations, repairs, and thank God for football during it's season as sunday afternoons that's what I'd prefer to do......Cooking although my spouse still helps out if he sees I'm dragging, and there you have it, we're off to monday again, usually a brutal day as all our insured's finally read their mail on saturday and sunday. Winter brings more claims for road accidents, phones stay busy. Is it any wonder I love bar b que season so well? Then at night I get two hours out in the yard, music playing from the yard speakers, watching my animals of the wild do cute or silly things, inspecting my beloved flowers, watching my spouses face as he expounds a point with humor. So three threads that dance their various tunes by day, merge into a larger thread by night and create an entirely different fabric. Three cooks are usually in the kitchen eventually in our house, I wonder if that makes the food better or just a more intricate experiment? It is January 27th, and I can dance thru February my own birth monday if I know I can get to a mild day in spring to see my own back yard again, can't I?

I am only human

I looked over my shoulder, and they were gone. Yes, indeedy. That one of my husbands favorite diddleys, yes, indeedy. I am only human, I make my share of mistakes. And sometimes try to repair them, leaving others that were made. That is the reasoning used, when I try so hard to correct, other mistakes I encounter, as I walk along life's path. If I leave one unattended, by itself it seem to complex into multiple mistakes, leaving chaos in wait, as it compounds into too many. I shall pass this way but once.............

The State of the Union

The State of the Union speech addressed many fine points and accomplishments, it spoke of working together not as parties but as the people's representatives, all sitting together intermingled this time so that you couldn't see the unresponsive members as well, nor would some sit like lumps while their neighbor stood and clapped. It addressed many issues, challenges, spending and cuts mentioned in the same sentence, wars ending, wars continuing. A reference made to 9.5 unemployment which is still nowhere near the doubled number that is in reality when taking into account all the self employed and small businesses that have gone under, those particular bodies are still not included in the casualty lists by the news media nor the government.* It did make reference to making a more equalized tax rate for people and corporations no more breaks for one unless given to the other was the tone. This would be highly interesting.* It was a good speech, set in a great toned room, now let's see if they can really work together. One point made was the freedom to work together and hammer it out can still only happen in America.* So the people of the lessened class turn off their tv's and head to bed, and wonder how the hell they will continue year after year until some type of housing construction re-appears?

Clone Games on play off day

If it was hard to watch the Bears-Packers Game yesterday, it was very hard to see a clone game with the Jets-Steelers, which shaped and play out very similarly, including both being outside games in the freezing cold. Mind over matter is something we were taught as we grew, and it was re-enforced as young adults. I did not see that theory exhibited yesterday by all four teams, only two teams, oddly enough the ones that walked away winners. The losing quarterbacks who are to motivate and lead their teams acted already in the first quarter as if the were going to lose, what made that happen? Was it the cold? I wonder what is being taught out there currently to get people through the really rough times?

Dot, Dean & how Sunshine was born

I looked over my shoulder, and they were gone. We don't email anymore, Aunt Dot's tired, think the Vertigo really limited being up and about, she was the one that told me to write. She was my 1st influence on blogging and her brother supplied the means and made me my first blog site which only holds a few thoughts in it, eventually I cut and pasted into this blog, and just kept Sunshine as she utilized my humor poking fun at myself, who is sometimes a sentimental ray of sunshine, and at times is anything but sunshine, oddly enough Sunshine had been one of my many nicknames in this 56 years of life on planet earth. Blogging can be about a craft, books one has read, it can be about a business source, some have blogs of poetry, some write short stories, mine became about real life events, coping with those events, some of the most touching and loving moments in my life and in the life of people I truly have loved both present and gone, thoughts, past experiences versus mistakes made over and over, human injustices in the news, and some human injustices I'd see play out in the family life we've experienced on both sides of our coin, funny that sometimes I'd be talking about my side of the coin/family, and yet I'd get in trouble with the other side as they thought it had to do with them, so as time passes you become very skittish. The blog which is mine, written by me, breathed into life by me, has been a bad boy at times, as the rebel in me searches for simple truths. Truth can be a very hard item to keep in plan sight, sometimes 18 different people can see a different truth. Marvelous that all 18 could possibly be right. It's the little portions they leave out of the truths that become the problem. Most of my work years have been spent serving in some type of customer service at a corporate level, and also when self employed as an active Realtor for 25 years, and now again as an Administrative Assistant to an Insurance Agency, this has trained me to listen and watch for the TRUTH, and to also be looking for the BOTTOM LINE. My truth is more streamlined, add to the fun, and I can usually see both sides of a coin. Even when it's spinning on a table I know where the coin should land in order for things to remain in balance. There are people in our lives who will not let the coin land where it should. It is those people who will again pull me back to them with undivided attention. Thank God there are only a few people I've encountered who will stand strong on 2 WRONGS BEING A RIGHT, when nothing good comes to us permanently without a lot of deep understanding of all other humans encountered. So, enough said, blogs should only be read with an open mind and heart whether you're a reader or the author.

Walking a cautious line

A question my subconscious keeps throwing at me: "To what extent do you use up all resources available to save a dream?" When is enough, simply enough! If you've depleted everything you can think of, how will start over, if starting over becomes a mandate? The subconscious comes into high power on drives to work, hiding in the back of the mind while you work, and especially mine loves to converse with me while I sleep which might explain why I get up at 1:30am on weekends when I should be sleeping to repair the weeks chaos, and I think she is a greedy beggar until she gets her ever nagging point across. I tell her I never asked for this. She does not care. I tell her I only wanted to keep my loved ones with me and cared for. She does not care. I tell her maybe something will break loose soon. She does not care. I tell her let me figure it out month to month. She does not care. She echoes out her bottom lines, she mocks us throughout a week or month, she adds more weight than should be shouldered, she is a miserable slut who only tries to make us cry. When outside parties send us another round, she laughs, and points to road she thinks will answer. She is a most miserable bitch, this thing we call a subconscious. Sometimes I think I am going this round just to fight with her and put her in her place. She doesn't care, she feels the same way about me.

January 2011 & Crime Potentials

Ok, I have to agree with my oldest brother who told me for some reason all the crazies in were magnetized to me, it's happening again: Two weeks ago I was the bank sandwiched in between two drive machines and a guy walks up to the truck...say his car broke down across the street, family stranded, hungry, spent their last money on rent, could I help them out and take out money for them....I tell him to get away from my truck & I'll think about it............. Friday night our doorbell rings, most people open their door to see who it is, I don't I look through the side window and crack it a bit to hear what this strange to me man wants: " His car broke down across the street", this tired but lame bitch smiles thinking she's heard this line before: he wants to come in so he can use our phone to call his buddy for a ride, he's wearing a stocking cap, he's got a business card in one hand and alludes to numbers on it, he's got a small bag in his other hand ( we think it housed a gun) I'm wearing my cell phone so I whip it out and ask him what number he needs called, he tries for coming in again not wanting to use my cell minutes, but then rattles off his number to be called which goes to a voicemail that sounds like a bar background (wholesome) and never clicks over for a message to be left, he tells me if his friend calls back to tell him to pick him up across the street. My hubby watches him cross the street...there's no car over there but a car comes down our street meets him at the corner and away they drive. I label the phone number I had dialed as "Dumb ass at the door" as I have memory flaws of a peculiar nature and sometimes need something jarring to make a connection, past recall great, current not so great. The phone rings about 5 minutes after they've left...it says Dumb ass at the door...my husband answers it, they want to know who it is, he says "no who's this?" Click, their gone.... I've left it in my phone in case they try to catch me off guard somewhere up the road. Hears the clincher for me: I would hope that if another human being is ever really and honorably empty of a few simple dollars well I hope I would recognize this, and be able to respond honorably. Not to give money to a junkie, a crack addict, a low life out robbing people, but if someone ever needed food to get through a day, I sure the hell hope I will know it. I am at times a hard woman, but I have never aimed at being an uncaring person. My husband says it's simple, if someone was honorable they wouldn't ask for help in that manner. In the current economy, I am not so sure how a true needing soul would act.

Seanna Michaela 1/12/2011

"Do more than exist-LIVE! Do more than touch-FEEL! Do more thank look-SEE! Do more than hear-LISTEN! Do more than talk-SAY SOMETHING!" - John Harsen Rhoades Yesterday was a long but beautiful day for your family, as white is to black, it was exactly the extreme opposite of 6/7/2007, as it totally re-united a family in joy and happiness in a celebration of life, a new life with a fresh path to be walked. This new arrival will have fortified them with a new bank of fresh good memories, and many more to come. It will enable them to finally & truly move on. All of our Gods and the spirit willing we will have much fun on this path.

Danielle's Pain 1/11/2011

Dear Danielle: I know and understand your pain, A pregnancy of nine weeks monitored by doctors too much I thought as they hauled you in week after week to check a fetal heartbeat, I believed they were stressing you out too much worrying you with thoughts of the heart rate slowing down too much. I was so sorry to hear your news of no heartbeat, I know how much you and your boys wanted this celebration of love. Words cannot convey any logic for this happening, other than sometimes bad things happen to the very finest people, end of story. May light and happiness come back your way one day soon. The Adopted Auntie

Family & Caring

It amazes me sometimes to find how deeply all of our families care about us, sometimes I think maybe I start to feel isolated, and the phone rings, they converse and ask questions checking in on us, making certain we're all good or still standing. And then I laugh at myself. I am still a silly girl. A family always cares, and sometimes just a few nice and kind words can do you more good and speed you on your way to the next day, week, better for the conversions, and definitely better than the self imposed isolation. Silly girl, smile.