Our Spring

How can I describe what Springtime means to me? In the last week of February, a month that brings me back home still in daylight and starts the few trickle of hope, the Cardinals song pulled my attention, I had not heard that voice in so long, it has always made me feel a surge of hope, and made my weary winter step spunk up a bit, becoming lighter. Up at work off the parking lot, the forsythia's are bent over from the blizzard, I've never seen them so, my male cardinal friend was within one sideways bush singing his song. We have them in our backyard frequently, and we have a border of Forsythia's as well, which this lady loves, we planted them all five of us in 1985 when we were all still fine and here. Their short timed yellow blooms in spring bring the wild life back to our sight, and keep us amused year after year watching birds, squirrels, bunnies and their babies, watching them tend to their new arrivals, build nests, it is a wonderful experience, and even more beautiful as it plays out year after year. The grass begins to green, our perennials begin to show who survived the winter cold, wonderful smells long missed fill the air we breathe, it's wonderful and no small wonder that it makes man feel like everything will be better. I hope for much, I hope for a wonderful spring.

Time to regroup

Beat up from the week, most saturdays I am near useless as I age, I seem to need a slower pace just to regroup from the week. Sometime on sunday morning my brain starts functioning, healing more its old self. This week my boss was out of the office on vacation, many newly quoted items were being obtained, always more details needed for the ever lovely insurance underwriters of America, one poorly used word will have them grilling you like a prisoner under interrogation, I so despise petty underwriters, they must be emptied human shells near clones working for the richest corporations in America trying to tear down the bones of their fellow man. So after this tough week, I found out from my mate we were staying home, and I missing my homemaker component who seems to have evaporated these last two years decided to cook, cupcakes, potatoes salad, a newer porkchop theory, and it all turned out well, surprise, surprise. There is a element to our oven when baking that is simple once you catch the drift, cook on minimum time less 5 minutes. If you don't know this simple rule everything will be overcooked or burnt. Todays endeavor will be to make another batch of Beef barley soup, last batch was great, can it be duplicated? I hope I can, something about that soup is healing, it makes you feel better about eveything...some comfort food. Crap, time to make the tax appointment, too. Hate Taxes, hate it more this year that they get to keep it, but I still won some major ground within it all. So, All of our recently ill people are on the mend which is great, the littlest one will bare watching she accidentally ingested something during childbirth that makes her little lungs prone to lung ailments now especially while so young, she is a sweetheart though this well named love of ours. 2 Days left to this month, and we walk back into March which usually brings some sort of Possibility of Spring, and Spring itself brings hope to us all as we will watch nature preparing to be reborn, re-strengthen, and this woman who thought she had a chance in hell of surviving this winter, well she will lovingly embrace the Spring and all it wants to bring. It is a time to regroup, we will try to see our best bottom lined horizon and act appropriately to what can be accommodated in our future. We have a chance in the middle of the week that could make such a different, I am picturing it taking place, and us being able to move forward again in a totally positive fashion. I picture him out there doing his thing with pride once more!

Funny Facebook with it's YearBook Application

I looked over my shoulder, and they were gone. Throughout life we grow, and we also diminish, events cause us to act differently, some of us want to re-connect with old friends or family, some of us enjoy the humor involved, while others do not, and that's all to be respected, we are all different, and due to that different things make us tick the way we do. As we progressed done life's road my own husband cut one of his oldest friends out of his life because no shit everytime Paul invited us to dinner he had a saw or a miter box out, and just needed a few pieces of trim cut to finish off a room, or tile to be cut for a foyer, all kids of treats, so it became an invite to come visit and have fun was now moved to earlier and earlier so this little project could attended to as he moved into different homes in Bolingbrook or Downers Grove area. A visit to us would entail making little Donnie's Derby Car for Boy Scouts, and a xmas eve visit that used to make us perpetually late for GrandMa Dolly's Christmas Eve when she still held it, nuff of my humor, Rick quit this particular friendship some 13 years back.....done, finito, adios! I have some crazy Irish Cousins, I keep the relationships with, my brothers have no desire to, and I also keep in touch with two of my Polish cousins, just via email usually of the Irish side is on facebook with me. But my main fun this year has been facebook, and hooking up with some of my high school friends, and some of my grammar school friends as well. All of these relationships involve forgiveness, theirs and mine in all probability, everyone can remember something bad given enough time, but it's the good stuff that flows for many of us, love of the same music, some poetry, some prose, some jokes, and some memories woken from a long sleep, we all went down to Foster Beach Freshie year, Sophomore year, and most of Junior summer as well., first by bus, then by car, yikes, and so the memories flood out of summer days spent together, and our trips to the Holiday Ballroom each friday night to dance to the music and all the bands we saw that became famous in our time, and even school memories of Taft having the new building annexed to the old, moving the parking lot to a temporary dug out dirt lot that ina heavy rain consumed my Corvair....which had to be lifted by the boys and placed on higher ground for me to get out of the lot. They so enjoyed it that they remembered to move my car on me ocassionally to a different slot just for fun. They've started a high school Yearbook on facebook now, and it's sort of fun to see what will get posted, let's you know who was impressed by what, and is all a good laugh, especially if you've forgotten it. It's kept me and Cyndie closer than we had been in lite years, it's helped Jackson through the loss of her husband this past year, it's helping Chris as he goes through the miserable foreclosure proceding just to know how many of us crazies are hanging on by the skin of our teeth. It's a small thing, yet can used as a good tool to get someone through a pile of muck a little kinder, a little cared for.

Banks & Big Business

So then you might ask yourself: "What's going on"? The banks who were bailed out, most of them repaid their debts already, some bought themselves new toys so they'd stayed ahead of the competition drawing people who want all the new toys at their disposal as clientele. Some of these banks funnel to foreign shored owners, more than we think in all probability. What lessons did they learn with the collapse? Did they learn to not invest strongly in a stock market prone to diving in a turmoil-ed world market? They have plenty of real estate as foreclosures mount and they take back the deflated house, no better to hold those for a better day and re-coup their monies ten fold. Ah! Buying up mediocre businesses. Hmmm. Let's ponder this. What's to be gained by buying up small businesses, well it depends if the bank needs that type of business doesn't it? What types of businesses could the banks utilize? Well, anything to do with housing: Small builders, small electricians, small plumbers, a sprinkling of small general contractors, small insurance agencies, yes I begin to see your point. The bank has a large number of properties to repair and maintain, so there is a need for small businesses to be acquired so they can be maintained and insured during this collapsed market. Hmmm. We've had customers call us for home insurance after they'd find theirs had been canceled in error, and their mortgagee (the bank) would impose a $4500. premiumed policy on them, versus the $1300.00 genuine cost of our policy on the same home, there is a bit of a profit there, wouldn't you say? And so it goes: Rhett turn to Scarlett and told her "out of destruction comes construction", he also told her that the south had burned, Atlanta was gone, the old south was gone, "It was a civilization Gone With The Wind", and so it is! Grieving can take many forms, sometimes we grieve for a personal loss of a human being who long lived in our life, sometimes people grieve during the divorce process over a spouse who changed through time of life, and some people in this particular economy who have cashed in their life savings, 401K's, loaned against their life insurance, sold off land they valued, and thought of selling other personal possessions they really don't want to part with, well some of these people are grieving too, for a civilization gone with the wind* And maybe these same people hate to see the banks who were so heavily involved in setting up this chain of events, win or profit off anything further that involves them! My thoughts, well I hope the bastards rot!

Truer statement never spoken.

"I looked over my shoulder, and it was gone." Life can be very kind, very enjoyable, and yet you hit patches, where everything constantly changes, and changes piles upon more changes have you look into the mirror one morning and you no longer know who you are. Yes, I realize that one day this feeling will go away or I will. I fully know nothing of these changes are permanent, but then neither am I nor we. There are all kinds/types of losses, we have suffered many people losses, and slowly crawled back up into the day light, sometimes while doing this you could feel the forced pain of trying to have a personality, of trying to move out of it, but pain can be very entrapping, can't it? Then one can experience job losses, which can try and mess with you and redefine who you are. You're still the same person with the same qualities, it was the job entity that changed, not really you, wasn't it. But combine that with the economic loss that being jobless can render, and eventually during a long haul of economic loss and role playing loss, well you do begin to change don't you? But we manuever through it, don't we? We win a few rounds by the skin of the teeth, teeth that are breaking down as we have no dental do we? But we're here. And then someone throws that very last humorous log on the fire, we find that we have more coming our way, yet we are uncertain how bad it will be. What can a second oldster do to strengthen her hiring capabilities which will be needed in a short time, how short we do not know, but we do know it is coming. We resent being placed in this position at this time, we are highly pissed off and angry that someone we trusted most next to family would jeopardize us, so pissed that it actually took a few days to see straight, to get our sea legs at pretending that all is lovely as ever. Why is it that one brother in a business, didn't learn any valid lessons from his other brother in the same business. Why would he even do this after all the lessons we learned the hard way when his brother did the very same thing four years ago. Look at how well it ended up for him. This proves to me that the care for others is not even being thought of, and I resent that. And so I must really think this out carefully, and beef up my lacking components, and start to search for another means of surviving. Classes are needed here. Watson, you couldn't have picked a worser time to get this new brain fart! "I looked over my shoulder, and it was gone"

Another Day in the Life 2/17/2011

Amid winter of 2011 and cold or snowy days we catch a week which revitalizes our spirits a little just based on improve outdoor temperatures. So my friend works this week as always at sending his resume and answering other inquiries some of this modern online job hunt programs render, some days it can be time consuming, it's winter so not as many contacts as last spring started to occupy him with, simply stated the economy still sucks kazooks, and no one especially wants a soon to be 58 year old for too many positions, but I'll keep him and he knows that. So boredom finally makes him notice he could have himself a project around the house if he wants one by utilizing his old tile originally intended for our NOT DONE Kitchen (LOL)... stored in the basement for 6 or 7 years now to transform our bathroom which apparently had a leak under the flooring nearest the toilet, we always used sheet goods in that room previously but this tile is ceramic, and as small as the room is these days it provided enough challenges to an aging body which hates being bent over due to a bad lower back and all the pain that unleashes. I am off at work and have been slightly mentally preoccupied as something is out of kilter there, foul moods come at me throughout the last few days and my mind analyzes what could possible be bringing this forth, a recent accountant visit or multiple vacations being conducted or a wedding that plays out right after the vacations, who knows, or is it just possible that the dog bit him yet again, it was only 2 weeks back that I noticed his last injury and found out the truth as to the dogs causing it. Usually I don't get snapped at all week, this weeks been a challenge...I might have to take duct tape to work with me today to get through friday which will lead to one of my superiors vacation week, thanks be had. The youngest member of our group has been wrapping his head around some job rejections, reason given: overwhelming amount of candidates, but is still to re-rev his own engines and start all over again for the next semester possible. Meanwhile he's taken a course load not usually recommended to be taken at one time due to it's burden, yet doing so to keep a full time schedule keeping a deferment of student loans in check, and killing off his masters requirements in one swoop to most likely appease a mother who went slightly berserk in January when neither job nor school was obtained to defer those loans or pay them. Good that the classes and course work keep him busy, observation days are next which will help regain some confidences, some hands on insights. Long preface but we get finally to the point: I've been trying to leave work on time so I can see the last traces of daylight = an occasional sunset, I am an out door person or am happiest when I am out with nature, I come home to men of my heart grilling dinner outside on February 17th, a balmy night, a full moon with fast white gray clouds floating in front of it, it was wonderful. The young man went and got the propane for the grill, my man had just finished battling with sinks and toilets that leaked once the water was turned back on (from the past I can tell you this is one of his least favorite pass times, and here he actually pushed himself to prepare the food and begin to grill as I pulled into the drive. I was touched. They do know me, and so often go out of the way to make a simple day much better. And me I got to spend an hour or more out in the breeze, under the moon with a man I love very much, listening to what I had missed in his day. How great was that?

She would love the same things, the earths gifts

She first recognized the great out of doors, she loved days in the sun shine, basking in it's warmth, she still does. Butterflies and their development was a natural love. Holding earthworms for an entire day showed how one little creature could give off a slime to protect itself, holding good quantities of dirt showed how they could maneuver through it, and somehow process it through their own bodies, and give it of later as their own poo. She spent years completely mystified by these creatures, and protected them from man whenever she could. These two facts would shape how she ticks more than any other two ingredients in her young life. Hours of mining the earth for worms, and occasional pieces of coal which she insisted were diamonds, black diamonds. Buggy filled with dirt and worms instead of Dolly's (she'd already fed her dollies and given Susie bubonic plague which made her get the black spots all over her body, poor Susie got buried in the back yard with Pokie the turtle and Petie the beloved Parakeet who she had also found dead on the bottom of the cage, what a rude surprised that morning brought.) She preferred the worms to Dollies as the worms rarely died after an entire day of being held. The Caterpillar's were not as sturdy, but they were lovely none the less as they climbed up and down a 3 year olds arm, tickling her palm as they walked across. The cocoons they made on the brick buildings of Humboldt Park were wonderful to see each spring. And then her brother widened her world with his own love of bees, she noticed flowers, the flowers drew the bees to them, flowers for her took on a new found love of their own, some carried good smells and some carried acrid smells, all would become loved and memorized. And what did the rest of it bring her? An entire lifetime of good times, bad times, gains and losses, repeated with a rhythm, predictable only in that it would repeat again. Worthy but not without damage. What has remained the one healer, the outdoors, days in the sunshine, butterflies, worms, flowers, birds and wildlife added on, and love of the land and nature. It has been her constant friend that could ease the rest of the repeated item, enhance the days, and put her to rights again.

A Memory Pops through

When we were little some people lived next door: Juanita, Nancy, Dee-Dee: she was the little girl, there was another girl can't remember her name now, but yesterday I was driving at lunch I work off McHenry Rd, I am distracted and still in awe of big dump trucks one of which passes me...lots of wheels....long, I thought what street am I on? McHenry Rd. My brain hears my moms voice years ago after that family moved away from us, she's on the phone, her voice is alarmed, she gets off the phone and tells us Dee-Dee got run over by a 16 wheeler on McHenry Rd in Gilberts. I am shakin as this little didley flips into my noggin, no idea why the brain releases what it does, but Dee-Dee was a nice little girl, and dump trucks are still an everyday danger.

What's in a week on Facebook

So many days, so many people, little things and big thing alike, they altered me, they make me retreat, think, and eventually reach out. Facebook is a truly interesting internet community mostly comprised of others who were in your address book, you are given a chance to hook up with someone as a friend, maybe friends of your friends, names present themselves on and off and you can choose to befriend them or ignore the request. As you go on you will find different things that show up before your eyes will provoke a different emotion/sentiment from you, it all can be overwhelming in one mood, and completely touching in another mood. You can go through on occassion and delete someone from your friends, an interesting experience, maybe you just had too much of a given emotion on a given day. Here's a sampling of a month: One friend this week had to put their cat down, sad a resident of their home and family for many years they are taking it hard. Three weeks ago a daughter of a close friend loses her baby-no heart beat any longer, so sad as the weeks play out and she struggles to find standing ground for herself and her family again. Two totally different levels of sadness, eys? I struggle to stay in an economic game that threatens to beat my ass month by month, but my friend from 3rd grade and up is 40 paces ahead of me as he tries for the Home Affordable Mortgage, and has been to court for foreclosure already, his status in this Illinois life is based on if he can get this new mortgage which takes often 4-6 months to achieve, he used to own his own carpet and tile shop, the shop is now gone and yet he continues to try and get jobs enough to pay for the household bills, his wife is in lay off status and trust me unemployment doesn't even come close to what she really made when working, plus they lost their health benefits, so have no health insurance at this time. Meanwhile, 6 months ago another high school friend lost her husband to cancer, her kids are on face book her, they make postings as they get through the first holidays without Jim, and tease eachother sometimes about who cooks a dish better, or who is a hopeless shopping fiend. And another is sad because she has no relationship and is a spinster at this point. Others go online and seldom post anything, but they are watchers, they like to watch the rest of the world playing out, see the humor used on other occupants. I find they usually don't post a picture, they like their anonymous world. Another friend post positive quotes daily, to point that it all lies within us as humans to succeed, but has struggled to keep her own job this long, and a household where she supports three people, and struggles to keep her horse a loved creature she rides on weekends, yet he's costly so she teaches horseback riding now as a way to hang onto him and reduce the cost to stable and feed him. Her and I have been friends for the long haul since children when she found me hiding from others under her back porch when we were 8 years old, the others were out to hurt me, I found protection for the long haul at her home, she lived down the street from me. You see so many different scenario's, many emotions triggered. Some things less important, yet they all effect/affect them, don't they?

Fannie & Freddie, American Freedoms Dying

"Has anybody here seen my old friend Bobby, Can you tell me where he's gone?" "I looked over my shoulder, and they were gone. Abraham, Martin & John." Again I repeat one half of our country is oblivious to the freedoms slipping away that they might need one day for themselves or for their children, or their children's children. The newest Lark is that the government is taking suggestions on how to replace Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac who currently hold or back most of our mortgages. Their solutions are to propose they be held by the private sector. The Private Sector could be: The Rockefeller & Co who are the Ziegiest Movie's Core nightmare. Another Private Sector would be foreign countries such as China, Brazil, Russia , or other foreign entities who have seriously put their money into American Soil for the various bailouts needed. The scenario's are not good for this massive of a project and it's affects on your average man & woman who wish to purchase a home, restrictions would be enforced of a much stricter nature than ever seen before in the USA, and PMI or Principle Mortgage Insurance's charged in the past on a riskier buyers credit background would be steeply increased even if it was named something else so both could be charged, thus making success of payments more iffy than it already would be for people with an unknown future who might face layoffs or other problems....in a 30 year lifespan of a mortgage. My personal belief's are that if Fannie & Freddie are still ailing or if they are flawed, it would be better to fix or remodel slightly these entities to make them better and stronger rather than completely reinventing a wheel of this magnitude, a wheel that was design over decades after FDR put into place new mortgage terms after seeing the collapse from the Great Depression when they had 5 years mortgages as a primary term of time. American Freedoms will be highly decreased if these new plans are put into place, there will be no way to monitor nor regulate them. And then they will seek to kill off Sallie Mae who has given the only opportunity for high educations to the common man, the man/woman who's parent was not able to pay for their college education, but based on student loans executed for these less privileged children, they've been able to go ahead and achieve a higher level of eduction in this college mandatory society we've become. And one freedom at a time decreased will bring about a change of class here in the USA that will make us comparable to India with it's caste class system, or China, with it's sweat shop labor rates, and we will be back to where we started when we were indentured men and women, much sooner than you think. Plus the change of Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac will have been the last log on the fire for the total collapse of the housing market in America, it will be the straw that breaks the camels back (Homeowners) in the housing collapse which has kept on giving.

The Solitary Soul

Life's disappointments arrive on the pathways, challenging our beliefs, along with our maths. People on the pathway will voice their opinions, right and wrong our decisions, called into question, The solitary soul feels what they are thinking. At time's we are mocked, ridiculed for past actions, And even now, as we still care quite deeply for others, for values and principles which have become so ingrained, that's what made us different from the most common man, The solitary soul still sees the difference. As far back as memory allows me to think, I've looked out these eyes, and witnessed my world, understanding and tolerance have tempered my love, and loves given a wide berth to more and to most, forgiveness is possible with this solitary soul. kms

The Daily News, crime up, chaos increased

We read the newspapers, and it's odd but it seems everything has run out of balance: Egypt having riots, Social Security doesn't have enough funds and need something done to fund it (alittle different from the lying sacks of shit who have maintained it was solidly funded), State cutting more programs and not able to fund so many needed programs, Cities that are running in the red and cutting programs, crimes committed by Crack addicts and Junkies are up, home invasions are up, robberies of every category private and public are up, doesn't seem the desperate people are committing the crimes-more of them have too much pride to change their integrity now, but the riffraff is multiplying out of hand as the police are cut. Just in general conversations with people I've encountered since the one guy tried to talk me out of my money at the bank drive up, and since the night another tried to gain access to our home with his car break down story, I been told twice of different Hoffman Estates scams to gain entry to homes or cars. And this is winter time, a time when crime is usually lower as no one wants to be out in the elements any longer than necessary. It makes you wonder what summer will bring to the towns. The right to have arms still holds in most towns and I believe that is a good thing in case more chaos ensues. I think too many components are running backwards, who is going to reign in the rule breakers when it's stepped up a few notches? With all levels of government running in the red, and all the program cuts, I still see collapse ahead, not recovery, and I am only working off instincts and reading the writing on the wall as I always did.

Life segments

I looked over my shoulder, and they were gone. Life's chapters could be divided into Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. Then the decades or the years could become sub chapters. I played some youtube oldies out in the 70's this morning, took me back to when we met. Strange timing to meet through other people just because we pulled our cars over so you and my bro could firm up concert plans for that night, Shawn Phillips if I remember right. And then the party the next week at his apartment, pursue, pursue, third strike out, I give up and then you come and find me. And our 3rd time out with guitars, playing on a cold night in the park. That was when I decided I didn't want to part with you, I wanted you in my life, solid. So Spring, Summer, and part of Fall have passed, it's been quite a roller coaster ride, and I selfishly ask for more. More time, More chapters. We've remained so simple despite life's complexities. Your birth stone was very accurate, you are a diamond.

How many cooks are in the kitchen?

A day. 24 hours. Increments thereof. We have three chefs in our kitchen, and in our home. We each spend a day differently bringing ingredients into our own life individually, and also getting that life flavor achieved when you put us all back together each evening. Since we run three different paths that will re-cross, it is very interesting to me to see what each finds important in their day. One is looking for a job, he wants a better job that will finally answer all seasons, possibly with benefits. When he's not busy with that task he does household management ranging from snow & ice removal to cleaning to computer maintenance. And some nights he cooks dinner. Oddly enough another looks for work in yet again a profession that's been hit hard by layoffs, most of the school districts requiring him to complete online packets and some wanting online packets backed up by paper packets to be mailed in for considerations. He also has student loans looming over his head every time he stops his schooling, now is not the time so he continues his masters, and takes two remaining classes that will broaden his teaching horizon by 3 more years of 6-8th grades by Mid April, which might lend him a more rounded scope when next submitting his packets, March should bring more student teaching experience at a different level which will also help regain stale confidences once known to him a year back. He is our own personal google and has his hands on the pulse of what happens in the world each day, and time marks life for his father and I who are just slowly walking through time trying to survive at some known standard to us. He also cooks some evenings. Me, I am the trick bag working days, in the winter they all seem long and forever before I come back home at night, most times they know what they're talking about and I am mildly clueless as I've missed the first 1/2 of their day. Some evenings errands are run on the way home and they wait to unload a vehicle of whatever rabbits I endeavored to find. A near depression hits on nights I walk in and no dinner is thought of yet, but I try to hide it by getting ready some meal to have in the evening time slot, motivated by either love of them or by survival of having frickn bannanas or cherio's for my own lunch which I've come to hate most food in my day path. My brains used up from the day, my hearts used up from the months, not much inside this shell, except love of family. Bring it up and out, usually can after I've landed for a few moments. Weekends are for bills, and for projecting more bills versus income, keeping a sort of budget projection sheet, doing any paperwork needed for the household, real grocery shopping, any clothes re-organizations, repairs, and thank God for football during it's season as sunday afternoons that's what I'd prefer to do......Cooking although my spouse still helps out if he sees I'm dragging, and there you have it, we're off to monday again, usually a brutal day as all our insured's finally read their mail on saturday and sunday. Winter brings more claims for road accidents, phones stay busy. Is it any wonder I love bar b que season so well? Then at night I get two hours out in the yard, music playing from the yard speakers, watching my animals of the wild do cute or silly things, inspecting my beloved flowers, watching my spouses face as he expounds a point with humor. So three threads that dance their various tunes by day, merge into a larger thread by night and create an entirely different fabric. Three cooks are usually in the kitchen eventually in our house, I wonder if that makes the food better or just a more intricate experiment? It is January 27th, and I can dance thru February my own birth monday if I know I can get to a mild day in spring to see my own back yard again, can't I?

I am only human

I looked over my shoulder, and they were gone. Yes, indeedy. That one of my husbands favorite diddleys, yes, indeedy. I am only human, I make my share of mistakes. And sometimes try to repair them, leaving others that were made. That is the reasoning used, when I try so hard to correct, other mistakes I encounter, as I walk along life's path. If I leave one unattended, by itself it seem to complex into multiple mistakes, leaving chaos in wait, as it compounds into too many. I shall pass this way but once.............

The State of the Union

The State of the Union speech addressed many fine points and accomplishments, it spoke of working together not as parties but as the people's representatives, all sitting together intermingled this time so that you couldn't see the unresponsive members as well, nor would some sit like lumps while their neighbor stood and clapped. It addressed many issues, challenges, spending and cuts mentioned in the same sentence, wars ending, wars continuing. A reference made to 9.5 unemployment which is still nowhere near the doubled number that is in reality when taking into account all the self employed and small businesses that have gone under, those particular bodies are still not included in the casualty lists by the news media nor the government.* It did make reference to making a more equalized tax rate for people and corporations no more breaks for one unless given to the other was the tone. This would be highly interesting.* It was a good speech, set in a great toned room, now let's see if they can really work together. One point made was the freedom to work together and hammer it out can still only happen in America.* So the people of the lessened class turn off their tv's and head to bed, and wonder how the hell they will continue year after year until some type of housing construction re-appears?

Clone Games on play off day

If it was hard to watch the Bears-Packers Game yesterday, it was very hard to see a clone game with the Jets-Steelers, which shaped and play out very similarly, including both being outside games in the freezing cold. Mind over matter is something we were taught as we grew, and it was re-enforced as young adults. I did not see that theory exhibited yesterday by all four teams, only two teams, oddly enough the ones that walked away winners. The losing quarterbacks who are to motivate and lead their teams acted already in the first quarter as if the were going to lose, what made that happen? Was it the cold? I wonder what is being taught out there currently to get people through the really rough times?

Dot, Dean & how Sunshine was born

I looked over my shoulder, and they were gone. We don't email anymore, Aunt Dot's tired, think the Vertigo really limited being up and about, she was the one that told me to write. She was my 1st influence on blogging and her brother supplied the means and made me my first blog site which only holds a few thoughts in it, eventually I cut and pasted into this blog, and just kept Sunshine as she utilized my humor poking fun at myself, who is sometimes a sentimental ray of sunshine, and at times is anything but sunshine, oddly enough Sunshine had been one of my many nicknames in this 56 years of life on planet earth. Blogging can be about a craft, books one has read, it can be about a business source, some have blogs of poetry, some write short stories, mine became about real life events, coping with those events, some of the most touching and loving moments in my life and in the life of people I truly have loved both present and gone, thoughts, past experiences versus mistakes made over and over, human injustices in the news, and some human injustices I'd see play out in the family life we've experienced on both sides of our coin, funny that sometimes I'd be talking about my side of the coin/family, and yet I'd get in trouble with the other side as they thought it had to do with them, so as time passes you become very skittish. The blog which is mine, written by me, breathed into life by me, has been a bad boy at times, as the rebel in me searches for simple truths. Truth can be a very hard item to keep in plan sight, sometimes 18 different people can see a different truth. Marvelous that all 18 could possibly be right. It's the little portions they leave out of the truths that become the problem. Most of my work years have been spent serving in some type of customer service at a corporate level, and also when self employed as an active Realtor for 25 years, and now again as an Administrative Assistant to an Insurance Agency, this has trained me to listen and watch for the TRUTH, and to also be looking for the BOTTOM LINE. My truth is more streamlined, add to the fun, and I can usually see both sides of a coin. Even when it's spinning on a table I know where the coin should land in order for things to remain in balance. There are people in our lives who will not let the coin land where it should. It is those people who will again pull me back to them with undivided attention. Thank God there are only a few people I've encountered who will stand strong on 2 WRONGS BEING A RIGHT, when nothing good comes to us permanently without a lot of deep understanding of all other humans encountered. So, enough said, blogs should only be read with an open mind and heart whether you're a reader or the author.

Walking a cautious line

A question my subconscious keeps throwing at me: "To what extent do you use up all resources available to save a dream?" When is enough, simply enough! If you've depleted everything you can think of, how will start over, if starting over becomes a mandate? The subconscious comes into high power on drives to work, hiding in the back of the mind while you work, and especially mine loves to converse with me while I sleep which might explain why I get up at 1:30am on weekends when I should be sleeping to repair the weeks chaos, and I think she is a greedy beggar until she gets her ever nagging point across. I tell her I never asked for this. She does not care. I tell her I only wanted to keep my loved ones with me and cared for. She does not care. I tell her maybe something will break loose soon. She does not care. I tell her let me figure it out month to month. She does not care. She echoes out her bottom lines, she mocks us throughout a week or month, she adds more weight than should be shouldered, she is a miserable slut who only tries to make us cry. When outside parties send us another round, she laughs, and points to road she thinks will answer. She is a most miserable bitch, this thing we call a subconscious. Sometimes I think I am going this round just to fight with her and put her in her place. She doesn't care, she feels the same way about me.

January 2011 & Crime Potentials

Ok, I have to agree with my oldest brother who told me for some reason all the crazies in were magnetized to me, it's happening again: Two weeks ago I was the bank sandwiched in between two drive machines and a guy walks up to the truck...say his car broke down across the street, family stranded, hungry, spent their last money on rent, could I help them out and take out money for them....I tell him to get away from my truck & I'll think about it............. Friday night our doorbell rings, most people open their door to see who it is, I don't I look through the side window and crack it a bit to hear what this strange to me man wants: " His car broke down across the street", this tired but lame bitch smiles thinking she's heard this line before: he wants to come in so he can use our phone to call his buddy for a ride, he's wearing a stocking cap, he's got a business card in one hand and alludes to numbers on it, he's got a small bag in his other hand ( we think it housed a gun) I'm wearing my cell phone so I whip it out and ask him what number he needs called, he tries for coming in again not wanting to use my cell minutes, but then rattles off his number to be called which goes to a voicemail that sounds like a bar background (wholesome) and never clicks over for a message to be left, he tells me if his friend calls back to tell him to pick him up across the street. My hubby watches him cross the street...there's no car over there but a car comes down our street meets him at the corner and away they drive. I label the phone number I had dialed as "Dumb ass at the door" as I have memory flaws of a peculiar nature and sometimes need something jarring to make a connection, past recall great, current not so great. The phone rings about 5 minutes after they've left...it says Dumb ass at the door...my husband answers it, they want to know who it is, he says "no who's this?" Click, their gone.... I've left it in my phone in case they try to catch me off guard somewhere up the road. Hears the clincher for me: I would hope that if another human being is ever really and honorably empty of a few simple dollars well I hope I would recognize this, and be able to respond honorably. Not to give money to a junkie, a crack addict, a low life out robbing people, but if someone ever needed food to get through a day, I sure the hell hope I will know it. I am at times a hard woman, but I have never aimed at being an uncaring person. My husband says it's simple, if someone was honorable they wouldn't ask for help in that manner. In the current economy, I am not so sure how a true needing soul would act.

Seanna Michaela 1/12/2011

"Do more than exist-LIVE! Do more than touch-FEEL! Do more thank look-SEE! Do more than hear-LISTEN! Do more than talk-SAY SOMETHING!" - John Harsen Rhoades Yesterday was a long but beautiful day for your family, as white is to black, it was exactly the extreme opposite of 6/7/2007, as it totally re-united a family in joy and happiness in a celebration of life, a new life with a fresh path to be walked. This new arrival will have fortified them with a new bank of fresh good memories, and many more to come. It will enable them to finally & truly move on. All of our Gods and the spirit willing we will have much fun on this path.

Danielle's Pain 1/11/2011

Dear Danielle: I know and understand your pain, A pregnancy of nine weeks monitored by doctors too much I thought as they hauled you in week after week to check a fetal heartbeat, I believed they were stressing you out too much worrying you with thoughts of the heart rate slowing down too much. I was so sorry to hear your news of no heartbeat, I know how much you and your boys wanted this celebration of love. Words cannot convey any logic for this happening, other than sometimes bad things happen to the very finest people, end of story. May light and happiness come back your way one day soon. The Adopted Auntie

Family & Caring

It amazes me sometimes to find how deeply all of our families care about us, sometimes I think maybe I start to feel isolated, and the phone rings, they converse and ask questions checking in on us, making certain we're all good or still standing. And then I laugh at myself. I am still a silly girl. A family always cares, and sometimes just a few nice and kind words can do you more good and speed you on your way to the next day, week, better for the conversions, and definitely better than the self imposed isolation. Silly girl, smile.

Christmas 2010

Christmas Eve 2010 as opposed to many of the past, we are all quieter than we used to be, our various adventures in life have taken away some of our zip, but it is still good to see all who are home. A little conversation to catch up with eachother, we don't contribute as much as what's to say this year and last year are evil twins, last year we knew we'd make winter to spring, this year we are doubtful? So we keep the conversation to the other ones present, and still have some moments of warmth and affection. Christmas Day is spent with more family, two good cooks, nieces and nephews, lots of warmth laughter and love, an awkward and saddened grace said, showing we appreciate what we have, hope all of our paths will correct themselves, and yet we all tear up for missing you, it has not gotten easier, only more apparent. And today I will see my side of the family, and get caught up with them, and have some more warmth of heart. My brothers family. One mystery moment captured by my spouse last night: John Lennon's " and so this is Christmas" comes on the radio, and our non believer turns up the volume to say he loves us and remembers much. Christmas has reached him, and reeled him in for his own moment.

The Possible Real Meaning of my Religion 12/25

I was born, christened and reared as a Catholic. My beliefs were strong. With the passage of time they became weaker in given areas than others, as situations were lived through whereby nothing made any sense. And then a year or two years back I watched Zietgiest, the movie online. And all of the pieces came cha chink into place with a rapid speed, much of the other puzzle pieces fit. So what results did all that bring: A woman who sees the beauty of the stories we called gospels in my growing years, the bible aside, all of the gospels had lessons by which to live your life, it told of all the choices for good versus evil, I love them still as I love them learning to read out of my Father's prayer book on sundays, his beautiful hands holding that book so I could see, that was before misallettes became a high fashion of a changed church. I still love the story of baby Jesus, Jerusalem, Nazareth, the Evil King Herod a man who would slaughter babies ( Hitler, Bosnia-Croasia), the birth of Jesus whereby all the adults and animals protect a young babe which we still do today. A story of a young man being taught his values, and his own choices made to sacrifice for someone else. A story of family, and how they survive together, and love well together, until the end of their days. One day put aside for Peace and family, one day to say how well the other is loved. Yes, I still think it is all one of the greatest stories ever told. The Father, Son and the Holy Spirit mean simply to me: The trinity was the love of parents and children, and that we should never try intentionally to hurt someone else's spirit, and we should care for our own spirits as well as that's who make us each a unique individual full of caring and love for the other. Merry Christmas, no matter what your full beliefs are. This works for me.

The end of the big blue saga

So given the little or no choice that would have been an option with big blue and their crazy lengthy exclusion, I was advised few win on appeal, the letter that was to help from the doctor would have just been another nail in the proverbial coffin, so my only real choice left was to go onto the much costlier, higher deductible, and less well care group plan through my office, it will reduce my net check by one third which is a major blow, but I still believe I have my priorities right here, it's only my people that matter, the rest is a shell, all of it, Example take the people out of a house = result a shell. Take the people out of a life = result a shell. Sometimes my boss tells me I put too much emphasis on winning, no not really, only when it comes to my principles, principles I find lacking in others at times especially the big corps lining their pocket. So to Big Blue the child says: Ok you tried to beat us up and spit us out after a lifetime of collecting monies from us, but although this new plan is going to beat the shit out of us, you're still stuck with us for awhile to come, and YOU DIDN'T Win ENTIRELY!

Christmas or the 2011 Countdown

A long year rolls to a close, the Christmas holidays are just ahead: 26th book with one portion of the family, 25th booked with another, we left the 24th open as we usually would land in a given place that day, sounds like that got moved to the 25th.....so bad kids that we are, we will still go the 24th as the 25th is already booked, Santa tends to put coal in our stockings no matter how much we try to keep our dates straight. She laughs. Well we will leave loving cards for anyone we end up missing It's been a long and crazy year, work as busy and intricate as the private sector, much paperwork at both places, I've turned into a perpetual file person with a phone glued to my ear, fingers on a keyboard that clacks instead of producing music of any category. Until I was older I was always timid about my music, now that I am older I just don't care what anyone makes of my skills. Same at work, bad attitude perhaps, but I usually get it done, although questioned for my methods, but if it's my work load I feel I need my own freedoms and organizational skills to manage not other peoples...except for one who owns the right to comment. At home I am a comicozy pilot with the papers, totally my schedule, until my office is bursting at the seams and floor space is no longer visiable then my better half will tell me it's time to do something with it all. I know we're all suppose to keep some many years records but really this year I would rather burn it all, too much was touched, too much was a haunter come back for one more resifting for someone's purpose. So looking forward to seeing people the next few holidays, but I will shove 2010 out the door, and grab father time and demand he march 2011 in. 2011 is already promising to make more changes, but sometimes change will bring relief and peace as it ebbs at you. So a few vacation days, perhaps we might get to baking...perhaps not, a number of errands to do today and tomorrow, a little fun, and then onto closing out 2010, and seeing what 2011 has up it's sleeve. Merry Ho Ho

The Picture

"Do more than exist-LIVE! Do more than touch-FEEL! Do more thank look-SEE! Do more than hear-LISTEN! Do more than talk-SAY SOMETHING!" - John Harsen Rhoades The picture on this blog captured much, the talker was talking and taking the pictures, he crops up with camera in hand when you least expect it, and captures a more relaxed subject matter, mild reactions, in this one he captured us relaxed and enjoying a day, took several shots before he moved on to the next captive audience. Beside us captured, this also caught your rose bush, unbeknownst to the family the rose bushes captured my attention from fall of 2006 until they were chopped down, they were yours to tend, Grandpa was the only who knew I fretted, emailed, and watched their various stages, and question on when and how they should cut back. Everything changed slowly at first, and then horrendously for many, it is all different, all of our lives are different, we've all been moved to another time and place, some of us have had our interior lives rejockeyed to a point where we barely recognize them, our roles all remodeled into something different with a very hard cold clay. I speak of the economy and the changes it brought to most. Many phone conversations would have come your way seeking advice as always. And the patience you excercised with me would have extended, as I still would have thrown you that humor that made you laugh. But youngest Santa when I see the rose bush in the picture, I still smile and think of you.

My friend from 3rd grade & his battle

"Do more than exist-LIVE! Do more than touch-FEEL! Do more thank look-SEE! Do more than hear-LISTEN! Do more than talk-SAY SOMETHING!" - John Harsen Rhoades Another casualty: Chris is a tile and carpet person, before the economy hit he had his own store. His wife was laid off from her job in 2009, her unemployment has run out, behind two payments on mortgage they tried to make up the payments once he was paid from an installation job, they mortgage company returned the check to him with a letter saying he was being foreclosed on. The past few months have been spent between applying for the well loved loan modification program Home Affordable, looks good, first court appearances on the foreclosure, judges giving time till the modification could be approved......waiting and waiting, results in a letter of denial yesterday as his wife's unemployment benefit just ran out, but that he no longer qualifies for the program due to that, meanwhile the house and senate mull extentions over, Home modification packets reviewed take months to hear statuses on, and the corporate banking segment mows over the masses collecting properties for a song they'll soon resell and profit on the the middle class sinks into the mire...a bog very few can long escape. Chris was so depressed and saddened, I hope he's able to escape.

Dear Blue

"Do more than exist-LIVE! Do more than touch-FEEL! Do more thank look-SEE! Do more than hear-LISTEN! Do more than talk-SAY SOMETHING!" - John Harsen Rhoades Dear Blue: In the middle of the chaos which you placed me, with your manipulative moves, exclusion forms demanded to be sign in order that we be covered by you, and checking other choices left to us, for covering a loved one from your induced risks, the revolving door you placed me in yesterday, had me so stressed out It finally occurred you might off me instead. The sleep I had finally brought some solace, I am able to almost think straight once more, but before I move on to next choice left, I must simply tell you "You're a Corporate Whore". This little piece of prose I've written for you, brings a twisted smile to my lips, my solution will be the much costlier group plan, but with that I can tell "I Win!". From The child*

My Mother's and Father's Daughter

I grew up in Chicago and was born to two very strong depression babies. My father was 11 years old when the depression hit, and my mother was three. They both grew up through the depression years seeing it from different age vantage points, and yet in many ways they came out of it with the same traits. My father had to grow up in a hurry to help his parents out during those years, and also during the war years always sending his pay back to his mom, and remained their helper until their deaths. My Mom grew up with her family having lost their southside home to the depression and boarding house stories, and later when my mom reached her teens she lost her brother one year, her mother the next, and after that with the arrival of a wicked stepmother within the month she became her own sole supporter and did in fact manage to work her way through a catholic high school paying her own tuition as her mom had wanted her to do. They would spend many of their adult years struggling financially to keep house and family together under extreme circumstances which they never foresaw coming in their direction, plus giving outside assistance to their other family members, only when they would hit their 50's would it soften somewhat as the one was finally able to rejoin and help the other. How she loved making nest eggs for him so he could do the remodeling around the house they'd dream of initially upon buying it. At that point they became entertaining as some goals became achieved. If I learn anything of use from them for this economy it was from their stories of the depression, of how their families tried to keep food on the table, of one sacrificing high school for digging ditches, and another of a woman wanting to bring home a dream her mom had for her and going for light years without electricity to study by and decent food to be nourished by. And all my life my father with his coupons, always cutting out a coupon he saw for something at particular store, and then weighing out the drive/gas prices versus the coupon redemption amount. So it is strange how your friendly ghosts can come back and stand with you in line sometimes, or sit next to you while you rack your brain for the right way to meet all ends, and sometimes when I can't sleep it is because of them, they know I'm weighing out different solutions or moves and they're trying to tell me the right path to take, so I wake up and I try to listen for the message that was in the dream. And I end up jump starting a day after three hours of sleep, but I feel better cause I did need the time to think, I never have enough time anymore. Funny winter makes my day end sooner, and I hate that. So they give you your scruples, your principles, and life lessons, and you try to utilize them, and employ them as you go....my world is always feeling the spirits of the other side...someone nudging me about something.

Human minds and perceptions

"Ivan, Have you ever seen the sunrise?" Boooommmmm! My take is you are born, some of us are born into a family, you grow, you experience first betrayals, first heartbreaks, best friends, best friends who might betray you, you grow enough to become an individual, you blossom into a unique set of qualities or character that you alone possess, one may be artsy, another musical,and yet enough outstandingly educated and well spoken. You meet someone with luck along the way who brings out the best in your best already qualities, or the best in your mind and soul. You make a life nest for yourself, You make a life nest for others who become family. You still encounter friends, more families, health issues, personality dysfunctions, work related stress or stress due to no work available, newlywed years, achieving your goal years, care giving and sacrifice for others in the family along the way, multiple loss of family members and friends, struggles with bills, and at some point you find that part of you has bloomed finally into an area where you're comfortable, nothing fabulous, but comfortable. You can buy new towels every year, you try to keep a truck in warranty as when you don't the repairs bills get outlandish, plus the safety achieved for those on the road a lot is increased by a newer vehicle as safety factors are improved with time. You buy yourself four new pairs of jeans a year and get carbon copies for your spouse, and get him some new shirts when the old ones are worn out. You each get to go on vacation, possibly two a year. You can finally buy whatever you want at the grocery store on a weekly basis, the years of shopping with a calculator in hand are over. We did not buy a boat, a boat would have been fun, but lets face it we wouldn't have wanted the same type. We didn't sell the old truck when we got the new, we gave it away to a person who was worth their weight in gold in our books. We always looked and saw when another person needed help, and tried to do what we could along the way, Christmases where one persons locker was broken into at work and their rent money was in their purse poor girl crying we gave her the rent. Another year someone had stolen all of the Christmas presents and we offset that. As we were treated in our growing years, the struggling years, we tried to give back once life had softened for us. Someone else sick, airplanes tickets needed, food needed as treatment bills and out of pocket costs too high, we were & are simply too much alike to not do what we can, when we can. And then the world we knew changed back, and changed back suddenly, just enough time to try to put a few wrongs right, my ace card had always been real estate for twenty five years which is alot I was able to jump back in when needed and pull something together for a tight spot, and yet not this time as it was the housing market that collapsed and remains so since 2008 with no movement in sight, and my spouse was at the height of his career in that very same housing market which we watched topple and fall, and fall project by project until it was completely dead. Oh the sad nights we spent talking as we cooked dinner on the grill as one project after another was stripped and closed down, and he the closer, until there was nothing left to close. I can't describe accurately the deep grief a people can feel as their world as they knew it dies. In the history of our country this has really only happened on a few occasions: 1929 with the great depression was one of them, and I'd have to say for the south 1864 brought it home, other than that the actual revolution of 1776. Our depression which the idiots on TV call the great recession has indeed knocked out: Home Builders big and small, Plumbers, Electricians, Concrete Contractors, General Contractors, Home Inspection Companies, Real Estate Attorneys, Real Estate Sales Agents, all or most self employed or sub-contractors that are not counted in the 15 million people who are out of work across the United States of America. Now that's alot of grief being felt out there. Unemployment pays of a maximum of $357 weekly after taxes to people who had earned $1250 net weekly -$3,000 net weekly, and the lifestyles they accrued during that time cannot work to support the skeletal remains of that lifestyle, especially since they didn't let the whole country collapse, they bailed out given portions of it, and the rest were left to drown. This gives you two and a half different classes remaining, the wealthy who became wealthier still as they gobble up the spoils, the remaining portion of the middle class which is they 1/2 they can either become wealthier if luck and caution are used or with another jolt to the economy they could topple too easily, and vast numbers have been added to the poor and lower class. Groceries, Utilities, Repair shops prices have remained up, and with less in your wallet you try to buy the least expensive items, and buy only needs, never wants, and the choke hold remains tight. Projections are a good 7-10 years out on any improvement for the vocations mentioned above. We try to hold until we can sell for a break even point, but will time allow us that, the American Public wants to know? We are drooling years away from retirement. But when we interview our age is held against us, they want someone for long haul, and the hypocrite saying it is your own age. Fun! What's the solution? So you talk at times, sometime hitting the truths you're faced with, you still try to remember the big picture of basics and hold onto love, care, happiness that you have your own family surrounding you, and that is enough, and yet sometimes you shake your heads and smile a goofy smile, that the world as you knew it has ceased to exist, it will not come back for you in your time line it is gone, and adapting is the only game in town, yet you can't quite believe all days that it's gone. It happened so quickly. It is simply amazing that this was an orchestrated move made by our own leaders! Cheney and Bush may you rot in hell* definately should be deported.

Blue Cross Blue Shield of Illinois

Somewhere on the paperwork I saw a different corporate name...(oh yes I see it now) that they're registered under Having to Do with "Health Care Service Corporation" a Mutual Legal Reserve Company (Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Illinois), The piece of paper is called an EXCLUSION Form, it an exclusion for life by people who have taken our money for premiums for our adult lives and now give this paragraph back to us simply because we applied for coverage under their individual program rather than a much higher priced group plan, so much higher that as my boss read me the monthly premium it brought instant tears to my eyes, well here's the paragraph they want us to sign off on in order to have any coverage: "No benefits will be provided for services or supplies received in connection with the following: Hyperthyroidism, hypothyroidism, thyroiditis, thyroid enlargement, tyroid tumor or goiter, thyroid nodule: including any diagnostic procedure, treatment or surgery thereof and the following complications that occur in connection with or as a result of the aforementioned condition (s): arrhythmia, artial fibrilation, thyroid cancer, depression, dysphagia, fatigue, goiter or nodule enlargement, Graves disease, insomnia, nervousness, palpitations, tachycardia, thyroid enlargement, or tremors." This coverage Exclusion Rider has been permanently placed on the policy.", and of course they expect you to sign it, or else they'll cancel your policy. But if you sign it what happens if you simply run into heart problems, and need surgery because of the passage of time, do they exclude it based on automatically connecting it to Grave's disease that was treated 15-16 light years ago? Do they continue to slowly screw you into the grave? This is what the health care reform was aiming towards curing, and missed considerably, plus any of the laws that were passed to protect the public will not be passed until 2014, such as this exclusion, in 2014 they will no longer be able to exclude coverage based on past problemed areas. But this is not 2014, this is December of 2010 going into 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014**** Bingo, how does the public protect themselves from insurance carriers that are to give people insurance in exchange for spreading the risk...as defined by law in the insurance classes, is this what they call spreading the risk, or is this what they call loading their pockets?

Holiday time of past Chicago memory

"Do more than exist-LIVE! Do more than touch-FEEL! Do more thank look-SEE! Do more than hear-LISTEN! Do more than talk-SAY SOMETHING!" - John Harsen Rhoades Somewhere in Chicago in olden times of 1958 or 59 or 60, I remember being in the old 55 Plymouth somewhere on Milwaukee Avenue near Ma's Rubens were she made time payments on a coat, she let us have her old coat eventually to wrestle and tumble on, siblings and I. But her new coat was spectacular, it smelled good, always had a hint of doublemint gum smell like her, and a slight smell of her cologne, I knew trhe smells cause I sat in the middle of Ma and Dad when driving the city streets, the boys in the back seat. Dad parked the car, Ma went to make her installment payment, it was Christmas time, snowing, pretty yet gentle, some type of bells chimed out holiday music, and Silver Bells played. When I hear it play like yesterday, my eyes tear up for some of the sweet memories of old, and I smell doublemint and Ma's colgone, and I see snow falling at night with that slight purple sky.

December and kissing it good bye

"Do more than exist-LIVE! Do more than touch-FEEL! Do more thank look-SEE! Do more than hear-LISTEN! Do more than talk-SAY SOMETHING!" - John Harsen Rhoades This year brought me another year of you, and your clone, I am forever thankful for both. This year has brought us more life challenges than I remember the newlywed status ever having rendered, we have sat down both and played with pegboards trying to get all shaped pegs to fit into the holes in front of us. This year has brought us a fatigue that is very genuine, we are weary of 3/4th's of the game, sometimes the best we can do is get the other safely to sleep to escape it for a few hours. It has not been letting it go that tires us, it has been trying to keep it all, a minor challenge to some, and a major war we have waged against harsh times, I cannot even try to think back to better days or my eyes fill. In our trades, it is gone. So we do battles, put out fires, and live another day to rise again. December of 2010, I kiss you goodbye, I peek at what 2011 could hold, Assets rejockeyed, assets drained, IRS saga finally done a major win and loss in one letter as they take any future assets too while in one breath compromising, interesting people staffing that entity. Jobless world of your crafts, no end in sight for a projected 7 years out near retirement age, a gift that will keep on giving I could surmise. Health benefits floated that exclude needed items, more corporate corruptions, needing a dose of their own Karma. And back to the beginning, thankful that I have you and the clone. Much humor some 300 days out of the lot, basic healths are intact another thanks. It is that which make me look to 2011. Meanwhile, a belligerant kiss to 2010, what a frickn year it has been.

Challenging times

"Two roads diverged into a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference!-Robert Frost Last year gave us many challenges, and we rose to those challenges as well as we were equipped to. Round 1 = we won. We were given some cotton candy and a day or so at the carnival as a reward, the near insane one laughs, bad girl that I was I told my man it was a nice band aid, how very accurate, mostly almost made it but could still see blood oozing here or there from the band aid, wondering how long it would be before a hemorrhage. So today we will take off the band aid, and see what shapes next, and where the path takes us, this is going to be a very tricky round, little or no errors allowed until the end of the game, or the end of this next round at the very least. I wish us all the very best of luck going into it, I will try to do my best to be creatively resourceful against every and any opponent I encounter along this particular course. I will live up to all challenges and aim for the strongest finish. Secret Storm

Dear Dolly

"Two roads diverged into a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference!-Robert Frost So funny, I was thinking of Dolly this morning, I wanted to write her a letter, my brain ADD H as it can get at times already composing parts of it, might be overwhelmed by a week with no smokes, therefore no alcohol cause they go hand in hand -don't they, coping with battles for Health Insurance - contesting exclusions of coverage made against the very things my spouse would need to be checked up on, today's lay off and our adventure on this crazy path we've found in front of us, me finally lighting up and getting so damn dizzy I thought I'd tip over, laughing at myself silly ass that I can be..... I figured screw the letter, just call, and she answered: I told her I was thinking of her and wanted to write her a letter...she worried what's wrong, told her nothing was wrong, Just wanted to tell her I love her, we laughed, told her we've had some crazy adventure years, told her about my dumb ass move of lighting up and the dizziness...she knows she's done it, told her no matter what the loves been good and big....she knows we love eachother, sometimes we're just too naughty and we're flamboyant when we're naughty but some part inside of us loves it when the other gets flamboyant, she laughs some more as we cry a bit. She knows I still talk to my folks and they are long gone and missed, told her I was calling her to do some of our talking now, she liked that. So Friday the first in December started a little bit nicer as we spoke of maybe doing a little Christmas gathering in a couple of weeks. There may be judge's and juries that make conclusions on our lives or on how we conduct them, but in the bottom line of the heart we all have to live up to our own standards of what we never want to leave unsaid, un-expressed. And so to Dolly my friend who I haven given many runs for the money, challenged her so thoroughly as she would challenge my ass right back, " I love you, no matter what".

A Game, if I won the lottery I would:

Occasionally someone in the house buys a lotto ticket: and we play a game with eachother about what we'd do if we won, it's very similar to what would you do if granted three wishes, but it's enjoyed by all: Pay off the house Pay off the truck Rent a store front Start the resale shop One of us would work there, and not the one you think, it's the other that offered to. Pay off anything else, prepay bills for a year. Redo the driveway (patched now but only temporary) Rebuild the garage with furnace and C/A. Put Central air into the house after the rest of the 220 was run. Redo our floors with the tile thats in the basement for 5 frickn years. Put in the dishwasher that's in the basement 3 frickn years. NOW IS THERE STILL MONEY LEFT? Yes, so I'd buy a new vehicle, nothing fancy, but something safe where I am under warranty again. Build a website for the Resale Shop, put newspaper ads in on it. Watch it blossom, put out flyers for collection of donated items, and then offer pick up service. Travel: California 1st, Ireland 2nd for me, and Rick could resume 1-2 trips a year to Canada for his fishing one in July, one in Oct. After that the resale shop could support the household within a years time, as very little is needed to run it once the rent and utilities are covered, but the profit is 80%. And how is that for just one person gamely spin on what they'd do if they won the lottery.

An AmericanThanksgiving, and a variety of Traditions

As far back as I can remember, Seasonal traditions have always guided my year. I remember years gathered at our dining room table, Dad home with us when so much time was usually spent to the two jobs, laughter, And GrandPa, you never knew quite what would come next when Grandpa was over, he was mighty mischieveous. Oddly enough once GrandPa was gone, we were into our teens, so we had straggler friends that showed up without much notice, and stayed to dinner, so the laughter continued. My brothers and I have pictures whereby they stole my hat, another my shawl, pranking eachother. One year I was early for thanksgiving and stupidly walk out onto a from Chicago River, that in itself after plunging through the ice is another story, and not one without great lessons learned. Then came the married years of trying to be two places at one time, one family finally moving to another state making the time table impossible to keep, another 1/2 of the family hunting at that same week every year. And then I had some years where Thanksgiving was held here, am glad I did it, but missed when the last days rolled away some 8 years back. My one brother is out of state, far far away, and my other brother's wifes family has developed their own mid day theme, last year we met at Portillo's somewhere around the schedules and had an afternoon of catching up with eachother. Some recent years we'd travel to my husband's family and have some Thanksgiving with them. Last year we walked into a misunderstanding of how the day was to play out, some it out and out confusion of intentions, some of it a bit of stubborness by people to cave in, those of us surprised where too blown away to even function, and it was the only thanksgiving where I never did eat dinner, I drank myself into a functional oblivion but that was all I accomplished, I deeply regretted it all for a long time to come, sometimes in life we become a pawn...not a valuable piece, just a pawn, and am thankful now that it has become bettered, love won. And lifestyles and families reshape and like the ever present shapeshifter families will re-define themselves at times. The woman at the store selling us Dad's tombstone pegged it: " Change is the only thing in life you can count on". Hate to sound like Forest Gump, But she was certainly right. So, everyone's off doing their own thing year, no phone calls, no schedules for us have evolved. We will do our own simple thing tonight at dinners regular time, and chill out watching some taped episodes we've missed, I will avoid college bowl games at all costs, they do nothing for me like professional foot ball does, nope I don't even understand why, it just is. We know one day our son will move away, probably far, so for now we enjoy our own core family, we here today, the futures never promised to anyone, so we will enjoy ourselves with very little tradition. As to the family, we love you all, we enjoy you all, we wish you all the very best Thanksgiving, some fun, some laughter, and the company of someone you love to share it with. And if memories of other times come back to us, we wish our spirit friends these same exact things, that is still what I hope is at the end of that road, a gigantic re-union.

Dear Economy

"Two roads diverged into a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference!-Robert Frost Our dear economy: You make me dive off tall building and see my life flash before my eyes. I am in total awe of where you've directed us, I cannot believe this is karma for any past days, I now totally understand all the stories my parents told of the depression which was one step beyond what this fine time line has given. All that is missing is the lines of soup kitchened participants. The drive to work finds in these glorious once suburbs a small clan meeting with backpacks, wearing tired and dirty coats, sharing a McDonald's cup of coffee under the bypass I travel each day. They are the homeless of the suburban legend, a new ranking across the United States. They've walked paths yet ahead of others who will one day reach the same course, and for the Love of God, I wonder why anyone of higher wealth and power would have manipulated this course for anyone to travel unnecessarily. And yet I still believe that this was a very deliberate measure taken to knock out an entire class. So at Thanksgiving we give thanks for the very real and bottom lined family we have, and basic good health to travel forward with, and the roof over our heads to walk into another round with. It is a genuine thankfulness. Please improve.

I love you best and Happy Thanksgiving, the song remains the same

"Two roads diverged into a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference!-Robert Frost Sometimes Robert Frost in a moment of cluttered chaos I wonder if I knew what I was doing when I picked the road to travel. Creatures like I who live life by instincts instead of grounded common sense, well let's just say when you back one day, you might pause to wonder a little. In April 2007 I wrote a diddley called "I love you best" for the core of the family on my husbands side, a family that through out our years came to mean so much to my spirit side. I re-read this morning, and was very happy to find it was a good solid observation of why I love those people the best. Much change has come to us in the transpiring years, our families shrink, re-sprout in other directions and lifestyle changes for others, all either making a soul grow towards the sunshine or for some we retract from the cold that might overshadow us, but all and all except for one observation, we are still who we always were. We regroup, we repair ourselves. God would understand and so must we, that a part of us died, so the repairs needed would be extensive, but slowly the repairs show through. But given similar circumstances, we would be there in a heartbeat for any of us. So I love you best for all the same good reasons, and more if time were permitted, and I solidly wish you a warm and healthy Thanksgiving, and all your spinoffs, too. I wish you at peace with reaching out any way you can to extend love and peace and caring to us all, for any small growth of the love that is there. I love you all.

Autumn Ghosts of other years

The winds of autumn batter my vehicle as I travel done this road, the remaining farm fields I pass daily lift up in splendor the flocks of geese into quadrants of flight, the lone deer stands far out in the center, my eyes are failing not checked in 6 years, and they tear up now for this Redlin moment, as I think of my man and our passing years. The love of the land we've all held in common, family duck hunters, deer hunters, and fisherman's gear, thinking back to all segments, and families involved, oh I'd love to see you go just so you'd come back, with stories and photo's, and then settle in for a warm winter snap. The Autumn since childhood has provided my mind with the visions of others who enjoyed their good times, the love of the land is different to all, but the beauty of the colors, and the smells of the leaves fallen, and the winds and stark landscapes, they come only in fall. Since a childhood memory was etched with Injun Summer, she hears autumn ghosts stirring, and walking the lands. She smells burning leaves in her memory although that been outlawed, blurry eyes savoring what sights are still there, this farm an escapee hidden in Buffalo Grove, so far avoiding concrete and modern man who would rob it of all.

Thankful for our people

Did you ever see the Sun Rise? So many shape shifting times in life, particularly the last few years. Chief different impact were the people losses of close family and friends, and of course the collapse of the economy, especially to our home the collapse of the house market, got us coming and going with one single swoop. We all had unique personalities, all developed our own sense of humor, sense of rights and wrongs. Being humans of course some of our relationships are tighter and more intricate than elsewhere within our group, but the mirror beauty of that is another part of the group would be tighter with a different batch than ours, usually making the relationships balance across the board. I think we've all wearied from the long haul. When you get tired you want simpler things, peace, harmony, love, a little fun. When you are financially throttled you want your roof over your head, work so you can meet your obligations, food for your family, some type of health care although that's becoming a harder issue instead of easier, and this particular family will be without it soon enough for the first time in our adult lives we are applying as individuals, the rates are so very high. To be able to hang on becomes the goal. We went to a family gathering the other day and saw old friends and family, it was a touching day, all in balance thanks to the love shown by family members. These simple things are all we wish for, living through last year, and feeling this winter looking through our window, we can only be thankful for the the loved ones we had, the loved ones we have, and some future loved ones on the way. We thank the Universe in part for all the love and goodness we've been privileged to have in this life, and we hope everyone can keep having small or large wins until this economy is corrected, though fearful that will be a few years out if ever. Much love and happiness to the family of his and mine, and all that it combines/encompasses in our eyes.

I've got to find me a place in the sun

"Two roads diverged into a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference!-Robert Frost Like an old Oak Tree I keep reaching out for thee....I've got to find me a place in the Sun, and I do, it's with you. Wherever you are, whatever your doing, I still like to spend my spare time with you. In fact if you're around it's amazing I get anything done because I enjoy you way too much. You talk one thing and do entirely the opposite, you surprise me by your caring and patience shown, when I see such a flipside, you always live up to who I think is in there that is so much my twin. And make me smile. You are a keeper,my keeper. Lucky is to know what you have when you have it. There's a place in the sun for us.

It ain't over till the fat lady sings? The economy keeps on giving.

Throughout the course of the last year with so many failed businesses, failed households, we have felt it in the insurance business. We have unfortunately had companies close, people walk away from their houses, and we've had suicides as a result. We seen families call and give you a change of address they wanted processed for their auto only, with no change of address on their home: "The bank will figure it out" People from all walks of life with great paying jobs of the past making slightly more than minimum wage currently. We thought it would get better, given some time, but as we approach the cold weather, the amount of cancellations we've experienced in the last two weeks is actually a scary thing: How could so much continue to go badly for so long, and this to me means there is a new fallout shaping that will impact us all more by spring. I actually feel a deep sense of mourning for these people who I have come to know the past seven years, I feel the fine lines our own family walks, and I just really wonder if this nightmare of an economy will ever correct itself. And the great sorrow here is the media and the rich are still oblivious to the pain, loss and suffering that continues. Lost businesses = lost homes, higher divorce rates, more domestic violence, more foreclosures in a market that is already so glutted with homes for resale new and old alike that there is no future hope of demand for new construction therefore leaving out the entire residential building field. I wonder if the art of the craft will become obsolete and unknown to future workers of America. Let it stop!

What is in a week?

Two weeks ago boring.....slow paced....started wondering if work would stay slow paced until after the holidays.....hold that thought and dump it. Crazy busy, all must have read their mail, and gotten decisive, cars bought, homes closed on, insurance need shifting, inquiries about why premiums have gone up, why an older small cars premium is more than a newer bigger vehicle's premium, endless certificates of insurance to cut, revisions needed as you finally fot the real requirements emailed to you. Your boss loses his favorite remaining uncle surprise style, you feel his pain, you know he needs to be gone to attend to family, you wish you could afford the time to pay your respects to this uncle you knew via phone, a warm charismatic man who solved any family riffs by making people come out to lunch, a man after my own heart who hates to see a riff, and the loss of valuable time that could have been enjoyed, yes he was a fixer. And will be missed. Thinking back to Ma's last week of hospice, maybe that's why I'm cooking potatoe salad, something from our tradition days. That was such a hard week seeing her out a gently as death allows. Thinking of our next encountered loss, and the illness that brought us all down. Some would think it was the age of him, but it wasn't it was simply him himself, too much good packed into one soul, yes he could sarcastically talk the talk, but he always rose to the occassion with a fresh take, a new approach. If the autumn was ever a reflective time before, it certainly has more so. Our losses make us fine tune our values. The old petty matters melt away, and are replaced by very genuine bottom lines. Stephen King pegged it in his John Coffey character when asked why the twin girls went off with the murderer " They did it for the love of the other". Everything becomes about the love of the other, doesn't it?

Sometimes the sunshine starts slipping away

"Two roads diverged into a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference!-Robert Frost And the those roads traveled have been so numerous sometimes we take a wrong turn or slip off the path, some paths have been traveled with good intentions and outcomes, and sometime due to the times we live in or multiple people in a household the path can get seriously treacherous, and I try to fix those, sometimes like a child with a peg board trying to figure out which peg fits the scenario, and then sometimes I am good at, and sometimes it's not enough. Now throw a dose of multiple people attitudes simply put: half full or half empty cup perspective, and I feel like they're attempting to push me down under water...quite possibly under a lid. They've left sitting up late a lot the past few weeks, my head spinning, I can't get a handle on the negativity of my darlings, but it makes me temporarily want to pack a backpack and go and account my only myself. Yet I can't do that, the pony show would fold. So sometime today I will find the iodine, and dose at least myself, possibly them while sleep (she laughs) and see if these wild moods they're exhibiting can be brought into something more real. I understand alot of the reasons for people to see things in a negative light as so much has changed that affect us daily, weekly, monthly. I understand that most given years one would travel to his beloved Canada, I understand the other was a clothes horse, loved plays, movies, and all the trimmings. I understand the sarcasm when one spits at me: He's "grateful he's alive today", but Mr. sarcastic, YOU SHOULD BE, actually. Now their negative shit begins to effect me, and I am fighting to remain "sunshine" and entity that seldom would know how to give up, a soul who has known what to be grateful for, I am grateful even that I have the opportunity to listen to your negative shit. DO NOT plummet me down.....and yes now you've got me pissed off, now you've got me thinking that I've failed miserably if I can't get you to see the light we have in spite of the dark. You're starting to make me angry which will be counter productive. So old tricks surface of the past, she will make potato salad today, she will bake a cake and possibly cookies, she will find more paperwork for the everloving and finally attentive taxman and she will attempt for them to remember what the hell numbers meant 12 months ago, 9 months ago, six months ago, why was this moved in and out and around.....well because the banks who held it were surrounded by other banks that kept going under,I was scared, because I was keeping it further away from my temptation, and all when she's awed by the present, she will attempt to organize and file papers from the last year which have been unfiled so many times and rebatched as some entity needed them coupled. And probably during the cooking she will remember that she is still trying to make a home for people that are out of sorts. 1 1/2 years of this particular roller coaster ride and you get very very tired of the ride, you have no hobby, no reading mind, you simply are exhausted, working, or trying to fix something. So we quite consciously, let the sub take over and just cook, and maybe it will trigger them back into what it's really all been for. From another old Sunshine song: "Sunshine's gone away today, I don't feel much like dancing, someone's gone and tried to run my life, I don't much like romancing. How much will cost? I'll buy it, the time is always lost, I'll find it. If you can't even run your own, I'll be damned if you'll run mine" She'll laugh.......at her own insanities in a few hours.

Chicago, I love you

"Two roads diverged into a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference!-Robert Frost The mind is funny place considering it has you surrounded for life. The 55 year old woman with the 3 year, 4 year old recall, add to that feature that we are a sentimental slock, and you have a dose of the sunshine girl: Ma would work thursdays as a volunteer when I was 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 at St. Joseph's Hospital before it was on Lake Shore Drive it was on West Burling St if I remember that detail. So our Dad God love him, would in fact drive us all over the streets of Chicago, he loved the old Gothic architecture and shared that love with his three offspring. My love for the Old Water Tower came naturally from his site seeing tours given on thursday evenings, and underground drive able tunnels, trips to Lincoln Park Zoo and our families love of the old Viking Ship...how many times did I pet that piece of wood in awe of it's design and the stories Dad told us of Viking Warrior's, walks along the Lagoon when it was still safe to walk there without high chances of assaults. Thursday evenings would shape a large part of who I am and how I trigger, including my fear of driving over bridges that can go up for passing tugs and barges, that was the result of a tire blow out on the 55 Plymouth one night, it was the same night I got my fingers slammed in the car door for the first and last time (I hope) at the wrong end of the door for certain the front hinges. A little girl with two long braided pigtails crying and wanting ice badly that wouldn't come soon enough due to the damn blowout. So yesterday I am in Chi Town with my life sister, and am always happy to be in there for a safari to my old stomping grounds, everything has changed so much, so many neighborhood landmarks are now gone, or new stuff built up around the old, but always enough is there to provoke many memories. We traveled to the HIP, a place my brothers once worked, a place I once lived across from for some of the best days of my life and some of the worst, a place where I bought shoes for my wedding day, a place where I once found out that when depressed I was not to have a charge card with me, a place where my trans went out on the Maroon Ford Torino one night due to the intense snowfall we received which the city could not begin to cope with, and near the house where I once gardened in the sun while on a medical leave of ab sense with my dear Moonshadow by my side, so many memories it's like a kaleidoscope in the mind. And always the old architecture to remind me of where I came from,and a place I truly love. Breakfast in my old neighborhood, window shopping at my favorite Mall, and onto the porch to share our stories of the day, and a nice visit, leisurely with more old friends, subject hopping and laughing. It was a nice vacation day for two tired gals.

Scenerios' for the subconscious

"Two roads diverged into a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference! -Robert Frost As you go through your days, you strive to go to work daily and do a good job, major goal to stay caught up on your workload. If you've a family you strive to do laundry before you leave in the morning, shop at lunch if needed, or on a crazy day drive home for 20 minutes so you can prepare something towards dinner 5 hours later, run errands on the way home as somethings needed. Pick up scripts, banking, regular groceries, whatever the day calls for. Jump on face book for awhile to see how friends, and family fair: And as I go through my week I carry them in the back of my head, One cousin has a bad stage of MS, nothing is helping for the advanced symptoms, his mom my first cousin and one of my remaining favorite's is plagued by Lymphoma that's return, and another friend has done two brain surgeries to remove cancer, is all tapped out on treatments, and her next MRI for a verdict is 1 month out and she's always been a high powered dynamo woman. Another checked quarterly for any return of the numerous growths that threatened her. Another foreclosed on, others trying to short sell before foreclosure comes to them, someone else having their child stay week days with their own parents to rear him, while they work crazy job schedules just to survive and have him for weekends. My own game of trying to survive this crazy economy and the effect it has on loved ones, broken sleeping patterns, the upcoming elections and what will the results do to us? And in the middle of this: I truly tried to get them all to try the miracle tree but everyone is too broke from the economy, can someone stop the insanity, is there even any way to really stop it? So many good people, and so many sad stories, how could it not wander into the mental recesses?

For the love of computers

In this day and age the various computers we use mean everything to us. Years ago before the bag phones, or remotes came into being, lived the land of teletype, in fact there was a major corporation called Teletype for that very reason, this ancient technology the first of many for the 60's leading into the 70's brought us computers to replace the teletype machines, and prehistoric dinosaur that I am, I piloted the new computers at a corporation for their first order entry system that would be hooked up across the nation to their manufacturing and shipping plants for whom I scheduled production, so I started off wearing too many hats, and I do fault that for my fragmented mind, well that and parenthood. I spent 5 years working for that company, implementing one computer system and refining the next. While I was there I did some good for women, who used to be treated like cattle on their health insurance, that companies administration point of view was that if you were pregnant they wouldn't cover your baby as they did not recognize it as part of "YOUR ISSUE", they considered it your husband's issue, suffice it to say I waged my first verbal battle with this administrator to the point of threatening a lawsuit which I've never threatened anyone with since. Slowly, the corporate take on that changed. And for once I did win by standing my ground on their " issue" versus my tissue. The next job held more computer programs to be learned and now added fax machines, and copy machines that replaced mimieograph machines used prior. And the next job added 20 years of real estate, computer research and plenty of computers all needing different passwords, document programs to learn and master, financial programs to learn and utilize for keeping better tax records involved in running a business, fax machines in the home, bag phones that eventually shrunk to the point of being ridiculously small whereby you marvel that you can hear or talk as the body part placement span is shorter than the phone dimension. Present day brings us to a busy insurance agency and a computer used for over 40 different programs throughout the day, all needed to process document from the clients, to the clients or on behalf of them. So why would an IT Guy come out, saying he's updating your machine when he means he was really thinking of updating the BIOS on your computer, and all without benefit of backing up the documents? Holy hell did it ever crash, and that's when he said "Oh, I think it's crashed, I ONLY UPDATED THE BIOS". Dah, Dah, I can only speak for Dell computers as that's unfortunately what I have to work with, but trust me updating the BIOS is a bad idea, I know the Dell website offers it, I know it even says it's compatible, but it's really NOT! So, one week later I have only documents created this week, I managed to set up my email again...mostly because I own the screen name & could import some of the information back in from Comcast, I was able to be my customized insurance programs back onto the computer, but all of my certificates of insurance for all our clients, all of the data bases I keep in multiple programs, were gone, all my user names and passwords, he installed a new hard drive before I even got back in the next morning, and the computer was functioning, but stupid of any stored knowledge. Anyone who knows me, would be proud of me, I simply smiled and shook my head, instead of busting him upside his head! So it's thursday and I am very happy that today is actually my friday as I take a vacation day tomorrow. What will another 10 years bring us if we've come this far since the 70's? Sunshine lol

The Giving Tree stops in on us

"Two roads diverged into a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference! -Robert Frost

Never enough time to do it all.

Invited by family for a Kareoke Night, was fun, listening to oldies they'd find on the menu, watching guys and gals in family up there with arms wrap about the other as they'd sing together and all the laughter from them and us, but it is hard to stay up that late anymore since we oldsters go to bed at 8pm on weeknite, 1am is....well it gave us jetlag yesterday so all the imagined things we were going to do, suffice it to say, not even 1/2 got done. But here and there we'd smile thinking back to the night before.

Our sister who traveled to us has tremendous energies and love for us all, how could it not rally our tired asses? She is a loved keeper! And we love the better for her gifts.
Once upon a time she was in her twenties, she brought me a book, it was called "The giving tree", it is a book you pass on, and one you re-read throughout the years, it is all too true, for we are all giving trees*, sometimes we just get too busy to remember all the love that is there.

Video Weekend

This weekend, I have 2 DVD's I've put off watching, I am going to crawl into a cozy corner in front of the TV/DVD, and I am going to watch my family DVD, and your family DVD.
I am going to cry alot, and laugh alot no doubt at all that is captured but I am finally going to do this, and actually find great peace and enjoyment in just soaking it all in.

"A Tale of Two Cities" - Charles Dickens quote:
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way--in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."