Small components in a vast universe, humans

The universe itself is a vast place, we all live on one planet as we call it, Earth. For light years we've explore if there are other life forms out in the ever stretching universe, from what we've been told there aren't. The explorers who seek, are all tied into a government on this planet we call Earth, so if another life form existed, would they even really tell us? Be it a clone of us, and our environment, or a planet filled with dragons? On our planet man evolved, stories of Adam and Eve passed down through centuries, to create the basic rules for a growing society to live by, to avoid time frames of utter chaos. Cavemen discovering fire, evolve to knowledge of other lands with armies invading neighboring countries to always acquire more. More lands, more peoples to rule and force your beliefs on, more land resources to plunder, more warriors, and on and on it evolved century by century, until it arrived at it's present form. More of the same, but modernized by centuries of governments creating more rules to live by, more resources to plunder from each other, more armies to carry out their missions, along with gigantic corporations in charge of the plunders, the rules set for the people of the land, the rules protecting the plunder of the resources, finally to a point where it slowly poisons the very people of the land by tainting the very food they ingest, causing more illnesses than existed some 65 years back when farming was done by families instead of corporations who pushed them off their lands, the same corporations own the seed companies, the pesticide companies which poison the lands products and animals used to feed the masses. The same companies also own big pharma, who make medical remedies and machineries used to cure the people of the very diseases it causes and inflicts in high number on the people and animals of the land, all for corporate gain, approved by the governments. The rich still get richer, and the people still get pummeled, they think they have rights, they think they're protected, the delude themselves into believing that voting can make a difference, that changing some components in their own government can make progress, the people themselves divide so much and so frequently that their voting processes actually render the who situation weaker, they hide from who has the power, and that those powerful people control the government like the very puppets they act out as. I as one very small component in the universe, like many others, try to enjoy all the beauty of the universe, be it our sun, moon, animals, flowers, butterflies, dragonflies, oceans and lakes, and most splendid at night time, the stars. Most of all I enjoy sharing those things with a small number of humans I call family.

Amazing Gracie, isn't it? Love is all around.

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Many lately. Mid June had a run in Flashes as I call them, Psychosomatic little one liners of powerful intonations for futures, basically they come when I am very tired mentally, that in itself has always fascinated me, why when you're tired? Anyways, I sift quickly and shove them to the back burner, if they await, later then until you slap me in the face. Meanwhile the last week or so has been priceless, so many amazing things to bear witness to, people who love deeply, deer in strange places, or bunnies doing things I'd never seen before so cute that my hands begged for a camera that wasn't there. Love expressed to us by our sons dog have all made life pull into a very sweet spot for me. Our son when he turns around for the goodbye hug, same expression each time. The love and care I feel from my most guarded person is deeply felt, I blow off errands to come home faster for more. What these big and little things bring out in me, finally gets me back to who my essence is, and I am basking in it. I take the time this past weekend to ground myself every opportunity I have, weeding what I will always think of as Michael's garden, main goal to stand up a fallen angel that I brought to Kit several years ago so she could see it with the roses from her kitchen window or back porch, lol. And at home I lie down in the back yard with the pup for several outings, still amazing how the earth can correct what lies within. This all from someone who spent the first 3 years of remembered life playing with earth worms, excavating good sized holes in the dirt back yard of Richmond, finding pieces of coal she thought were black diamonds, filling buggies with dirt and worms, lol, for amusement while her brothers played baseball in the alley. The day I buried my Ma, they lowered her next to Dad, caskets touching, I took off my shoes as the service ended and sat down on the ground, the first peace and deep happiness I'd known in months over took me, a balance found, knowing it's where a good part of her wanted to be, and having seen it though, maybe just the earth and the cycle of life we all try to hide from, I don't really know. What I do know is it's a great idea to become one with the earth to regain balance. And happiness, a deep happiness.

Life is not a bowl of cherry jubilee, vacations cancelled, called to work

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Hmm, every year I try to take some vacation in May and June, just a few days to enjoy what I hold dear, home. So many plans made for what I would do, for the 2nd day of 7 I was called into work to man the office while my boss went for a Stress test, he'd be back around 10am and then I could go home. Not. A day of freedom turned into a wild emotional day as he was transported by ambulance to the hospital they thought for angioplasty or stint, which turned into a quadruple-bypass surgery, all the fears that go with that surgery, and hopes it would go well hit all of us that day, his brother works with us and kept us posted on the progress, the new partners son came into help, he'd been in training to write new applications and try to obtain quotes for customers in need, a stack of upcoming renewals that procrastination still had left waiting until the last minute needed tending, my own duties have slowly gone from being caught up to being behind 1 to 2 weeks, lunch consists of a smoke break and back you go, eat at your desk and keep answering phone calls, and emails. I cannot describe how overwhelming it's been, survival skills long buried re-emerged to keep the dog and pony show going one day at a time. The surgery went better than most, the patient re-couperates, yet having seen him I see the worry in his eyes as to where this path will take him, he's always been very active, walked 3 miles a day, everyday. Juices in the morning, eats smart, no doubt that served him well already, but tires easily and probably wonders if that will go away in time, all unknown. Meanwhile back at the farm as I tend to think of it, people call, make decisions, the next day they call and have you reverse the changes. One in particular gets nasty about a quote for a $3,000,000 dollar house being $5,000 in premium, trust me best quote in the world., people with a $300,000 dollar house are paying $1500. in premium lets really think about that and multiply it out abit:) And then eventually the new partner comes in to help, I am crossed between mindless and embarrassed that he would even want to help as he wants to file for us to free me up. He comes in everyday, and continues to file, would like to learn more of what I do so I can have a day off this summer, I can't even begin to train him as I am just trying to survive and keep the agency floating in daily needs and demands. I spend much of my time making on line and over the phone payments for our clients, writing up renewal applications for others, trying to get it done on time so I can the renewal quote finally, needing to know clients details they give grudgingly to me as they're conditioned to working with my boss all these years, run into chauvinistic moments as I am still a woman dealing in a mans world. Road construction makes the ride home intense, and by the time I get to town I blow off my errands usually run, and head for home and my husband, wanting some sanity, needing to unwind and relax, if cooking dinner counts. Get up in the morning and go back in early so I can get something else caught up on or prioritize some tasks, get there and there's already 10 new problems, claims, more bills,new applications, changes to policies that are quite intricate, sometime the insurance carriers come back with twenty more questions, or refuse to put through the change, and you constantly try to keep progressing. This is the 3rd week of at least 6 weeks re-coup time for the boss. On top of this his house sold and they find another home remarkable far away, and it makes me wonder if sanity will ever come back to my daily life, I need time to digest, my instincts are usually so true. I realize I am very close to melting down, it's already made me crankier, nerve's raw, snapping and effecting my other relationships which I would not have harmed for all the world, I feel a need to isolate myself before I cause more harm to those I love, my core family I was born to could snap and bounce back, but my family we joined together is not as resilient, they can take it very personally as an issue versus a bad moment in an insane day. So, today the shadow will try to ride shotgun for the woman who will survive another day at the ever lovely office, the woman and possibly the shadow will drive home today with some luck, and the child will peek out to see if it's safe yet to be herself or if isolation is still a better choice. I do not want to melt down, I do not want to be surrounded by chaos. I cannot do 8 things at one time for this long and not make a serious mistake, but I have to keep trying and it's thursday....

Burst of Heart

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Every time I talk to my son. Sometimes I am amaze at how much capacity we have for love. First I was amazed at how much I've loved and liked my husband, and the only other one that can entirely still blow me away is our son. Two weeks ago he mentioned that next year he'd stick most likely with the Special Education position he held this year at school, although an English Class vacancy had come up, those classes would be a new challenge, and the classrooms are monitored by your peers on a weekly or every 2 week basis, then your peers tell you where you can improve or are falling short in your skills. He said he'd probably not apply for that even though it would bring an increase of wage. As always his mothers brain pondered that scenerio, and understood where his comfort zone is, and also that any new challenge being constantly observed and critiqued could be an unnerving situation, the back of his mothers brain also concluded that it was great for him to have arrived at a point where he has a choice, an opportunity to do one thing he's come to love and is good at, versus the opportunity to do something he'd always wanted to do, and that was to be a High School English Teacher, it was his American Dream. Sometimes I am so proud of his thinking processes in his vocation choices made all along this rather lengthy road of the past 5 years that I absolutely have trouble containing myself, but do to a point where he's probably not sure what I'm thinking, it's like discipling a black lab, so much child remains in me it's like I want to jump out of the closet when I get happy. And yes, I can relate to his dog, too. So this weeks phone call, he's been offered the English position and has accepted it, High School English, Juniors next year. He's also on an advisory committe that mentors a group of the young beings towards their goals, and his school is all about prep for college. He's coached baseball this season for his high school, up early for practices, out late in the day for games, and double headers at that, giving up sleep and home time which was never in his nature, and enjoying himself and the kids even though their all tired by now, off into the playoffs they've managed to get to. I couldn't be happier for him, he is a good hearted young man, with a very beautiful soul. No manual were made for rearing a child, yet somehow my husband and I were blessed with Justin all these years, he keeps us moving, he keeps us thinking and stimulated. Thank you for being our son, and Happy Mothers Day weekend because we've had you.

A Day in the Life of Sunshine 04/2015

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Old man kept working last night until 10:30 putting trim back up and making a backdrop out of tile for the stove, something was bugging him but it takes him awhile to get it out, earlier in the day he'd been with his dad at the dialysis center. It's a very unique waiting room, familiar faces, sometimes as many as 20-24 people you've come to know by opening an incredibly stupid broken door (should have been fixed some 3 years back), some people in wheel chairs with those insane paced drivers who spout what they think is in their book of rules. The patients are tired, cold, and hungry, needing a bathroom sometime when they finish treatment, not to wait 1-2 hours for a frickn pace driver, anyways it's nothing to get blessings from people there when you help them locate a purse, a snack, whatever. You make many friends, the diabetic patients have it the worst due to all the insane spin off diseases that can sprout and weaken them. Ricks punchline last night was that Ian had passed, he didn't know particulars, just poof, gone. I was Grandpa's driver on Ian's first day, he was originally born in Africa, his mom came with him, a nice lady ( a senior) he didn't know how cold you get during treatment so I gave him my hoodie, we made friends and looked forward to our bullshit sessions sometimes to the point of nurses bitching at us for talking so long he should be in for treatment, when I looked for him last week and the week before I began to worry, oddly enough he also took his Ma for dialysis on M W and F, and then his treatment was T Th and SA. He last commented that Ma was doing better than him. He as a black man (for skin tone)and found that he was turning blacker he came to find out it meant his liver wasn't functioning well either. He had been living in Cali until he got sick 2 years ago, we became friends 2 years ago already. I could listen to him talk all day, I loved his accent, melodic voice and his humor. Some people think we drive Grandpa to treatment, they think we're crazy for staying in the waiting room for 4-5 hours, we simply enjoy our little friendships and people from other walks of life, and keep our man that we value the most there company. As to Ian I can only hope he finds Ron Mays, who was a very powerful, intelligent and entertaining man as well, and kept the corrupter Chicago on it's toes with his critiquing website.

Passing in the blink of an eye

So many underlying occurrences going on at one time, impacting the human spirit, slowly muddeling us as it goes. Bosses Auntie dies from a weird quick infection that shuts down her organs totally, they are lucky they get to see her awake first, she still knows them. She passes, same day a customer passes suddenly, goes in for heart stint, boom, done. Same day we get knews of Robyn another customer friend, always teasing her as she scheduled more jewelry from her husband at holidays, when she'd buy a car, I'd tell her it was time for more jewelry, they were in an accident a week before, got Robyn a chest xray as it was sore from the impact, lung cancer, malignant gone to many other places already, non smoker, go figure! My cousin Anita, Jo's daughter, loses her 30ish first born son suddenly. I feel her pain, no parent should lose a child, he is named after his father, his grandfather, and his great grand father, and was known to be a Irish American charmer like my own 32 year old son is. Last October I sat in Anita house re-united with all of Irish cousins for Jo's birthday party, I met her young charmer. Several others on both sides of the family battle different health related wars, I love them and carry them in my heart as they try to enjoy some more. I wander out to the back yard, Arbor celebration, picture of a McDonald Tree gotten in 1986 by our boy, tree grown as high as the wires off the poles now, giant forsythia bushes planted in 1985, gorgeous, having witnessed much in the events of our lives. And back to Rick's 5 minutes, and embracing all we have while we have it <3 A very favorite writing since I first read it some 40 years ago: A Tear And A Smile by Khalil Gibran I would not exchange the sorrows of my heart For the joys of the multitude. And I would not have the tears that sadness makes To flow from my every part turn into laughter. I would that my life remain a tear and a smile. A tear to purify my heart and give me understanding Of life's secrets and hidden things. A smile to draw me nigh to the sons of my kind and To be a symbol of my glorification of the gods. A tear to unite me with those of broken heart; A smile to be a sign of my joy in existence. I would rather that I died in yearning and longing than that I live Weary and despairing. I want the hunger for love and beauty to be in the Depths of my spirit,for I have seen those who are Satisfied the most wretched of people. I have heard the sigh of those in yearning and Longing, and it is sweeter than the sweetest melody. With evening's coming the flower folds her petals And sleeps, embracingher longing. At morning's approach she opens her lips to meet The sun's kiss. The life of a flower is longing and fulfilment. A tear and a smile. The waters of the sea become vapor and rise and come Together and area cloud. And the cloud floats above the hills and valleys Until it meets the gentle breeze, then falls weeping To the fields and joins with brooks and rivers to Return to the sea, its home. The life of clouds is a parting and a meeting. A tear and a smile. And so does the spirit become separated from The greater spirit to move in the world of matter And pass as a cloud over the mountain of sorrow And the plains of joy to meet the breeze of death And return whence it came. To the ocean of Love and Beauty----to God.

The Tree and The Boy

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Why I believe it was last night. Part of my family gathered, accidentally showing up at the same time. My brother, and his wife who is one of my life sisters, my son and his lady, and my favorite puppy girl, came over and talked, got caught up, and I watched my son tell stories of Chicago life alternating with his gal, and enjoying their stories, I came away happy, a deep happy. My son has always been the one in the family to make my brother laugh. My son gave me a card with deep love shown behind wonderful words, my son loves words and happy a great capacity to convey his feelings through them. I think of Katie bringing "The Giving Tree" to a young child and a young mom light years ago, I think of the journey we've had in comparision to the boy and the giving tree, it's been quite a life so far, hopefully we've more adventures ahead. The tree watches the boy give this book out to every young boy and mom he knows like it is the holy grail or bible at the least for life, the tree is very proud of the most basic lessions learned from this great book. He is a giver. “And after a long time the boy came back again. "I am sorry, Boy," said the tree, "but I have nothing left to give you- My apples are gone." "My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy. "My branches are gone," said the tree. "You cannot swing on them-" "I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy. "My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb-" "I am too tired to climb," said the boy. "I am sorry," sighed the tree. "I wish that I could give you something... but I have nothing left. I am an old stump. I am sorry..." "I don't need very much now," said the boy, "just a quiet pleace to sit and rest. I am very tired." "Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, "well, an old stump is a good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest." And the boy did. And the tree was happy.” ― Shel Silverstein, The Giving Tree “And the boy loved the tree.......very much. And the tree was happy.” ― Shel Silverstein, The Giving Tree

Life changes, but it always goes on.

"Everyone would have a different definition of what they consider a life changing event", said the shadow, the child, the woman. Throughout, the years I've encountered many, some knocking me off balance for awhile, some would actually close you down abit, similar to this huge snowfall we just had and it's effect on the roads. Perspectives skewed. For me, and mine one shaped up this past fall, and while everything is okay, and progressing with some good shapings, the young woman, now grown to an old woman who spent years of her life guiding, and helping a young man find his path, has needed to sever herself like a hobbyist who cared for the model ship they helped to build, and the day came when you put her into the ocean, cast her off, and watch her sail from your sight, you hopes for her journey sail with her. You find you've changed to some degree as you compartmentalize your thoughts and feeling as they develop. You realize you are not all there anymore, you've been changed, what was once 1 path, 2 path, 3 paths,are now arteries flowing out into so many veins, no wonder the human body is such a complex marvel. You slowly find the path you need to follow and start to manuever it again, to your next adventure in this very interesting thing we call a lifetime. -The woman

Taking Heart in the Holidays

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Thanksgiving Day is a time to celebrate ones thankfulness for all the blessings experienced throughout the the year, and this year was no exception, and we enjoyed our day. Other segments of the family celebrated as well off to different gatherings, one segment at a home in the north, and their own group halved at a celebration a little south. Everyone ended the day walking away with a nice feeling of warmth, and satisfaction of having seen portions of their families, a relaxing meal, and some laughter shared. My brother called the next morning and prefaced he had shocking news, I clamped down on my teeth thinking it would be either his wife or my oldest brother, I've dreaded phone calls for awhile, I am a realist when I am not a dreamer. He was right it was a shock due to age. My nephew through marriage has two sisters, he is the youngest 32, his middle sister 36 had gone to pet sit for a friend thanksgiving night, never returned, they checked on her, and she'd suffered a heart attack, already gone. How can you make sense of it? How will this highly logical young man even begin to make sense of it, his family is a tightly knit group, and she was a lively, fun loving aunt to 3 nephews and 1 niece. She lived at home and hobbied making stain glass with her dad, and provided much humor to her mother. I liked Jaimie. When the kids were getting married, Kit & I sat with Jaimie, the mom, and the grooms older sister at the shower, ours was the noisiest table, we joked that we would get thrown out due to laughing too much, Jaimie was the one who kept it all going. My husband's right, you have the next 5 minutes at best, embrace them, live each time frame and day as it comes. So you walk some distance from the good holiday knowing it will never be the same again for some parts of the family that lost one of theirs thanksgiving night.

The Ripples

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Soon, the fall and winter sunrises here are the best from our home. Homes been a little chaotic lately, not a place of refuge for us as much as it is for a medium sized girl dog our son and his significant other adopted. She is about 43 lbs, 1/2 black lab and 1/2 pittbull according to her jaw bone structure, full of energy, still a puppy in mental habits, has learn some commands, yet her pitt bull wild side at about 92% can be disruptive and absolutely crazy when she rampages, or begins to bite at her keeper, the only way to regain her mental stability and your own is too hang tough with her and gain total control which is not always pretty for either of you, especially if you love animals. What this single little animal has done to the peace of mind I usually have and my concentration span has blown me away this past month. The kids plan to move out in about 2 weeks, they've found their future haunt, closer to where our son works, many mixed feelings arose around all that, some towards empty nesting finally, some towards having grown up in that city, and all it's positives and negatives, all the crime that is so much higher there than here. A new set of concerns emerge, life will change drastically for us and for him, relationships will shift no doubt, and more adventures will develop. So the ripples of the dog and son head outward, and I am reminded of a somber moment in my life when the girl at the grave head stone store remarked: " The only thing you can count on in life, is change".

Our fellow drivers

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" We drive many places, and yet we drivers all end up driving to work 5 to 6 days a week, we are surrounded by many other drivers all conforming to some extent to the land of lincoln's rule established speeds and guideline more or less observed. We will encounter road rage at some point, someone swearing at you perhaps they were speeding and you weren't and their perception is that you cut them off. Sometimes your own driver error, whereby your own brain doesn't catch something fast enough, and you almost cause someone a problem. Other things will remain a mystery, one man this week cut in front of me rather quickly, I didn't honk, I didn't yell, but in my own vehicle I know my face grimaced, and this particular idot driver didn't like the facial expression so he waited until we started driving again, and whipped some type of sheet metal out his window at me and my vehicle hoping to make a statement of some sort, I heard it hit the drivers side of my vehicle, yet it missed the windshield I believe he'd been hoping for. Although these things amaze you a bit, I try to take it in stride. My only worry is for the crazies my boys would encounter out there.

Maria

I never knew a grandmother, So I've only gotten to watch my mom be one to our son and my brothers 2 children, and see Grandma Dolly in action with numerous grandchildren of all deepths of relationship, and observe Alice on my brother side in her Grandma role with yet another large family more grand children there than even my husbands side. When I am at the dialysis center so many of us talk, eventually knowing eachothers stories to some degree. Maria is a kindly older woman who they say is very ill due to too many conditions existing besides her kidney needs, yet she is one gentle woman. I don't know her story, I wonder if she is a grandma, no other family is ever there. In the winter I help her ( she is wheelchair bound) put her coat on against the cold, situate her purse so it close by as she waits for her pace driver. We always ask her how she fairs, "Not so good today". She has what could be a hispanic accent, but I pick up Romanian, so to me that's where she is Slovic perhaps, I grew up inChicago and have heard so many accents, it adds to the mystery. Anyhow, this is our coming and going relationship with Maria, opening a door so she can exist with her driver, well mannered encounters. She watches me with Grandpa last week from her treatment chair, I play with his socked ankle while he and I touch base, he'd been napping alittle, she see the love and care I think, for as I leave the room she stops me to tell me how much goodness I have within, I tell her thank you, she says you have some of God within you, I smile and thank her again, she does a wide sign of the cross at me, I smile again. I feel her warmth towards me and tell her I love her., and I do. As I leave the room & go back into the waiting room, I feel Maria will leave soon. Her blessing on me, and her observations are not lost, I am at my best when I am with Grandpa, and I am completely myself with him, so her warm thoughts were appreciated. I am mostly my inner child when I am with Grandpa. And of course the child thought back to a favored movie scene with Lon Channey as Larry Talbot in the original Cry of the Werewolf, and Maria and her slightly Romanian accent was the gypsey reading his palm and seeing the sign of the pentagram within his palm only minutes before he'd be attacked by the werewolf that would convert him, lol. And I make the correlation between her blessing, and his pentagram, and what his fate was shaping.

A very long tunnel

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Did you appreciate it? Did you ever think expansively of all it does in a day? The man caught me off guard enough asking me if I wanted an updating day off, I usually put in for a vacation day, and after 10 years of working with him, he actually took a guess on what the day is, that's where he really caught me off the old guard. At times I do realize how many shield upon shields of armor I have installed over the smiling lady, sometimes I am damn near vaulted, so as I drove home I wandered into the time tunnel so damn far away and sometimes so near, I can actually still feel it all. Sometimes things occur and you can't take them personally, other times you take them very personally. It's like being on the good ship lollipop one minutes, and finding yourselves plummeted into a dark deep holes of very raw feeling, bottom of the barrel distress and anguish. And it makes me miss my dog, old companion, with her sixth sense. So I wander back out of the tunnel after several emotions invoke other emotions, dust myself back off, throw up more armor, and know that yes, it should have been different, still no conclusions as to the why of how things shape, always a missed gigantic opportunty, but in truth the one did keep our hands totally full. <3 The Shadow

A heroic moment captured for the soul

"When was the last time, you saw the stars and the full moon?" I've no clue what makes one mans soul softer than another. Possibly just for balance. The stories of unkind people repeatedly broadcasted on the news daily that so go against your own morals, outweighing their counter stories of human kindness can immerse you in numbness. Maybe it is simply that all the horror you feel at school shootings, murders of rage, our own governments corruptions, big pharma blocking natural products to promote their synthetic products, and all the doctors who are too lazy to keep up on natural remedies who end up further blocking real progresses in a cure, saturates you so that you truly see the little moments, captured by the strength of the individual human nature of a being. In 1998 we, a small group of women would gather at our park for a concert by a local group called American English, they'd perform Beatles songs, a good sampling of a different time era in our lives, it is always the friday before Father's Day, 2 of the girls have birthdays the same week, so we'd always celebrate their days, together. For one reason or another we've not all made it there the past 4 years, Doris called us thursday night to tell us she was going come hell or high water, she'd bring "a bucket of chicken for picnic, try to come early." Well hell, she brought a bucket of chicken, all the sides, a cooler of everyone's favorite beverage including Kahlua & Cream for me, a table and sets of chair, blankets, table cloth, birthday cake and candles, it was truly amazing. The courage our ill breast cancer friend displayed was immense, she'd had her 2nd round of chemo started the day before, she hated what the first round did to her so much I do believe she made it through yesterday in pure defiance. And so we had picnic, conversation and laughs, as day went to night we listened to the music transported to other times in our lives by the shear memory invoked, we danced, we bounced, we sang. Earlier in the evening our Kelly found me and ran up for some hugs, she's been one of our adopted young ladies who grew up with our son Justin. She had come to see this concert with her mom, they do it yearly, love that girl. And crowning touch on the evening was when my own son walked up for a hug, and to see some of my old real estate friends he grown up around. Doris was in shock when she saw how tall her baby had gotten, and screamed in denial when he said he was 31 now, he gave her a second hug, sometimes he is just so good words escape me. Music ended, we packed up, and got it all transported back to their vehicle, hugs, thanks, and lots of love shared between the older women of 2014, extra hugs of love for Doris who made certain none of us would miss this day. She believes in God strongly, always has. Let It Be played, and she was singing. I believe in the Universe strongly. Across the Universe played and I was singing. All the women pray.

A few days of heart felt appreciation

Recently gave myself the gift of time, some vacation time, broken up into extra days for 4 weeks with weekends to make for a few mini vacations, not going anywhere but having the time to be home. Home is where the heart is in all shapes and sizes indoors and outdoors I am in love with it all. Earlier spring brings tulips, daffodils, that I planted with my own father some 28 years ago, and I marvel that they are still thriving even though he is gone 24 years this season, and forsythia's bloom in the back that Dad, Ma, Ricky and me planted together, Ma naming the bushes the Pa Bush, The Justin Tree, old jokes, old dogs, old glimpses of igloo days, leaf days of autumn float through the noggin. As spring merges into summer I have finally gotten to spend time in the yard, flowers blooming that my own palomino planted for me several years back only makes me love the place more as I watch these plants flower, and get to finally smell their scents again, the child still resides within the woman and actually gets quite happy over these little things. Old black days of threatening loss due to a failed economy recede into a background for now, as we all take a sigh of relief, and actually are finally able to find the light of enjoyment for all the beauty nature brings to us each season. I have fed the vitamin D deficiency the past four weeks with time in the sunshine, and have found I could be happy for a long term working 3 days a week (the child again), but know that can't happen. So we have fed the soul for another round. The chores of groceries, dry cleaners, drug store, banking, and other errands run at leisure instead of the usual helter skelter method on the lunch hours and after work, a few projects tackled, lists of more, give focus to one fragmented woman. Think it was William Shakespeare that coined "We cannot be all things, to all people." A humans we try, yet sometimes we fail miserably, at least in our own eyes. We are still our own worst judges. Yes, this time gave me some peace, some harmony and some more balance back. I humbly thank planet earth and all the surrounding beauty and my son and husband who tried so long to keep it all juggling for a best landing that's arrived. Margaret Mitchell who penned Gone with the Wind, had a one liner in the book, that the real estate world stole years ago for their introduction to any class on it they offered, "Under all there is the land" to them and to the insurance world it means Don't forget that the land has value, also. To me it means home and happiness.

Regression of the child within

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Yesterday morning, a work day ahead, as soon as I could I snuck out back to plant some more vegetables, and even got some flowers in quickly before I had to prepare myself for work, it was such a great feeling to be out in gardens, my hands covered with mud from the night befores rainfall, the small child within was actually well contented and happy, we had a dirt backyard the first 6 years of my life, and I had spent many hours making pretend mud soup for anyone I could offer it to, days of old ingredients for this special soup were mud, water, ugly stones ( I'd keep the pretty sparkly stones (diamonds at the age of 4), and some leaves or blossoms off the catalpa tree. This kept a small girl with two older brothers happy and content. I was very well grounded to the earth, and never one to hate having dirty hands. And so I made fast progress in trying to put some future colors in the yard for the rotation of seasonal blooming, and the child within was happy, and in harmony. Am making it a goal to be outside more often this beautiful season.

The dreamer

Night time, deep sleep, the dreamer dreams. Why we dream what we do baffles many of us, while others dream and talk in their sleep and remember absolutely nothing. And to the dreamer who does remember or wakes with a jolt after a sequence, we are sometime confused, conflicted, happy and yet shaken. Last night the dreamer saw the woman open the sliding door that lead to the dreamers when dressed for company, the woman missing for 12+ years, felt the standing hug, the dreamer asked the woman to sit down for a minutes, asked her how she was, she said she was okay, upon closer inspection the dreamer spotted some skin differences on the older womans face, reached down for another hug as reality sunk in again, and all was gone in a flash as the dreamer awakened to a rolled stomach. It was so good to see you, to hug you. To see your green eyes against the white hair, your baby face. It was so harsh in that one second to know you were still very gone. Eyes tear, love you. But it was so good to see you!

Getting through the revolving door

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" All morning, I'm happy to say. Only twice in my life did I ever walk into some type of revolving door that was the type to hold you hostage, and somehow you just couldn't get out into the sunlight and fresh air that held promise on the other side always within your view, yet intangible as the door wouldn't locate the portal. This week my honey started a new adventure. This week I took a few vacation days and did my regular weekend errands, thinking and enjoying my duties more as I went on a little leisured schedule seems to make it more fun for a change of pace. Also we gave my computer space and desk to my son this week for one my husband had built for him, at first he'd protested being given the computer ( always wanted brand new, instead of re-built), the he played with it and fell in love with the machine. Next we offered him my computer desk, he spoke of getting new, or getting one used by his gals folks that they no longer needed, and then another morning he asked me where I would go if he took my space and desk? That clinched it for me. I may look indecisive at times as I weigh things out, usually involving others I care for slows me a bit, but I am NOT an indecisive person at all, if anything I know I may be a bit rash sometimes in how fast I move on. So Thursday they both came home to relocated computers, and oddly enough that action got me through a revolving door. It made me able to walk away from the last five years, and soundly start a new chapter even as my honey did, chaos be gone. This is a new doorway we've walked through, and the sunlight is right there. Life moves on sometime with or without us, but we can sometimes make 1 gesture that frees everyone to be themselves. It's actually a freedom that now gives him the entire side of the house until he deems to find another dwelling with his lovie, coming soon but he needs more ground under him before it can happen most likely. The fun part for me is it puts me back into a room at least temporarily that was my own office of many real estate years, where my thinking is streamlined and at it's best, and sun light streams through every morning for the days fresh start. One week, and yet small segments of our time came back, to all three. Define Happiness. When things get bettered for someone you love. A Day in the Life:)

Meeting Miss Claudia

Seems light years ago we met in that tiny back room of Starcks Real Estate, so many personalities so little time, we were all rookies together, all sizes shapes, and styles thrown into a humorous pond, and that humor would only grow stronger as we fed off eachother. One odd thing of being there for the 5 years was the high cancer rate in the office, next door they took years to clean the soil on an old gas station so they could make it into something else one day. Voss and I had done our pre license schooling together and then got stuck together again for the post icense training, only to be released into this back room, 1st question of the 1st day "what do we do now?", my answer: "Let's go get office supplies for our desk and set it up". Did it, organized it, okay what now? And on and on we went baby steps, partnering together in our first real estate transactions, her off with her family boating on weekends left me doing the listing presentations the first one most notable, signed contract in hand, old heavy MLS books in brief case, set it down on the guys porch banister and leaned in, bad move as the banister which had not shared needed repair gave way and I plunged head first down the harsh corners of seven concrete steps on this raised ranch, oh my God the pain, the mortification as I was in a shirted suit, my ribs, the bruising, oh my. Not funny then but it would become a featured comical story throughout the years as we all had our own fun starts. Claudia & Rosalie arrived into our back room life next, they also wanted to partner, both had dry senses of humor, upon meeting her the first thing Claudia told me was that this was here way of retiring, she'd keep going for many years, the same number as my own. We'd move from Starck to Abbott to Coldwell Banker together and be each others back up in times of trouble or travel, and I grew to love this dry humored woman. Throw onto that that she lived in the same town, I had the toddler then and she'd help me raise him all the way through with anticpation of what waas next, we both had aging moms, we'd both lost our dads a lot sooner than we were prepared for. She'd never fess upon about when her birthday was, just generically said if she had the card by the 15th it was good, and today our darling facebook finally tells me this is her real lucky day. I can not even begin to list all the phone conversations we had throughout the years as we discussed real estate, my son and the wonder years, the bizarre twists and turns of teenage growth and adventures, own moms declines and hospices, flowers found on both porches to raise a friend up, her sons battles with Aids, her years as a grandma, her times in life where she'd take a fall and land countless injuries measured with my own falls and countless injuries, hell we even have had for light years the same doctor who now retires on us, a murder of one of her friends and neighbors that left her sickened,the Browns Murders whereby we knew someone the victims in real time and grieved for the horrible waste of that night, and last but not least two husbands that had similar personalities and humor. I was the baby in Starcks back room, Claudia turns 71 today, I am now 59 as opposed to 31 then, Voss is 69 now, but along the way we've lost Jack Holding-lung cancer, Jerry Finis - brain cancer, a growth on the outside of his ear penetrated into the inside and into his brain , Diane Zawroski- breast cancer, Fran Polichek - breast cancer, Ester La Point - Lung Cancer, there are several more but I can remember all of their names. So we came out of it with many good friendships, and we always wondered about that gas station and what we were exposed to.

Never understanding the whys

I guess I'll back up a step to monday and my first phone call of the day after I arrived at work, it was a long time client, once an airline pilot who had been married for 54 years to the same woman, a woman who had lost her memories these last 6 years, he cared for her deeply, and became very angry this year but would always generate the anger in his calls towards the insurance carrier who could not seem to deduct the correct amount of his checking no matter how many times my boss & I called them, I finally got it fixed two months back, and now the man is calling me to tell me his wife of all those years had passed, did I need anything from him for the insurances? I tell him how sorry I am that this has happened, I tell him I've been married for 37 years, and I cannot even begin to ever want to be without my partner in life, we talk a little bit more, and he thanks me for my words. Shortly after he emailed me a bio of her life, so I could appreciate all she had been. The situation stays with me thoughout my day, and my bosses day, they've lived near him for years so he's known the family for decades, stacked against my one decade. Now it is the next morning: In previous posts I'd written about two lady friends of mine that made me laugh so hard I always have trouble breathing, sometimes in Baker's Square we'd laugh so hard other people sitting near by would also start upon catching parts of the subjects they are the only ones that can reduce me to that type of laughter. I fear for my life when I'm out with them as I am likely to die from a laughing, breathless heart attack. The girls are both born in June so soon we should get together for our yearly bar-b-que, I am usually the griller, although Doris is the one that taught me to put 1/2 t of mayo into each burger so it'd stay juicy. At one point in time the 3 of us were Realtors together. But better yet friends rolled out of those doors. We meet yearly for a silly Beatles concert in the park that we've come to cherish, as our night out. We try for a pre-Christmas gathering every year. The nurses grown son thinks we other two are his Aunts, cause we were always there throughout his growing years. One emails me this morning the one who is now a nurse after having put herself through nursing school the past few years, she tells me our other friend who remained in real estate now has breast cancer stage 3, it's gone through the lymph nodes to the point that they're doing the treatment ass backwards: Chemo 1st, Radiation 2nd, and surgery last. I think to myself "liars"., my thinking gets progressively worse. I have never encounter an oncologist who could tell it like it is, why in the hell do they waste people precious time with frickn lies?. My friend is in deep shit. She'd be better off if she hit the organic food aisle's at whole foods, bought a good juicer, and went on a juice and herb self therapy binge to try and nourish the good cells., and did a detox on top of that. We will try to see if we can't sneak one more birthday grill session in. Today the child is sad, the woman is angry, and the shadow is trying to get us through our day safely. I wrote most of this yesterday, except for the first paragraph, and I am thankful that tuesday night my own dear mate tried hard to give me some better perspectives on tuesday emails from Laura about Doris which included Stage 3 and Treatment at Cancer Centers of America, my spouse points out that they have a better survival rate than the majority, and he says maybe their approach makes more sense than the one used most commonly. Hope is a beautiful thing.

Being blessed, and enjoying it

I am blessed. I have had a good run, I have had my own two parents whom I loved. I have my own two brothers, who shared so many fun moments growing up and all the strife as well, siblings that know where you came from and usually understand where you've gotten to even if it's not their cup of tea, they do understand and accept. I have a wide array of life sisters who all carry a different color to make up a very cool rainbow in my life. I have a son who has brought me so many years of life enjoyment and various forms of humor, yet touches my soul by his intelligence, his love of music and literature, his love of the arts, and last but not least his love of children. I have my spousal unit who is so much more to me than words could ever describe, he has been beside me for the better part of 39 years, 2/3 of our lives, my young romantic, my very best friend, truly my other half as I try to weigh something out, whether he's with me or not he's entrenched in my brain waves so that sometimes I can't tell where one leaves off and the other picks up the thought process. He's got a knack of reducing to the ridiculous bottom line that can halt me in my tracks. We've been together for the best of days and for all the hardest days, too. To say you love and enjoy someone so much after all this time would be probably be comical to some, but it can actually exist. And Grandpa, he's my sons Grandpa on the paternal side, my husbands father, a dad to many, a friend to many of us that walk onto his porch. I'd have to say that most of his growth came after retirement. So many subjects of interest throughout the years, and now his finally having time to read and delve into all of them one by one, until he found out which ones would keep his interests, and all the sharing of information he has done with all of us who would have common interests. A great deal of care goes into his sharing, there are so many of us, and so many interests intertwined with what he spots as our own personal needs at a given visit, he is our giving tree, and yet as he's impacted us with herbs, universal theories, some religious theories, the arts, books on healing, pressure points, you name it, he's made us into givers, too. And to think we started out with mere astrology so many years back. Now more and more when someone comes to the house for a visit, they leave hopefully with some expanded thoughts, or sometimes with a bottle of herbs and a new found interest in natural things that could replace big pharma in many instances. Each visit is looked forward to, a time for conversation, and some mind expansion our work days don't give a wide berth to, and a deep appreciation for one more day, are some of the gifts that have evolved. Grandpa's gift has been that he's cared about so many of us, and always sees us as our individual souls, and he always feeds the soul. How many people could say that of their retirement years? Yes quite simply, we enjoy Grandpa, and we're still learning. Blessed:)

Defining Happiness

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" A rainy week, sunrises were sparse, but today it streams though our front windows, and I take a minute to appreciate it, to bask in a morning that woke us up, and got us started off in our own mutually agreed on directions. I do really appreciate the simplicity and complexity of us waking, every single morning I reach out....if he's still there I sleep, if he's not I wake, this is my alarm clock. As I get my coffee, I add on that more members of the household are were they should be, and throughout a day I access via media such as face book, cell phone calls or lack of calls what else is still in balance for the time being. Each day is a gift, truly. As long as this goes on we are happy, we being the child, the woman and the shadow of all. Simple, simple. I did think I saw this morning someone with a lighter step walking out the door, he's worked hard and long at trying to get a piece of his own puzzle back into a better place, and has assurances now that his own days and waking should be lighter in the future. Simple, complex, these are big wins. Now we will all be able to be happy for the simplicity of waking each morning, and seeing the sunrise with all she offers us. The child, the woman, and the shadow all thank the universe to whom we cast our thoughts out to. We are happy.

Good Morning Glory

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Well not today, I missed it, this was the day of spring forward on our clocks in the midwest, and this old woman was very tired it seems, so I woke up to full sunshine. There could never be said enough good about the sun and what she provides for us humans on planet Earth, but she does a lot spiritually as well for mankind. Spring items on my future list: glimpses of first flowers peaking through, first green grass, first butterflies, first robin to make my wish upon, first soft breeze, first 70 degree day, cleansing rains to wash away winter decays and bring new life to the land, my list is endless. I am excited for the upcoming spring and all it's gifts. My belief is it will revive us all, and bring us stamina.

March 2014, please come in, bring some magic.

If you're born to the midwest generally you feel autumn begin the last few weeks of August and continue through November, Winter first bites you in December and that is just it's beginning. Snows and freezing rains, sub zero temperatures continue on throughout January, and February. The landscapes can be beautiful, they be stark, cold, and you feel the darkness of longer nights. March will bring daylight savings time back to our lives, and one would hope they will bring thaws of much accumulated snows, warmth of sunlight, and eventually glimpses of green grass. March 1st and 2nd brought us more snow, 6 - 8 inches, we'll decide while we shovel it. This Winter brought the problem of "where to put anymore snow". Enough, bring us sunlight, flowers reborn, birds singing us awake, bring us a colorful world of grass and blue skies, please bring us some warmth. March can do anything she wants to with mother natures, she has a magic wand:)

Photographic memories

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" It's been awhile since an ocean side sunrise, and longer still since our famos Lake Michigan Sunrise, of late it's been winterscaped sunrises out of the front room window, but they are all still splendid, thank you. As soon as my mind wander to the ocean, I remember days of La Jolle (said as LaHoya) I remember being there several times with Sarah as it's a favorite place we love each time, and walking it with my husband and son, Katie, too. Enjoying a different part of the world and the sunshine. Another trip would bring a lovely walk there with Grandpa Dean, who embraces all the marine life to be found in the rocks nooks and crannies, we basked in the sunshine, self portraits taken of our group as we wandered the beaches and piers. And the last time we went it was my son, Kitty, Sarah Katie and myself, seeing it all over again, loving it all over again. There is a healing like no other that comes from the Ocean, Sunshine, soft breezes, and sounds of the waves as they rush in and out, it's magical, it's natural, and it lifts the burdens right off your shoulders. So though I sit here writing in the midwest of winter, I am actually far away at the beach.

Still tripping

Who knows where it all really starts, it's so electric with intensities in everything. The streets of the city, the guitars, the warmth and intensity of finding where you belong. It thrives, you thrive. Time and life issues cast their shadows, make it fluctuate and reshape. Relationships influence, and shapeshift it some more. Despite the environmental pull it has enough strength to reshift itself back into it's core, a very intense, invisible lifeforce that still claims you, and you still belong. It still holds the deepest part of you.

Selfish Acts, and the mystery of why, defying reason

What seed is planted in humans that establishes selfish people? Was it some depravation of childhood, was it always apparent? Was it a gene? A horrible childhood? Why would you nuture it, condone it? Why would you tolerate it's constant demand to be fed? Why does it grow? Why does it thrive on demeaning others? Why would it begin to look normal to anyone? My friend of many years husband lands in the hospital for several weeks, he has multiple serious problems, artery surgery needed again in another leg, yet addiction to painkillers to be weaned off of first, that reared it ugly head after the first leg was done. Amazing she still drives, but not liking winter she has not made an attempt to go see him, nor has she talked to any of doctors. We're talking husband and wife here, 50% = the other 50%. Her sister and kids tell her off about this, and implore her to go see him. Nada. She pleads her case of she might fall and get hurt going to see him..... I am amazed, I have seen so many sides to the "human" element, the selfish side, that I have no doubts why my Mom preferred dogs to most people, it brings back my humor. I've known her for years, I was business partners with her once, but still I am amazed that the seed of self preservation is so very deep. If my spouse ever needed me I would be there, and even if he was pissed at me, I'd stay very near....whether he knew it or not...and I'd be right up those doctors asses, too. Most of all I'd want to assess how I thought it was shaping up for someone I say I love.

Giving Care & Taking Care in the soulessness of winter, January

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Saw several beautiful Winter sunrises in January 2014, glorious pinked out skies, absolutely gorgeous. One look would bring your dead winter soul back to life, and the harshness of this winter has been rather numbing, at least for me, it nearly causes shutdowns in some arenas.... So we share some things we encountered or witnessed as they played out, more to get it out of our system than anything, sometimes simple conversations revive old pains, or things we encounter bring back old ghosts, they are ghosts of people I loved and still miss. I can be percieve as a jerk sometimes and yet it is not intentional, believe me if it was intentional I'd leave no pause to wonder if it had been, a clear cut Aquarian who shoots with her own truth and could leave someone wounded with her words. No my blog is for me to put all my backburner thoughts into some type of order or structure, once down on paper I can move on better. My husband has long supported that this is my blog, I think he actually gets that it is my way of thinking it out so I can move on, keep what's good in life and walk away from what's bad. January 28th brought a new life into the family, no I have not personally seen this wonderful little baby girl yet, I have seen 3 pictures of her. As I hear of her safe birth the ghosts of mom and dad are with me, and Lauren Meghan, too. I feel across the universe how happy my folks would have been for my brothers family. I feel the relief of my niece having flown at the same stage of a pregnancy as I had flown light years before, and the alarm that that fact had caused in an aging auntie, and silent prayers realized that better endings can be had, despite old ghosts and shadows that somehow stay in your mind of self blame for so many years. Next I encounter the old woman lost in the Jewel parking lot, it was the coldest day of the year so far 17 below not including the windchill, searching for the right car, looking confused and perplexed, she's walk back to the building for a minute of safety. I drive up to her and ask what color, and make the vehicle is, she tells me and I let her know I'll redrive the parking and have a look and let her know, I find two suvs it could possibly be and as I drive back to tell her she points behind me, and says here they come, her family had brought her to shop for her one bag of groceries, yet they decided they had time to go out for lunch while she shopped, I was happy for her relief and yet pissed at the simpletons who call themselves her family. I think of my own Mom, and my care of her. And I think of a woman with a faulty memory in a spiral of the family who is still driving herself despite repeated accidents and proof of advanced alzheimer's, the girlchild tells me the state of illinois still says she can drive, and I wonder, will she remember how to get back home? The skill is remembered, but the destinations are forgotten, and many people go missing every winter, my conclusion is anger & WTF? One man at dialysis this year near halloween has memory glitches more pronounced after treatment than prior due to all the fluids drains, his wife picks him up religiously, she ran late one day so he went home with someone else from the Pace Driver system, this scared the shit out of everyone not limited to her, the staff, the other patients and caregivers, it took some hours of worry before the driver finally brought him back as the man did not remember where he lives, thus another WTF on caregivers. The staff is very cautious now about the man, and the other patients also keep watch, did his wife learn the lesson, only particially, she puts it all onto the staff, and still does not stay. Some two years+ we've seen people have to wait several hours for their ride, all sharing the same low blood pressure and need for food, bathrooms, and bed, we've seen other people who ran into problems during treatment need to be transported to the hospital, we've watched security tightened after someone would be lost to a treatment whereby their own relatives would threaten the staff members, we've heard tell of the one relative that came back with the gun for the staff person, and then they rented a security person for a time, this woman has seen it all, too. We've seen people we've known and liked miss enough treatments that the staff will finally tell us why they're not there any longer, dialysis or diabetes or heart having failed them. But apparently shopping is her thing..... And then Karen calls at work, Stuart is much worse, the combination of Glioblastoma and MS couldn't tolerate the chemo and radiation treatments so well, one condition or the other render him without working legs, he's been hospitalized for three weeks. She finds out in this time frame as the kids take over his business that he's done some possibly crazy things, he forgot to pay taxes, she's trying to get it straightened out, he's thrown away things he shouldn't and has started hiding other things in the strangest places at home and at work. She is angry, at everything, and at him for doing this. We talk 45 minutes, my boss is aware of it, but gives me a wink for helping her. I tell her a few more chapters to a story we shared 2 months ago, it gives her perpective and some of her own heart back, she drops her anger at him, and goes back to just wanting some better days for their family with him. I was reared to believe in God. I grew up on the stories of Jesus Christs adventures as describes by other men, they were mostly stories of goodness, and purity of action. Feeding the masses, healing the masses. Too many things happened somewhere along the road, but I cannot deny the Universe, it's beauties, it's mysteries, the opportunity given every day to start over. "Take a sad song and make it better" - Hey Jude, The Beatles

Nothing Else .............."What was that for?"

I think we all have a sunny side, and that we all also have a dark side. I can be a joker, but when I am deadly serious, whoa boy even I can feel the deadliness of the mood. We have a variety of things go smoothly for us, and then we hit the roller coaster ride down, and we have no idea if we'll land safely. For some the economy has had a lingering effect, knocking the stuffing out of the people it besieged. Tough, yet not if you know your bottom line, a capability to see the big picture, see what matters most in that big picture, and to recognize what is bunny fluff you may have grown used to. What really matters to you the very most? Do you know your own self, or do you disguise your feelings by piling crap on them rather like decorations on a tree, so you can't really see the beauty of the tree itself? So going back to deadly serious, "Nothing Else Matters" Metallica and their finest contribution in this girls eyes : Lyrics: So close no matter how far Couldn't be much more from the heart Forever trusting who we are And nothing else matters Never opened myself this way Life is ours, we live it our way All these words I don't just say And nothing else matters Trust I seek and I find in you Every day for us something new Open mind for a different view And nothing else matters Never cared for what they do Never cared for what they know But I know So close no matter how far Couldn't be much more from the heart Forever trusting who we are And nothing else matters Never cared for what they do Never cared for what they know But I know Never opened myself this way Life is ours, we live it our way All these words I don't just say And nothing else matters Trust I seek and I find in you Every day for us something new Open mind for a different view And nothing else matters Never cared for what they say Never cared for games they play Never cared for what they do Never cared for what they know And I know So close no matter how far Couldn't be much more from the heart Forever trusting who we are No nothing else matters Read more: Metallica - Nothing Else Matters Lyrics | MetroLyrics

A Cold Reality to the Insurance Agency

I have worked at the insurance agency for 10 years, and in those years you do come to enjoy some of your customers, just as you'd like to throttle others, and yes I have a few I could actually pop through the phone for, one very rude and arrogant woman who always would call, complain in the form of screaming at you and then she'd slam dunk the phone as hard as possible in your ear, she's some fun....she does the same thing to my boss who owns the agency. It is people like her that make you appreciate the others who are calm, cool, and collected, some of them are that way no matter what. And so some you will become more attached to, you have a phone relationship, or many emails exchanged as you go about the business of renewing their policies or making changes to their coverage's. A husband and wife we've had for their personal insurance and also for his business insurance, a kind and simple man, he'd even referred other friends to us who were in the same line of business as he, friendly competitors so to speak. He's had MS for a few years, some new symptoms appeared and he went in for scans, and MRI's, loaded gun glioblastoma reared it's very ugly head again, it is the bitch of all brain tumors. Brain surgery for the Thanksgiving holidays, a lovely way to spend the holidays, they're told it's all gotten out, they do not know it's cell structure as glio yet, the man actually returns back to his business within 7 days of being released from the hospital, two weeks later at the follow up visit with the oncologist they are told what type of cell structure and of chemo & radiation schedules. The husband always handled the bills, now the wife takes over, she's a bottom line realist, we work at making payments and getting some neglected accounts brought up to date, we talk. We talk a lot about options, family, and other friends who have encountered this relentless very silent killer. We talk of lessons learned in life and that sometimes we are nicely presented with "Time to say our I love you's", and other times we are robbed of that, they have a large family, so many different personality types, some will need the time more than others. She writes me this morning that his car and himself can be taken off the auto policy, the auto's been sold, and they know by symptoms that it's not safe for him to drive anymore. I am sad for them, and sometimes I can truly feel others pains. No doubt the business will be next. And on and on....until I get the call to take him off the home policy. Some have died from heart attacks, some from altzheimers, some have been related to my boss like Uncle Roy, one was a contractor who shot himself when the bottom of the housing market crashed, all touch you, yet two of them have struck a nerve. When was the last time you saw the sunrise?

Page 1 of 365

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Too early yet for a sunrise here, but most likely due to the snows, it would be overcast this morning. 2013 has now tottered off to it's magical cupboard, a place where eventually someone will retrieve it momentarily, dust it off a bit, have a memory or two, and stick it back until another day. 2014 on the other is a blank notebook, pages 1-365 unwritten as yet, all of us equal in not knowing what it will bring, and all hoping it brings some great days with it, at the very least bringing more days with loved ones and good friends. Time does mellow us all, and I did seem to notice more recently how much more I value all that there is, an expansive, all that there is, family is still the first priority of all that there is. And I still wish them enough.

The rise and fall of an American Dream

Once upon a time there was a man, the man started his own business, this business grew to be an empire. He had seen his father do, but he wanted to try doing it from scratch, not wanting to ride on anyone else's coat tails. He was a visionary, he had a dream, an American Dream, he was a very fair man who well rewarded the people who helped his visions grow, and he enjoyed the people as his Camelot grew, synergy at work amongst them you could almost grasp it with your hands. Prosperity and Comaradie walked together for good many years, thriving and constantly growing to be more, unti some very evil investor men on Wall Street and equally evil men from our own Federal Reserve brought an entire nation to it's knees, everything grinding to a halt. Banks failed Companies closed Layoffs of unthinkable magnitudes An entire housing market collapse, and with it a multiple of tradesmen, ground to the same halt. As our own prized media advertised on the nightly news "home value depreciation", repeating for months that turned into years, oh yes indeedy they did depreciate to the point of obscene. Jobless masses became foreclosed homeowners, became homeless. Starting over, scratch, zippo, where they'd been as young newlyweds. Others would use every sent of savings or retirement funds they had to stay slightly above the water line. Banks were bailed out, no questions asked. This would enable them to help people with loans, consumer loans, commercial loans. Not so much helping with loans, they did however totally modernize their robotic machines, computer programs, and now you could bank by phone- no easy feat to accomplish but they survive strong & steady. However, the banks did not want to lend money to the people needing help the most. So instead they turned into the most collective homeowner there ever was, holding so much real estate in foreclosed homes, that if they can simply wait out this fiasco called a recession, they will have a very tidy profit in their greedy little hands, profits made off the collaspe of the American Dream. The man with the vision was rocked as well, vast quantities of land and homes given back, given back to who? The banks. He and his remaining people survived to a point by revamping foreclosed homes for the banks, until they could begin to buy homes at auction to resell as some demand came back into the market. And they were sucessful at this. And slowly they were able to re-hire some of the talent that had earlier been laid off, and for this we kindly thank them for their expressed loyalties. He also started a blog a few years back, writing various articles about the slow signs seen of the housing market recovery, some from a businessowners eyes, some from a consumers eyes, but all of his writings contain a very human element in them, they gave us hope, hope that better days would come, hope that we could stay employed long enough to reach a retirement age that is so close we can taste it, and as he gave us hope, we were able to gain some ground back, making 50% less yet supporting a home that demanded 50% more, can deplete the soul a bit, but this mans blog kept us thinking Camelot was damaged, but might after all with time and patience be restored to a doable condition. Maybe it all had too much impact, or maybe there are things we don't know about, the man's vision of an American Dream comes to an end for himself, his employees, countless contractors who work alongside on so many projects, he closes the company soon and yes it will carry it's own impact to many, including the man as I don't believe for minute he wanted to close this particular chapter of his life's work. Aside from my own boss who is the very best of people, this man of vision was also one of the finest employers you could ever want, his belief in the American Dream will continue on through the echoe's of what he started so long ago, as his own Dad had done, and slowly America will continue to repair, especially if we become of a sounder mind than what is presently representing the people, the fragmentation that exists presently impedes progress. Many thanks for the hopes, and dreams, and all the good adventures along the way.

Universal checks and balances, the woman, the child & the shadow

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Overcast and snowing seriously, they say we might get two feet of snow, not the most wonderful news for a womans body who already got jacked up this week, and has groaned in it's sleep the past two night, last night dreaming about MRI's, long story short I took a good fall face down onto our icey parking lot at work, 10 years there with three good falls, black ice on asphalt is treacherous, and not always discernable, I had tested the terrain as I got out the truck but as I walked behind my own vehicle went down fast and hard went the woman holding her prized orange juice cup trying to break the fall with her left hand yet bouncing on her sternum, boobs, shoulders, whatever, cussing as she tried to get up only to have all fours go out again, seeing a car coming and hoping I wouldn't slide like I did last time, driver slows and continues on, pissed because people are now afraid to help another human, pissed because it ruined a good shower & shampooing, orange turned to hair mouise, hell of a way to start my favorite work day, Friday. Now the soreness has set in, and though I smile and laugh it off, everything still hurts. The soon to be 59 years old tires of the reindeer games. The bones are not what they used to be, now are they? Snow shoveling, as we move into Christmas week, far less romantic than what is was some 35 years back:) And still the child sees glimpses of Christmases past, the woman inside sees the present season cherishing the same people she cherishes all other seasons, through times she's learned there are limited things she can control. Does she still pray? Why, yes all of the time. Does she still pray to baby Jesus, grown Jesus, and his Father God? Sometimes she does, does she pray to a very large universe that holds all of her people, beloved creatures both animal and insect alike, a universe that brings her four seasons she loves equally, yes I suppose she prays to the universe quite a bit, mostly for universal balance. As her shadows world passes by her eyes, sometimes she sees thing that other miss, she never understood why, sometimes her senses are far too keen, to the point that she's barely present in this world, just for a moment or two she strays way out there taking a moment to put a thought out there for all of mankind, and for her own kind men, of balance at the very least. So we still go into Christmas week with love in our heart, expanded religions, thinking of our large families, and individual battles being fought, and praying that we all enjoy the quality of what more days will bring to us. Love, and time.

Thankful most of the time

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" I looked out this morning just as the sky began to pinken, brings warmth to my soul just to see the beauty of it giving us all a new slate, a day fresh for us to draw upon. Thanksgiving week brought a wide varierity of things: A boss who gives me two days off as holiday, the day before thanksgiving is my own Dad's 95th birthday if he'd been here, I talk to him and tell him he would have most likely hated being 95. I receive an email from my younger cousin that her sister who has been ill the last few months compliments of diabetes, heart problems, and a dialysis program which she never took to at all, has passed. Thanksgiving is usually spent with my spousal unit and his Dad lovingly as his Dad goes for treatment, my spouse knowing I'd see the family the next day on their holiday celebration infers I can't come with which leaves me with best and highest use of time, my brother who had invited us to his home but without pressures, is where I will head for. Sometimes for me with half my original core family gone, I do love my husbands family, yet sometimes I have missed my own sorely, different humors, different souls, time passes for all and waits for absolutely no one, so I went to see a much loved nephew, yes the one I love to toture and play with Auntie Style, and I was able to spend some time talking with my brother and his wife, and see her family as well. Drove back at sunset to see my spousal unit and feed him our bad cookings version of beef stew for Thankgiving, lol. The next day we hear to the city for the other celebration, most of the family is able to be together for this holiday, only a few are missing due to other plans made long time back, but we do have some fun for ourselves, and it is nice having time to make some new memories, all the while people know we're lucky to have the folks here for yet another year, health systems not perfect, but they work, so we are laughing instead of crying, much to be thankful for all year not just one particular day. My spousal unit and I leave, I need to get home to get my truck and head to my cousins wake, spousal unit stays on expressway and rescues me big time by driving me to the wake, he probably half knows I would have gotten badly lost if on my own, I hate wakes so knowing he is near me gives me the courage to walk in the door, he waits outside but it is close enough to get me through this. Ma called him my white knight, and yes he still is. Little lion man walks in and goes to the front, I say my best prayer for her religion and for my universal portal, and after, I slowly greet my cousins and second cousins known to me, one who knows me well doesn't recognize me due to my silver hair and probably her own grief, I tell her it's Chicky a nickname my dad gave me as a baby that stuck with my closest cousins, she takes me to see her sister who looks up blankly from her own thoughts and sees me and come back to life and we hug and sob together, I talk a bit with her son Frankie who has the MS and incideous disease if ever there was one, the Irish have long been known for their tears, and it keeps on going. I am finally able to say I will need to go, my kind Rick is out waiting for me, saying all kinds of goodbyes I find my knight, and we drive home keen on our destination. Yesterday I spent in my own home, and in my own town, and last night with my own immediate family, some amusement had making pizzas, I prepared the first half of the ingredients and home made dough, and my son takes over as it's time to roll out the dough he is tempermental in his creations, which makes his mother, the daughter of laughing Irene (Ma always laughed when it was getting out of control), laughing as he got pissed off at the dough sticking. Still we had some fun. Being Thankful is not a one day stint, I think most of us know that, I believe the holiday just serves to pull family back together for a time whereby we acknowledge how lucky we are. The old "Is the cup half empty or half full?", the real answer always was: "the cup always has something in it".

Universal pull

Part II: Let start by saying I am blessed, really blessed, still the Universe I won't back down from using that as the best description. Somedays are very fascinating, really. I sit here laughing and yet, I've been in so many odd situations today, and I am so entirely happy for my Chicago upbringing, as I believe it makes me tick just a little uniquely. So I write my first blog this morning, and then I leave here to go up to Buffalo Grove to retrieve a Memories stick/flash drive I had forgotten at work. It was about 65 degrees out misting rain, and as I got off the expressway I take to work, I slowed to 35, my brain thinks for one minute that the vehicle is not responding she's going to fast and I am airborn in the direction of the right side of the ramps deep ravine, I yank on her steering wheel, 1-2 rear tires might have had ground contact still, she spins in circles two to three times, clothes pins in the bottle where she'll stop nobody knows....I think I am about to get seriously injured or die, I say "Oh well"...and as I yank on her steering wheel trying to hang in there she lands on the opposite side of the off ramp ass end first, fuck I am still on the decline I am going to roll, she stops I wait to see if she'll start the roll, she stays....the woman driving, naw probably the shadow by then remembers 4 wheel drive....maybe that can avoid the tow....damn she drives back up the hill and onto the ramp again, at least one of us is shaking...and we head back onwards to work and safety. I hydroplaned once before in my life with my baby in the back seat....I have been graced by the universe how many times? Kats do have maybe 9 lives, #8 has been invoked? Later I leave work go to grocery shop still trying to stay ahead of the crazy storms they say will come, as I leave the store the storm has hit, high winds, hail, the sirens go off, the rain is awesome and just comes down in sheets, they let us back into the store, once it lets up to realistic we escape, the vehicle has water up to it bottom door seal, I back her up worried about here engine, and then load the groceries standing in 8 inches of water all the time, she and I drive home together as I talk to her telling her what great care she takes of me and vice versa, she is my machine friend in this unpredictable little work, I am blessed by the universe, one by one we get home this very scary day.... I love my family, I love my truck, screw the rest, Home is where the heart and safety is:) I love the Universe, may the force be with all of my lovies.

"And so it goes...."

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" November sun peaks out from behind the cloud cover, still a beautiful sight to behold. Some shifting in our present universe, and all at one time. For the life of me I can't quite grasp the direction, forward or backwards? It would have to be forward, wouldn't it, just based on the proverbial time clock. The unforeseen layoff was announced for sometime in the beginning of the new year, most likely January. We had previously been laid off the better part of three years with 1 year back to full time employment, this time however the company we've loved for many years all the way back to 1994 closes, but alas someone else besides us has grown tired or else he wouldn't close up shop. Many warm thoughts his way for all the years he kept it juggled, it was not easy being in that line of business. People who had been kept employed the whole time, are having trouble adjusting to the thought, interesting always the contrasts in perspective caused by experience. The back part of my brain said "Damn" I only prayed for three more years to get up to that early retirement poverty level the middle class so use to look forward to, So an unnamed date brings us to lessened incomes, no healthcare, no dental, resources of 2009 long used up. Sometime in the happy new year of 2014. So late at night instead of counting sheep, my brain counts scenarios: I am headed towards 59, and the body went to hell gradually, faulted largely to bad foot tendons after a few good falls and 10 years of walking 2-4 miles 3-5 days a week in my mornings which I dearly loved, couldn't start a day better. But this past few months the pains aka discomfort of the bones and muscles, supposed to go get a bone density test done, one doctor sights Osteoporosis and rheumatoid arthritis and the dynamic duo cause off of an x-ray, but it goes everywhere in the mid to upper back and is actually debilitating to the old girl feeling it in bones, muscles and nerve endings as it picks up in a day, chores not half done and I want a nap, a lay down, preferably on something very soft. Last night I wondered about my cousin Frankie, and how he describes it as a disease no one can see. Back burner. My pal is headed to 60, back surgery of years ago failed, he knows true pain as he's been cast back into physical labor he's done since he was 22, he says little of his pain, if it's bad his mood will alter somewhat to quieter, he's a tough act to follow. If he's tough than I need be tough, is how we play it or try to. My brain grimaces when I think of what his work days are like, I am a wuss. I will need more "mind over matter" And then we're both needing dental attentions, so judgement call says go for it, versus back burner, won't get any better, go now, get it evened up a bit. So, a mortgage to pay homage to, and laughing, how many people out there pray for their vehicles to behave, our whole family does, the vehicles now hold us ransom to having jobs or being able to get to those jobs. So life keeps shifting, tangible pieces within your grasp move slightly outward, far enough so you're not certain if you'll be able to reach them, but human nature will make you keep trying...you try for your people, you try harder for the love of each other. As I stated in a previous post, I cannot really go with God, I think man invented him, that is where life has gotten me to, but I still will hang on to the belief that the Universe provides us with what we need as we need it, and we are close to being in balance and harmony as long as we have love and some type of good health. "And so it goes" - Kurt Vonnegut

What's in an hour? Mind over matter, or matter over mind?

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Laughing the clocks go back an hour tomorrow at 2am in our world, and I am trying to tell my spouse that by 6am tomorrow we will see daylight, I will pray for sunshine instead of clouded morning just so I win this particular round. What does the time change signify? There will still be 24 hours in the day, it will be light out when I drive to work and night and dark when I drive home. The old girl does not like driving in darkness, hasn't for a few years, perceptions are different already, and it appears the night driving is more startling to me, some things real jump out, and some imagine or perceived incorrectly by changes in the aging vision. Mentally the time change impacts until you can come to terms with morning yielding more light sooner, and that so much of it is a matter of perceptions anyway, yet that never kept me from yearning for my birthday to approach as soon as possible so that I could drive home in the light again. The reality is that the cold weather comes with the time change by the hand of man and the farmers clock, and in all reality it is the cold of winter that makes the dark so formidable, those nice long drives where your heater is finally working when you're half way home:) And so we let the winter games begin....and counting off 4 months of rains, winds, snows, shovels, plows, filthy cars, only to pray for spring again and more rain leading to sunshine and warmth. And so as I age I become more of a child yearning for the sunlight.

The Very Vast Universe

Imagine, a vast universe. No I don't think we can even begin to conceive of what really is encompassed by the Universe. Humans, animal life, oceans, and sea life supported by it including corals which they now say grow as tall as some of our tallest buildings off of their ocean floors, The Milkyway, aurora borealis, the Sun, The Stars, The Moon, all planted vegetation including our own foods, and some absolutely splendid flowers of gorgeous geometry. So many species, so many catagories, some ugly, some beautiful, electrical magnetic fields. Yet we teach our children to prayer to God, to pray to various entities. We pass on folk lore within all of the cultures, we pass on written holy word from BOOKS WRITTEN BY MAN. We oversight the obvious answers, "The Universe" is a marvelous, vast, surrounding that provides us with everything we could possibly need for our lives. I don't believe words could ever express my wonder and delight with "all that is" out there!

Embracing Life

The years of this girls life have actually have flown by, similar to a good 800 page book you're enjoying but you've got approximately 200 pages to go, with all the characters established in the book that you've grown to love, find humor in, be irritated by, so goes the book of your life. One is real, one is not, lessons learned from both. I love the characters in my life, and have tried hard this year to spend time with many of them, I see the value in time more than I once did. Time represented the amount of clock I had to do chores and errands, now I've shifted it to include visits with my favorite people. Have also streamlined lined life to include as little as possible of the negatives. No good can come from negatives. I was invited to dinner this week for the first time since I was 18 summers, by my brothers. We subject hopped, enjoyed some laughter, and yet touched on how fast the time has gone by, we took some minutes to enjoy OurSelves. I am glad we made time, siblings have known you forever.

The Road Not Taken, go right

Sometime the road stretches out before you, and as you come around the bend you see a split off, you have no idea of what lies ahead on either of the roads, at least never with a certainty, but you have a very good idea where the one road leads to, it's a dead end that eventually becomes a very intense maze no one could escape back out of. Options although disgusting choices were laid on the table, neither being embraced them. I can't speak for the one, but that back burner called a sleeping mind stayed plenty busy, most nights back up awake for a few hours, brain clicking away like a over worked computer. Last year I came to you for a game plan, and you out and out spit on me and threw me from the window, so with very intense child bound (the child drove the truck there) spirits of process of eliminations versus some bottom lined hope I broached you again, I am nauseated as you come up with your suggestion of how it could all work, the child still has hope, the woman is sickened to the point of shakes, and the shadow takes over, the shadow took over for the entire afternoon of waiting. The lessor of evils wins the day with a call back, yes, let's go to hell this way, follow me. I believe the woman drove home, with tips from the shadow, and onto the explanations of self, Lucy. A bettered band aid, time tabled risk, extreme disciplines required to make this a true betterment not backfire ever, and some of the universal light needed. When the child drove me there yesterday she had only the purest of heart within her, I am always so thankful she's remain, she is the bravest of creatures and pure of heart still. And so we take the path to the right, we already knew where the left would get us to. The woman would have quit the game eons ago if not for some very intense loves, child knows this, shadow protects all.

I read the news today, oh boy!

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" Up early, still dark out. I try to only watch the news twice a week. If you have internet or if you're on face book, you get saturated anyhow. It's a no escape type of scenario. So what do you get? Nelson Mandela is released from a long stay in the hospital but still considered critical, give pause to own thought there, he did a lot for his people. Baby pandas elsewhere, frolicking. President Obama seeks Congress approval for Syria intervention to stop chemical warfare from being used on it's own people. Monsanto still trying to feed the people genetically engineer foods with pesticides in it, they assure diminished in state before people consume, and yet tests on laboratory mice blew holes in their stomachs, and it's not recommended for pregnant women. WTF, really? This should be an out and out NO, Thank You. Why would our governments even allow this treated and tainted food, let alone why would the FDA who is supposed to be there to protect the people, not the corporations wallets! Why don't you put that in front of Congress? And last but not least, Parents of a 2 year old child, who did not know it was in a hot 98 degreed car for 2 1/2 hours, the child is deceased, but police feel the parents really did not know the child was in the car, so no charges will be filed. If you have a two year old, how can you not know where that two year old is for 2 1/2 hours? And the English Princess Kate surprise people by showing up in public unannounced. Who cares?

The simplicity of what we need to believe in

I was reared a catholic child, a catholic young girl, a catholic young woman, and talk about instilled beliefs coring a young persons being. Slowly although I still hang onto the stories of baby Jesus, and the man he would grow into, if folk lore of his days would lead us anywhere, it would be that babies need to be protected at all times from the evils of mankind, and later great tales of his sharing with others, and putting others welfare before his own, this is all true and possible within the human spirit of man and woman. Many are capable of these qualities, and as witnessed on the nightly news, some people are not capable of these simple kindnesses. After traveling through life thus far, I have re-jockeyed my belief tremendously, if asked my religion I still would say Catholic, but due to the examples of Joseph, who I feel was severely underrated, Mary who tried to be a good mother, and Jesus who was a great example of being good people. In reality, I believe more in the Universe, multiple planets, star constellations, unknown untraveled worlds, and our own simple yet very beautiful earth, which if viewed just for her nature alone is a miracle of life sustained at so many levels besides the human element. The oceans, the sea life within. The earth and the world of insects within it, and the animal life supported upon it. Flowers, vegetables and all they can hold in supporting mankind, let alone their beauty. The four seasons, each beautiful and unique. Our sometimes simple and often complex weather surrounding us. And mankind, the love we see within families, the miracle of one generation after another, this is what I believe in, the Universe. I also believe the universe although not entirely kind, does play out as well as what it can, trying to maintain a balance or correction when things go poorly, not always able to due to the severity of what has gone out of balance. Now, throw into all that the complexities, and the simplicities of human relationships. love, dislike, greed, intolerance, a kind word, harsh and strong words, need, indifference, working at relationships, or walking away, births and growth, and loss of a loved one, sometimes several loved ones, all of these being experienced simultaneously by millions of people across the universe. Could you possibly believe all of that goes on daily, and yet we struggle to keep balance. We start small within our own families, and we try to carry it outward. And much a the pebble thrown into the waters we see the ripples go outward. Yes, I believe in the universe, and the mighty force within us.

Hindsight 20/40, and what counts

"When was the last time, you ever saw the sunrise?" It's been rising into view for awhile now. It promises to be a lovely summer day. Augusta, the last third of the harshest month, so I grow wistful. I weigh out my life's adventures, and assess where we are, where all of us are, and where it can shape to, ultimate answers equal glum, but the adventures in between are what we look for, some spice in the recipes of Sunday through Saturday. Things that can warm the heart, feed the soul. Even when in a well behaved mode, cautious mode this puppy can land herself in a pile of dung or two. Be it a posting on here, or a picture liked and shared on face book, a sentence spoken after work and traffic rolls me in the door a bit serious, we still manage to get into trouble, so we grow quiet, quiet is safe, we delete relatives from our face book, throw many kept onto restricted which is an experiment since I don't know what it restricts or whom, and at home we will just have to weigh our words out better so we don't aggravate the youngun', who has a short fuse at times, lol. Do I have major regrets from a life time? Nope. Could I have done it better? Nope. Why? You can't change what or who you are and you would have done the same things cause you are you. Everyone else thinks they'd do this and this, sorry you are simply lying to yourselves. Outside effects altering your progress, well that's another dimension of the adventure, but overall performance, no you are only capable of rising to each occurrence much like the sun each morning, and doing the very best you can with what is laid into your path. Some of it you can sidestep, jump over, but on occasion you might trip on something, get back up, dust yourself off and keep on walking. So, I loved you the best I could, tolerated more than I probably should have, my resilience cuts everyone slack, and I head off to find some things that can warm my heart, somedays it's a flower, or the skies colors, but it's out there waiting.

Destroy the economy and get your wrist slapped?

Three years & Eleven months ago some really crazy events began to play out across the United States first, and eventually it would highly effect the various countries around the world. The old middle class has been reduced in number significantly, and what's left of that reduced number still struggle to find some relief. It is still amazing to me that true justice has never been served: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/01/fabulous-fab-verdict_n_3691227.html

Sometimes you have no clue, who values you

Last night we traveled to a young mans wedding reception, he grew up with our own son from Kindergarten through high school, years of Zoo and Museum field trips, multiple years of being room mom.
Playing basket ball out on the front of our driveway one whole summer, interrupted constantly by our dear neighbor would confiscate their ball  as they'd trespassed onto her precious lawn which she paid homage to in the highest form, this would result in a summer of her calling the police on 11 and 12 year old boys just to be a power wielding asshole, and one silly policeman threatening to take the boys away to the station if they continued playing basketball, and me sighting this was the USA and not Russia to my knowledge. It ended with her ranting at me one day while I watered the lawn, and psychotic break 101 I shot her in the face full force until her glasses flew off.  Suffice it say, yes the police came out one more time, but not for the boys.

After a time the boys didn't come for basketball anymore.

They did grow into teenagers though and remained very close friends. The friends went through growing pains together, their own peer issues, and also divorcing parents, split up households, one set of parents who didn't want their own child at a given time as the timing wasn't convenient, parents laid off and moving away, one parent turned to drugs, another arrested and tried for a crime, this made the kids lean in and stay packed tight together, talking it out by one young mans fire pit many nights, each of them offering the best support they could, we would see them at sporting events and prom pictures, they'd stop back here for awhile after school, always raiding the fridge, and then poof... they graduated from high school.

We rescued some of them from themselves at times, some times in the middle of the night, once they ended up painting the outside of our house as a penance, other nights they'd be offered a blanket and pillow and shown the couch or given a sleeping bag if it was too crowded.

Off to college they go, all thinking they would one day be the goal they'd set for themselves, and they all (except for one who wanted to be a policeman and is a policeman) have ended up doing entirely different careers than where they set out for, some of them would have underage drinking tickets or pot related violations in their path, some would haunt them in the job seeking world, some would be assisted with their first job by another, and yet at thirty years of age they remain very close friends.

So, we were surprised when we were invited, but we did attend, and I was strongly blown away by the love and care shown us by many of the young men, but especially by the groom who hugged and kissed us both and simply told us we had no idea how much we meant to him.

I think sometimes we measure our success by the monetary standards set world wide, and last night I knew clearly that we've been able to give more than that to some of these young men.  We gave them time and love, a port in their storms, and maybe some stability, it was a very sweet and generous show of love from them which I think surprised us both.